Is something wrong with my daughter?

[ML1706]

So we have been potty training our daughter for a year and a half and she still has accidents all the time.
She turned 3 in May so still quite young, our pre school told us to see a gp but because of her age he dismissed it.
We have done stickers and absorbing pants for small leaks which help.
There are times when she's quite good, even had a whole week without accidents but now she stopped napping and just wets helself all day 😣 she doesn't say anything, before or after, and happily sits in her wet unders.
She is able to go to the potty by herself although we often help her.
Today around 5pm I gave up and put a nappy on her.
I would really like to hear from parents that have experienced something similar.
I read stories on the Eric website and now Im worried something might be wrong with her bladder..

Second time I’ve recommended today but worth reading oh crap it’s time to potty train and following hasn’t failed anyone that I’ve recommended it to! Sounds like she just needs a bit of redirecting good luck!

@lloceypu what is a worming treatment? Im not keen on medication.. good idea to keep her bare bum under her dresses I'll definetely try that thanks and I'll start asking her to help clean up

@Donteatpurplebroccoli that's the book we used with our son at 20 months unfortunately I lend it to a friend but she never returned it..
We did the same technique with our daughter but did not have the book for support

Here to offer a different point of view to pp saying "it's too early "
My 3 DC were potty trained at 25 months, 17 months and 20 months.
There seems to have been a big shift in attitude recently towards later potty training, but often children will be ready much earlier than 3

Clearly though, this child wasn’t ready much earlier than 3, and anecdotes about other children training early don’t really help.

Yes children train at a variety of ages, some very young. But this child is now 2 months past 3, has been “training” for over a year. If this child was going to train at 25m, 17m or 20m she would have done so. She didn’t, and o/p now has a 3 year old who still isn’t dry despite prolonged attempts.

Well maybe check for worms at least tonight whiskt she's sleeping and see if she has them. www.nhs.uk/conditions/threadworms/ In my experience worms can often cause issues with toileting. Might not be.

Not keen on medication in what way, OP?

@Chocolatebuttercream if there is something physically wrong and she needs medication I would of course give it to her. I just meant that I wouldn't give her anything unless told to by a medical professional

@ml1706 that makes sense, thanks for taking the Time to.clarify.

Seriously, you need to give her a break now before this carries on further. Keep her in nappies until the moment she wants to use the potty or toilet. She's old enough to communicate it clearly so there's no confusion. Don't force it upon her, don't keep her in wet pants, just wait. It will happen, you need to be patient with her and trust that she will get it. And stop comparing her to other children.

I forgot to mention that she never has accidents with poo and always tells us and holds it fine.

You need to give this a test before you cause your poor daughter lasting issues with toileting.

visiblechild.com/2015/09/20/toilet-training-in-one-simple-step/?fbclid=IwAR2tLJ57TAOAld304Z6p6gDvmUbeTIf8V_EJYs5KjxaYKnqm8FCnmrvICrA

Read this article then give yourself and poor DD a break. She will use the potty when she is ready.

We tried at 2 years 4 months for a week... quite a few accidents still on day two so gave up. Tried again at 2 years 7 months, and she did it from day one with wees, but took her until 2 years 9 months with poos and that was when we put the toilet seat on instead of potty. She was dry at night from 2 years 9 months.

With my DD2, I will most likely wait for her to turn 3. I already know it's going to be a battle not worth having before then..

That nursery is beyond rubbish for making that comment. I would complain

Agree with not asking. Just take her very regularly to 'try for a wee' 'listen for a tinkle' or whatever, maybe with the tap running! Be very laid back and just high five if it happens, never mind, we'll see later if not. No pressure is most important I think after all this time.

My son potty trained like a dream. My DDs, not so much.

They are all different and they all learn in slightly different ways.

With my last DD I used nappy pants, they kept the wetness, so became uncomfortable to sit in. She didn't like the feeling.

Find a different Pre School I can't believe they've made you feel like this. Your DD is completely normal.

