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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

mil shouted at me today for leaving potty training too late till lo 3 this summer

77 replies

bumbly · 18/03/2010 19:40

she is primary school teacher so says she knows best

i think lo one not ready plus in summer will be easier with warmweather

will be three this summer and i thought good time

am leaving it too late? when is average time to start for average boys?

feel pretty low and upset been shouted at in fornt of my lo!

he refused wearing pants few days ago and all my mil could say was that hubby was completely dry by 3 eves too

what is this obsession/pressure to start nappy training so early? or maybe i am late?

i dont know...ho hum

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

rubyslippers · 18/03/2010 19:43

You aren't late

if your DS isn't ready all that will happen is he will have a lot of accidents and it will all be very stressful

3 is not too late by any means

don't let her undermine you

MegBusset · 18/03/2010 19:44

Of course 3 is not too late! DS1 is 3.1 and still in nappies, I'm going to give it a go at Easter but not stress if he's not ready.

I would smile and ignore, but does she often shout at you and undermine you in front of your DC? If so then this is a bigger issue and she needs to be told to back off!

MarthaFarquhar · 18/03/2010 19:44

she is daft
I started DD at 2.11 - last in her nursery class
6 weeks later she is the most reliably trained in the class
well worth waiting until they're ready

tartyhighheels · 18/03/2010 19:45

bollocks to her - there is a long way between knowing best and thinking you know best - summer is always the best time to start of you can, it just makes sense.

Above all, it is up to you, smile and spit in her tea!

iheartdusty · 18/03/2010 19:45

I didn't start until after DS's 3rd birthday.

He was completely clean and dry in 3 days.

I would guess it is generally the case that the later you start, the quicker it happens.

and waiting for warmer weather sounds like an excellent idea.

your MIL sounds like a bully.

Original poster

bumbly · 18/03/2010 19:47

thanks folks feel a bit better!

thanks and mean it really!!!

bit better now as day was ocnmpletely ruined by mil

and all i can see is lo looking at me as she was having a go at me

all because she had to change a rather full poo nappy!

OP posts:

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/03/2010 19:47

DS is 4 in a week and is only just potty trained. We had limited success over the summer then one day we bought some pants, got a toilet seat thingy and a stool and that was that. Alot of his nursery friends are still in nappies - I think boys can tend to be slower at it. I just let him train himself pretty much.

greatfiresoflondon · 18/03/2010 19:48

they really do do it when THEY are ready. Tried my DS at 2.5 (we had a baby due 3 months later and I quite fancied the idea of not having two in nappies...) and after watching him pee on the floor all morning on the first day, I thought sod it for now. On the day after his sister was born, he decided he was not going to wear nappies anymore, and was dry in about a week....and it wasn't even slightly stressful. In fact, he was dry at night the following month after a similar statement about wearing nappies at night.

Smile sweetly at MIL, and then do what you damn well please

Itsjustafleshwound · 18/03/2010 19:50

There is no ideal age to start potty training - when they are ready it will be easy and quick! If they don't have the vocab or aren't ready it will just be stressful and a miserable time for all...

My DS will be 3 next month and I am planning to see if he will take to it.

I have spoken to a lot of people and all have said to leave it until they are ready.

Don't be strong armed and intimidated by your MIL - she doesn't know best and I doubt if she remember what it was like or what age your DH was trained...

Seriously, by the time most children start school they are dry, talking and on to the next dev stage..

Good luck

CaptainUnderpants · 18/03/2010 19:50

MIL always know best - ignore it !

I have two boys and both were around 3 when started it .

Summer is always a good time to start - less clothing to wet and you can get the washing out .

weaselm4 · 18/03/2010 19:53

My son decided at 3.6 that he wanted to use the toilet and was pretty much dry straightaway. I'd tried several times before that and got sooo stressed. Will definitely leave it to my daughter to decide when she's ready.

JeremyVile · 18/03/2010 19:53

There is NO problem with your son not being poty trained til 3+, there is a HUGE problem with this ignorant woman thinking she csn shout at you and thinking she has a right to comment on how you choose to raise your son.

