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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Is something wrong with my daughter?

60 replies

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 19:53

So we have been potty training our daughter for a year and a half and she still has accidents all the time.
She turned 3 in May so still quite young, our pre school told us to see a gp but because of her age he dismissed it.
We have done stickers and absorbing pants for small leaks which help.
There are times when she's quite good, even had a whole week without accidents but now she stopped napping and just wets helself all day 😣 she doesn't say anything, before or after, and happily sits in her wet unders.
She is able to go to the potty by herself although we often help her.
Today around 5pm I gave up and put a nappy on her.
I would really like to hear from parents that have experienced something similar.
I read stories on the Eric website and now Im worried something might be wrong with her bladder..

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TheGriffle · 23/07/2021 19:56

You haven’t been potty training for a year and a half, you have just created yourself lots of stress and washing from trying to potty train a 1.5yo. She’s obviously not been ready for the last year and a half or she wouldn’t be having accidents. Both of mine were potty trained within a week at around 3.5yo. For dd1 I tried in the summer, she didn’t get it after 3 days so I waited a few months, tried again and she was dry within the week.

She’s not ready to potty train and wasn’t ready a year and a half ago when you started.

Clangerschick1 · 23/07/2021 19:59

Agree with PP.
Waited until my son was 3 and a bit and he got it within 3 days.
OP started far far too young before her daughter was ready and has prob set the process back miles because now the child is used to sitting in wet underwear.

Reallyreallyborednow · 23/07/2021 20:05

So by starting so young, when she wasn’t ready, you’ve essentially trained her to feel wet as “normal”.

Put her back in nappies until she gets used to the feeling of dry again, and can make the link between releasing her bladder and the wet uncomfortable feeling.

I always find that kids all tend to be reliably dry around 3.5 on average. Those who train earlier just have accidents for longer.

Cancellingadvice · 23/07/2021 20:08

There’s nothing wrong with your daughter, bless her. Why on earth did you try and potty train a 18month old and then persist when she didn’t get it?

As others have said, she’s obviously used to having wet underwear and doesn’t mind it

I suggest using pull ups for at least a couple of months with no pressure at all then starting from scratch

NuffSaidSam · 23/07/2021 20:09

What happens when you take her to the toilet. Can she go on demand?

stopknockingonmydoor · 23/07/2021 20:15

If it's too hard, it's too soon!
You've created the issues by attempting to train way before she was ready - there's nothing wrong with her.
Go back to basics, pull ups/nappies and start again when she's showing signs.

I'd attempted to train my DD too early, for about a week, and gave up. A couple of months later she got up one morning and said, 'I will use the potty today' and that was literally it 🤷🏼‍♀️ few accidents since but she mostly nailed it from being ready at the time.

Ginger1982 · 23/07/2021 20:19

Why on earth did you start so early? My son is 4 and only just toilet trained re pees after his birthday. He still isn't trained for poos. You need to let her do it when she's ready.

Original poster

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 20:20

So we started when she was 2 and the reason we did is that we potty trained our son successfully at 20 months.
Looking back I do wish we had waited with her but it was lockdown and because it worked with our son we thought we would give it a go.
I don't think going back to nappies completely is the way to go though as she has been able to be dry for a week so her bladder is able to do it..?
I would prefer to hear from parents whose children took longer to learn to potty train rather than being told to 'put her back in nappies'
Every child is different, potty training young work for some children as it did with my son.

OP posts:

Original poster

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 20:22

Yes she can, but she often says 'I don't have to go, I'm sure' because she's playing or watching tv

OP posts:

Genevie82 · 23/07/2021 20:24

Hi OP,
Give yourself and her a break and put her back in pull-ups for another few months .. she’s just not ready but don’t feel bad about it. It’s normal to be keen to get your first potty trained early , I did the same with my son, but I wished I had waited and saved myself the hassle ! I just spent the time changing a lot of clothes and feeling stressed about it all, with my 2nd I wouldn’t even bother until she’s over 3!

LemonRoses · 23/07/2021 20:25

Are you regularly sitting her on a potty and rewarding success? I mean hourly sit and perform? I don’t think you can expect them to ask until they securely perform with increasing gaps between performances. A musical potty might help if they still do them.

Don’t put her back in nappies. Everything should revolve around the training for a week. Hourly sittings.

Just start a strong reward system, lots of cheering and clapping. Stickers, coloured buttons in a jar to ‘spend’ in a pretend shop.

