Potty training 19 month old...where do i start??

[kellimay]

My daughter is 19 months old & i want to start potty training as she is letting me know when she has been for either a wee or a poo. I have tried before but she doesnt seem to like sitting on either of her two potties and will sit for a minute or two but then get up and go on the floor....what do i do?!?!?!

I didn't say it was a waste of time for everyone - I said it didn't work for us :)

I work full time so lifting a baby onto a loo every half an hour isn't really an option.

Sorry meant to say that I'm sure it is possible if you are prepared to put in the time and effort, but it's not something I'm that bothered about.

3 experiences of potty training....

DD1 - The week of her 3rd birthday I decided "lets do it", she was dry in the day within 4/5 days and no accidents since. Night time dryness took until she had just turned 4.

DD2 - 2yrs 10mnths, 1 week of accidents, and still has the odd accident now at nearly 5yrs old if totally engrossed in something and no where near dry at night yet.

DS - Is currently 3 weeks into potty training aged 2yrs 11mnths. All wee goes down the toilet, all poo into a nappy. He tells us when he needs a poo and asks for a nappy - fairly common Im told. He has been dry at night for the last 8 nights!

I do believe in leaving it until they are almost 3. It happens a lot quicker because the kids UNDERSTAND what they are doing! Im with whoever said mark the calander for August next year!

But before disposable nappies we were all out of nappies early, needs must and all that. In China they train babies with a whistle in orphanges and they do not have nappies, babygrows have hole sin the crotch. No point getting worked up about it if it doesn't work, but give it a go if you can.

we may have been out of nappies early - but that doesn't mean that we were trained and had any control. - it was just more clothes to wash. "out of nappies does not equal dry and clean during the day" - no more than "doesn't wear nappies at night" means they're dry at nigh"

And actually yes - this is important for me - as a parent with 2 "late" ones - the amount of stress and pressure put on my the ECers and the people that only had early trained children can be huge "oh aren't they out of nappies yet", "oh mine was dry at 18 months" "oh it can't be nice sitting in your own poo" "oh you just need to spend more time on it".

It can cause a lot of worry and upset by those that feel that something is wrong, or they're doing something wrong - when actually their child is perfectly normal.

All right,so if I start today(dd 2y 3m) and my daughter is out of nappies(as I don't put a nappy on)and then it takes us 4-5 months for her to be dry...then she is nearer to 3yo when dry isn't she?.So if I waited untill she's ready(maybe another 4-5 months) and she is ready and does it within 2 days as some of you say(no previous experience here)then she's dry at the same time but no constant watching,stress and shouting for 4 months...
And,please don't call me lazy as I already tried twice and poo and wee was everywhere around the house and hardly ever in a potty...

callmemamma - I think you have it right. give yourself a few months of no stress, no accidents, etc. I have friends who potty trained their dcs at just over 2yo and spent every moment shouting "do you need a wee" at their kids, with endless accidents and carting around of spare clothes / wet pants in bags.

I was worried about ds being "late" but waited after a couple of fruitless attempts. he was 3.2, decided one day he was ready and was done. literally 2 accidents (wees) within the next few days, and we haven't looked back. having got myself totally stressed about it, it turned out to be incredibly easy and stress free because ds did it when HE was ready not when I decided it was time.

note to self must buy crotchless babygrow and a whistle for purpose of training DS2. He's nearly 8 months and should be dry by now........

and jemaisjedors DS1 who is nearly 5 is still in pyjama pants. I'll have to tell him he's not normal

FunnysInTheGarden you made me burst laughing
PotKettle-I also am worried(don't we all are?)but this thread helped me make my mind up and if my dd is in nappies for another few months then what-I love her just as much!

OP. I feel the same as you, though my twins are now 23 months. So I jumped on this thread sharpish. But I still feel so confused - and I've already trained one child!