Does your DH know she did this?

mintyfresh · 19/03/2010 22:17

I also have a lo who will be 3 in the summer and she has no interest in the potty or in losing her nappies atm! I'm not planning to start until the summer either - much easier with warmer weather too. My ds was nearly 3 when we started with him and he was completely trained within a week!

My MIL is the same and always knows best although I would be livid if she every shouted at me - I hope your DH has words with her!

Original poster

bumbly · 20/03/2010 22:21

thanks all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel better

today put lo on a seat adapter on my loo and he screamed so my fears he was not ready are true!!!

OP posts:

Flum · 20/03/2010 22:38

Sorry but I do think 3 is later than most. I'm not saying its wrong because all kids are different but I did all mine between 18months and 2 and had usually cracked it by 2.

I think if you wait until they suggest it it may never happen bit like sex really!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 20/03/2010 22:44

Totally second the "wait till summer" approach - did this with DS1 (January baby) at about 2.5, and with DS2 (August baby) coming up to 3. Remarkably little trauma that I recall (though my memory may be fading, they're 23 and 19 now. )

gaelicsheep · 20/03/2010 22:56

You can't leave it too late. It's only going to be easier the later you leave it. We left it until the summer DS was 3 and he still wasn't ready (plus it being supposedly summer made no difference, it was still too cold for him to run around without a nappy). We cracked it the following Christmas. Your MIL frankly doesn't know what she's talking about.

My mother was exactly the same. She now realises that had we started at 18 months, as she did, we would have spend two years chasing DS around with a potty because he was never going to "get it" any earlier than he did. When he did get it it took 2 days for him to be completely and reliably dry. He's now dry at night too (he's 3.5).

EggyAllenPoe · 20/03/2010 23:02

most kids used to be PT at 18mo - the whole 'not ready' theory has no evidence to back it up. Plenty of people on here with probs PT older kids...no evidence it is easier later at all.

though of course, it is none of her damned business - completely up to you. everyone gets there in the end.

EggyAllenPoe · 20/03/2010 23:03

and..toddlers hate new things. mine screamed at new toys, i wasn't suprised when it took her a few days to warm to a potty...(which has no obvious 'play' function.)

gaelicsheep · 20/03/2010 23:07

My evidence is that forcing a screaming toddler to stay sat on a potty long enough to do anything is plain counterproductive not to mention cruel. There is simply no point in a toddler being made to use a potty when they are incapable of knowing themselves, let alone telling you, when they need to use it.

I think disposable nappies have made a huge difference. If DS had been in terry nappies I'm sure the thought of a potty, no matter how much hassle, would have been most tempting.

IlooklikeGrotbagstoday · 20/03/2010 23:07

I was planning on waiting until summer, DS will be 3 in August. Hopefully the weather will be warmer and the clothes will dry quicker and if i need to buy 20 pairs of shorts, it's a lot cheaper than having to buy 20 pairs of jeans. Friends of mine have pushed their LOs into it and months later are still having accidents most days. I don't see the point until they are ready.

gaelicsheep · 20/03/2010 23:08

And it is easier later - when they are ready. If it isn't easy then they're not ready, IME.

choosyfloosy · 20/03/2010 23:13

Quite wrong of her to shout at you, though changing pooey nappies on a large child, especially not their own, is enough to make anyone a bit tetchy, frankly.

warm weather v good idea, though i started on a balmy day in may which was followed by about 4 days' rain...

Maggie00 · 20/03/2010 23:20

She's wrong. There's no prize for doing it by a certain date. Plus, it's easier the later you leave it, PLUS, it's not her child.

A girl I know, she's having to take her dd to a consultant now because she tried to toilet train her before she was really ready to please her MIL. It all went wrong and the child wouldn't poo. Now she's back in nappies at nearly four and the consultant has said to do nothing for three months and let her take the initiative herself (because they've heaped so much pressure on her and made it such an issue in the past). And the MIL is still griping on about it even though the consultant has said to put the child back in nappies. It's not often I want to murder somebody else's mother in law...... but this woman made me want to throw sharp sticks or something.

IlooklikeGrotbagstoday · 20/03/2010 23:20

I'd rather change a pooey nappy than a pooey pair of pants that has turned into a pooey pair of trousers too!

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