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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

I know there are numerous threads about potty training but I REALLY need help with potty training for my 3.1 year old - any tips or even the basics would be gratefully received.

30 replies

ceebeegeebies · 31/12/2011 13:07

Ds2 is now 3.1 and I really feel that we should be tackling potty training - have been burying our heads in the sand as we don't really know how to go about it.

He is not really showing signs of being ready although he can hold his wee until he is somewhere that he shouldn't be - for example, we will sit him on the potty before bath and he won't wee but will as soon as he gets in the bath

Put him in underpants today and he wet them within 5 minutes of wearing them and then got really upset when I put them in the washing basket.

Have set up a reward chart where he will get 1 sticker for sitting on the potty and trying and 2 stickers if he actually does something in the potty - he is working towards a particular toy that he wants.

Not sure if this is the right way to go about it - DS1 was also 3.1 when he trained but picked it up immediately and I can count on one hand the number of accidents he has ever had so I never really looked into potty training and how to do it.

Any tips for a reluctant potty trainer will be gratefully receieved

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BlackSwan · 31/12/2011 15:23

I'm starting Monday with mine... I have promised a smartie for each wee/poo and a sticker on a chart. He took the bait earlier and asked to do a wee on the loo (I'm skipping the potty), so he got a sticker and a smartie then, just for trying. From now on he has to produce something to get a reward.

I'm skipping the potty on advice from a friend who assured me the transition from potty to loo can be tough. He was pretty happy to sit on the loo and looked to see if anything was 'happening' when he tried to wee.

Not going into pants until Monday as we have plans tomorrow. Bought Gina's book & have taken tips from that. From what I've gleaned it's all about rewards, not putting them in nappies once you've put them in pants (except for sleeping) & telling them they are 'clever' rather than 'good' when they do wee/poo on the potty/loo. That's what I learned from my speed-read.

Dreading this a bit. Fingers crossed for both of us!

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 31/12/2011 17:08

Blackswan thank you for the information. So far not had a good day

He doesn't seem to be able to make the connection between weeing and having to do it on the toilet - he will sit on the potty/toilet and try but not produce anything - then 2 minutes later, wee in his pants.

Am not sure how to get over this problem - can't reward what he is not doing iyswim Might start another thread specifically about this.

OP posts:

cookielove · 31/12/2011 17:19

I would continue to persist for a least a few more days, as he needs to get comfortable with this whole new idea of going to the toilet, and keep him in pants so he can feel what being wet is like. If still hasn't done a wee in the potty in 2-3 days time i would put him back in nappies.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 31/12/2011 18:26

Cookie thank you for that. Have just had another accident in his pants (3rd one since lunchtime) and no wees on the potty/toilet...he got very upset when I suggested he went back in nappies but we are not going anywhere tomorrow so will persevere for tomorrow.

OP posts:

cookielove · 31/12/2011 18:41

Well he is beginning to have some understanding if he is saying no to nappies, i imagine once he gets one in the potty it will click, you just have to get the one, easier said then done.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 31/12/2011 19:19

Cookie yes, it is just getting that first one in the potty. I can't reward something that doesn't happen - so frustrating!! Plus I am rapidly running out of underpants

OP posts:

MamaChocoholic · 31/12/2011 19:32

If you're using a potty, can he sit on potty and watch TV? Wee bound to come out eventually, then you can reward? Not something we did, just an idea.

BlackSwan · 31/12/2011 19:36

Does he understand when you go to the loo that you're doing a wee? One suggestion I read is to put the potty in the bathroom and you sit on the loo and do a wee while they are on the potty... so they get the picture a bit more. Also read that as most kids don't see their poo until they do it in a potty that you should actually show them once in a while what's in their nappy when they do a poo. I did this with mine just yesterday. He said it was black. Asked him again if he wanted to see it today and he said yes. Also, you're not meant to say anything negative about their poo... just that it's big or what colour, not that it's stinky or messy etc. Otherwise they could feel embarrassed.

We had a wee both on the carpet before his bath and in the potty tonight..(yay, but not to rub it in ceebeegeebies). Sat on the loo seat but wasn't happy about it. Asked for his smartie... then got very upset when i told him he actually had to wee in the loo to get it. Asked him if he wanted to try the potty instead, which he did. Immediately did a wee (usually does this on his bath mat before bath...). Got his smartie and we were all cheering. Is it too much to want to go straight to the loo? I got a special seat and a step and everything!

BlackSwan · 31/12/2011 19:38

When I said we, I meant he. I certainly didn't wee on the carpet.

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 31/12/2011 19:39

I second the advice to go straight to the toilet and forget the potty. A nursery teacher who is also a friend advised me to do this and it was much easier than the potty thing was with dd.

I would persevere with the reward for trying and double reward for actually managing something.

Try not to show any distress or exasperation when he gets it wrong. Bringing anxiety into it will not help, although I do appreciate how frustrating the whole thing is.

Try really hard to make it a non issue. Great if he does it, no big deal if he doesn't. Do praise massively when he does do it right though.

