7months later and still haven't cracked number 2's!!

[llynnnn]

we started potty training dd in january, she never has any wee accidents, but she still very rarely uses the potty/toilet for her poo's

he only way she will poo in the potty/toilet is if she has a totally nude bottom (no knickers or trousers). this is ok in the house as if I see the signs that she needs to go (she sits down and hides in the corner) i take them off her. everywhere else, or if i dont catch her in time she just uses the knickers like a nappy.

I can spend ALL day asking her if she needs to go and she always says no. we seem to have tried everything: ignoring the accidents, HUGE praise for doing it, sticker/choc rewards, special treats, getting cross with her etc etc but nothing seems to work.

Can anyone help me?? she will be 3 next week and is the only child in her nursery group that isnt potty trained, which the nursery staff kindly remind me off each week !!She totally understands what she should be doing and is very bright and articulate in every other area.

thanks in advance

Just wanted to send you some sympathy. We had 6 months of this. You think it'll never end but it does, I promise.

Extreme bribery worked for us: no treats at all (no biscuits, choc buttons etc, nothing, whatever constitutes a treat in your house) until she went to the potty/loo. Eventually the penny dropped. She was sitting in the living room, looked up at me and said "chocolate buttons...Mummy I need to do a poo in the toilet". And that was it.

No idea if this will work for you, but there's lots of threads on this, so have a good search. If nothing else, it'll reassure you that lots of others have been through it.

Hello again, fellow sufferers - we are clearly not alone!
Welcome ellagrace, earplugs, sparx.
Let's hope we can bring this thread to a happy conclusion soon..

Last week was not very good but it's almost like dd knew that
I would put the spotlight on her this weekend: first thing this morning
she takes herself to her potty, removes trousers and knickers
and does the business beautifully.
Which threw us quite considerably! Was that the famous 'click'?
There were no more no2s today so I don't know.

What she seems to be working on is her timing. We had 4 occasions
in quick succession when she wanted to go for a poo but then nothing happened.
It's probably a good sign, she is working out what her body is trying to tell her.
Problem is when my wife is by herself she cannot rush the loo every 2 minutes
when dd2 is feeding etc. That's when the accidents happen.

What I am happy with is our incentive: Haribo Kiddy Mix.
She is absolutely bonkers about the stuff.
The right incentive is key. What is it that your child is mad about?
Sticker chart worked well for wees but we needed something more hardcore for poos.
In fact, this week we will give nursery a bag, might work for them, too!
ellagrace, nursery should help you with the potty training. How old is your lo?

And then there is the thorny issue of sanctions/punishments.
I buy this line about not telling them off, not getting angry etc. Fair enough.
But surely at some point you need to communicate that you are not happy?
What I did last week (in despair, about an hour before discovering this thread lol)
was to ask her directly and show her a little of how I feel, as in:
'Tell me why you do it in your knickers?' dd squirmed and tried and be evasive.
'It makes me a bit sad. I am not happy. You know how to do it in your potty. Why in your knickers?'
She didn't actually give me an answer but she really did not enjoy the conversation,
I stayed calm, did not attack her but I did tell her how I felt.
In her case I think this is an ok way of making sure she does not consider pooing in knickers the convenient option.

Week 6 here we come!

Thanks and hi to all and may the force be with you in this blumming saga!

daddyj my ds is 2yrs 5months. i know he's not 'old' and i don't need to start panicking but wee's are going well and can't go back to nappies all the time so need to get this cracked and make progress - especially with winter approaching, really want to make use of this window of alleged summer ;)

i think i am being a bit of a sucker with nursery and will talk to them on monday when he goes. perhaps i too though am dreading the amount of clothes i will have to send to get ruined - even without accidents he seems to destroy two sets a day there with food felt pens etc. but we need to move on. also need to tackle my mother, joy, who despite all i say puts him in nappies when he goes there and thinks asking him if he needs a wee and making him sit on the potty now and then is enough (yay she avoids mess on her carpets and i'm totally alone in doing the training and my work is being undermined by him being confused). is it unreasonable of me?

i need to stay calm. i consider calm letting him know i'm disappointed, asking him why he did it and asking him once again where does poo go? to which he obediently says in the potty and saying what a shame if it was in the potty mummy would have been really happy and we could have flushed it down the toilet (he really loves that bit) etc. but i need to not end up letting him see how wits end i am and that i want to nearly burst into tears over having more sh*t to deal with. this may be too rewarding ie. a lot of attention and reaction.

