4.5 year refuses to poo in the loo

[Bettyblue123]

Please help me!!!!!!! My wee boy won’t poo in the toilet! He pees fine- no pee accidents, pees standing up etc! Grand! He did used to poo in the toilet then he suddenly stopped and now we are just in hell with it!!!!!!!
He withholds poo so we have lactulose and he poos most days but he just refuses to go in the loo. You can sit him on there for hours and he will just sit! Cares not about treats, stickers etc!
We had stopped trying for a few months on the advice of the GP to let the lactulose kick in and get regular poos. So we started again in October - sitting on 20 mins after dinner, sticker chart etc. He had some success- had to be bribed to go on the loo but once on the loo he had a few poos pop out unexpectedly, a few times i managed to plunk him on when he was doing the poo dance and some poos came out. I felt we were inching forward. Then about two weeks ago I managed to get him to take himself to the loo, he did a poo, great excitement, called daddy at work etc and he got a toy as that poo meant he’d filled the sticker chart! I thought we’d cracked it but no- since then it’s back to square one! It’s a fight to get him to sit on the loo, won’t try to push, accidents ahoy! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh!
His nursery are great and so understanding but school is looming on the horizon next August and I’m just terrified he’ll never manage it!
He’s so strong willed! And we’re lugging around multiple changes, we’re getting ratty with him - it’s just, to coin a phrase, crap!!!!!!
Any advice! I thought I might call Eric tomoz because he’s literally resisted all the advice I’ve read online! Any help or even sympathy??????

madcatladyforever wow you sound like my MIL! LOL! Of course we have asked him why and of course we tell him he should poo in the toilet! If it were as easy as that with my DS I wouldn't have posted a thread on here!

If it is any consolation to anyone, my now 11 year old was just the same. So strong willed. One day he just decided he was ready and could poo in the loo, not have pull ups at night - sorted. He was about four and a half. And yes, he is still just as strong willed. Would not learn to tie laces till he started High school etc

Mine was exactly the same.

Insisted on a nappy for a poo until being 4.5.

Dry all day and night. Never wet the bed. No accidents. Perfect apart from pooing.

In the whole year of half days in school nursery always had a poo at home in a nappy.

Reward charts didn't work, bribery, absolutely nothing.

When we got to the summer holidays before starting reception I stopped buying nappies and once they ran out I said there would be no more.

We had a tough couple of weeks with tears, tantrums and tummy ache but eventually they accepted it was the grown up thing to do and just got on with it.

Thanks GrannyBags, that does help! The will is strong with this kid!

Thanks Greentopmilk. That gives me hope we can make a breakthrough, although DS doesn't poo in the nappy, I am hoping that we can just get something that clicks and he gives in to it!

DS was exactly the same - he wouldn't use the toilet, we'd put a night-time nappy on him and go behind the sofa and poo. We'd then change him and all was well! He finally learned when his younger sister pooed on the toilet to loud cheers and treats!

He's now 27, and has no poo problems (that I know of!)

Well new developments here:

We have transitioned from the potty to thr loo. A friend gave us some really good sturdy seats and he has been fine using them. I've kept a really close eye on him and anticipated all poos so no accidents.

However, his teachers have said he has symptoms of constipation / impaction. I knew of it but never really considered it for him until this thread. So I have made a docs appt for Thursday. We shall see what that brings.

My son was the same. He’s just turned 4 but has had chronic constipation since he was just 2. He’s on movicol for it still. But similar to above, he just wouldn’t poo on loo or potty. Just in his nappy. He’s fine with wees (although you have to sort of bribe him to wee a lot of the time as he can’t be bothered!). He’s only recently started using the loo for poos. We didn’t press the issue, just encouraged him and he’s much better now. Still poos in his nappy just after getting up when he can, but as long as he’s going (after so many issues) that doesn’t bother me.

OMG it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one going through this! My just 4 year has been potty training since just after 2 and we have always had a hard time with pooing! Even in a nappy! Was on movicol for a while but thought we had cracked it earlier this year but no we haven’t. She has just started a new school nursery and it has been mad! Nearly every day she is having 2 or more poo accidents (just skidders most of the time) but will sit in potty for 10 mins then get off and poo her pants!! I don’t know what to do any more!! Should I put her back on movicol? Her poos aren’t hard when she does them just won’t go!! Should I be telling her off? Or just telling her it’s ok? Everything I have tryed hasn’t work and I’m lost and frustrated please someone help me!

Also forgot to say I have just started potty training on a night! Going great no wee accidents at all but she now never wears a nappy will that of made her hold poo in more? I don’t want to go backwards but just want her to poo! Any ideas anyone?

Back to movicol would be my suggestion.

Gp prescribed it for my ds yesterday and my reading suggests it is mostly a bulking agent to give them enough to feel that they need to go.

As well as sort out the constipation bit, that wasn't clear in my post above

Passa it’s just nice to not be alone!!! We still haven’t cracked it!

Ok I have got some so I will put her back on and see how we get on. Anyone got any thoughts about nappy at bed? She’s doing really well with no wees all night.

