3 and half year old holding poo for days!

[SnowWhite26]

Hi.
I no this is a common thread but im so stressed out! My little girl has been potty trained for about 7 months with wees! Poos on the other hand she will only go in nappy. I have taken nappys off her and she has tried on toliet and potty but she now holds it in up to 5 days sometimes! She gets irritable and quite a different child. I dunno what to do. I have a 8 month old as well. Its all so tiring and I end up getting so cross. I have tried poo goes to poo land bribes you name it i have tried it. She sits on loo and sucks in as appose to pushes it out you can see. I dont really no what step to take next. I asked doctor if it will damage her if she holds it in fir 5 days and they said no. Surely it will stretch something. Please any advice? Thanks

Let her have nappies to poo once a day (after giving her the choice to do it in a nappy or on the toilet) but do it all in the bathroom, and make her wait while you scrape the poo into the toilet. Make a comment like we have to make sure Mr Poo gets home, and if you did it on the toilet it wouldn't take so long. She will hopefully make the right choice soon after that.

Or, go to another GP - surely holding for days and days is bad! They might give you a prescription for some laxatives so she has no choice but to go, if you don't want to do the above.

Encourage sitting on the potty for starters, in front of the telly for this if need be. Give a pot of bubbles and encourage blowing bubbles.

The blowing action relaxes the muscles around the bum and means can't hold it in, not that you will tell her that. The bubbles should only be taken out for this and only while sitting on the potty as it will help her go as she is holding on.

Yes to laxative for the beginning as things may be solidish so encourage possibly a big glass of orange juice - this is definitely as a treat ..... and wait.

After she has mastered the potty, you can then introduce the idea of the toilet for poos. For easy clean up of the potty, line it with a nappy so saying goodbyes to nappies at the same time.

(I had severe bowel problems as a child, I was 99% better after surgery) so that's my experience, it shouldn't do her any harm to try this anyhow. Good luck

How about sitting in a potty with an open nappy on it? In front of the tv or something. Gets her used to the idea of being on the loo but has the nappy still involved.
My dd is now 12. If I could go back in time to tell myself this would eventually work out, I would probably tell time traveller me to sod off and not be blasé because it is really hard to get through. But you will.

www.eric.org.uk/how-to-prevent-constipation-in-children

This should involve sitting on the toilet at the same times each day, ideally 20-30 minutes after each meal. This makes the most of the natural squeezing that happens after eating. Your child should also go to the loo before bed.

Stay relaxed: Gently rocking forwards and backwards and massaging the tummy in clockwise circles can help. (Try the distraction version where one hand goes on the tummy and the other goes on the head), It takes the concentration away from holding it.

Help the bowel muscles to push down: Laughing, coughing or blowing can help with this. Try blowing bubbles – then it’s fun too!

Give lots of praise for sitting on the toilet regularly and getting into a good routine. Your child obviously won’t poo every time they go, but they should be praised for trying. For some children, being rewarded for every small, achievable step can make all the difference, so have a 'goody bag' of little, inexpensive rewards or treats at the ready.

I have tried alot of these things. The open nappy and bubbles. She just holds and holds. She is fine with wees. She went yesterday but was farting loads today so offered her a nappy she refused made on her sit on toliet. She told me her poo was shy but i think she really was trying to push so maybe she didn't need it. I dunno whether to ignore it now and when it gets to the point she is so desperate she cant hold on anymore she generally asks for a nappy. Maybe as she is doing it in nappy i could quickly put her on potty. Problem is she ia very stubborn as well. So its like a viceous circle. I have an 8 month old and she has been great but she knows she gets negative and positive attention from this so i duno if thats why as well. As she does it in her nappy she tells me shes doing 2 or what ever. When she was in nappys she went every day mostly. Occasionally every other. Just seems she has trained herself to hold it for longer :(

Ds15 refused to poo unless in a nappy. It was an incredibly stressful time so my sympathies

But... you need to stop and go back to letting her poo in the nappy otherwise it is going to become a big deal in her mind.

Ds1 was in reception and still wore a nappy for poo's...and then one day he said he didn't want it and went on the toilet.

11 years later l have to practically prise him off the loo

Snapes- Thankyou for replying with a similar situation. Did your son hold it in do you remember? I think thats the thing. It had become a big thing coz I have tried getting her out of nappies. At the start she poo'd on toliet for a few days. Then something obviously happened and i let her do it nappies this was 5 months ago! So as you can imagine in that 5 months i have taken them if her shouted bribed cryed lol I have had a new baby to deal with to. So now I say ok you can have your nappy when you need it. But she still holds it. I managed to bribe her with easter egg the other day to go in her nappy coz it was 4 days and she was desperate! x

Warm orange juice keeps it moving or dilute prune juice.
Also try the I Love You tummy rub.
Start on the right hip up the right side of the tummy. That's the "I".
Start in the same place then up and across. That's the "L".
Start in the same place, up, across and down to the left hip. That's the "U".
I also did a thing where she pretended to blow an enormous bubble slowly but surely. It floated in the air and as I was talking/singing it would engulf me into comedy silence.
The steady blowing of a bubble gets the right muscles working.
And bribery.
And 🍷 for you after they've gone to bed.
I just explained to my dh what I was explaining and he groaned and sent his sympathy. We remember it well.
Please ignore anyone who tells you it was no problem for them.

