3yo using toilet training to get my attention over new baby?

[MrsBloomingTroll]

DH decided when on paternity leave for DC2 to give potty/toilet training for DC1 another whirl. We have been trying for a year with some success, but some major setbacks related to "accidents" and hysterical reactions from others when not in our care.

The good news is that DC1 is now doing brilliantly, almost no accidents a month on. Even if I did want to kill DH at first!

The thing I'm wondering is if she's using it as a way to get our attention away from DC2. DC1 invariably needs to go to the toilet just as DC2 is screaming for a feed (am bfing) or just as he's started a feed, which results in me having to put him down to help wipe her bottom and make sure she washes her hands. And he screams.

She also goes a LOT.

I've tried letting her go alone, but she can't yet do the wiping herself and skips hand washing given the option (then the next thing she does is try to touch DC2).

My DD2 was three months when DD1 was potty trained, and she definately used it for attention. She also never once used a potty, and would only go on the toilet so we all had to go upstairs with her.

Given that you think she is going because she wants attention, rather than because she is busting, do you think you could distract her with books etc (TV? flame me later) while you feed DC2? I used to give DD2 the first side (about the length of two peppa pigs) and then take DD1 for a wee. Then we could finish the feed off TV free when DD1 had no excuse for making me move.

FWIW I only let her watch TV while I was feeding DD2 to make it a treat for her, and worth waiting downstairs for.

Remember that your DC2 is not being harmed by being asked to wait -it's only a couple of minutes, it just feels much, much longer when he's crying. Equally there will be a time when you are stuck in traffic and it will have done your daughter good to have learnt to hold on for a minute or two.

Thank you for the suggestion. Her nursery/Pre-school have told me they do try to train the kids to wait, so I probably should do the same.

Don't worry about suggesting TV. We're a bunch of telly addicts here. Well, I prefer the radio/music, but DH watches TV all the time, so no chance of DCs avoiding it! We either have CBeebies or Dave on all day long!

But don't be afraid to sometimes let the baby yell for a bit to give priority to big sister. It's good for her to see that he doesn't always come first.

One of the only legitimate reasons for leaving q baby to cry, in my opinion.

My dd1 is 2.5 and potty training. dd2 is 10 weeks old. I use tv whilst I am feeding to keep dd1 amused. She will also now go and get the potty and do a wee whilst I am feeding if needed. I just give her lots of praise for being a big girl and tell her that dd2 wants to to see how she goes on the potty etc. Seems to be working so far but she doesn't use the toilet as yet as she can't get on it without assistance

I've put a potty in the living room which is where I feed DC2 (every home shoud have a potty in the living room...so glam!) but she usually asks to go to the toilet upstairs.

We also have a downstairs toilet but for some reason she doesn't like it.

She can get onto the toilet and wipe her bottom herself but usually demands my help (which is why I suspect she's attention-seeking). I've put a baby chair and pillow in the bathroom where I can "dump" DC2 when she needs my help.

I found today a bit more bearable because I got out of the house with them. DD was able to go a bit longer between toilet trips (no accidents!) and DC2 slept in the buggy so she didn't fight for my attention so much and I wasn't so torn between them. If we'd spent the day at home she can have me up and down to help her with the toilet up to 20 times a day.

No wonder my hands are so paper-dry, what with helping her, changing DC2's nappies and washing my hands every time!!

DH doesn't seem to think it's a problem if she's attention-seeking this way, but then he's not the one having to get his hands covered in wee and poo on a daily basis, only at weekends!

My living room is also adorned by a potty. May be there is a niche in the Market for glam potties to match your decor lol. it is amazing how often they go to the loo - I always feel that I am up and down like a yoyo

Glam potty, love it!

I previously had the idea to make a footstool with a hidden fold-out nappy changing station inside. Maybe there is also a market for a potty version (a "stool stool"?!) or a toddler commode, a nice-looking chair with hidden potty?

Ok, just had a classic attention-seeking toilet trip.

Was massaging the baby and trying to get DD to join in. She started mauling him, in serious danger of hurting him, so I gave her a time out.

Next thing I hear "Muuu-mmmmmy, I've done a pooooooo" and I went to the bathroom to find her on the toilet. She knows I will come running because she doesn't wipe her bottom and drips wee/poo on the floor and her clothes when she gets off the toilet. Yuck, just yuck.

I left the baby screaming his head off and took DD to her room for a "grown-up" chat to let her know I knew why she was doing it (she smiled and agreed that was what she was doing, BTW). I doubt things will improve though.

I had no idea that toddlers were so effing selfish/self-centred - but then I never really encountered toddlers before having one of my own! I suppose I find it really painful because I try to be the least selfish person around and DD's lack of empathy for the baby really upsets me.

Aargh, she's done it again! Little madam! And "madam" isn't the word I have in my head.

Sorry, have to rant on here or I will explode at her.

Literally just sat down with teat in DS's mouth (evening feed is bottle, otherwise breast). She jumps up and goes to the toilet, literally as soon as she notices he's feeding.

Aargh!

And now she's taking forever to wash her hands whilst poor DS screams.

Aargh!

Yes, it's a late bedtime but DS is very little and DH isn't home until very late tonic, am trying to summon energy to tackle bedtime...