Good luck.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 31/12/2011 21:25

Blackswan yeah for your DS (how old is he by the way?) My sister is also potty training my niece (which has probably prompted our need to do DS2 really as my niece is only 2.4 )

We encourage DS2 to watch DS1 on the toilet aswell as us - in fact, I did sit him on the potty today whilst I was on the toilet - still didn't do anything though

OP posts:

BlackSwan · 01/01/2012 09:36

He's just on 2. Think he is ready though as he started going to the loo and asking to do a wee a few times, so I put him on & he actually did it. Had planned waiting until he's older, but think it's time now.

He was happy to sit this morning, but nothing happened. Still asked for his smartie though...

habbibu · 01/01/2012 09:40

Have to agree with the watching Tv/having stories read on potty - worked v well with my two. Keep them on long enough, copiously supplied with water/otehr liquids, and something is bound to happen. Then they get a quick connection between the potty, wee and the reward. Which in our case was chocolate buttons, as we reckoned that instant gratification might be effective in this case.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 01/01/2012 10:56

DS2 is just not motivated by chocs/sweets so can't really do instant gratification (unlike DS1 who, like me, would walk over hot coals for a sweet ).

MIL coming round today for lunch so not sure she wants to be subjected to DS2 sat on the potty in the lounge for hours on end. May try it next weekend when we have more time...

OP posts:

BlackSwan · 01/01/2012 12:08

I would avoid it if your MIL is coming around for the simple reason that she'll no doubt have all sorts of 'useful' advice (if she's anything like MIL!).

JuliaScurr · 01/01/2012 12:26

Ideally, have nothing on at all - then dc and you can see anything coming out and catch in potty. This is much easier in garden in summer. On carpet in winter - not so good.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 01/01/2012 12:39

think you have to give it more time. Ignore the mistakes and praise the success. Give it at least a week or two and if he wees in his pants, just change them.

When potty training DS, I was at the end of my tether and thought it was at least 3 weeks, when DH pointed out it was only 2 days! If there's no progress and it's stressing you and/or him out, then put back in nappies and try again later.

Personally think going naked is a bad idea as then it's another battle to get them used to underpants.

cookielove · 01/01/2012 13:22

I also agree that going naked is a bad idea, the whole point of potty training is that they learn to go the toilet independently, they need to learn how to pull down trousers and pants, and pull them back up, also when they wet themselves it feels much more uncomfortable when wearing clothes, you would want them to experience that so they don't want to feel it again.

Blackswan - if he is more comfortable on the potty then let him use the potty, the toilet is huge and can seem quite scary to young children, also some children freak out at the feeling of something dropping away from the body (poo) so a potty often is more comfortable for them.

stargirl30 · 01/01/2012 13:31

Hope no-one minds if I hijack this thread but I'm getting nowhere with DD (3.2). She's a bright bunny and I thought we were nearly there but she just either doesn't know when she's going to wee or doesn't care about accidents. I've tried all sorts of bribes. I know she'll get there in the end but I'm starting to get a bit down about it! She's very resistant to being reminded too. Any ideas?

flamingtoaster · 01/01/2012 13:40

With both DS and DD I offered the choice of pants or nappy every so often and let them choose when they wanted to stop wearing nappies. They were both over 3 when they chose. They had one accident each and that was it. Much less stressful on you, your DS and your carpets to wait until he wants to/feels ready to.

cookielove · 01/01/2012 13:44

Stargirl30
Do you think she's ready??

Have you ruled out any underlying factors like a urine infection (if she as a UTI she may not be able to control when she goes)

When in pants, does she go for a long time without doing anything and then one big wet, or is lots of little dribbles?

If it is one big wet, then i would say she is probably fine to train.

I would keep her in pants full time (aside bedtimes) and stop her napping if she still is, then instead of asking if she needs a wee i would take her every 30 minutes to 1 hour depending on how long you think she would go. She may not go every time, but she needs to know that you mean business and she needs to learn this skill.

Have you tried a reward chart, she is def old enough to see the results visually and work towards a goal, so a simple chart, each wee and poo she gets a sticker, x amount of stickers she gets a treat. Start with a small amount, e.g 3 stickers, a chocolate button, 10 stickers, a small toy, 20 stickers a larger toy.

stargirl30 · 01/01/2012 13:49

Hi cookielove
I'm not convinced she's ready.

If I take her then she'll sometimes go but she really resists being told to go.
Have tried visual rewards etc and it sort of helped but she just wasn't motivated enough.
She claims she wants to wear pants but it just doesn't seem to have "clicked", I think she's just not interested enough.
At one point we were nearly there bare bum but with pants she just forgets.

cookielove · 01/01/2012 15:49

Well she can't live bare bum, what is she wearing most of the time now?

She has shown that she can do it, if she was doing it naked, it may be simply a control issue. Has she got any special pants, that have certain characters on them, she may not like the idea of getting the nice ones wet/soiled and thrown away.

Or if your sure she's not ready (although i think she is probably is from what you've said) then put her back in nappies, and try again in a few months.

BlackSwan · 01/01/2012 18:55

Here's something I found on the web which I think is pretty insightful... www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm Scroll down to the 'Guide for Parents' bit.

BlackSwan · 01/01/2012 18:59

Thanks cookielove - I just hadn't planned this training thing right now & he seems to like the potty more than the loo, guess I will take his lead. If he's more comfortable with the potty then so be it. But how long do they use a potty for before they go to the big toilet instead? How do you introduce it & when?

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