Potty training 19 month old...where do i start??

[kellimay]

My daughter is 19 months old & i want to start potty training as she is letting me know when she has been for either a wee or a poo. I have tried before but she doesnt seem to like sitting on either of her two potties and will sit for a minute or two but then get up and go on the floor....what do i do?!?!?!

There is a HUGE difference between toilet timing and toilet training.

A child isn't truly ready until they can tell you they need a wee or poo, not that they have already done one (but knowing they have done one means they are on their way).

Becoming continent is a developmental process - some children are readier earlier than others. It's just like walking, some do it at 9 months some at 19 months; trying to make them do it before they are physically and neurologically ready benefits no-one.

Sidge Wed 06-Oct-10 14:00:09
There is a HUGE difference between toilet timing and toilet training.

A child isn't truly ready until they can tell you they need a wee or poo, not that they have already done one (but knowing they have done one means they are on their way).

I completely misread the OP and thought it was need not already done!!

Personally I don't bother much before 3y. Did dd1 at 2.5y - resulting in lots of nagging washing and mopping floors - I only had her to look after so had a lot of time to do all this.
Subsequent children have all been trained at 3y - give or take a week - and they've all been trained in a week too! tadaa! Sooo much easier - but then I am a lazy bag.

When a child is TRUELY potty trained they will TELL you they need the toilet.

what a load of crap - schools have to remind kids to go! are those 4+ year olds not trained?

kids have short attention spans, many need reminding. Some, of course, will never talk - should they never be PT?

personally i see the childs body language as sufficient communication to tell you when they need to go.

by the same (poor) logic, we would always wait for our kids to tell us they were hungry, rather than feeding them at about the times we know them to be ready to eat.

the huge majority of kids used to be PT at 18 mo - why is that seen as so early now?

To the OP, I would say that having a 6-month old aswell is even more reason not to bother trying to potty training at the moment....seems a lot of hassle when you have 2 very young children.

Fwiw, DS1 was 3.1 when he trained...and it was a doddle. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of accidents he ever had.

I will definitely be leaving it for DS2 aswell. He did come upstairs today to tell me that he had had a poo but I am, in no way, taking that as a sign that he is ready....he is 22 months.

Edgarallinpink - you misunderstand. A child 'telling' you they need a wee/poo means that they indicate that they need to go i.e. they have the ability to recognise a full bladder or rectum.

Whether that is done verbally or by sign language or non-verbal cues is irrelevant. It is the ability of a child to recognise the need to wee or poo, and to be able to control their bladder or bowel until they get to a toilet (or potty).

Of course young children need reminders to go to the loo, as they are easily distractable and will find something better to do! But there's also a difference between reminding a toilet trained child to go to the loo and putting a child on the loo/potty at regular intervals and considering them 'trained' just because you happen to catch a wee or poo.

If a child cannot be continent without constant and regular adult intervention then no, they are not toilet trained.

I tried, I failed, I tried again, I failed again. I gave up (19-23 months).

2.5 months my dd came in and said "mummy I want to use the potty", hey presto - did it all herself over night, dry at night too. No encouragement bar a few bits of bribery for poos as not so forthcoming with them!

who cares about the technicality of whether they are ´toilet trained´ according to x or y definition? I cannot see any reason to keep kids in nappies any longer than they need to be just because the parents can´t be ARSED to take the time to put them on the loo. And that is EXACTLY what it boils down to.

I have read so many of these threads and taken the ´yes of course each to their own´blah blah line when all those who wait til 3+ feel more than free to leap in and point and laugh at anyone who might show an interest in trying to get their kids out of nappy training earlier. Seriously?? You would actually prefer to be wiping poo off a 3 year old´s bum if you could instead have taken the time to take them to the toilet at regular intervals when they were 20 months´old?

