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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

Nursery won’t help with pants - is this normal?

78 replies

Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 20:12

We’re on day 6 of potty training and it’s DS first day back at preschool. He’s 2yrs 5months. We’ve been off and had 5 days at home so took the time to start potty training. He’s been showing signs for a while. Beforehand, I told preschool that we were going to potty train asked was there a certain way they do things or things he has to learn before coming back to nursery, and they said no they will follow our lead and just to bring loads of changes of clothes.

We called them last Friday because we’d introduced pants after 2.5 very successful days with nothing on, where he’d used the potty consistently with only 2 accidents. Introducing pants meant he went completely back over and started just treating them like a nappy. I asked if they were ok with him still coming in while he was having all these accidents - they said yes - and I again checked if we needed to do anything specific. No.

Then today we took him in for his first day back. I told them that he’s done very well, has done so much better in the last couple of days since he started with pants, and didn't even have one single accident yesterday, and we even took him out the house for a few hours. I told them that he knows when he needs to go but he can’t hold it very well, so he may start to go in his pants a little on the way to the toilet. I asked them to make it clear to him which staff member(s) he had to tell when he needed a wee, make sure he knows where the toilets are (sometimes he will just take himself if he’s really desperate) and remind him/ask him if he needs to go regularly as well because no doubt he’ll get distracted playing with his friends and not realise.

DH picked him up tonight and he hasn’t had a single wee in the toilet, he’s wet through 6 pairs of trousers and 7 pants. I expected some accidents but not this. They then said they won’t take his pants down for him and that’s the problem as he can’t do that himself - so he’s basically stood by the toilet peeing himself with them watching! I’m furious. Of course he can’t take his own pants down. He’s 2 and is barely a week into potty training! Of course we’ll work on that but it absolutely should not be a barrier to him using the toilet. The better he gets at holding it will give him more time to work on getting them down.

I spoke to them before we started training about anything we needed to know from their end, and they said nothing and that they’d do what we do. Well, we help him take his pants down. They won’t.

It would have been useful to know that bit of info. Is this usual nursery behaviour? Are they not allowed to help him with his pants? Until 2 weeks ago they were changing his nappy and they of course changed him out his wet clothes today, so I’m not sure how that makes sense!

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Tadpolecat · 07/10/2024 20:18

I don't think it's usual with my son's nursery, no. He has been trained since end of July but we still pull them down for him, so I'm pretty certain nursery must be too, as he barely ever has accidents now. That's bad! I was shocked that our nursery didn't use pottys but we've jumped that hurdle now DS is comfortable using a toilet. They're all so different with their rules!

Original poster
Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 20:29

Tadpolecat · 07/10/2024 20:18

I don't think it's usual with my son's nursery, no. He has been trained since end of July but we still pull them down for him, so I'm pretty certain nursery must be too, as he barely ever has accidents now. That's bad! I was shocked that our nursery didn't use pottys but we've jumped that hurdle now DS is comfortable using a toilet. They're all so different with their rules!

I know I feel so bad for DS as he’s been doing so well! I’m going to call them in the morning and ask for a convenient time to speak to his key worker to go over everything - she’s always so rushed at pick up and drop off I’m pretty sure half the info I give doesn’t get passed on. They thought today was his first day in pants even though I’d told them at drop off it wasn’t (and thought that’s why he was doing so badly) and when DH said no he’d been in them a few days and doing amazing they looked a bit shocked. They have toddler sized toilets at his nursery so I’m happy for him to use them - he prefers the toilet at home but we only have one upstairs, so it’s potty downstairs and toilet upstairs until he can hold it long enough to get upstairs!

OP posts:
HappierTimesAhead · 07/10/2024 20:33

Why on earth won't they support him to pull his pants down? That's ridiculous. I feel like some nusery workers just make up non-existent rules as they go (judging by the threads on here). Little people need help and nuseries are there to provide that help, it really should be that simple!

Original poster
Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 20:50

HappierTimesAhead · 07/10/2024 20:33

Why on earth won't they support him to pull his pants down? That's ridiculous. I feel like some nusery workers just make up non-existent rules as they go (judging by the threads on here). Little people need help and nuseries are there to provide that help, it really should be that simple!

