mil shouted at me today for leaving potty training too late till lo 3 this summer

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she is primary school teacher so says she knows best

i think lo one not ready plus in summer will be easier with warmweather

will be three this summer and i thought good time

am leaving it too late? when is average time to start for average boys?

feel pretty low and upset been shouted at in fornt of my lo!

he refused wearing pants few days ago and all my mil could say was that hubby was completely dry by 3 eves too

what is this obsession/pressure to start nappy training so early? or maybe i am late?

i dont know...ho hum

I too think the main worry here is that she shouted at you.
It sounds a horrible situation - does she shout at you often?
Totally out of order. Whatever the rights and wrongs of toilet training (and I think you are right, and that it is little of her business anyay) she should apologise.

no she shouldn't have shouted but maybe she did so out of sheer frustration?

In the previous generations it was normal to turn to grandparents to ask for advice on issues such as potty training; now we ignore their advice and buy books instead which is of course a huge commercial activity. And of course we take the advice of total strangers on the internet.

I think it is possible that is is harder to potty train an older child because there is more pressure to potty train before school and because the child themselves could be aware that something is expected of them therefore leading to them feeling more pressure.

At a younger age potty training is purely a physical activity and there is no psychological component.

EggyAllanPoe - persisting when DS was not ready most certainly would have involved forcibly holding him down on the potty for minutes at a time. Stickers, sweets, toys, etc. had no effect whatsoever - until the final successful attempt at potty training. My reading of this is that bribery does work - when they are ready, and not until.

According to my mother, holding down a screaming toddler was their method of potty training me and my DB. She argues it didn't do me any harm, but it's not an old-fashioned parenting approach I was prepared to emulate.

gaelicsheep - no-one on this thread is suggesting holding a child down on a potty and I don't believe this was a normal part of the old fashioned approach of potty training (your mother excluded)

I don't think she was right to shout at you but tbh 3 is late IMO. I know it's become more common for children of this age to still be in nappies but I toilet trained ds just before he was 2. I remember on his second b day, the novelty had worn off. It took a week of a few accidents.

And it was in the autumn in a small flat with no garden.

I'd make a start, it's really good for their sense of self esteem and dignity.plus good for environment and your purse.

btw I never shouted at ds just lots and lots and lots of encouragemnt and bucket loads of praise (and a few chocolate buttons)

Your MIL is bonkers. If she thinks its a great idea to start now then get her to do it.

I started DS over the New year and he was 3.2. Now over 2 months on he still has accidents and we had an awful few weeks of endless pairs of trousers, pants and socks going through the washing machine and drying in radiators those first few weeks. I do wish we'd waited until May / June TBH.

Just gently mention sitting on the potty / toilet and don't force the issue. Less layers of clothes and warmer weather will make it easier for you all.

thanks everyone - for all messages

now the hard bit ...what next?

def a set back since he witnessed my mil shout at me

he used to quite readily before bath run awound naked and go pee pee in potty and then now refused to go in potty/adapter seat since my mil babysits once a week

i removed my mil present adapter seats and kept his nice blue potty only in sight

was gonna leave it all for a month till warmer and just said today if you need to do for a poo and dont want to get dirty just call me and we can try your fave blue potty - not adapter seat

he said no no screaming locking his door - then ran out begging to try it after a chage of mind

so today after an hour of sitting he did a poo

now what?

put him in big boy normal pants straight away? try trainer nappy pull up pants? or go by gut feeling of playing with potty at home for a while - low stress! then in late spring try normal pants?

help!!! MIL TOTALLY RUINED MY EXPERIENCE OF POTTY TRIANING

oops cas lock but actyually how i feel

Your MIL should not have shouted fair enough but I do think 3 is v late.

Why do you have to wait until summer it is not so cold now. Don't over-think it so much - you sound v negative about it all (possibly because of experience with MIL) and your DS will pick up on that.

Practice with potty using nappies between times, when he is happy with potty use and possibly asking for it, you can re-assess the situation. Only use the potty he wants for now. Make sure you tell mil how much she upset ds and now he wants nothing to do with her toilet seat, which will be put away for the time being. Say you would appeciate her respecting your right to train ds as you see fit, and if she shouts at you in front of him again you will have to re think whether she babysits. And make sure dh backs you up.

It is up tou you so your MIL is unreasonable to shout at you.

The bonus of doing it 'early' is that YOU dont have to change anymore s**y nappies!!
Life is so much easier once they are out of them...even dealing with the odd accident is less grim than a daily poo-in-nappy scenario.

Oh and plus the cost.

Dont quite get why it is easier in the summer though???

If he has done a poo in the potty then just go for it...how much more 'ready' do you want him??

It really isnt as hard as you think it will be to do...honest.

My personal system for both my ds's was one choc button for sitting on potty and then 3 for doing something, after a couple of days once they are getting it then just a choc button for doing something. They soon cotton on.

And no they dont need a choc button for ever more...only for a couple of weeks

yes but likes doing pees in nappy still a lot!