Of course you can have your child out of nappies by 18months-2yrs or even earlier* and yes it requires some degree of effort - to me it is a total no brainer. There certainly is a vocal majority who would rather spend 2 years more changing nappies so when it comes to TT its done in a day

*standard MN disclaimer re. exceptions due to developmental delays etc.

rounthehouses, I have to disagree - have had friends with dc who have got themselves into a frenzy about tt (the dc not the parents) and yes if you have a newborn sometimes you don't have the ability to drop everything to run to the loo with them. There are other circumstances and why do we need to pressure dc into doing things they don't want to/ aren't ready to do. Don't they get enough pressure without having to start to early?

And it certainly wasn't laziness on my part with trying, my dd just wasn't ready.

www.parentingscience.com/infant-toilet-training.html

makes interesting reading, but not something you can always get nurseries or childminders on board with when you are at work. So you could do this whilst on ml but unless you can get other people to carry it on (a nanny I am assuming would be able to) then it might be a moot point?

This is what I did.

Wait to the child is at least two and half. Tell them that when they are a big boy/girl they will not need nappies. Let this digest for a couple of months, with regular telling....

And!

"I don't want to wear nappies anymore mummy"

"OK"

Job done.

hmmm lets see - 4 or 5 months of stress (for both you and the child) as they have 7+ accidents a day because you think you should be doing it "now". (DS1)

Or - a couple of days at whatever age when they're actually ready for it, understand what you're on about and want to do it.

Tell you what DS2 basically trained himself in a day so he doesn't count

DS3 was by FAR th eeasiest to train as he was ready for it and up for it.

to that list of possible problems

"Older kids have learned to ignore body signals and must relearn them

? Older kids are used to wearing soiled diapers and may resist change

? Older kids are more likely to test your authority (the ?terrible twos?)

? Older kids? urine is stinkier, making accidents less pleasant to clean"

Well - as DS3 only learned the body signals at 3 no problem there. No resistance to the change what so ever, and tbh is you're wanting to "train" them early to avoid the "stinker" ruine of an older child I hope to go you don't have a child that's very late to be dry at night.

In my mind a potty/toilet trained child can

a) tell you when they need to go (or go off and do it unmprompted

b) at least pull pants up and down on their own

c) have some control over holding it.

surely to god there are a million and one other things that parents have to worry about without wondering whether their uncommunicating verbally child is about to pee

Potty training the nation's children is surely important to some to do it very late.....I'm thinking they must work for Proctor and Gamble!!!

no - it's not important to me to do it "very late" - it's important to me to do it when my children are ready for it.

Hence having one "trained" at 2 1/2yrs at first atte,mpt, one started trainig at just before 3 and was sorted by about 3 1/2yrs. one that's just sorted it (well 99.99% there now) at 3yrs 4 months - after several failed attempts over the last year.

My SIL had one dry (day AND night!) at 20 months, one wasn't dry during the day until just before her 3rd birthday - she just wasn't ready before.

Personally I feel that DS1 being "forced" to train when he wasn't really ready for it was a major factor in his with holding poo issues which we still battle with now 10yrs later.

I'm with cece - tried for nearly a month at 2.8, failed completely. Clean and dry in 3 days at 3.2 which is when he said he didn't want to wear nappies, rather than me. I read a lot of the stories on here and despair at the angst and stress people are putting themselves and their DC through. It shouldn't be that much hard work.

Wait!
Do it in spring/summer if I were you. Both my DC were able to tell me as they approached 2 that they were doing/had done something in their nappy, but it was the middle of winter in each case, so I was buggered if we were going to do it then!

The next spring, on the first warm day, we whipped off DD's nappy and bang, she potty trained instantly, because she was utterly ready. I think much under 2 might be a bit of a push.... especially in the winter - all those clothes changes etc. Ugh.

Don't make more work for yourself, especially with a little one to deal with as well. I had two with your age gap, and potty training too early is not something you want to add to your mix!

This conversation is played out SO many times on here and its like banging your head against a brick wall. It does not have to be stressful, hard, or particularly time consuming - A number of posters on MN have asserted time and again that quite contrary to what people believe getting your kids out of nappies at a young age is nothing to do with forcing them or working against their natural abilities at any point. The mind boggles that people ignore these testimonies and say 'nope, nah-uh, no way, it IS hard (though I didn't even try it and have no actual practical experience of whether it is or not), best to wait til they can do it all themselves with minimum intervention'.