i think i may try the reward system (though i will struggle not to eat the treats when he's in bed at night lol) but when discussing it with him this morning it seemed a bit alien to him. haven't really resorted to bribery with him for anything yet - more if he wants to do something or have something i say ok we can do that once you've finished x or done y sort of thing. haven't done the if you x i'll give y. and only soft rewards for potty training so far - loads of dancing around ecstasy for poo's produced on potty in the past and let him phone grandma and tell her etc (this is a good one actually for people who's kids have someone they adore and respond well to people being pleased with them and love the phone).

i'm rambling on with nothing productive here sorry but it's such a relief to find i'm not alone and can talk about this without hearing crap like well this is what happens when you have children or well i had you and your sister clean at 9 months by putting you on the potty after every meal etc grrrrrrrrrr.

i need to find inner reserves of patience and hope lol

thanks for advise about nursery earplugs - dreading those bags of filthy wet clothes but think it'll have to be the way forward.

here's hoping for a day of no poo where it shouldn't be for us all!

Thank God for this thread - ds is 3.1 and has wees down pat, but just WON'T get to grips with the poo situation. We've had the most frustrating morning as a result. He wears pants during the day and a nappy at night. He sneaks off behind the sofa or in his room and then informs us that he's done a poo. When we ask him why he didn't tell us, as he could have had an icecream or sweets, he invariably announces that 'it's too late now'. When he's running around naked, he will suddenly turn around and demand either pants or a nappy on, which means that he wants to do a poo. We say 'great, let's do it on the potty or the toilet' and try to get him to come to the bathroom with us and he has a tantrum.

He's done it in the toilet once, three weeks ago when we were on holiday, and we rewarded him with an icecream so large he couldn't finish it - a first! But that was the one and only time it's happened. This morning I showed him the photo of himself enjoying the icecream on holiday and promising another one today, but it cut no ice. He happily does wees on both potties and toilets, so isn't scared of them, so I have absolutely no idea why this is happening. It's getting us all really wound up and I want to get it sorted before it turns into something bigger.

There are some great ideas on here though - I will buy a bag of sweets and let him know they're there for him to choose from each time he does a poo, and that once he's eaten all the sweets in the bag, he can have some kind of toy. Any other suggestions or advice most gratefully received. I'll be watching this thread with considerable interest - good luck everyone!

Ellagrace my DS (3 years, 4 months) will deny needing to go then, like yours, will go in another room/behind the sofa and do it in his pants too. I know he can hold it, and will often wait until his night nappy, but will just as happily poo his pants.

We?ve got the ?everybody poos? book, we talk about holding on, have an open door policy ourselves, talk about where ?big boys? and grown-ups do a poo, tried rewards - sweets, choc., sticker charts, and have even in desperation resorted to punishment (no tv when he doesn?t tell us he?s done a poo)! However, now, when he has dirtied himself, he denies it as he knows it?s wrong.

DaddyJ sticker chart also worked well for us for wees. He?s dry, even when he naps in the daytime. He was fairly late to get dry at 3 years old, but has been dry 4 months now. We have DC2 due any day now, and I am getting to the point where I am almost prepared to ignore it. Just clean him up and make no comment. It will be easier for me. Just don?t know what to do!

This thread at least lets me and DH know we are not alone.

hi mrsthepoint - i feel for you! couldn't handle still dealing with this in a years time.

well i employed bribery and it did make him really really want the treat but essentially it wouldn't have worked if i hadn't suddenly spotted him under my mum's dinner table all quiet and concentrated and whipped him out and onto the potty in time and then reminded him how exciting he'd be able to get his prize now!!! etc to which i got told "go way mummy and do washing up" he does not like an audience!

did a great big poo (unsurprising as he had resisted going all day and this was early evening) on the potty and i made a huge fuss, gave him chocolate, encouraged him to go tell granny and granddad (whose house we were at) and they made a big fuss and he was extremely happy with himself. it was great, i was ecstatic though realistically we've been here before of course.

today thanks to people's encouragement here in this thread that it's ok for me to do so i've sent son off to nursery in pants with tonnes of spare clothes and notes on exactly where he's up to in his potty training and talked to them about how much i appreciate their help etc and feel good knowing they're in it with me and we're moving on.

my mum is still highly resistant, 'i can't have poos on my floor, why don't you just leave it for a while, maybe he's not ready, children are always clean before they're dry maybe he has a problem' etc bt i really tried to establish taht i do not want him put in nappies in the day anymore. can only hope that with him not in them at home or at nursery on the two days he go he'll start refusing them anyway and that'll discourage her when he goes there. also totally undermined when after we had just had a conversation about how son knew his reward for poo on potty was chocolate and therefore he wasn't to be offered any kind of choc at all except when having poo'd on potty she gave him a nuttella choc wafer in a packet. wtf???? i had to be the monster take it and say oooh lovely you can have that when you've done your poo.

the joy of grandparents.

apologies for the ramble. one good day has passed.

thanks for the support everyone - feeling a lot calmer and better able to carry on tackling this with renewed positivity and strategies.

how's everyone getting on?

