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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

3 year old knows they need to use the potty but will not release on it!

14 replies

Pez26 · 08/03/2026 21:13

Hi all,

I’m hoping someone will be able to help me! Currently potty training my 3 year old for the third attempt now in the past year. Previously she has had some successes with a few wee’s on the potty but when doing these had a complete meltdown and was hard to calm down. She would then completely resist the potty from then on. Nursery and myself felt like maybe she wasn’t quite ready so dropped the pressure for a while before trying again. She has recently turned 3 and wanted to wear knickers as she’s now a “big girl”. We are now on day 9 and zero successes on the potty. The most frustrating thing is that she will sit on the potty or toilet happily when she knows she doesn’t need to go. But she knows when she needs to go and will go on and off the potty, even asking to sit on it telling us she needs a wee. She will do this again and again but as soon as she can’t hold her wee in any longer, she will get off or do the wee on the floor seconds later. She just will not release on a potty or toilet. Over the weekend we have had some big emotions as she has found doing a wee on the floor really funny. Today she wore a dress and I said to her let’s not get wee on this as she really wanted to wear it. She went on the toilet and a few minutes later stood next to me and started to wee on the floor. As she did this, she lifted her dress up and said “It’s ok, I’m not getting wee on my dress look”…it’s so hard as we start off positive every morning but by the end of the day everyone is tired and frustrated. She is the same at nursery and will happily sit on the potty throughout the day but won’t have any successes.

When talking about using the toilet/potty she is able to tell us what goes on it, shows how to sit on it, tells us her friends that use it…I just don’t know how to get over her being so reluctant of releasing on a potty or toilet. We feel like we have tried every approach - we reiterate that wee’s and poo’s go on the potty, she undresses her wet clothes and helps clean up the mess even though sometimes she doesn’t want to!
I just don’t know what to do as if you look at readiness, she is completely there but just will not do it on a potty or toilet. Has anyone experienced this? If so, how have you overcome it?

I’m open to any suggestions, thank you!

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Muckypig · 08/03/2026 21:16

Have you tried leaving the room? So when you know she needs a wee say the potty is there, I'm going to go to get a drink and you can show me your wee in the potty when I come back.

Sometimes helps!

Pez26 · 08/03/2026 21:43

@Muckypig Thank you for responding!

Yes I have tried this but she will just follow me as she knows a wee is coming! She will kick off if I try to get her on the potty or toilet even though she has said and knows she needs to go! It’s like she has a fear of releasing on a potty or toilet, which I’m unsure of how to overcome this

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Muckypig · 08/03/2026 21:58

Have you tried adding toilet paper to the potty so that there's no noise/splashback? Sounds like you've tried a lot already 😬

Applecup · 08/03/2026 22:13

Had this with one of my grandchildren. We ran a bath and put the potty in the bath and then sat them on the potty in the bath. (Clothes off). The water around the feet seems to help release the wee. I don’t know why. Somebody suggested it to us. It’s worth a try.

Pez26 · 09/03/2026 21:55

Muckypig · 08/03/2026 21:58

Have you tried adding toilet paper to the potty so that there's no noise/splashback? Sounds like you've tried a lot already 😬

Yes we have tried this as well! Thank you so much for your ideas!

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Pez26 · 09/03/2026 21:59

Applecup · 08/03/2026 22:13

Had this with one of my grandchildren. We ran a bath and put the potty in the bath and then sat them on the potty in the bath. (Clothes off). The water around the feet seems to help release the wee. I don’t know why. Somebody suggested it to us. It’s worth a try.

@Applecup I’m glad to hear that she isn’t the only one that has experienced this, it doesn’t seem to be very common! We did something similar at the weekend - did a big tub of warm water where she put her hands and feet in but as soon as she felt her wee coming, she jumped off the potty and did it on the floor! I will definitely try the bath this weekend though, thank you!

Can I ask how your grandchild got over the fear of weeing on a potty or toilet? Was it just preserving with it?

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Applecup · 10/03/2026 08:09

Pez26 · 09/03/2026 21:59

@Applecup I’m glad to hear that she isn’t the only one that has experienced this, it doesn’t seem to be very common! We did something similar at the weekend - did a big tub of warm water where she put her hands and feet in but as soon as she felt her wee coming, she jumped off the potty and did it on the floor! I will definitely try the bath this weekend though, thank you!

Can I ask how your grandchild got over the fear of weeing on a potty or toilet? Was it just preserving with it?

i think we just persevered. Once she had a wee in the bath she knew what was expected. It only took a few days. I think sometimes they initially don’t know how to wee on command and need to learn how to release it.

24Dogcuddler · 10/03/2026 22:43

This is just an idea similar to paper but more effective. Could you try the Vernagel sachets
( intended for bedpans etc) turns urine into a gel that can be disposed of. Obviously not for the toilet but just while she learns.
It’s more common to refuse to poo rather than wee at this age.
Also look on the Eric website for advice.

Justanotherteacher · 10/03/2026 22:50

Bribery. Nice big bag of chocolate buttons kept in view when she’s on the potty but she only gets one if she uses it properly?

Chattycatty32 · 11/03/2026 06:50

We've had similar issues. I put my child back in pull ups and explain he's not ready for big boy pants until he can do a wee in the potty/toilet. I did play some toddler potty training cartoons on YouTube which seemed to really help actually

Keroppi · 11/03/2026 06:55

Get her on the toilet and get bubble wand and get her to blow bubbles, usually it makes them go
Bribery and reward chart
Running the taps

Pez26 · 14/03/2026 12:15

24Dogcuddler · 10/03/2026 22:43

This is just an idea similar to paper but more effective. Could you try the Vernagel sachets
( intended for bedpans etc) turns urine into a gel that can be disposed of. Obviously not for the toilet but just while she learns.
It’s more common to refuse to poo rather than wee at this age.
Also look on the Eric website for advice.

I haven’t heard of these but I will have a look, thank you so much!
I’ve tried to contact Eric but had no luck yet, I will try again next week!

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Pez26 · 14/03/2026 12:16

Keroppi · 11/03/2026 06:55

Get her on the toilet and get bubble wand and get her to blow bubbles, usually it makes them go
Bribery and reward chart
Running the taps

I’ve tried all of these and nothing will get her on or to stay on the there when she actually needs to go! If she knows she doesn’t need a wee or poo she happily sits on there!

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Pez26 · 14/03/2026 12:33

Chattycatty32 · 11/03/2026 06:50

We've had similar issues. I put my child back in pull ups and explain he's not ready for big boy pants until he can do a wee in the potty/toilet. I did play some toddler potty training cartoons on YouTube which seemed to really help actually

@Chattycatty32 it’s so frustrating! She will constantly say she needs a wee or a poo but we just can’t get her onto the toilet to do it! It’s taken so long getting her over having nappies on I really don’t want to go back! We are trying training pants now! She’s watched so many potty training cartoons and repeats everything from them, she knows exactly what to do! Please keep me updated on any progress you make! How was he when he went back into pull-up’s?

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