Lovely new knickers to wear. If she’s dry for a day.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/07/2021 20:26

Tbh I find it a little strange you say she would sit in wet underwear and not acknowledge it at all- how’s her speech and communication generally?

Reallyreallyborednow · 23/07/2021 20:28

I would prefer to hear from parents whose children took longer to learn to potty train rather than being told to 'put her back in nappies

Hear what, exactly? Those who took longer to potty train just carries on until it clicked and the child was dry. There’s no magic trick or anything you can do, it’s simply perseverance.

You have two choices. Either put her back in nappies until she’s ready, or carry on as you are until she’s ready.

mamaoffourdc · 23/07/2021 20:32

Nothing wrong with your daughter just something wrong with your method of potty training - back to nappies and try again 4-6 months

User0ne · 23/07/2021 20:34

Both ds1 and Ds2 trained before 3 years so I don't necessarily think it's too early. They both went through phases where I would have to instruct them to go for a wee if they were absorbed in something. So if they were watching TV and I thought they needed a wee I'd pause whatever they were watching and tell them to go to the loo. If they replied that they didn't need one I'd tell them to have a try and if needed follow with the information that the TV wouldn't go back on until they'd tried.

Tbh I still sometimes have to do this with my nearly 5yo who gets very silly when he needs a wee

Original poster

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 20:36

@OnlyFoolsnMothers her speech is very good, she's a smart little girl but quite defiant.
I think she doesn't care because she knows she gets changed?
We have been doing stickers as rewards, it is just so inconsistent.
Just 2 weeks ago I told my husband, 'I think she's finally got it' and she hasn't, it is a lot worse now that she's stopped napping

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 23/07/2021 20:36

'Yes she can, but she often says 'I don't have to go, I'm sure' because she's playing or watching tv'

In those circumstances, you need to take her. You need to go back to taking her regularly so she can go back to being dry for an extended period. When she is, you can drop down to reminding her, but not forcing her to go. When she has this down, you can start leaving her to remember to go by herself.

Becoming distracted/engrossed in something and not bothering to go to the toilet is common. It doesn't mean they're physically not ready (although does point to not being psychologically not ready).

Start a reward chart. Reward for each wee on the toilet. Reward for each dry day.

Get her to take responsibility for her accidents i.e. get undressed, get clean clothes on etc. Make having an accident more effort than going to the toilet.

Original poster

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 20:37

@Reallyreallyborednow actually there are a lot of different methods of potty training, giving up is not one of them

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 23/07/2021 20:38

I also don't think that potty training around 2 is necessarily too early. I've potty trained lots of children (I'm a nanny) and all before 3.

Hallyup6 · 23/07/2021 20:39

All children are different. You may have trained your son at 20 months but that is not the norm, it's exceptionally early. Your daughter was simply not ready to train at the same age and all you've done is cause a huge amount of stress, which she's no doubt picking up on.

She'll get there in her own time but I'd honestly stick her back in pull ups for a while. You don't need the frustration. If she's genuinely ready she'll be completely dry in a few days. My daughter is only just reliable at getting herself to the toilet, and she's 4. She was still in nappies at your daughter's age.

Original poster

ML1706 · 23/07/2021 20:40

@NuffSaidSam thank you, that's helpful advice

OP posts:

BlueSurfer · 23/07/2021 20:42

@TheGriffle

She’s not ready to potty train and wasn’t ready a year and a half ago when you started.

Agree with this.

She’s not potty trained at all and is no different to a child the same age who has always worn a nappy. That’s the reason your GP dismissed you.

HalloHello · 23/07/2021 20:48

I agree that you have persevered too long with a child who just isn't ready yet. However I think it's too late to give up now, you have to go back to taking her to the toilet every hour, until it clicks. We tried with my daughter at 2, it was 24 hours of constant wetting herself, she wasn't ready, we gave up and tried again 8 months later and she got it in a day. 1.5 years is way too long to have a child wetting herself constantly.

Sleepinghyena · 23/07/2021 20:49

Here to offer a different point of view to pp saying "it's too early "
My 3 DC were potty trained at 25 months, 17 months and 20 months.
There seems to have been a big shift in attitude recently towards later potty training, but often children will be ready much earlier than 3.

lloceypu · 23/07/2021 20:53

I would say most kids potty train between 2-3. @ML1706 I would try giving her a worming treatment (?follow the instructions, usually two doses.) I would forget stickers and go the bare bottom method once you've completed the worming treatment. Keep her bare bummed maybe with a skirt/ dress for 3 days and then reintroduce pants. Try not to stress too much, I know it's hard, any accidents be breezy, but she helps clear up.

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