Hi,

I am new to this thread and this site but just wanted to say that it is a relief to know that others are in the same boat!

I have a two and a half year old daughter who managed to wee and poo in the toilet at Xmas successfully when she was ill and has not done a bean since.....

We have moved house three times and country one in that time, not to mention nursery twice so have put much of everything down to unsettling changes. However, am a bit confused as to how she knew what to do with no problems (other than me lifting her up as no step available at that time) but is now just not interested at all.

Last Saturday she asked to go to the toilet twice and I thought, oh great at last she would like to try again but nothing since then. Any ideas??????

She just tells me 'no toilet' firmly when I ask her. We have already tried the traditional route of potty, gentle encouragement, the other children do this, discipline etc to no avail. I have been told that you have to just wait for them but my feel is that I will wait for ever with mine because she is just not bothered at all by wee or poo. I have visions of her graduating from university and still being in nappies ; )

Thanks for any advice you folks can give in advance. I am in another country which is making life a little harder and more isolated. So blogs like like this really do help!

It's both scary and reassuring how many of us there are but thankfully it looks like we are slowly working things out.

After a few random successes last wk with treats and visual discussions of holding and squeezing the poo out we're getting results. Only 1 poo in his pants over the weekend and 3 poos in the potty. Today he even managed a poo at nursery - I can't begin to tell you how thrilled i was to find him in the same clothes he went to nursery in this morning and a big tick in the poo column of his report card. (This is the first time!)

I'm hoping it's going to continue this way but I have to say that treats and discussing how to do it and always being as positive as possible with him have been how we've made progress. Also relaxing and not pressurizing him about his wees seem to have resulted in less accidents - it's like he wants to be given the chance to tell me that he's going rather than me forcing him to sit down every two hours. Really hard to do when you know that they have to be desperate when they've just had a really big glass of juice ........ Plus, we've never put him back in his nappies except for his naps - no matter how many accidents i've just changed his pants and clothes with as little fuss as possible. We've done a lot of washing lately too!!!!

Good luck to all of you and thanks so much for all the support and sharing all your stories. It really takes so much of the pressure off when you know there are others out there dealing with the same horrible stuff!

Hi all, fantastic to hear there have been some positive steps forward!

I actually plucked up the courage to ask the senior nursery nurse at our nursery today about the 'problem' and she reassured me that it is in fact totally normal! She said she would expect that out of a group of 10 or so at least 2 would be exactly the same so it isn't a 'problem' as such just the way that some children are. I know it doesn't help with the frustration but it is at least reassuring that its quite common!

DS has started to become quite cagey about pooing and also told me to 'go away' (and then closed the door behind me)before doing the deed - in pants I'm getting a bit worried now about putting too much pressure on him so think I'll ease off for a couple of days and see what happens

@charlie yay! for the nursery poo - gotta be a good sign plus it's hopefully meant the opportunity for a load more positive reinforcement from all the people there and that big tick on his card which has got to help eh? well so we hope lol. I was amazed when i went in to pick up son and he was in same clothes he hadn't done a poo of course but he'd done great on his wee's and had apparently been asking for the loo and and they said he sat for nearly half an hour sort of trying quite happily at one stage in the day.

@earplugs don't know if your sons is down to stress but i know the 'go way' mummy when pooing thing with my son was just a stage he suddenly reached whilst still in nappies when he became more conscious of pooing and it required more concentration of him. he just doesn't like to be looked at or distracted from his 'mission'. what a nightmare though - how about whipping pants off sitting him on pot and saying ok now mummy go away and let you do your poo poo? i have to go out of sight and as soon as he's done he lets me know it's ok for me to come back.

mine is now all down to how vigilant i can be which isn't as easy as it sounds. you can't spend all day watching like a hawk for that split second where they go quiet and out of sight. but i think that's the only way forward right now to catch him, get him on the potty, make huge positive fuss of the poo and give him a treat. hopefully that way eliminates any fears, stresses of doing it on the potty through familiarity, gets him loving the praise and the treat and wanting to earn it and hopefully (please god) can move forward to wanting, asking to go on pottty.

but all it takes is to miss that moment and....

sorry for long posts but it does help to talk about this and hear how others are doing. thanks so much for your solid advise daddyj. guessing you are doing this at night and at weekends and therefore bringing slightly less exhaustion to the problem and a bit more inspiration - that's helped me.