Belgo - I know they're not. All I'm saying is that if I had been determined to train DS whether or not he was ready - and several have questioned the concept of "readiness" - that is what would have been involved. Hence it being important to wait until they are ready, whether that's at 1, 2 or 3.

It's all completely artificial in any case. Nature didn't design us for nappies or potties. Nature also doesn't take into account nice carpets. I'm guessing that in the dim and distant past children just did whatever came naturally and nobody stressed about it.

FWIW bumbly it sounds like your DS might be ready to move on and if I were you I would try big boy pants and see what happens. If after a few accidents he doesn't ask to use the potty when he needs to go then go back to nappies and try again a few weeks later.

Oh, and stickers are always good. It was eventually a sticker chart at home and at nursery that persuaded DS onto the potty. For the first week he got stickers for sitting on the potty. After that he got a sticker if he did a wee or a poo. After a few days we didn't need the chart any more.

My lo is 3 in 5 weeks time and starts nursery in 4 weeks time. I thought that she wouldnt get a place at nursery till sep so i thought I would do it over the summer when she can run around with no bottom things on. We have tried on and off since she was 18 months with 2 normal potties, an all singing all dancing potty and a toilet trainer seat and step. But she just wasnt ready. We left it for a bit and tried again, left it a bit longer tried again etc. This time she is sitting on the potty rather than running screaming from it and getting distressed.

I was worried it was left late but its not like we havent tried sooner. But why should she be rushed, what because someone else thinks it should be done sooner? You get people saying you are too lazy to potty train (erm have you seen the cost of nappies)I wouldnt say someone was a pushy parent for potty training at 18 months to save them the hassle and cost of nappies. Why does it have to be done by a certain time? If you potty trained at 18 months great good for you, wish my lo did, but sadly all children are different.

Luckily last night she sat on the potty while i read 16 short stories and did a wee - hooray! Today on the other hand 3 accidents, but she has tried sitting on it but just didnt need to go then. But at least shes done it once and knows what to do so I will relax a bit. I think a stressed out parent frantically trying to get them to sit on a potty is not going to work.

And whats this about nurseries having a no nappy policy? How is a child having a wee in a nappy an inconvenience when they are spending 2 and a half hours a day at nursery? Chances are with nappies being so absorbant they wouldnt even mention that they are wet. Whereas a child without a nappy stood in a pool of wee needing a clothing change would be quite obvious and more work in my opinion, not to mention if they had a poo. And how is that good for their confidence and self esteem exactly?!

Not read whole thread BUT I have to say, I partly agree with your MIL. Though not her way of voicing her opinion.

I have had and am still having an absolute nightmare potty training my 3.3 yo ds. I wish wish wish I had started much earlier. We started when he was about 2 and a half, which as anyone will tell you, is not the most co-operative stage of toddler development. Get them early, and they are still at the stage of wanting to imitate you, please you, etc etc. Waiting til they are negative and rebellious, wanting to flex their muscles, is not, IMO, a good idea.

I know there are many out there whose children take to PT very quickly and easily, sadly I also know many who are in the same situation as myself. Ds2 is 13 months and I intend to start training him over the summer - and I bet he'll be trained before Ds1

completely agree with you blue mouse mummy.

I was relieved I had trained ds early as he went through a really stubborn, wilful phase from the age of about 2 and a half to 3.5.

I'm planning to start dd this summer too, when she'll be 18 months.

18 months is great if you can do it. I tried from 18 months and it was a non starter, tried on and off, she just wouldnt go near the potty at all, no coaxing or bribery worked, and now she's 2.11 I wish we had done this earlier, but we did try...!

Stunned here that your MIL shouted at you! I can't quite get my head around that one. I can't even imagine my own mother shouting at me now that I'm an adult. Bloody outrageous.

And a bit worrying if a primary school teacher can't rein in her frustration over something that hardly matters. FGS she must have changed a poo-y nappy in her time!

Just doing starting the potty training thing with DD (2.6) really (she was doing well and then had tummy bug). Had breakthrough today when she was wearing "new" (ie not my first choice but getting low in stocks) pull-ups with princesses on them. Suddenly she doesn't want to wee on a princess! Obviously this is unlikely to work for your DS but just made me realise that they're all so different. Think you have to go with flow (pardon the pun). Good luck.

I waited till dd1 was showing an active interest in our toileting. Following us into the toilet, looking into the loo when we went, even trying to wipe my bum (!). I then made her copy us.

She showed a lot of interest at 2yo but when we tried then she lost interest. She didn't show the interest above till 2.6yo and then she potty trained in less than a week and no accidents.

The age isn't what is important, their willingness to work with you does, ime.

Will do the same with dd2.

Don't let her get away with that "I know better because I'm a primary school teacher"

Teachers don't train children, they have nothing to do with potty training! Her teaching qualifications in no way qualify her to give advice about potty training.

I don't see the point of waiting for the summer though. I hear it all the time and it makes no sense to me.

I waited till 3 with both mine, both dry during the day and night within 2 weeks of starting.

I don't think 3 is too late at all, sensible, they are older so understand what is required. Much better than at 2 with loads of accidents. Think mine had 3 accidents between them during the whole time of training.