I do feel I missed my 'window' with ds1 because I was waiting for him to seem 'interested' and to want to sit on the potty etc. In the end he was 3 and half (I had twins 2 weeks before his third birthday). It still wasn't easy even at that age, and took a good couple of months to stop pooing in the middle of the floor etc. I definitely felt I'd missed a window.

This time, the twins are so much more aware and seemed to want to do the potty so we started it 'casually'. At 22months they did a few wees in the potty, but have now really gone off sitting on the potty. I think, 'ok don't force them'. But then I wonder, are they really going to suddenly turn around and feel excited about it? Surely there I some things I can do NOW to make them want to sit there. So any advice (as I think the OP also asked for) would be great. Are there any potties which are a bit more comfy?? Heated seats?!!!!

I waited until DS was 3 and DD was 2.9. They both took 1 week to be clean and dry and 2 weeks after were both dry at night. Couldn't be doing with months of lugging a potty around and using pull-ups. They were both ready at these ages and not before. Not worth losing a wink of sleep over imo.

You are right Merry, I am afraid I don´t have too much advice though for people starting with walking talking mind of their own children though! I started just simply popping ds on the loo (on one of those toilet insert things) at nappy change i.e. nappy off, onto loo, if he did something (total coincidence of course at this stage) great if not straight back off again and nappy back on. Slowly he started connecting the dots and would hold on for toilet opportunities in order to poo. Like I said after 10 months he never pooed in his nappy, not at nursery and not at home. By about 16 months he would do a lot of wees in the toilet too and go long periods with a dry nappy so I knew he had bladder control and showed him a sign to tell me when he needed to go (note he was still in nappies the whole time, we didn´t really do nappy free apart from your run of the mill naked time after bath or something). By about 18 months ish I started to think maybe we could risk ditching the nappies but i was worried about pushing him so held off another month or so, tried it and he was away - maybe one accident a day for a few days but nothing stressful or excessive by any means. By I think 22 months ish he was dry at night too.

It was so easy and nothing like what some posters above make it out to be like with puddles and poo everywhere and me there cajoling him and ever toilet obsessed. hey ho.

All this to illustrate that obviously my child was very young and already used to the toilet before he was able to run away or be scared of it etc. I don´t think you can force them at their age or that anything would be gained. I would just try to take away any pressure and just work it into your routine. So when pyjamas come off in the morning and nappies get changed, pop them on. If they fuss just take them off but don´t worry about it, move on. At bathtime or other nappy change times do the same and just try to normalise it so that its not a big deal. Just try that for a while and see if they at least get used to the idea without them feeling there´s pressure to get it right. You could try buying new books (not toilet related though) just to read on the toilet with them or something but I am not sure if they are past that stage a bit.

See how you go, like most things with kids if you act like its something normal and don´t get all stressed they won´t fixate either. Hopefully you might get more aadvise if you try googling ´ec and older children´ as you might find people with more experience. good luck!

Thanks round the houses, that's really, really helpful.

i meant to say, if they fuss don´t worry but don´t placate them either iykwim? Just carry on as if nothing had happened, like when they fall over and get all upset but you know they´re fine and you dust them off and kind of go ´oopsy daisy there we go come on let´s go...´ so that´s its just not an area of any positive or negative attention whatsoever - just a neutral activity not worth commenting on.

Do they see their big bro going to the loo? I think nurseries always find it easier because of the peer pressure aspect so if they all still bath together then all the better for them to be seeing their big brother having a wee, even you having a wee (if you need to! haha), they have a quick turn etc. But then they still have the safety of going straight back into their nappies after. I don´t know but really don´t stress and good luck we all know its great when you don´t have to do nappy time anymore!

I think Callmemamma has hit the nail on the head - the end result is the same but those of us that have left it 'late' have taken the easier option (imo). DS1 trained so easily that we never had to take a portable potty with us when we went out etc.

A friend wanted her DS to be trained when he was about 2.4....he clearly wasn't ready as he was constantly having accidents but she was determined to do it (he is 2.9 now and I would say he is still not fully trained )

Each to their own but I know what I will be doing with my 23 mo........