I'm also new to the site - v interested in this thread. I have two two and a half year olds, started taking selves to potty last october, nappies off on boxing day. Initally no success at all with poos, each one went in pants except when naked, when about half went in potty. One girl started using potty after a month when I offered chocolate buttons as a bribe; the other 2 months later when under stress I told her it was naughty to do it on the floor. BUT - after 3 more months they still will not do a poo on the potty or toilet at nursery. For a while this was ok as they wore nappies for their naps and they would poo in these. But now they are dry during their naps and refuse nappies, so they are back to pooing in their pants. Apparently they go and hide in the wendyhouse and do it. Have no idea what to do to change it. Sorry for long post.

Hi to everyone! [waves]

Yay for charlie! Pooing out of the house seems like a big step forward.

Well, we are chugging along too, doing a tiny bit better. Almost to the end of the bribe box (DD calls them 'the poopy toys') but I think I am going to have to do at least one more round. She understands--last night was good, she took her pants off and ran for the potty and pushed out a poo because she wanted some bubbles!

I expect it will be like the wees where one day it just clicks. Now if I could just get her to wipe herself and put her pants back on...

Bought a big box of chocolates yesterday and talked about which one he's going to choose when he does his poo in the toilet - generous wee soul has said that I can have the pink one, and 'as much as you like'. He was running around without pants in the late afternoon in the hope that this would allow us to discuss it when he decided to finally do a poo, but the poor kid was caught short in the excitement of his daddy coming home, and did it on the floor.

Oh well, today's another day.

Wow nowwearefive, two at the same time! I think I might just attempt to start again with mine! You have inspired me to try something wit her! I like DaddyJ's ideas about the Harribos (might try something a little more chocolatey though as that is mine's weak spot!) Will let you guys know how it goes.....

We have a big box of chocolates, we have Spiderman underpants, we have made NO progress. Anyone else?

Still no progress here either. Hey-ho, but am about to drop any day, so will focus more when I get my head around baby!

Getting there slowly, a mixed week with spectacular successes but quite a few mishaps.
Off to bed, looking forward to more progress over the weekend.

One thing I finally did is work my way through the potty threads and you might find it reassuring to know that there are loads of threads with the exact same theme as this one.

These ones are longish support threads:
4yr-old-dd-will-only-poo-in-nappies
Won-39-t-poo-on-the-loo
How-to-get-your-child-to-poo-in-the-toilet

And then there are lots of shorter ones:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/784373-Ds-cant-wont-poo-on-the-potty
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/779695-9-months-of-weeing-in-loo-asks-for-nap py-for
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/775833-Won-39-t-poo-in-potty-advice-n eeded
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/774166-Nanna-running-out-of-toilet-tra ining-ideas-Help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/770913-Runs-and-hides-when- doing-a-poo-Any-tips-ideas
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/nappies_potty_training_etc/761597-help-with- poo-training-please

Have a look through them, some good advice.
Will add more shortly, bit exhausted at the moment!

Hurrah! A mixture of REALLY good timing and the promise of chocolate meant that we have been celebrating a poo in the potty today. He chose three chocolates, got to wear his new Spiderman pants AND got an icecream, with lots of clapping and hugs, and 'well-dones'. I even took a photo to show him tomorrow to try and remind him of his brilliance. (TMI?)

Now fingers crossed that we can do it again tomorrow.

Nope, it was a one-day wonder. (Sigh ...)

KiwiKat, I'm hearing you!

First EVER poo achieved in toilet Sat evening which caused huge household celebrations (think the neighbours thought we had won the lottery!). All day today he kept reminding us what a good boy he'd been which made me think we were on to a good thing but........

Tonight he waited until we put his night pull ups on to do the deed argghhhhhhhh!

Oh well, a new week awaits!

Cor - coming on to post exact same prob and found this thread! Can I join please...