My DD who's 18 months younger than my DS potty trained just before him

Now is a good time for potty training in the summer where she can wear normal knickers so feel straightaway when they get wet so should learn quickly it doesn't feel great and next time run to the potty, or toilet. Have a few potty's dotted around depending on the size of your home so she doesn't have to go to far

What's her personality like?

She sounds remarkably similar to my 3 year old who is feisty, controlling and headstrong

I’m having trouble potty training my 2.5 year old. I keep throwing the towel in and putting him back in nappies, I know how hard it is! He hates the bloody toilet and potty!!
My mum always says to me that it doesn’t matter if children go through phases of accidents and regression, that is part of the “training” phase that can last a while. That children often regress when going through a new spring in development or change in environment. In the meantime you’re strengthening her bladder and preventing bladder and infection issues in the future (studies: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32241587/ ). She says that when she was potty training me (24yr) it was accepted that children would go through periods of accidents, whereas these days we just keep children in nappies for longer. My gran says she potty trained my mum at 13 months!
I don’t accept that children younger than 3 are too young, given the evidence from other cultures who potty train much earlier. I believe that we have such good quality nappies in the West that children have a hard time adjusting. Do you have the option of training underwear for when you go out and about? Maybe go back to keeping her bottomless when she’s in the house. It sounds like she made really good progress if she was dry all week before. I would keep going since she has the ability. If she’s dropped her nap then that could be a change that has triggered a regression. As a society, we need to be more accepting that children under 5 will have accidents.

FYI there’s nothing wrong with children over 3 wearing nappies (my son probably will 🙄). It’s not our fault that modern nappies are so effective. I just think sticking with it would be in OP’s daughter’s best interest.

I don't think you started too early and I wouldn't be waiting till 3.5-4 like other posters! I wish I had advice, my 20 month old started taking down nappy and shouting pee wanting to copy big brother, we went with it and he was getting really good...then BAM, stopped and started peeing everywhere! He still tells me if he needs a poo and does it in his potty, for now we have gone back to nappies as I am heavily pregnant and struggling to clean up all the mess. However he is potty trained for poos which is great and I think he knows fine about pees he just doesn't care and wet clothes don't bother him either, he is now 26 months. We'll have another go once baby has settled in. Don't think stickers do much other than increase your workload! My first started about 26 months and it did take a few months to be reliable but again a new baby in mix didn't help! She'll get there! Wishing you luck!

I believe that we have such good quality nappies in the West that children have a hard time adjusting

Mine wore cloth nappies. All 3 trained roughly the same time as their disposable wearing peers. There is a theory that cloth babies train earlier, but I haven’t seen any hard evidence.

It’s probably more to do with physiology. Nappies make no difference to when they gain control of the urethral sphincter, or the neural feedback that sends full bladder signals to the conscious brain so the decision to urinate can be made. There’s also self awareness and language skills needed to they can communicate need.

I also agree that some children potty train miraculously overnight and others will continue having accidents for months, I don't think it's an age thing either, I know of young children who train within a week ...everyone is different... plenty folk don't know if their child could have been trained earlier as they never tried to do it earlier!

Waiting until 4 is ridiculous, my DS was at school having just turned 4. I only know one child who trained really late and the mum just didn't try any earlier, she thought it would happen magically and in the end had to actually train for school.

We trained before 2 successfully and night time as well, he used to get up, have a wee, then just jump back in bed to go asleep. We used the book Oh Crap.

I agree with keeping her bare bottom, if your stickers aren't working, use what really makes her tick. If she has nailed poos, she's more than capable, (which you know ).
I also agree with getting her to help clean it up.

Is she using a potty or the toilet ? Could you try the other and see if that help.
Does she tell you after she's wet to get her changed ?

You started way too early and have spent too long fretting over it.

Put her in pull ups and take her to the toilet when she wakes and after meals and before you go out of the house. Don't ask her, tell her to try.

Check for worms just in case.