Perfect when naked, but total failure in pants - why and what to do???

[Jane054848]

My DS is 3.1. We tried to potty train about 4 months ago, and he could do it sometimes but clearly found it quite stressful and upsetting and hated having accidents, so after 3 weeks we packed it in.

Just started again because nursery says he must be trained by the time he starts in September. The first 2 days we kept him naked from the waist down and he was perfect, doing poos and wees on the loo without any prompting with no accidents. But in pants or trousers, he can't get a single one in the loo or potty - he doesn't even try to get there, just tells us afterwards. It's definitely not on purpose - he feels sad about it and even said, when I told him I loved him, "Do you still love me when I don't do a poo on the loo?".

What should we do - have more days of practice when naked, or just keep going in case he gets the hang of the fact that pants and nappies aren't the same? I'd love to stop but it's not really an option, as I feel he needs a couple of months to practice so that he won't have too many accidents at nursery.

Thanks!

If the nursery is OFSTED registered they cannot refuse to take him nappies.

I cracked this problem with my son by using bribary with chocolate buttons. It is really important to let him decide when he uses the toilet even if it means accidents. If he has an accident then just say to him "Next time use the potty and then you can have some chocolate."

You don't say whether you prompt him when he has his pants on. It could perhaps be that he is less aware of his private parts and therefore forgets to go? So perhaps ask him every hour or so if he want's to go?

Not sure if its possible to use my trick as your ds is older than my dd but I bought my dd peppa pig pants (she looooved peppa pig) and I told her peppa didn't like to get wet/dirty so she would have to use the potty/toilet when she wears them. That seemed to do the trick for her. Maybe take your ds to pick out his own pants but without making it pressurised?

I do prompt him, he always says he doesn't need to - or if I make him get on the loo, he doesn't do anything.

I did try character pants last time, with moderate success.

We are also using sweetie-based bribery.

Pants are quite close fitting though, and possibly confusing because of that. What about really loose, baggy shorts with no pants underneath when you need to go out? Also get him to practice pulling them up and down. I imagine a lot of accidents happen because children can't manage their clothes quickly enough, or don't even try. Baggy fabric flapping around his bits should leave DS in no doubt that there is nothing to catch an accident.

Also point out to DS "you know that feeling that makes you go to sit on the potty, well you get that same feeling when you are wearing pants. So you can still go on the potty, but you need to pull the pants down first. If you want me to help you I will, but you must tell me that you need the potty" It's possible he hasn't made this connection, or doesn't know how to pull down his pants, or didn't think to ask for help!