3.5 year old refusing to potty train

[MrsKaty]

My 3.5 year old is violently opposed to toilet training. He won't sit on the toilet at home at all. He will sit on the toilet at nursery and go through the routine - trousers and nappy down, sit down, wait, wipe, flush, wash hands - so we know he knows what to do. He just... won't.
He hasn't responded to a reward chart or bribery, he just won't do it. We've tried pants under his nappy so he could feel what wet means, but he didn't seem to feel it? He knows when he needs to poo but doesn't seem to know when he is weeing/has done a wee.
What do I do to make this happen without turning it into a war? He's super stubborn. He starts school in September and I'm worried he won't be ready....
Any advice welcomed.

She had one accident at nursery (which I was pleased about, better than holding it) but when she got home she was clearly uncomfortable yet totally refusing to use the potty or toilet.

Eventually she started wetting herself so let me put her on the potty and she stayed there a long time finishing a VERY long wee and then even stayed a little longer as she felt she needed a poo. That in itself is progress as previously she's only done little wees and stood back up as quickly as possible.

She was then so happy, emptied it and flushed, put her little star in the jar and has been excited all evening.

So I am super torn. I read today you shouldn't force it or be stubborn about it or you may cause psychological or physical (constipation) issues so I was 100% ready to give up when she got upset refusing to go on the potty when she came home.

I guess she's done just enough for me to give it another go tomorrow but I don't know if I'll keep on much longer.

@Pottytrainingfun this sounds so similar to where we were with DS a few weeks back, he became so anti-potty I didn't know how it would ever work! We just really backed off, reminded him where the potty was and cleared up accidents when they happened. I think he just had to make his point as he's mostly got it now, no accidents at nursery (I think the peer pressure has really helped!), 9/10 using the potty at home. Out of the house is another matter but I feel confident we'll get there now, if you'd have asked me after a very miserable National Trust trip where every possible bribe wouldn't get him to wee even though he was clearly very unhappy holding it I would have said no chance!

Good luck, you're seeing some progress so I'm sure you will get there!

We also have an 8 week old baby

There's the issue.
But in couple months in summer focus on ds and he goes naked for a week on bottom half
And you praise him for being big boy
Let him earn smarties or whatever each time he goes in toilet

@Pottytrainingfun don't stop now. You're making progress. I really think stopping now would cause more issues than it would solve.

That's interesting to hear thank you! So can I check, when he became anti-potty you didn't go back to nappies but you just let him get on with it and accidents with no pressure? How old was/is he?

Hopefully the same happens with us. Your National Trust trip sounds very much like our Easter Sunday! She seemed desperate for a wee by midday yet still held it in until 6pm!

It makes me feel physically uncomfortable witnessing it!

Care to explain how I could have made myself potty training my child at two when they outright refused to even sit down on a potty at that age and carried on until past three. I would be interested to see how your other children perform here. Every child is different.

Sit on the potty and read stories or do sticker books. Talk to them. Even watch dancing veggies if I have to.

happy to come back and report how it goes with the next two. I’ll be doing the toddler this summer after she turns 2 and I’ll have a newborn too! She seems ready very soon!!

Bribery really does not work for many including my child. Far too stubborn. If it had been that simple she would have cracked it early. I think you can't be judging the age other parents potty train their children and saying they are leaving it late because yours took to it easily.