3yo refusing to use potty or toilet

[DonkeyMcFluff]

If I ask my 3yo whether he needs a wee he always says no. When I put him on the potty or toilet he sits there happily but won’t do anything. If I tell him to do a wee on the toilet he yells no no no! So I put his trousers back on and he wees five minutes later. Occasionally he tells me there’s water on the floor but other times he just carries on playing in his wet clothes.

I’ve tried offering him sweets to do a wee. I’ve tried miming a toy doing a wee. I’ve done a wee myself and explained to him what I’m doing. I’ve tried getting him to blow raspberries or laugh to relax his bladder. I’ve tried distracting him with my phone. I’ve made psss noises, run the tap, put his hand in water, poured water on his crotch - nothing.

How do I make him do something on the toilet?! I can’t potty train him if he point blank refuses to go.

Danni91 I agree not forcing, that’s why I say no time pressure, no scolding for accidents, no watching over them whilst on the loo- but, looking at your examples, I wouldn’t remove food from my 6 month old, I would keep offering it so they get used to seeing it, and at 1 I wouldn’t let them just have formula to survive.
With phonics etc I would tell my child to try and nothing wrong with taking your time but we don’t give up altogether.
Absolutely some 2yr olds aren’t ready, some 2.5yr olds aren’t ready- a verbal 3yr old why aren’t they ready? And if this is the case are there some 4/5 yr olds that aren’t ready?

I have a friend who has a similar problem to this. She has a three year old DD who is nearly 4 and in her last year of nursery.

She is tall for her age and looks older. She is also articulate and speaks very clearly.

I had a socially distanced meet in a cafe recently and she brought her DD with her.

Her DD actually ANNOUNCED that she was going to poo and went off into a corner to squat down and poo (presumably in a nappy or pull-up). It was a bizarre sight to see, I can tell you.

She then returned to our table and (in her
most confident and grown-up sounding voice) told my (now embarrassed-looking) friend that she needed changing!

My friend told me that her DD had no problem with wees and is even dry at night but will just not poo on a potty or toilet and she has yet to find a solution.

All I could muster was to suggest a GP visit. I asked her if she had spoken to her DD about it but her DD refuses to discuss it, so she’s not getting anywhere.

My DD’s and I all had wee issues when small, probably attributable to black current juice, but potty refusal for poos is a new one.

I will refer my friend to this thread in case anything here helps.

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that it’s more common that you would think.

My son is 3 years and 8 months old. Hardly ever goes on the loo or potty. I'm thinking it'll be easier to keep it all very light and try a bit more in the spring before he starts school in September. I think my son's dad is getting pressure from his family though, as he mentions it a lot after he's seen them. I don't think it's a big deal as long as they can manage when at school.

Another one with a reluctant 3 year old! DS turned 3 last month and we have yet to crack toilet training. Tried it just before his birthday, for almost a month, and got nowhere. He can wee on the toilet but has no awareness of needing it. He wouldn't go near the potty. We felt awful giving up but he was having accident after accident and it was so stressful! Tried again a few weeks later...same results. Decided to park it and try again in January. Which is fast approaching...

With DD, it was much easier, she was 2 years 10 months and pretty much 'got it' within a week. Had initially tried the Oh Crap method with her with disastrous results (i am not an advocate of it) but second time she was obviously ready. So we have done this before, but I guess every child is different!

DS has no issues with speech or communication. He seems to understand a lot but this is a sticking point. It doesn't help that he's very strong willed, and even getting him on the toilet is a real battle of wills, and quite honestly exhausting.

So now I'm wondering, do we just leave it? He's at a nursery who don't seem to mind (they are supportive with whatever we do). And we are in Scotland so schools doesn't start till 5 (although I'd like to get it sorted before then ). Or do we persist? I know people say you just have to get through the accidents and of course I expect them, par for the course with potty training. It's more the fact of him not clicking at all, and no progress being made. And yes, we've tried reward charts, bribes, excessive praise, the lot!

Reassuring to know we are not alone...

My DS just wasn’t ready at 3, but at 3.7
Months he was, nailed it in a week and never had an ‘accident’

This is so reassuring to know. To @OnlyFoolsnMothers, everything you suggest, we have tried! And as a parent, there is no reluctance on my part to delay toilet training...I'm desperate to get it done! However, from experience I know that if they are simply not ready, you cannot make it happen.

We've recently had this. My DS2 was 3 in October and was scared of the toilet (heaving sobs when I even mentioned it) and didn't do anything when sitting on the potty.