Oh I feel your pain, my 4.5 year old has only recently started pooping in the lingered on a long time in our house, we tried everything to no avail so just kinda ignored it and all of a sudden she started going in the loo and we have no idea why! She was a long term sufferers of constipation so that was definitely the reluctance to go as she was in pain.
Hoping you get some sort of breakthrough soon.

Omg this is exactly what I’m going through. My DD cracked the wee’s in about a week and was completely dry in the night at the same time but that was over a year ago and were still struggling with poo’s. We’ve tried the whole “will buy you a new toy” “no YouTube until potty” even no Santa lol but she’s not bothered. She gets to the point where she’s on tip toes holding it in and crying. Then 2 minutes after a nappy and she’s done.
Starting to feel very disheartened especially as school is next year but reading that I’m not the only one is making me feel slightly better.
I rang the health visitor who just said that everything I’m trying sounds right but I’m starting to loose hope.

Good to know others are going through this too! My little boy still going strong with his defiance! Lol! He learned to swim today and I’m almost like ‘I don’t care!!!!! learn to poo in the toilet!!!!!’ Lol! Almost........

Happy new year to anyone still out there! Today the realisation hit that we’re 8 months till school and still no closer to having toilet poos. In fact he’s now trying to withhold any poo! Currently in his room with a nappy on refusing to go. So we’re calling the health visitor next week and need to get some help! Very low tonight with it all!
Sending love out to anyone still going through this and any chinks of hope gratefully received because I have none and am envisaging him being held back by this forever!!!! Argh!
HNY! 😉

My DS is younger but we went through a 6 month phase after being toilet trained of only pooing in his pants. It was so frustrating so I can’t even imagine how you feel having gone through it for so long. DS was dry at night as soon as we trained (2.5 years) so we didn’t have pull ups to fall back on.

He has now just turned 3 and poos on the potty with no problem. Just takes himself off to do it.

He just decided on his own terms to sort it out so I’m afraid I don’t have any advice but just know it won’t last forever.

We had this! Do not despair! DS was an absolute nightmare at the same age. Was dry within two days of potty training and took nearly a year to crack poos properly. He withheld and then had to be on a movicol regimen for around 8 months. We fixed it using the following method.

1. fix the withholding/constipation. With a lot of fiddling around with dosage we got the medication correct so that he would do a poo at the same time every single day. This he did after his bath in a pull up in his bedroom. This took about 3 months. He had a lot of accidents and hated them and it was very traumatic for us both. A breakthrough came one afternoon at my parents when he was clearly desperate to go, and I said to him ‘do it now and grandad will walk you to the corner shop and get you a kinder egg’ and he agreed to put on a pull up and do one. This was the first indication that he was able and willing to control it.
2. get him using pull ups wherever he is comfortable. Then get him to use pull ups in the bathroom. Then near the toilet. Then standing up above the toilet. Then sitting on the toilet with a pull up on. Then cut a hole in the pull up. Then a bigger hole. Until finally no pull up at all. This stage will probably take a couple of weeks.

In my experience (of one exceptionally lovely but extraordinarily stubborn little boy) you literally cannot force them, for some reason DS wouldn’t/couldn’t go on the loo. And he wasn’t doing it on purpose. So we had to help him.

He’s now nearly 8 and had one constipation relapse when he was around 4 1/2 which lasted a week or so of days but was very stressful as he immediately reverted to refusing to even try. However we acted immediately and decisively with the medication and intervention and it was resolved relatively quickly. I still keep movicol in the house and keep an eye on him to make sure he goes every day.

Keep your chin up - it will get better

Thank you. I think you’re right that we haven’t sorted the constipation/withholding yet. We seem to get it too runny or so that he can still hold it in. I think we will work on this first. We’re on lactulose but I wonder if movicol is better?
Thank you for this -has given me some hope.

Lactulose did nothing for us-movicol was (and is) magic stuff! You follow the instructions to up the dosage until he does a poo and until he’s doing one daily at an appropriate consistency. It does take a bit of trial and error so be patient! Also make sure he drinks loads, the more he drinks the more effective the movicol is. And then taper off the dosage, he was on half a sachet a day for a good few months until it reliably settled down. You got this!

I haven't read the full thread, but there is a great Facebook group where you can get support for this kind of thing - it's called Movicol Mummies.

Also a book on Amazon called Stool Withholding by Sophia Ferguson.

Thanks tinnedpeachesandcream. I don’t feel like I’ve got it- I feel like a terrible mum that we can’t get this sorted.

Happy Poo Year everyone! just joining in for solidarity...it has now been exactly a year since we started potty training, dd starts school this year, and as of December we have given up and she is back in pull ups. She knows exactly what to do, has had brief periods of a fortnight or so where she teases us by going properly, then back to weeing and pooing all over the shop. Highlights of 2019 include having to deal with a massive surprise log as we walked past our local. Im sure it's all to do with jealously of little sister...maybe once the baby starts using the potty DD1 will end her vendetta...but she's a stubborn little devil so who knows. Just trying to stand back and let her get there on her own now, all the bribing, cajoling, tears and tantrums were stressing us all out.