My fully toilet trained DD now doing a poo in her knickers every day

[HanFran]

I'm at my wit's end! Any advice would be greatly appreciated on this very frustrating matter:

My DD is almost three, she potty trained quickly and successfully about 9 months ago (following about 6 months of 'withholding', but that's another story). She was completely dry for 8 months, but for about the last month she has weed in her knickers every day, and now, for the last 8 days she has done a poo in her knickers at least once a day, twice on most days.

I need to point out that she is not ill, she is a fit and healthy child. She has bags of energy, is in good spirits, happy and playful, she is neither constipated (ie, it's not 'leakage') or with any other stomach/bowel complaint. She has happily done a poo on the toilet every day since last October - until the last 8 days.

I find it really strange that she is not in the slightest bit upset by having a poo in her knickers; in fact, she doesn't even tell me about it. It's only when I notice a smell, or take her up to the loo for a wee, that I find it there. She is totally unbothered and nonchalant about the whole thing.

In terms of 'changes' in our lives, there is very little going on. She has not recently started nursery or childcare (she is still with me every day and always has been). She has a little brother, but he is now 14 months old, so not exactly new on the scene. We haven't moved house, or altered our lifestyle. In short, I can't think what has prompted this sudden and extremely frustrating regression in her previously successful toilet training.

So far I have tried being cross and disappointed. (She had her favourite toy taken away for a day.) I have offered all kinds of incentivising rewards and treats for doing a poo on the loo, but she's not bothered by any of them. Now I'm just cleaning her up without really saying anything at all, as if it hasn't happened.

What is going on??! And what can I do about it?

Shame, you have really had your life ruled by your DD's bum! (I read your other drama one post below.)

We have been dry and clean 4 days in a row now and think we may have cracked the problem! It involved going back to absolute basics of toilet training which is a bit of work, but so far it's working so we haven't had any poo escape the knickers and roll about on our carpets lately! Yay.

We did a lot of things all at once: sticker charts in the bathroom with a sticker for each wee. Chocolates on the bathroom window sill for each poo. (I know, but they are a great motivator!) A trip to the loo every hour or so to "try" for the wee and poo before the accident happens. Lots of special songs we've made up along the lines of "We like to wee, we like to poo, we like to do number one and two!" We also turned the toilet into a cat - yes, we really did. There is a huge kitty head made out of card on the back of the seat, there are legs hanging from the bowl to the floor and the tail attaches to the flusher. Now we go to do Kitty Wee and Kitty Poo! Very exciting. She is cat mad, but you could do this with ponies, dogs, cars, anything.

It has been like going back to the beginning, but it's working and we're all a lot happier than before when we took away toys and spent time in the naughty corner!

Good luck.

OMG i am going through the exact same thing with DS. Full potty trained for months now all of a sudden doing Wees and Poos and not even telling me about it.
I too have tried being calm, encouraging, angry, new pants, stickers treat box taking away toys. Nothing has worked!. We have now got to stage where I am having to keep and eye on him all the time...like every second..and I am starting to lose patience.
same here for no changes, no illnesses. Seems to be a very big battle of wills. I have great sympathy as we are going through the same thing! I am just keeping my fingers crossed that its a phase that is going to come to an end very soon!

Thanks for your messages, Airbubble and MrsWoo. I think you have hit the nail on the head - it does indeed seem to be a battle of wills! And I'm sure in our case it's also about negative attention, as I mentioned previously. Since my original post I have been totally ignoring the 'bad' behaviour and cleaning DD up without saying a word. I might quietly say something like, "Oh, you've done a poo in your knickers. That's a shame." But no fuss or drama, and no further comment. I think Airbubble's point about going back to basics is spot on and as such the pot of Smarties and stickers have made their way back to the bathroom once again, and I'm gearing up to start a star chart tomorrow.
We have just come back from a weekend visiting DH's brother and family. It was interesting to see that DD was so excited to be there and to impress her uncle (who she adores) that when he made a big thing of how fantastic it is that she can do wees and poos on the toilet, and did the whole "aren't you a clever, grown-up girl!" thing, she totally went along with it and was clean and dry all weekend. Maybe she just needed someone to impress now that she's bored with impressing me and her dad!
So, anyway, thank you for sharing your tips. I'm hoping that it was just a phase during which she was working out the best ways to wind me up and be amused by how cross I can get. Maybe she's already seeing that it's not really getting her anywhere, whereas doing it on the toilet gets big rewards. Good luck.