For seemingly no reason at all this holiday he's decided that in fact he is going to do it. He wants to wear pants like a big boy and keeps telling me wees go in the potty. We're on day 2 and have had some damp patches but no true accidents, probably because it's led by him. Yesterday he was crying on the potty though but would also cry when I took him off it 🤷🏼‍♀️

So I'd say to keep trying at each holiday but don't make a big deal of it and it will come. And perhaps read some books about potty training with him until he wants to do it.

Both my boys have been over 3 to potty train.

Don't fight with him, it will make it worse (I hear) put him in pull ups (perhaps leave the potty there so he can ask to go if necessary) and then try again in 3/4 weeks. He might want to go for attention, or he might to decide to pay ball after you've left it a bit.

Help!!! My DS is 3 in two weeks and will not entertain the potty at home whatsoever. I have tried sticker charts and treats all the things that any parent tries but nothing. He is more than happy to be wet but will tell me when he has poo’d and ask to be changed,he also runs and hides to fill his nappy. He goes to preschool 3 times a week and will briefly sit on the potty but jumps up after a matter of seconds. I have 3 other children all older but training them was pretty straight forward. My little one is extremely stubborn and headstrong and seems adamant he will not sit on a potty at home. Tried to bypass the potty with the toilet using a step and small seat but nope! Maybe he isn’t ready? He starts out local nursery school in April and was hoping to have him trained by then but it’s not looking promising. Am I worrying about nothing? Any advice wouldn’t be gratefully welcome 👍

Will he watch tv on his potty?

My DS didn't like the potty. We got him a step thing so he could stand up and wee into the loo. Don't know if you can still get these.

No refuses to watch tv or use his tablet or anything to sit on the potty and I have a step and seat for the toilet but nope he will not have it. In every other way he is fantastic,very communicative and pretty well behaved. Maybe he just isn’t ready for this next stage?

My DD is 3 in feb.

In August I read Oh Crap: Potty Training and had prepared myself and was totally convinced I'd have a potty trained toddler within a week but it didn't go to plan and she ended up genuinely traumatised from it all.

We've had to reintroduce the potty and she will sit on it or the toilet but will not do her business and will just hold it. She ended up with a UTI a few weeks ago when we tried letting her go nappyless for a few hours.
As soon as she needs a wee she will panic and ask for her nappy and if you try and sit her on the potty, she gets hysterical.

We've tried letting her sit on potty with tv on/phone/tablet/painting her nails but nothing works.

I'm going to bin her potties and toilet seat and have bought a new toilet seat with steps and some Frozen knickers.
My plan is to put her in the knickers, tell her that Anna and Elsa don't want her to do a wee on them and want her to do a wee on the loo if she needs it.
🤞

@Mrsmummy90

My DD is 3 in feb.

In August I read Oh Crap: Potty Training and had prepared myself and was totally convinced I'd have a potty trained toddler within a week but it didn't go to plan and she ended up genuinely traumatised from it all.

We've had to reintroduce the potty and she will sit on it or the toilet but will not do her business and will just hold it. She ended up with a UTI a few weeks ago when we tried letting her go nappyless for a few hours.
As soon as she needs a wee she will panic and ask for her nappy and if you try and sit her on the potty, she gets hysterical.

We've tried letting her sit on potty with tv on/phone/tablet/painting her nails but nothing works.

I'm going to bin her potties and toilet seat and have bought a new toilet seat with steps and some Frozen knickers.
My plan is to put her in the knickers, tell her that Anna and Elsa don't want her to do a wee on them and want her to do a wee on the loo if she needs it.
🤞

This could have been written by me!

My DD is 3 in Feb too and we tried 2 times during first lockdown to potty train using the oh crap method. She did really well the first day... she was taking herself for wees on the potty and would say "I did it!" then use a baby wipe to clean herself and press the flusher. It was great, I honestly thought she had cracked it. Then the day after it all went to pot and she was screaming and crying any time she sat on the potty and we had accidents upon accidents. It was so stressful seeing her so upset that we caved in and put her back in nappies.

We tried again a few weeks later and had the same problem. If she sits on it now she will just hold it

Now, I'm trying to explain to her that she's getting too big for her nappies and it's almost time for us to teach her how to use the potty. She's chosen her own pants and she has a tablet that I've said she can play with while she's sat on the potty doing her wee wees. All she keeps saying is "not yet mum" but she says that big girls and grown ups don't wear nappies

It's quite stressful and maybe I am awful for saying this but it does concern me that her peers and my friends children who are younger are already out of nappies

I certainly don't want to force her and traumatise the poor girl or make her terrified of ever using the toilet. Please does anyone have any advice?

