3 year old - nothing working, what else to try

[Amy71452]

Hi bumping this out of a thread I've posted on the parenting section about wider challenges. We were recommended to potty train her before the new baby.

I've tried her in her choice of pants, bottomless on the toilet and the potty, taking her at 30 min intervals. Despite all this is seems coincidence has only brought the rare successes. Has anyone got any other tips as we have to train her before the baby comes in January

You don't have to potty train her. She's clearly not ready. Try again next month.

Thank you, I appreciate she's not grasping it yet, but she turned 3 in August. Admittedly other things have stopped us trying earlier. But if we leave it until next month we're not going to have the same energy to train her as the baby will be soon. This is really our best week to do it and so would try everything. And we can't leave it until next year as she'll be getting closer to 4. We also need to wean the dummy after this but don't want to do both at the same time, but with less than 2 months it's so difficult

I understand your reasons why but she's clearly not ready. Potty training with a sleepy newborn will be much easier than stressing both you and her out when she's not ready.

Thank you, it's helping calm me a little, and it's matching what the preschool are saying. If she's not ready should I be visiting a doctor? We've had house moves so have felt it was us as parents not ready to train. I feel 3 is quite old and turned 3 in August, but I've only got my eldest daughter to base it on who trained easily at 2.5 yo

At 3+ she’s physically capable and understands. You just need to figure out what will motivate her. Have you tried any of the following?

Making it inconvenient- having them help clean up accidents and dragging out the time it takes to get cleaned up so they learn it’s quicker and easier to use the loo.

Bribery- immediate so chocolate button each time, or delayed so a sticker chart and 10 stickers means a new toy or something.

Peer pressure- nursery friends using the loo.

Not liking to feel wet/dirty.

Choosing own pants with a character on and wanting to keep the Disney Princesses clean.

We can only go to the playground, soft play, watch your favourite TV show once you you’ve gone to the loo.

My son was 3 year 4 months when he got it. We tried at 2 year 9 months and it was a disaster. I second waiting a month or so and trying again

Thanks we've tried the bribery and have been using that since Friday, with both a bigger prize and immediate prizes, but that's not helped at all and had her a but upset as she's still a long way from the Teddy prize. We've not tried peer pressure but have had a trained friend around and she looks up to her big sister who's tried to help bless her.

She's got her own pants and has chosen them, and she really likes them, but she's not allowed them now until she doesn't wee in them.

We've not tried the inconvenience or stopping her having stuff, so will start making her clean up from the next accidents.

Thank you, what changed to make it click, is there anything you did differently or do we just have to wait, was there a medical reason it took past 3 years old. Sorry for the questions, please don't feel pressured to answer as they're personal. I just want to check there's nothing I can do now, even if it is a visit to the gp

Interesting that you say you haven’t tried those 2 yet as those were the biggest motivators for my DS who literally didn’t care about being wet/dirty so fingers crossed they might work for you.

Obviously I don’t mean shame her or anything. But an oh dear we’d better clean that up, you wipe, I spray, now lets put pants in the machine and we need to get clean ones from your room - takes a while at toddler speed, whereas using the potty/loo is very quick! And then well you wouldn’t want to have an accident in the playground because that would ruin then fun so we have to go to the loo first, and then holding firm about not going anywhere until they’ve been. Once DS realised I was serious, the first time took about 40 minutes, he’ll go every time now without fuss.

Honestly I'm with the "she's not ready, leave her be" view. My boys trained at 3.5 in a matter of days
I was told try for three days and if no improvement, leave it for a few months.

Those saying train her before baby is here are thinking of your preferences not her ability. She might understand the task, but if she doesn't recognise the sensation, she can't do it.

The only medical thing I'd say is check for constipation. At least 3 poos a week, soft sausages. Even daily poo if it's too solid can indicate constipation. Constipation will impede the ability to sense a full bladder.

Also another vote for the “leave it for now” camp.

Autistic DD got it literally immediately at 3 years 2 months, first attempt.

Neurotypical DS was still having regular accidents until he properly trained at 3 1/2 years, on about our 4th or 5th attempt.

With DS we’d try for a day or 2 and if he wasn’t getting it we knocked it on the head for a month. I didn’t want him associating the loo/potty with feeling bad about himself or him thinking he was letting us down. He’s really sensitive so we didn’t push it.

He got there in the end.

I wouldn’t worry too much about getting it sorted before baby arrives- once they’re ready it’s really straightforward and not the stress of constant accidents, bargaining and explanations that you’d be going through with a child that just isn’t ready for it yet.

We've just done this for the first time to some reluctance haha! Let's hope it triggers some success.

Gosh we're way past 3 days now. What changed for you to know they were ready. I don't want to miss out as soon as she's ready.

Give MORE liquids not less, go mad with flavours of sugar free squash if you need to. Sit the potty in front of her favourite tv show. Get excited and praise when she accidentally pees in it. Talk non stop to other adults about how fantastic it was when Jemima did a wee in the potty today and also about how much you, yourself, enjoy having dry pants and it's it great when you don't have to wear a nappy (ignore the kid as you do this but make sure she overhears).

Ditch shop-bought pullups and nappies apart from bedtime. Go with terry knickers that feel WET when she pees as it's important she picks up this signal that she has.

Don't give up. She'll get there soon xx

Have you read the Oh Crap book? Our DC took 2 days and nailed it after we followed that advice to a tee (daytime only - ignore the night time chapter).

Yep we've started with this, it seemed to be highly recommended. But she's not picked up with all the recommendations in this sadly.

Yep we've not had nappies apart from bedtime , we've been using pants or nothing on the bottom at all, but could make her wear something that helps her feel wet and hope that triggers the sensation. We've not been giving more drinks, that could cause chaos but it's worth a try haha.

Stop trying. Take all pressure off. Wait until she asks.

i was similarly pulling my hair out with DS - who was 3.5 by the time he got it. Here’s my method (I doubt I will get a book deal but it worked). Filled him up with v diluted squash, sat him on the toilet and downloaded Duplo World on the iPad. Sat next to him until a pee came (this is the important bit, you can’t
miss it). Praised him to the hilt and gave him a chocolate buttton. Repeated that a few mornings in a row and he was trained. Very few accidents.

How long can I wait though? That's probably what we were doing before without knowing as this happened with my eldest, but she's 3 now. When is too long to wait?

We've not tried sitting on the toilet for long periods, we take her every 30 mins but then don't wait for more than 5 mins. We'll give that a try tomorrow as the advice is 50/50 so really not ready to give up yet!

Yep we've started with this, it seemed to be highly recommended. But she's not picked up with all the recommendations in this sadly.

Did you follow it to the letter? It sounds as though you might have being doing a bit of hybrid with regular trips to the toilet etc?

We had to sacrifice a whole weekend to staying in the living room with eyes glued on DC and no trousers or trips to the loo, but it did work.

How long have you been trying for? With my DC3 he had hardly any successes at all for the first 7/8 days. Then finally got the hang of it.

We're in day 5 now, and we've got uninterrupted time until Sunday, so can keep going until then however work means we'll have to send back to preschool and they've said they don't have the ability to support if there's been no success at home. So would almost knock us back to square 1.

We were stuck on block 1 for 2 days and was knackering so we had to try something else. Honestly it was so obvious when my elder daughter was about to wee or poo, she gives us no signs and we've not caught her. We had to get her sitting on the loo before the accidents.