Btw, I also don't get what the big deal is about having another baby and then being determined to get the older one out of nappies. I had 10 months of them both being in nappies and it was hardly any bother....it would have been much more stress if I was constantly watching DS1, nagging DS1 to go to the loo, wiping up wee and poo from around the house.

Also, agree with another poster - DS1 is 4.3 and still wears pull-up pants at night...guess I am superlazy

I never said super-lazy, just that children nowadays are dry at night very late, due to lobbying from multinationals to make us think it is "normal" to still have no bladder control at night.

My children are not cleverer than yours, I don't work harder than any other parent, it was something I chose to focus on after reading about infant potty training.

It made sense to me.

But just because YOU (any poster choosing to wait til 3+), don't choose to do things this way, please do not infer that it is impossible to do (a lot of people obviously do not believe that a 2 year old physically CAN be dry at night, without any lifting, reminders etc.).

couldn´t agree more with jamaisjedors´ last post. If something clicks with you and you decide to try and potty train earlier (the only reason I have been saying ´out of nappies´ rather than anything else is to avoid the dull as dishwater debate of potty training vs toilet training vs toilet timing etc) then great, different strokes for different folks. My child was and is not advanced in any aspect, he walked late, he talked late. He is thoroughly average, and of course I say that with all the mother´s love in the world. And I am not lazy OR anal, though if pushed I´d probably say my innate tendency is towards lazy. I´d rather lie on the sofa and watch crap tv than knit lentils. And I really REALLY don´t care if your child is in nappies at 3.5yrs or 4 yrs or 5 yrs. But it really bothers me when people say its hard, its impossible, its messy, its a pain instead of saying "I´ve heard some people do it, don´t know jack shit about it so can´t comment but knock yourself out. personally I...."

Exactly.

As a full-time WOHM I am hardly a lentil-weaver either!

" just that children nowadays are dry at night very late, due to lobbying from multinationals to make us think it is "normal" to still have no bladder control at night.
"

do you know how angry that makes me as a child that has night time incontience still at the age of 10?????

I have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING different with DS2 than I did with DS1 - DS2 was dry at night at 3.5yrs.

Dryness at night is a totally separate issue from dryness during the day

I am 31 - I still remember wetting the regularly at 8yrs old, and occasionally even older than that - and my mum was a right proper lentil weaver - no qualms about it.

and I can assure you that the enuresis clinics are certainly not swayed by big multinationals - or have an agenda for them - the very first thing they say is "NO NAPPIES"

it just frustrates me that it is dressed up as inevitable when it is a choice. And other parents who are detecting signs that their child could be receptive to going on the toilet are dissuaded, patronised etc.

quite right roundthehouses - that's why i bothered to post again - PT may be easy or hard depending on the child, but the fact that anyone posting for advice is likely to be told to give up regardless of the nature of the problem/age of the child on the grounds that the child is 'not ready' -

that is deeply unhelpful to those that want to get on with it. And lacking any evidential basis - in fact there is evidence to the contrary.

But isn't it recognised MaMoTTaT that enuresis is a different thing to a child not being out of nappies?

I am sorry you and your DS have to go through this.

But it is totally separate to the issue of children without enuresis still being in nappies at 4+, surely?

MaMoTTaT, completely agree with you. Jamais, when a child bed-wets, several times a night, you leave them in nappies (which you call pull-ups to try to make them feel less embarrassed). To imply that this is lazy parenting is offensive.

no it's not totally separate - you CAN NOT TRAIN for night times. You can't teach a child to subconciousely hold their wee until the morning, or to wake when they need a wee in the night.

You can train during the day with EC - or just regular training - early or late, but night time is totally and utterly different issue.

There is a reason that enuresis clinics don't generally taken children until they're 7 years old - that's because bed wetting is still so common and normal until then.

I think \link{http://www.eric.org.uk/Portals/0/potty%20training%20web%20final%2012.09%20red.pdf\ERIC's} advice on potty training is pretty good.