I know! And they wonder why kids are starting school not fully potty trained if this is the kind of support they’re getting in nursery. They’ve said to us if he doesn’t crack it in a couple of weeks they'll stop doing it at nursery as well! He goes 5 days a week full time so reality is after the initial period I took off work to kick start it, he’s spending more time with them. I’m going speak to them myself tomorrow as I only got it second hand from DH, but he was as annoyed as me!

OP posts:
LeafHunter · 07/10/2024 20:58

I’d be livid. We’re currently training DS atm and he needs help pulling them down. I know some kids can do it fine but a lot can’t and it depends too on what clothes they’re wearing as well

Ted22 · 07/10/2024 21:03

In my experience nursery are always really crap with potty training. No consistency, no communication. A massive hindrance. For my toddlers, they were still having multiple accidents at nursery for ages after being dry at home.

Your DS will get it eventually, but it will be in spite of nursery. I think try not to stress about it too much. Try and teach him about pulling down his pants at home, practice a lot. Nursery workers are underpaid, overworked, not great at communicating. You probably won’t be satisfied with the outcome so just have low expectations and try not to stress too much.

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:04

Why can't he take his own pants down?
I work in childcare and I would help pull down to save the accident from happening but I make it very clear that children 2+ should be managing their own pants. It's part of potty training.

Ted22 · 07/10/2024 21:04

Thinking outside the box, could you send him
in no pants?

HappierTimesAhead · 07/10/2024 21:07

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:04

Why can't he take his own pants down?
I work in childcare and I would help pull down to save the accident from happening but I make it very clear that children 2+ should be managing their own pants. It's part of potty training.

Because it's a tricky thing for some two year olds and it takes them time to practice and learn (because they are two).

BrightYellowStar · 07/10/2024 21:09

As an ex nursery manager I'd be furious about this!

When we had children toilet training we were aware that they were less likely to take themselves to the toilet (as nursery is naturally a more stimulating/busy environment) so we made a point of making regular toilet visits (and tried to make it as fun and positive as possible!). Of course we would help with pants if required.

IMO him wetting through 6 pairs of trousers and 7 pants smacks of neglect - they have just left him to take the initiative which is a joke given he is 2!

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:10

@HappierTimesAhead in that case you send them in to nursery in loose joggers or something and you work on it as a skill they need to learn quickly. If the parent is doing this for them every time they go at home it isn't helpful for a toddler who is sometimes in a busy nursery environment. It is part and parcel of potty training.
That said, I couldn't stand and watch a child wee themselves like they seem to have.

LadyFuchsiaGroan · 07/10/2024 21:10

So they wont help him pull his pants down to use the toilet, but are happy to take his pants down after he has wet them so they can put him in clean pants? Absolutely ridiculous!

MumChp · 07/10/2024 21:15

Help yourself and buy pants he kan manage. Dont expect nursery to do this. If can't do it he isn't ready to skip a nappe.

InTheRainOnATrain · 07/10/2024 21:15

What a bizarre rule, when he was in nappies last week presumably they did his clothes to do changes??! I’ve only heard of similar for 3-4YOs at school nurseries. But at his age he should be able to do pants up and down. If he’s struggling try sizing up the underwear and dress him in baggy elasticated joggers.

HappierTimesAhead · 07/10/2024 21:17

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:10

@HappierTimesAhead in that case you send them in to nursery in loose joggers or something and you work on it as a skill they need to learn quickly. If the parent is doing this for them every time they go at home it isn't helpful for a toddler who is sometimes in a busy nursery environment. It is part and parcel of potty training.
That said, I couldn't stand and watch a child wee themselves like they seem to have.

as a skill they need to learn quickly children learn and develop at different paces. Saying a 2 year old needs to learn something quickly is bizarre. They learn at the pace they learn. My son took ages with potty training and my daughter got it straight away.

Overthebow · 07/10/2024 21:17

Is it because they can't necessarily take him to the toilet as soon as he says because of staff numbers and being in the middle of things with other children? It may not always be possible for them to go with him right away so he needs to be able to do it himself at nursery. They usually have smaller toilets to make it easier for them. I'm guessing it could be something like that and he's got to the toilet and had to wait for a staff member to be free to come and help if he can't do it himself, rather then them standing there watching him struggle?

stichguru · 07/10/2024 21:20

That's pathetic. Like they would be taking nappies off younger children, and presumably were changing him before you started potty training. If they can change nappies, then they can do pants.

