mil shouted at me today for leaving potty training too late till lo 3 this summer

[bumbly]

she is primary school teacher so says she knows best

i think lo one not ready plus in summer will be easier with warmweather

will be three this summer and i thought good time

am leaving it too late? when is average time to start for average boys?

feel pretty low and upset been shouted at in fornt of my lo!

he refused wearing pants few days ago and all my mil could say was that hubby was completely dry by 3 eves too

what is this obsession/pressure to start nappy training so early? or maybe i am late?

i dont know...ho hum

at first I thought you were being completely reasonable, even though 3 is on the late side to potty train, but how come your mil is changing the pooey nappy? can't blame her being a bit bleurgh about it if she has to deal with the consequences. shouting not nice at all though - yanbu to be hacked off about that

ps, yes, easier the later you do it. My son was 3 and 4 months which might sound late to some, but it was an easy job. 4 days and he had it perfectly. !

I think that leaving it until he is ready is best.
However, in your MIL's defence, my children are ten years apart and I potty trained DS at about two and a half. Disposable nappies were nowhere near as good as they are now, he didn't like feeling wet.

I have just potty trained DD and she'll be 3 in April. She had no interest until I started buying cheap nappies. After a week or two of wearing them, DD decided that using the potty was a good idea.

From her point of view potty training at 3 is late - terry nappies would have been far less absorbant than today's disposables, so children would likely have trained earlier.

She's not wrong exactly, just horribly out of touch
You know your son, you'll know when he's ready- good luck!

Fron MIL's point of view...

Tell her to bog off! My alost 3 year old is nowhere ready for potty training either. All children are different.
I'm going to try when the warmer weather is here too

My DN is 2.7yro and only now has the vocab to say he wants to wee [will put on pull ups to wee and poo in no way fot potty or toilet] My dniece is 3 months younger dry at during the day not at night, all baba's are different [DNiece wants to potty train my 9mo 'No buzzybb no nappy like me' Not happening love] I personnaly would wait for the summer easier to wash/dry clothes and acciedents can happen outside As my mother says No one will get married wearing a nappy

ps, if you put knickers on under the nappy instead of over them, then they will take the initiative themelves. But again, only if they're ready! my dd was ready at 2 and 4 months and my son was ready a whole year later.. I didn't do the the knickers under nappy thing. I just heard of people doing it to give lazy kids a 'nudge'.

Don't feel you need to wait for warm weather if you think he is ready- I trained dd last October, I don't think it was any trickier than it would have been in summer.

When they are ready, it is fairly straightforward. Don't be afraid to have a go, you'll know if it is worth persisting after a couple of days.

Good luck

Age three is very late to start potty training. It is later then other countries and later then previous generations. Of course there will always be some children who are not ready to potty train until that age but most will be ready a lot earlier.

Your mother in law will know this.

The nappy companies rub their hands in glee at such late potty training.

We did DD2 last summer and tbh the weather wasn't much warmer then that it is now! She wasn't wearing any fewer clothes etc than she would be at this time of year. I wouldn't wait, I'd just have a go now. And you'll probably find he does it really quickly.

My DD is 2.7 and still not potty training. My friends have started to give me the pitying look and offer me sage advice such as 'well I just stuck XXX on the potty for the whole afternoon till she did a wee'. That's fine but my DD absolutely refuses to sit on a potty or the toilet and I am not going to force her.

It's pissing me off that I feel other people are starting to judge me. Plus, I live in a rented flat with no garden so wondering around with no knickers until she wees on the carpet is not really an option.

DS1 was most definitely not ready until he was about 3 and a half. We tried earlier and then he became very constipated (not sure whether linked or chicken egg situation). The constipation meant he "leaked" and reduced the extent to which he could predict need to go.

We completely backed off and then went on holiday last summer and just took it easy. No probs. Completely dry at night instantly. No more constipation. Happy DS1.

Incidentally dd (2 years older) trained within a week at the age of 2 and a half. Different children basically.....

I will definitely be taking my time with ds2 - responding to my own assessment of readiness rather than arbitrary time scale.

I left it as late as I possibly could til I trained DS, he was 3y 9m. I am so glad I did as he was completely ready and it was not at all stressful and we had so few accidents, he got the hang of it within a weekend.

IGNORE your MIL. She does not know what is best for your child. You are the mother, only you are in a position to judge when your DS is ready.

Btw, DD was trained at 2y 6m, when she was ready. Each child is individual, even within the same family.

thanks to so many

yes prob terry nappies made things different in another time...and hence comments - but doesn't she know as a school teacher that all kids are different! mine def not ready but yes aware of doing a poo etc

and yes i am hoping to give little one a break as i think he has had too much pressure put on him AND REALLY DONT WANT TO END UP WITH A CONSULTANT ABOUT THAT! have so many other things to deal with on a normal day to day basis and this i don't need when there is no need for it at all

in fact all comments (bar one) reflect my gut instict

in answer to why my mil had to change nappy...she was babysitting - isn't that obvious? - do you think i'd force someone else to do a dirty nappy - which actually never bothers me in the slightest to clean - i dont mind even the runniest dirtiest nappy

thanks again and bring on summer
so will wait a bit following mumsnet collective advice but the what do i then? use a potty? use toilet seat adapter? carry potty around? lock myself in house? what do i do then?

thans tons for your support!!!