I have a very verbal, articulate 2.5yr DS1. Potty trained him 6 weeks ago (is that all?!!), never had any wee accidents, he happily sits or stands for wees but poos - NO WAY. He happily goes in his pants although does get a look of panic in his face and if I am not nearby he gets upset.

Am SICK of cleaning poo-y pants (although he does only go once a day thank god) as have an 8 week old DS2!!!!!

DaddyJ's post made me laugh about sitting on toilet talking about holding poo in - what the hell do we parents do in desperation! I bought a little ball with a face on in the toilet so DH, me and DS1 can try to plop a poo on his head (I KID YOU NOT!!!) - DH and I are having great fun but DS1 absolutely refuses point blank to do it.

AM sick to the back teeth of talking about poo, how wonderful pooing is, how much mummy and daddy enjoy doing a poo on the toilet blah blah blah

Will watch this thread with interest.

At the moment, the bribe is that if he poos on the toilet/potty he will get a much coveted Bob the Builder tool belt and goggles set.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lol at taking a picture! You mean a pic of Mr Hanky??
I love the collective creativity on this thread!

rofl at this: 'try to plop a poo on his head (I KID YOU NOT!!!) - DH and I are having great fun'
Welcome Wilkiepedia!

Things are falling into place here, we have had a perfect weekend.
This morning I was woken up by cries of 'Daddy, I have done a poo!'
and there it was: in the potty! Similar success yesterday.

In dd's case it has not been the famous click but a very gradual coming together
of all elements needed for success.

The right incentive, keeping our cool (just..), explaining the mechanics in detail,
lots of practice and focussing her mind.
The last point was the trickiest and the main reason why I am grateful for this thread:
Telling her off would not have made much difference but conveying to her
how unhappy and sad the poos in the knickers made me had a real effect on her.

I am pretty sure of that because of various things she said this past week:
After a success on Tuesday she apparently said to my wife: 'Daddy will be proud wiv me!'
And the day after she said half an hour before going to bed: 'Daddy, I will do a poo in the potty and you will be happy, yes?'
She was as good as her word!
Finally, when she had an accident at nursery on Friday we were told she was clearly unhappy
and said to her key worker: 'Mummy and Daddy are going to be sad..'

It was frustrating but ultimately very worthwhile to work out how exactly we can motivate dd
without shouting etc.

I suspect we will have a few more accidents in the coming days/weeks but unlike 2 weeks ago
she is genuinely working on it and I am confident she'll get there very soon.

I shall stick around on this thread - in case she doesn't!
Good luck everyone, don't give up, the light at the end of the tunnel might not be a bastard with a torch!

took 8 months for ds1. I think you just have to wait until it happens, tbh. And try not to get emotional about it; there is more to your dc than where they poo (but after removing 4+ from pants in a day you are forgiven for feeling otherwise).
We have just started ds2 (well, he has decided he now wears pants) and I foresee the same problem...oh well. Hoping to be more philosophical this time round,, last time there were days when I could have strangled ds1.

well i am pleased to report that i have not had seen a poo anywhere other than in a potty for over a week now! and now he is telling me when he needs to do it or making a bee line for the potty whilst telling me. he says 'done poo mummy' and i get panicked but what he really means is that it is coming and coming now! it's only been a week so we'll see if we're really there but it's going really really well and it's such a relief. the treat thing seemed to work wonders fast - maybe so effective for him because i've never used it before for anything, only ever used soft rewards, encouragement, praise etc with him in the past but this seemed like i needed the 'big guns' and it worked.

also helped to really get him positive about it all that he managed to produce that one at granny's (where i just managed to catch him under the table and whip him onto the potty in time) and got such a public praising from us all and treats right after i'd explained the treat system to him. a couple of days later he managed to do one when his 3 cousins were around and was allowed to ring the metal bell by the back door to call them all in to 'look at my poo' (bless them but i remember having to go through such things with them so it's their turn) and got all of their praise and attention too. plus i roped nursery in, and particularly the one woman he really likes there, and just stopped sending nappies and got them all positive and 'wow!' about him being big boy in pants. all that positive reinforcement, plus the bribes, plus all the work on explaining things and open door etc etc has all come together at last i think, hope!

weirdly now we've become a bit whoops with the wee-wee's again and he gets really peed off with being asked to sit on the potty to have a wee. i think this may be partly wanting to be totally independent with it now but not really being totally there yet? dunno.

Keep going! you do eventually start to break through.

still haven't had a poo at nursery yet though. maybe today - that would be good.