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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Husband gone off to Xmas party even though I have just been diagnosed with PND and we have a 2 year old and 5 week old

103 replies

Anxiousmumlife · 07/12/2022 18:47

I have recently been diagnosed with PND. I didnt have it with my DS but my DD i do. She is 6 weeks old tomorrow and I have had breakdown after breakdown begging for help some days. But knowing all this my husband has still gone to hos worka christmas party. He has been at work all day, was home for all of 2 hours then went out again. My toddler needs to get ready for bed but my baby is screaming because she has colic and i got so worked up I ripped a chunk of my own hair out.
The fact it feels like he didnt even consider the impact it could have on my mental health has hit hard. Ive told how much ive been struggling for weeks but he only sprung the party on me 3 days ago. I just feel so much resentment. I dont know if its mean of me to just need support or I should just get on with it.

OP posts:

autumnboys · 07/12/2022 18:51

I think that’s pretty appalling behaviour to be honest. What was he thinking? Can you text him and ask him to come home?

Sadbeigechildren · 07/12/2022 18:52

He should have stayed but people get funny about Christmas work dos.

SNWannabe · 07/12/2022 18:53

I am so sorry. That's unforgivable to be honest. Have you anyone else to go to for help? Mum? Sister? Aunt?

Nyedilemma · 07/12/2022 18:54

I think not depends on the situation with the employer and his role in the company.

I've got my work party next week. I really don't want to go but it's been made clear it's not really optional for people in my position. I can't think of any excuse that would be good enough.

I would expect him to have made arrangements for you to have support from another source that evening though.

Mulan19 · 07/12/2022 18:56

Having a colicky baby is hard OP. Let alone with a toddler thrown into the mix and PND. Sending hugs

It's insensitive that he's gone. I'd text him and ask him to come home ASAP as you're struggling. You've done and are doing the hard work by carrying and caring for the baby. He should be supporting you.

ICanHideButICantRun · 07/12/2022 18:56

That's really selfish of him, OP. What's he like normally?

Oblomov22 · 07/12/2022 18:57

I don't agree with the previous 4 posters. Have you talked to Your HV? Your GP. Please phone your GP tomorrow.

Oblomov22 · 07/12/2022 18:59

Who diagnosed your PND? What was their suggestion? Support? Medication? What did they offer you, to not leave you hanging, unsupported?

FuckMyLife2022 · 07/12/2022 19:00

Do you have PND or do you have a shit husband who isn’t pulling his weight?

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/12/2022 19:01

That's awful.

Is there anyone else who can help. Can your mum come and stay. Can you go and stay with her

Can you text him he needs to come home.

isthismylifenow · 07/12/2022 19:01

Some of the places I have worked, the Christmas party is compulsory, could it be this?

But I do think you sound quite worn down. Pulling out hair is concerning, I agree that you should consider a follow up with the GP.

HattyBatty · 07/12/2022 19:02

I think he’s ok going to his works Christmas do, it’s only one night out. It’s not like he’s just gone to the pub to meet his usual friends. As long as he’s supporting you the rest of the time. I understand it may be the straw that broke the camels back though. You can get through this evening OP, it’s his turn tomorrow night.

TwilightSkies · 07/12/2022 19:04

Having a toddler and a newborn is SO hard.
Is anyone supporting you? Family? Friends? Health professionals?

Autumnmoonshines · 07/12/2022 19:04

I think for now just get thru the evening as best you can.

if that means letting the toddler sit with you on the sofa (and the baby obviously) watching something the toddler wants to watch. And some cut up fruit or whatever as snacks.

if toddler falls asleep then bonus.

Sprouttreesareamazing · 07/12/2022 19:06

Ime dealing with other people's mh issues can be difficult for some... Have you anyone who can come round and sit with you tonight?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/12/2022 19:08

I don’t think he’s BU if it’s one night out only.

Hope you are okay, OP. Agree with PP’s about having someone to pop over, or even to speak to on the phone

SenseiOfDuty · 07/12/2022 19:08

Right here, right now... Do you have anyone you can call? If not, you're going to have to detach, go calm and get what you need to do, done. Dc1 needs to go to bed. Dc2, with colicky crying, is in full flow about now, right? My DC were colicky too and screamed every bloody evening from 5-8 and then umpteen times throughout the night. So. You need your phone to zone out with, charger, drink, baby milk and nature. Child 1 in bed maybe with a screen to keep them quiet.

That's tonight.

ScreamingFrog · 07/12/2022 19:09

Just to add to a couple of PPs, a previous place I worked all they were seen as compulsory at senior levels. The only person I know who missed one was because his wife went into labour… it was still suggested he could come along ‘to show his face’ for a few hours.

maddy68 · 07/12/2022 19:10

It sucks but once you are feeling better you will realise that he needs a break too it's a one off Xmas party in which he may be "expected" to attend.

Just ask him not to be late can you ask a friend to come round and have a bottle of wine and a takeaway?

saleorbouy · 07/12/2022 19:10

Book a spa on Sunday and let him know tomorrow you'll be out for a few hours Sunday afternoon and he can run the house for a while.
There's nothing wrong with him taking time to himself as long as you can too.
Make sure you get some space and freedom to look forward to each week.

ladydimitrescu · 07/12/2022 19:11

I think he's ok to go for one night out for a Christmas do tbh, but the actual issue here is you desperately need support. Pop the baby down in the cot and just take 5 mins to breathe. Please call your GP tomorrow, and have a conversation with your partner about needing some extra support at home for the foreseeable.

felulageller · 07/12/2022 19:13

I think you need the 'everyone fed, no one dead' approach to parenting in the short term until you've consulted with the hv& GP and have a set plan for childcare with DP or got additional support/ hired help etc.

Did you ask him to stay and he just went out?

Is he supportive in general or is this part of a pattern of you being left with all the wife work while he carries on a childfree life?

catandcoffee · 07/12/2022 19:14

Don't worry about toddlers bedtime OP.

put tv or tablet on let toddler watch that.

sit with toddler,baby and just snuggle on settee.

America12 · 07/12/2022 19:14

isthismylifenow · 07/12/2022 19:01

Some of the places I have worked, the Christmas party is compulsory, could it be this?

But I do think you sound quite worn down. Pulling out hair is concerning, I agree that you should consider a follow up with the GP.

Ours is 'strongly encouraged' I have never been. What would happen if you didn't go ?

I was actually called in to the manager once to ask why I didn't 'socialise more with colleagues' I just sat there and stared blankly.

America12 · 07/12/2022 19:16

TwilightSkies · 07/12/2022 19:04

Having a toddler and a newborn is SO hard.
Is anyone supporting you? Family? Friends? Health professionals?

Husband ? Father of kids ?

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