If you wait til your DS is really ready, weather won't make any difference. I potty trained DS when we were snowed in earlier this year! It was totally fine as because he was ready, iirc, we had about 3 accidents in total from a Friday afternoon up to Sunday night and very, very few since then.

well no it isn't obvious at all, some posters on here are complete nutters and it wouldn't have surprised me at all if you'd revealed by stealth that your mil looks after him every day and has to change all the nappies whereas you only did the one (non poo) nappy at night or something. or indeed, you made her change all the pooey ones

mine liked using steps/toilet seat adapter things rather than potties so don't spend a fortune on potties just in case! maybe now's the time to start reading all the potty based books?

belgo

The nappy companies rub their hands in glee at such late potty training

well this is it Belgo - i don't think it does any harm to train later but cui bono? - nappy manafacturers.

I think many of the people on this thread would have looked at my daughter - not talking much (can't tell me she needs to go), not very physically adept (can't manage own clothes)- and thought 'not ready' but those things aren't important to training. all they have to do is be able to hold their wee, which they can do from (in general) 18mo.

so three fallacies which annoy -

baby reacts badly when presented with potty = not ready - this has nothing to do with PT - they don't know what the potty is for! how can it have anything to do with not being ready????

'they need to be able to talk' - think about it. you don't wait for your dog to talk before housetraining them.

'it will cause psychological damage' - some evidence please! This has echoes of Freud...quite alot of the adults around would have been buggers to PT - i have never heard it raised as an issue by an adult.

babies have not suddenly got harder to PT -parents have got less willing to try it.

Eggy - I agree - there seems so much fear around potty training - worry about psychologically damaging a child (a myth perpetuated by nappy companies) - and a feeling that it is such a big deal you have to wait until a whole list of requirements are fulfilled (right time of year, being able to talk,pull trousers on and off etc) before even thinking about potty training.

And then parents go out and buy books on the matter as if it's something you need an A -level in before you can attempt potty training.

In many countries and for much of human history children were continent from a far earlier age. Children pooing and peeing everywhere is unhygienic so before these efficient disposable nappies were invented children had to be continent as early as possible - some sources say this can be achieved by age 6-12 months.

I'm showing my ignorance but I have no idea what cui bono means.

We tried potty training three times before we finally cracked it. Each time DS began fairly enthusiastic about the potty and then steadily got more and more resistant until it was clearly going to become a battle ground. We tried reuseables and trainer pants but he didn't care about being wet. We tried him with nothing on his bottom but he just weed and didn't notice. We tried cold turkey into pants but it was the same story.

Only when he a) realised he was weeing, and crucially b) cared about it, did we get anywhere. Like I said, it then took 2 days for him to be dry. The pooing bit took another few days to crack, but now he is 100 percent reliable, day and night.

All children are different. I agree that you have to try before you know, but I do think that there are definite signs of readiness and unreadiness (I wouldn't say that talking or pulling trousers up and down are important ones btw). But persisting and persisting when they really are not going to catch on is not helpful for anyone.

My DD is 3 and is finally progressing on PT, we had a big push at the whole no nappies thing last summer and it just didn't work for her at all, she got upset and started fretting constantly about the places where she'd had an accident. So we backed off and left her in nappies but kept offering the potty and at the moment we're about 50% there, she wears a nappy in the morning but when I or DP take it off lunchtime/early afternoon we leave it off for the rest of the day and she has been happily using the potty.
I'd echo lots of people on here, your child will get there in the end, but some just take longer.
My Mum tells me that I was dry at 1, but she accepts that I will do things differently with my own child.

For me the issue is that bumbly says mil shouted at her. It was at this point that mil loses all rights in the conversation. Mil is entitled to her view (i disagree but that's merely my point of view) but has absolutely no right to shout at bumbly - especially in front of her ds.

I felt under a lot of pressure to pt ds3 (just before 3rd bday) last year as I got the impression all his peers had been pt for ages. Only after we cracked it did i realise they were still potty training. Ds3 was dry during day and night at virtually the same time - maybe a sign that I 'left it very late' or just that he has good bladder control? Anyway, earlier (short lived) attempts to pt when he was 2 1/2 had been incredibly unsuccessful and no fun for either of us so I waited a bit...

Add message | Report | Contact poster By gaelicsheep Sat 20-Mar-10 23:07:03
My evidence is that forcing a screaming toddler to stay sat on a potty long enough to do anything is plain counterproductive

who the hell said anything about doing that?

i used drinks, cbeebies, sweets and games to get DD to sit on the potty (and susequently, wee on it)

same as i did to get her to ride on her car, sit on her rocking horse..etc etc...

there is no evidence leaving it makes it easier. i think some kids are just going to be difficult whenever you try.

I agee that someons MIL yeling at them is v. wrong - it is none of their damned business.

I'm glad you posted this (not glad that your MIL shouted at you though! That's totally out of order)

DS is 2.6 and not potty trained and I'm fed up of nappies but I know he is not ready.

He understands what potties and toilets are for. He can tell you that Mummy and Daddy and his older cousin etc etc sit on the toilet to do wees and poos. He has to push the button when we tip his poo down the toilet.

He'll happily sit on his potty, either clothed or naked. Then he gets up and happily announces that he's done a wee and the potty is empty!

He just doesn't get it yet. I don't think that he can recognise when he needs to go. I can't wait until he's out of nappies (starting to get fed up of washing them, and they are actually starting to wear out too!)but I know that trying now would get us nowhere.

ds is 3 and not ready
keep thinking he is, have the "go toilet" conversation, then he wees on the floor

Don't listen to her. I am also a primary school teacher and my older two were both just three when they went into big girl/boy pants. I fully intend to do the same with DC3.

IMO why bother with the stress of having to 'train' them when they can just do it themselves at the age of 3!? My two just did it, no training required...