3 year old won't poo on toilet and wets herself at night time

[lyssie29]

My daughter is 4 in march. She completely refuses to poo in the toilet. I've tried offering rewards etc and she has no desire to poop in the toilet. How can I get her to use the toilet?

Also she has been dry at night for about 6 months. The past 3 nights she is waking up needing the toilet but doesn't want to go and starts crying she wets herself. I'm not sure if she's waking up already desperate for the toilet or if she's just not wanting to get up and waiting too long but how can I help her? Should I put her in pull ups at night?

Has a a uti been ruled out with the GP?

Not sure about the poos, sorry. But at night could you maybe try putting a potty in her room so she doesn't have to go all the way to the bathroom? Is the route to the bathroom well lit? If she's been consistently dry at night for 6 months I probably wouldn't go back to pull ups. Has she been unsettled by anything recently. Or she might be coming down with something or have a UTI?

No she hasn't been checked for a uti and I'm not sure she'd dona sample for them. Last time I took to docs with fever etc and they wanted to check just in case she flipped and totally refused to put her wee in the cup. I'll keep an eye on it but she's been going ok through the day.

She has her potty in her bedroom and I always remind her before bed that it's there. She's in a bunk bed on the top bunk and no matter how much I try she won't sleep in the bottom bunk. She goes to the toilet right before bed. She will start crying and I'll go in and she says her trousers are wet then she gets up and finishes her wee on her potty.

She may not be ready to be dry at night it's down to hormone production. It may be too far for her to get down off the top bunk if she does wake.
It's not unusual for kids not to want to poo on a toilet. They find it a difficult position to go in. Can she raise her feet a bit? High step? She may also (weirdly) be concerned about the flushing.
If you need a sample you can get bags from the doctor that stick on to collect a sample.

I had this issue with my ds last year (he will be 4 in feb). Does your daughter poo herself or in a nappy? My ds would only poo in a nappy in the end I just refused the nappy a lot of crying and getting upset later he went on the toilet and hasn't used a nappy since. He is so much happier using the toilet now as hated wearing nappies.

Feeling your pain my daughter 4 in February and she will NOT poo I'm the toilet or potty. She always asks for a nappy. She can totally control her poos as she never does them at nursery ) she goes 2 full days. She will either do one first thing in the morning on wake up or just before bedtime after her bath (that's why she still wears a nappy at bedtime) or ask if she needs one. Tonight I made her sit on the loo for one and she cried and screamed for 30 minutes until I gave in and put her a nappy on. She then did a poo whiles sitting on the loo so she can but I'm at my whits end with her.
Ive tried bribery, giving her my iPad, etc she just cannot bring herself to poo in anything other than a nappy.

Help.

i wouldn't let my 3 yo sleep in the top bunk tbh. Do you think she is frightened of getting down the ladder alone?

We had poo issues when DD first potty trained. Amongst the many things we tried which I think helped was flushing the poo she'd done (in her nappy) down the loo together and waving bye bye to it. Saying things like 'bye bye Mr. Poo, off you go to your poo friends'. It sounds bonkers, and it feels even more ridiculous when you're doing it, but I think it helped her. Apparently it's quite normal for kids to not want to 'let go' of their poo into the toilet - feels like letting a part of themselves go, or something like that.

lilyborderterrier my ds was the same never poo'd at nursery and could control it! I think wasn't nice him getting upset but he just needed that push.

Bunk beds are not considered safe until age 8
I wouldn't have a child of 3 in a hunk bed

My little boy was 4 years 2 months before he finally agreed to do a poo in the toilet. We'd tried everything from bribery, songs, shouting too ignoring it and one day he asked me what day it was and he said that in 4 days time he'd stop wearing a nappy, he did and has never had one since. I would imagine she'll just decide herself when too stop.

I would however recommend the poo goes to pooland app as it was shortly after we got that that he made the decision.

She's in a bunk bed on the top bunk and no matter how much I try she won't sleep in the bottom bunk. This is bizarre. Why does she have the option in the first place? You are setting yourself up for many future problems if she is ruling you at just 3 years old

SHe has a little sister who is almost ready to go in a big bed and her little sister can't go in the top bunk. I need bunk beds because the room is too small for 2 beds. She has slept in the top bunk for almost a year. Has never fallen out or injured herself in any way. Her old bed got broken so to save money I went ahead and bought the bunk beds so I wouldn't have to buy 2 different beds in a year. There's nothing hanging on the bunk for her to hurt herself and I don't allow her to play on them. I let her sleep in the top bunk when I didn't have this problem so it's her bed. If she keeps wetting the bed because she can't make it in time to the potty or toilet then I'll try the bottom bunk.