4.5 year refuses to poo in the loo

[Bettyblue123]

Please help me!!!!!!! My wee boy won’t poo in the toilet! He pees fine- no pee accidents, pees standing up etc! Grand! He did used to poo in the toilet then he suddenly stopped and now we are just in hell with it!!!!!!!
He withholds poo so we have lactulose and he poos most days but he just refuses to go in the loo. You can sit him on there for hours and he will just sit! Cares not about treats, stickers etc!
We had stopped trying for a few months on the advice of the GP to let the lactulose kick in and get regular poos. So we started again in October - sitting on 20 mins after dinner, sticker chart etc. He had some success- had to be bribed to go on the loo but once on the loo he had a few poos pop out unexpectedly, a few times i managed to plunk him on when he was doing the poo dance and some poos came out. I felt we were inching forward. Then about two weeks ago I managed to get him to take himself to the loo, he did a poo, great excitement, called daddy at work etc and he got a toy as that poo meant he’d filled the sticker chart! I thought we’d cracked it but no- since then it’s back to square one! It’s a fight to get him to sit on the loo, won’t try to push, accidents ahoy! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh!
His nursery are great and so understanding but school is looming on the horizon next August and I’m just terrified he’ll never manage it!
He’s so strong willed! And we’re lugging around multiple changes, we’re getting ratty with him - it’s just, to coin a phrase, crap!!!!!!
Any advice! I thought I might call Eric tomoz because he’s literally resisted all the advice I’ve read online! Any help or even sympathy??????

No help or suggestions but my 4.2 year old DD is exactly the same! She's not interested in any type of reward or praise or explanation so I'm at a loss of what to do. Just as I think we've turned a corner, it abruptly stops and the withholding for a couple of days starts again 🤷🏼‍♀️

All I can say is she is sloooooowly getting better. She has lactulose to prevent withholding and is going to the toilet by herself, without prompting maybe once a week. Last week it was twice 🎉

That sounds great- I’m so jealous!!! Lol!
So happy to have found someone else! Feel very alone!

We bought a massive shiny truck and it sat on a shelf until we had 7 days of normality. We got it down every day and talked positively about when dc could have it. It worked after a week

Tried that. Transformer robot in the toilet. After 3 months it went to chazza shop unopened.

My DS was like this and I was terrified that he would be starting school in pull ups and having accidents. He cracked it in the summer holidays just before starting so it's possible! Think of it this way, he won't be 15 still refusing to poo in the loo. He will get there! for you OP AND

Thank you so much! I so need it. Feeling quite tearful tonight.

I have this problem too. I have been potty training my now 4 year old since jsut after he turned 2.

He has several poo accidents a day most days, unless I am with him when he is normally OK. But I am not with him all the time. Sometimes it feels like it is getting better then I think to myself who am I kidding. He will only poo in a potty, and never spontaneously.

I tell myself it will be fine in the end but also spend time trying to work out how to figure it out.

It’s so tough!!!!!! I feel your pain xxxx

Ugh this is my 4 year old boy too. He will withhold for days and days until he gets a nappy on and will go in 2 minutes no bother. He will go like clockwork every night in a nappy but as soon as we try potty or toilet he just stop until the nappy comes back out 🤦‍♀️ no tips for you I'm sorry! Just sympathising!

And I with you! It’s nice to find my people! 😉

Have you tried going completely neutral? Don't remind him to go to loo or bribe him. Just let him go if he wants to. When he has an accident, just change him with no comment. Don't draw any attention to it. I thought I would have to send my DS to school with spare trousers but this approach worked with just a couple of months to spare!

I guess that’s what we were doing in the time off the gp suggested? And he just did it in his pants quite happily. I really don’t know what would happen if we just leave it- I suspect he’d carry on his merry way. But maybe not....

We basically do that but he doesn't care. He doesn't seem remotely incenivised to change his behaviour.

My Ds sage 3 years 10 months poos in a nappy. Fully toilet trained, never has accidents etc. But every night like clock work he will take a pull up and go and poo.

As long as he is pooing I am not too bothered about him doing it in a pull up. He will do it eventually in the toilet when he is ready.

Would a pull up work for you? I keep a stash in the kitchen so he goes and helps himself and puts it on when he needs to go.

This is my just turned 4yo as well! More reliable than his big brother with wees, holds in his poos and gets constipated then has skiddies/poos in pants for another few days until he goes in the toilet accidentally or in his pants.
He doesn't care about the threat of 'medicine' to help him go (infant laxido), so I've decided to try not to push the issue, its unlikely he will still be doing this when he's 12 let alone 5 when other kids in the class are going 'properly'!

Well for my DS it was a power struggle thing, he didn't want to be told what to do and he wasn't interested in bribes. So ignoring it worked but you need serious willpower not to crack first!

We were trying to get him to poo in his morning nappy before he got changed but that hasn’t worked so far. But might be worth a try. Thank you for the suggestion.

Zig zag I worry he will be doing it at 5!!! Lol! He took agin short sleeved T-shirt’s when he was 3 and he stlll will not wear one- no matter how hot he is!!!! Strong willed is not the word!

I see what you mean! I’m glad it worked. I just worry DS would just be pooing in his pants forever!!!!

Making sure that he's comfy on the seat may help, ideally with his feet supported so his knees are the highest point of his legs. If he's been withholding and constipated he may be afraid that pooing will hurt. Where is he on the Bristol stool scale? You may want to check with the GP if it's ok to increase the laxative dose a little to get to a consistent 5 or 6 which should be easier to pass. Another trick is to give him bubbles or a party popper to blow into while on the toilet - the blowing has the effect of getting them to push without thinking. I've also heard of people getting the child to sit on the toilet or potty wearing a nappy to poo, then transitioning to pooing through a hole cut in the nappy and eventually to not needing the nappy.

There is an app from an NHS trust called 'poo goes to Poo land'. It was in book form when my DS was young but is recommended by the charity Eric.org.uk and worked wonders with potty training for my son and his peers.

We’ve had pooland for a year on our phones to no avail! He legit just sat on the toilet for ten mins with no result then went under the kitchen table and shat his pants!!!!! What do I do with that? I am raging at him!!!!! Argh!

we are having exactly the same problem, my DD is 3y9m. Pooland didn't work, she loves watching it and keeps talking about Ollie's poo but doesn't want to know anything about pooing in the potty. She's absolutely fine with wees though and rarely has an accident

We are seeing a paediatrician next week, I'll let you know if they suggest anything useful

At four and a half he should be able to tell you why he won't poo on the loo. My friend kid did this, he would only poo on the potty and his mum used to weep it stressed her out so much.
Everytime I went to babysit and he asked for the potty I'd say no way mate, I'm not giving a big boy like you a baby's potty go and use the big toilet like everyone else, and he did quite happily.
I would hide the potty the minute I got in the house so he couldn't use it.
When his mum came home he'd be on the potty again.

Nopoointhepotty Let me know how you get on! Solidarity!!!!