3.5 year old making no progress - shelve for six months?

[orangeandpineapples]

I started to try to potty train my son just before his third birthday. We are now six months down the line and have made very little progress: numerous wet accidents and refuses to poo in the toilet or potty.

Obviously it’s a big worry but I can’t force him to do it and I’m in the position where it just isn’t sustainable. He doesn’t start school until September 25.

DS was similar. Tried at 2 yrs 6 months and again at 2 yrs 10 months (Xmas & Easter hols) and knew within a few days each time that it wasn’t happening. Along came the summer hols when he was 3 yrs 1 month. He was ready and willing to make the transition and we never had a single accident.

My DS was late to potty training, we're talking 8 weeks prior to starting school.

Nothing I done worked, he didn't show any signs he wanted to, no reward charts chocolate buttons worked.
He would sit on the toilet and pretend but nothing would come out.

We were at soft play with his friend and he needed the toilet, DS saw this and once home he took himself to the toilet and done a wee and that was it.
1 accident and dry in the night within a week.

Don't be disheartened because it honestly does just click once they do it.

Thanks all. He will use the toilet: will generally go with you when you say ‘OK, time for a wee’ and does one. That’s fine. But because he doesn’t instigate going himself - doesn’t say ‘I need a wee’ or try to get there himself - if you get caught up in other stuff and forget to prompt him or if he’s drinking a lot so he’s just been but then thirty minutes later needs to go again - just wets himself. And he just won’t poo on the toilet or potty: no idea why, just won’t. I’ve even suggested to him to tell me when he needs a poo and he can do it in a nappy just to save my laundry but nope.

Getting him to clean himself up while I stand and watch has a very uncomfortable feel to it and plus it wouldn’t work. He would start laughing out of embarrassment and run off and get poo everywhere 🤦🏼‍♀️

I am hoping it will click … it has to eventually, right!?

But that is the point, it doesn't take months if you do it this way. It takes a week. It takes months when you miss out the early steps like you have.

I’m aware it works for some but it hasn’t for us. He just wees and poos on the floor!

Well done OP, stick in there.

I think that as others have said, it is often just finding that motivation - it's boring for them to break off from playing or doing something more interesting than going to the toilet. Very close to 2, many kids still want to impress you and respond well to routine and praise. 3 year olds are harder to predict and persuade! I potty trained my son without too much pain at 2.5 but have only just managed (touching wood!) to get my son to be motivated to try to stay in his bed mostly at night rather than waking 3 hourly - took me several months of cuddles and returning him to bed, rewards, praise, star charts to get there after he started waking about 9 months ago.

You don't just stand and watch you say help me pull your pants down and hold them with him, help me tip it in the toilet that's were it should be... If it's very messy you do first wipes then he has a go.....how does he run away if you are between him and the door? Always change him in the bathroom. At school he won't be helped as much as you do so he needs to try....there is no reason why he can't remove and bag all his wet clothes as he would at school.
He's making it a game I think you need to put a stop to that. I don't think he's laughing out of embarrassment

@jannier that isn’t what someone else said and was what I was replying to. He is still one year and four months from starting school but even so if he had an accident I would expect someone kind to assist him.

And you ‘don’t think he’s laughing out of embarrassment’ - you have never and will never meet him, so I don’t think you can or should be stating things like that as a fact.

It is proving tricky but some things just are and I do know shaming children never works, ever. And making a three year old ‘stand and bag his wet clothes’ (why) as he would at school (they don’t) is shaming.

Feeling your pain. Take the positives that he will go when instructed as my 3 Yr old won't even do that. I totally know what you mean about other people shaming and that's the worst bit. If it weren't for others judging you wouldn't be half so stressed. You aren't alone and I totally get how stressful it is and not getting anywhere. I don't know whether to carry on or give up either but the "should be done by now" you hear a lot doesn't help, I've been in tears so much and I've only be trying and failing with mine for a month, being naked she hates but has been, doesn't make a difference and now doesn't care when wet. Feeling like I'll never leave the house again.

Hi @orangeandpineapples
We are in a similar position, mainly with poos. Did you have any success in the end? Our son starts school in September and still have some weeks where he does 2-3 poos in his pants and happily carries on playing…

This is a zombie thread but I posted on the original and would be interested what happened in the end. I was the poster that suggested her child help with cleaning himself up. I didn't mean wiping poo off as she watched or standing there impassively. More making it boring for him so he's likely to not want to have accidents e.g. taking his trousers and underwear down, wiping wee off his legs with wipes etc.