Bellini- i will try those things if she will let me rub her tummy haha. I will also try the big bubble comedy thing although have many times made her laugh blow bubbles etc on loo. Its like she knows and then she over thinks then she gets stubborn vicious cycle. Its choc not wine for me and im suppose to be losing baby weight :( x

@SnowWhite26 - it was truly hell. He would hold it for days and then would become completely manic and run around the house screaming because he was desperate.

I tried everything. Even had friends sitting on the bathroom floor trying to calm him down whilst he sat on the loo.

In the end l made the decision to stop and to relieve the pressure from him and us. He poo'd in a nappy each evening before bed and got in a really good routine so l knew there would be no issues at school. I just purchased the tesco value one's as they were being taken off straight away again.

Then once he was nearly 4.5yrs l got out the potty again.... completely spur of the moment and said I'll leave this in your room and you can sit on it when you want too.

He turned to me and said l don't use a potty, l go on the toilet like a big boy..

I said go on then

And he did!!!!

I truly believe that when they are ready they will do what ever it is with relative ease- wee's, sleeping in a normal bed, giving up bottles etc . Nothing should be this stressful. And if it is then it needs to stop and tried again later on.

I also had a newborn at this stage too

How old is she?

Sorry...just seen 3.5yrs

Snapes- i really appreciate you writing on this post.Its amazing how much a stranger writing on the internet can make you feel better lol. I think ill talk to her and try and encourage her to tell me and poo in her nappy when she needs to not hold on. You really are right nothing is worth this much stress. I am also glad he doesn't have long term damage. X

Ds1 definitely doesn't have any damage
...he sits on the loo for hours now and sod anyone else who might need the bathroom

Mine has with held her poo since she was potty trained. Wees are no problem. She is now five and is still doing it. I have tried laxatives, massage, reflexology, blowing bubbles, reward charts, reiki, swapping back to nappies/potty, nothing worked. She holds it in for a week then poos her pants when she could do it no longer. Recently we've been to see a hypnotist who taught her the tapping technique. This seems to be actually helping her now. But it's still early days yet. I hope your child cracks it soon, as I know how hard it can be.

Doctor is wrong.
Read the ERIC website. You need to be proactive with this so it doesn't get worse.
I always suggest googling the poo nurses and watching the video right to the end. It is excellent and very clear and simple.

I have had a very similar situation but have just come out the other end. My almost 4 year old DD has just started pooing without a nappy, and she has been weeing without a nappy for well over a year! I can completely understand your frustration.
Have you spoken to your GP or health visitor? I found them very useful . We had to completely step back and if she wanted to wear a nappy, we let her. She does suffer from constipation and is on medication, which we have doubled while potty training to make sure it doesn't hurt. And it was baby steps all the way, first pooing in the bathroom only, then sitting on the potty with a nappy (this phase lasted a while) , then undoing the nappy and finally taking it away. But she had to decide when she was ready, and no amount of bribery would make it go faster. She could also watch the tablet when she was doing a poo.
You will get there! Good luck!

Suddenlyfrugal- this is exactly what i have tried but she just refuses to stay in bathroom. She screams i want to do it whilst playing! Its such a control thing and can get me really angry. This is why we are still going round in circles :( Any idea how to make her do it in nappy in bathroom? The sittimg on potty or loo with nappy and doing it says she can only do it standing. Its so hard x

Yeah going from standing to sitting was big deal, that took a looong time. So after speaking to the health visitors, we followed their advice, which was to back off. Let her do what she wants to do, and whenever she did a poo, no matter how, give lots of praise. We did a few weeks of that and then started encouraging going to the bathroom for a poo. We didn't make her. We also made her get her own nappy when she wanted one.

I'll be honest it has felt very slow, and i have had to let go of my expectations. I wasn't really sure it was going to happen before school, but I thought she rarely has an accident that it wouldn't be a big deal if we couldn't sort it before school. And to be fair, it has only been a week, it could still go wrong!

Oh and the tablet was a motivating factor for us, letting her watch it in the bathroom only, and then only if she sat down etc

I had this problem for 1.5 yrs until I showed DD the ‘poo goes to pooland’ app.

You need to get her on movicol first and then show her the app while on the toilet. We had this very severely. She was screaming and crying and holding for days on end. Week after week. Very very distressed. We tried everything but this app fixed it ALL instantly.

Someone on mumsnet told me about it. And it’s solved this issue for a friend too.

You've tried Poo land, that was my first thought.

DD went through exactly the same to the point it blocked the toilet. What worked...sitting there for a long time with a pile of books and we would read together until she relaxed and did it. Boosting fruit and veg and making her more active during the day, this made a huge difference. Treats only for poos, not for wees. Withdrawing night time nappies and she would hold it in until the morning as she knew she would have a nappy on!

I second backing off. I actually don't remember what turned the corner for us. But it did turn. And I thought we were the only parents going through this. Dd is now 12.

I would suggest never going anywhere near movicol for a case of simple withholding. That drug company has done a great job with GPs but it’s not the solution as it entirely removes any urge sensation- the poo liquidises and falls out wherever you are. With more old fashioned over the counter non branded / non drug- repoed remedies like senna, it encourages the sensation of needing to go so they recognise the urge. Please please don’t use movicol without serious impaction, it’s a distressing experience and mostly not necessary for a toddler who has the hump about the loo and being grown up - this is a psychological issue mostly, not something to deal with using weapons grade drugs