I can only think its some kind of defense mechanism i.e. in order to justify not trying to get your kid out of nappies until 2.5-3yrs+ you have to believe it is impossible or really difficult or stressful to take any other approach.

I do really believe in each to their own, I was happy that my child didn't have to sit in his own poo (must be such a lovely sensation after all) after the age of 10 months, I just don't understand why people automatically assert to others enquiring re. the possibility that it is likely to be hard, stressful etc etc when actually they have no idea what they are talking about. (and fwiw I am NOT talking about battling with your 2yr old and realising it is hard and then waiting a bit long, I mean starting considerably earlier and working toilet time into their normal daily routine like eating, drinking and bathing).

no - I don't think it's impossible to do it early - I know plenty of children that were dry before they were 2.

I know plenty that weren't dry until closer to 4.

10yrs down the line no-one is really going to give a shite how old they were when they learned to pull their pants down, and sit on a potty/toilet without mum/dad/someone else thinking that they may need to go and do the business

(although nearly 10yrs down the line I still remember the 5 months I spent watching DS1 like a hawk constantly yet him still have upwards of 7 accidents a day)

It's possible with some children, it isn't with all of them roundthehouses. I didn't particularly want my DS sitting in his shit (actually I never let him sit in it, I changed his nappy as soon as he'd done it which is what most people do I think you'll find) but neither did I want him shitting on the sofa, in the kitchen, on his bed or any of the other various places he did it during the first time I tried. He wasn't learning, he was just carrying on as if he still had a nappy on. I tried and it didn't work so we went back to nappies.

It's hardly rocket science - he didn't walk until he was 20 months whereas most children walk a lot earlier. I don't hear people saying that you should make your children walk before they're ready. What on earth is the difference with potty training?

you know what - if EC works for you - that's great - I just preferred to spend my time when my DS's were much smaller relaxing rather than watching their faces to see if they were about to do something that I had to react to.

DS3 still needs reminding to go (sometimes - yesterday was really good and he went several times of his own accord - woohoo) but at least I can call from the kitchen/sofa//garden to him to go and do one and he goes - rather than having to be physically there with him all the time and physcially putting him on the potty - lazy - maybe - personally I just find I have enough other stuff to do without all of that as well.

MaM...this is obviously weirdly important to you, to be right about potty training, but there's no need to say bitchy shit like 'I just preferred spending my time when Dcs were small relaxing....' You've given your advice and now find another thread.

no - where did I say I was right - I've said that children can be ready young, they can be ready old. And actually it doesn't matter.

There seems to be more animosity from those who think that early training is essential and doable.

Believe me - if my DC had been ready at 20 months old I would have done it then!

The difference with potty training vs walking is that it is patently obvious from looking at all other non western cultures that it is possible to have your child out of nappies earlier than the current UK/ US norm. You can explain it away in as many ways as you want, the fact is you chose to wait. I don't really care what anyone else chooses to do, despite any apparent evidence to the contrary I'm not particularly militant about this, it just frustrates me that it is dressed up as inevitable when it is a choice. And other parents who are detecting signs that their child could be receptive to going on the toilet are dissuaded, patronised etc.

I didn't BLW because it didn't work for us, it doesn't mean I try to put other people off trying or tell them its impossible/ a load of nonsense/ a waste of time.

I totally agree with roundthehouses.

And NO, it doesn't have to be any harder than changing a nappy, and is a lot easier than changing a pooey nappy.

Because we both work full-time (outside the home), we "did" potty training over a half-term week with each child at 2.2 (had been putting them on the potty for poos since age 6mths).

Many children take longer to "learn" to recognise the signals their body is sending them because we have taught them to ignore them by leaving them in nappies.

My experience (obviously not scientific) is that my children were dry day & night a year before their peers with fewer accidents, and also some of their peers are still in nappies at night at age 4-5-6!

This to me is NOT normal and yet I know 4 children in that situation.