3 and 3 months here. Not interested. Hes started withholding fluids because he doesn't want to use the potty so he becomes unwell. I stopped it over xmas due to the stress. Hes started pooing in the night aswell which is new. Apparently he uses the potty in nursery but never with me. It's hard work. I'm considering just giving up.

BLTLover My little one will happily sit on the potty every 2 hours at nursery though he never does anything but WILL NOT entertain it at all at home. He shouts and has mini meltdowns. He isn’t happy to be left without a nappy,when I try he demands the nappy back on. It’s hard work ☹️

@DonkeyMcFluff

Why does he need to be potty trained now? He’s three and it’s becoming embarrassing. My parents are asking if he has special needs and pushing me to get him assessed by the GP. Friends whose children potty trained at two are giving me pitying looks and making snarky comments. I’m sick of changing nappies. He can’t go to nursery next year if he isn’t potty trained. He’s well old enough to grasp this, many of his peers grasped it almost a year ago.

So your doing it because of the way it makes you look in front of others.

Tell them to mind their own fucking business.

Children will learn to do it when they are ready. I have a 3 year old, she is only just learning to use the potty and toilet, her choice I’ve not forced her, sometimes she says she wants a nappy on so I put one on. One of my other DDs was 4 before she even entertained the idea. And my last DD was also 3 going on 4.

I have potties scattered around the house in every room, my 3yo decides what she’s wearing every day, big girl knickers, pull ups or nappies, sometimes I will prompt her is she’s fidgety as her if she needs a wee, sometimes she will realise she dose other times she will say no but do one shortly afterwards. Most of the time I will ignore her if she’s going, whether in her potty or pull up, they can get very self conscious so I wait till she’s finished then tell her great job. Last night I discovered she’d weed in 3 separate potties without telling me, she obviously didn’t want me to know otherwise she would have told me so I didn’t mention it to her. This morning I found she’d weed in the potty again, again she didn’t say anything.

You might be best just not making a big deal out of it for him.

Why can’t he go to nursery in nappies? Mine dose, I think that’s why she’s more interested in the toilet and potty now because her friends are doing it. There are children in reception class that are still in pull ups.

@Tikker80

BLTLover My little one will happily sit on the potty every 2 hours at nursery though he never does anything but WILL NOT entertain it at all at home. He shouts and has mini meltdowns. He isn’t happy to be left without a nappy,when I try he demands the nappy back on. It’s hard work ☹️

Same. It's hard work isn't it? Today hes had about 200mls of milk so will need to wee at some point. I've took him out in cotton undies and he hasn't weed yet. I think hes holding it in then releasing it all at night when hes relaxed. the pooing in the sleep is prob him relaxing his pelvic floor when hes asleep

It is very hard but you worry too or I do anyway. My son is so stubborn sound like your little one is too 🤣 My boy completely understands the need to wee and poo but really hates any change. It’s just so frustrating that he will sit on the potty at nursery but not home though I suspect it is because he sees the others doing it. Thinking of buying his favourite themed character potty and step plus seat for the loo (Thomas the tank engine) and seeing if that may help? Reward charts are just not good enough for him and even the offer of treats is not enough! I feel a little reassured that others have similar issues but it’s still bloomin hard going isn’t it!

Mine is the same unfortunately. He’s 3 and can’t go to nursery until he grasps it. Grandparents are asking if he has SN and I’m beginning to wonder myself. The boy next door is a year younger and has mastered it over Christmas. I don’t know what to do.

My then 3-year-old also wouldn't use the potty, so I told him when he turned 4 - on his 4th birthday - he was on his own. He had to change his own diapers from that day forward. Gave him a cheerful, "Good luck with all that..."

I think at the time his birthday was 8 weeks away - so I talked about it a lot up to the big day. Then, on his birthday - it was a miracle, I tell you - he started using the potty.

Stubborn child. He's an adult now. He never went through the "I'll do it" phase a lot of children have.

He sat on the potty 4 times today. No result despite drinking 600mls of milk. I've left him in underwear all day so decided to take him out in it. Middle of the park with the dog he pees ffs. Hes also done the pooing in sleep again

I hated the o crap method btw. We trained pretty much in pull ups by 2 years and 9 months he was dry day and night, he’s had no accidents- though he does get up at varying times in the night, sometimes not at all. Highly recommend areas free training by doing it in pull ups

@BLTLover Oh dear isn’t that just typical! Boys I have found are so much harder and extremely stubborn. Sorry I can’t offer any suggestions to help looks like we are both at a loss but I tell you what I am fed up with hearing...oh he’ll do it when he’s ready and just leave him be! 🤯