That said, might it be timing? I mean when my son was in nappies (pre potty training) I'd not necessarily, drop everything to change him the second he peed, or pooped, whereas potty train it was like, he showed the sign, everything stopped and we moved that moment!! In nursery, that moment every carer might be busy. Even if what they are doing will wait, they can't just drop a child, or run holding one, they still need to put them down. Even if they are holding a thing not a kid, drop and run could involve dropping something on a child's head!!

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:21

@HappierTimesAhead
Then they're not fully potty trained. Unfortunately nursery staff are never going to be giving the same attention as a parent at home can so unless the OP adjusts her mindset and helps the nursery (either with no pants or loose joggers) then this issue isn't going to go away.
Then at home the OP can work on the child doing their own pants etc every time. Seems pointless to do anything else IMO

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:25

I wouldn't have a child in my setting stop nappies if they couldn't do their own trousers etc, fiddly buttons etc are just stupid. They need something loose and easy to pull down. I teach mine flat hands, down the side of pants, fingers first, pull down pants.

HappierTimesAhead · 07/10/2024 21:25

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:21

@HappierTimesAhead
Then they're not fully potty trained. Unfortunately nursery staff are never going to be giving the same attention as a parent at home can so unless the OP adjusts her mindset and helps the nursery (either with no pants or loose joggers) then this issue isn't going to go away.
Then at home the OP can work on the child doing their own pants etc every time. Seems pointless to do anything else IMO

No, of course they are not fully potty trained, it's a process. My DC's nusery were fully supportive of that process and would remind them plus take them to the toilet multiple times a day and support them to pull down their pants and sit on the toilet.

Youcanpayit · 07/10/2024 21:40

It's more hassle for one to change wet or soiled underpants, trousers and socks 7 times, while another cordons off the area and mops and disinfects, than it is to pull a toddlers pants down for them.

It could be that he's busy at a sought after activity, so doesn't say he needs to go.

Happy and excited playing with friends so holds it in.

Finally got his hands on the red car that they all want and doesn't want to lose it by going to the toilet when you ask if he wants to go and try for a wee.

Or timing. He says he needs to go, but there's 2 fighting in a corner (probably over that red car) one stood on a table, snack is being served, the girl in her biting phase is needing constant supervision, and someone’s mum is on the phone because their child was upset that morning and we're reassuring them that they're ok, so there's nobody immediately able to pull his pants down 😕

Original poster
Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 21:56

whatshalliday · 07/10/2024 21:04

Why can't he take his own pants down?
I work in childcare and I would help pull down to save the accident from happening but I make it very clear that children 2+ should be managing their own pants. It's part of potty training.

Because he’s been potty training for all of 6 days and has never had to do it before. He will of course learn how to do it, and we are showing him and getting him to practice. But it’s day 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 21:59

Ted22 · 07/10/2024 21:04

Thinking outside the box, could you send him
in no pants?

We wanted to do that and when we called ahead and asked they said no, he has to wear pants. He can manage his joggers better than his pants, and is far better - pretty much spot on - with using the potty with no pants on.

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 07/10/2024 22:01

I waited until mine were about 2 years 9 months and they could pull their own clothes up and down before potty training. It’s part of the process.
It’s tricky - he needs to be able to tell a staff member asap and have them help him right away. Which I can imagine is hard in a nursery. But if he’s told them, then they should be able to help?!

Original poster
Mel2023 · 07/10/2024 22:02

Youcanpayit · 07/10/2024 21:40

It's more hassle for one to change wet or soiled underpants, trousers and socks 7 times, while another cordons off the area and mops and disinfects, than it is to pull a toddlers pants down for them.

It could be that he's busy at a sought after activity, so doesn't say he needs to go.

Happy and excited playing with friends so holds it in.

Finally got his hands on the red car that they all want and doesn't want to lose it by going to the toilet when you ask if he wants to go and try for a wee.

Or timing. He says he needs to go, but there's 2 fighting in a corner (probably over that red car) one stood on a table, snack is being served, the girl in her biting phase is needing constant supervision, and someone’s mum is on the phone because their child was upset that morning and we're reassuring them that they're ok, so there's nobody immediately able to pull his pants down 😕

Oh yes I’m definitely sure he’ll have more accidents at nursery due to there being more going on, he’s playing, distracted and of course he hasn’t got the 1 on 1 attention he has at home where we can drop what we’re doing to take him when he announces he needs a wee. I totally expected more accidents, but was so disheartened when he didn’t even have one successful wee.

OP posts: