Postpartum low self-esteem- struggling.

[MissEmily5]

Hi all,

I don’t really have a purpose to this post other than I’m struggling and I hate it. I just think I need a bit of rant.

I’m 4 months postpartum with my beautiful IVF little girl. Shes the best thing ever to happen to me and my husband, but yet I can’t help but feel so low in myself.
It feels ridiculous, we went through so much to get her and I feel so stupid in feeling so down about myself.

Last weekend I was bridesmaid for one of my best friends and all day I just felt so ugly. Now the pictures have come back and I’m just so sad- to the point of tears (silly I know!) I can just see every flaw in myself.

It’s just everything all at once has hit me looking at those photos- christ, I look massive- oh god do I really have such a bad neck hump?- Jesus my legs are so veiny- my hair really has thinned at the front- and is that my c-section overhang you can see through my dress?!

Not to mention I feel like I’m in my 80s- my back and hip pain is still so painful after my pregnancy, and I’m going for appointments to help but I’m still in a lot pain and out of pocket because it’s just not cheap!

I know everything feel exaggerated to myself right now and I know my OCD is flaring up because of how poor my mental health is about myself. But I truly wonder if this how it’s always going to be? I’m 30 and feel so defeated that I’ll always feel crap about myself…

I’ve never been confident in myself, even at my smallest- I try to be healthy, I eat a reasonably healthy diet, but I’ve never been into exercise, unless my OCD causes such a bad spiral that I exercise obsessively, so I don’t have the best relationship with working out. I’m an average dress size (I know I’m not big and I have seen plenty of absolutely stunning women who are technically bigger than me but all I can see is how pretty they are- so I know it’s a ‘me problem’) and I’m in the majority of my pre pregnancy clothes (always preferred looser styles so this probably help) but I’m just so emotional that I don’t know where to start in helping myself.

I really don’t want my little girl growing up and seeing a mum that hates how she looks and refuses to get in pictures with her. I don’t want her ever to feel this way but I don’t know how not to be like this- my husband is so complimentary of me but I just don’t believe him.

I guess I’m just trying to find others that have felt like me and come out the other side… thanks for taking the time to read my rant. Hope you’re all well x

Darling, your body has just done the most amazing thing - you deserve to be worshipped. Worship yourself by being kind to yourself, talking supportively to yourself and give yourself time to get your mojo back. It will come back. ❤️

How much sleep are you getting?
you’ve only just come out of the 4th trimester and probably haven’t slept properly (by that I mean 8hrs a night) for months. Be kind to yourself. You have done this wondrous thing and it is undervalued because there are 8 billion people. That doesn’t mean your body hasn’t done something miraculous.

Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to comment 🥰- I’ve never been the most patient particularly with feeling like I need to ‘fix myself’ but your 100% right, like anything it takes time and whilst it does it’s better to treat myself with kindness rather than negativity. Thank you again 💗

We’ve been rather blessed with night time sleep, it’s just I have a little limpet baby in the day time who does not like to nap generally and when she does it’s on me- which I find can be a bit overwhelming at times when I want to get ready and take care of myself, but this is improving as she’s getting a bit older.

But you’re totally right- it’s still early days, and recovery has been rather rough with another operation needed 8 weeks post partum (granted only key hole but still not ideal). I know I need to stop comparing myself to others and be kind to myself- like you said it may be common to have a baby but it is a very big thing my body has done.
Thank you for your wise words and taking the time to reply☺️