I want to run away

[mummyoftwincesses]

6 month old twins and I can't cope anymore. I went to the Drs yesterday and I have therapy in 2 weeks. I just can't do this anymore, I'm exhausted, I feel trapped, I'm sick of all the advice people try and give when they don't have to live it so it's so easy to dish all the advice out. I never get a minutes peace from the minute they wake up to the minute they're asleep I'm constantly holding a baby! Just needed to vent :(

When I’ve been at my wits end ive called helplines (mine was work stress so I used a work helpline, but Samaritans would do the same job) just to ‘tide me over’ until I could get seen by a counsellor. Hang in there!

I haven't got any advice, but sending you a handhold. I cannot imagine looking after twins, I have struggled enough with one DD. I was started on antidepressants (citalopram) a few months ago (DD is one now) and I feel like a different person - I am actually enjoying this experience rather than thinking about getting on a train and never coming back.

I hope you feel better soon. xxx

Hang in there mummy I just have the one DS (8 months) and sometimes I want to scream. When people give unwanted advice (regularly) I just want to tell them to take themselves and their advice right round to the far side of fuck and don't come back. Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit better I can laugh about their stupid advice (if I would just read 4 week old DS a book at bedtime he would sleep, you say? Haha what's bedtime?)

You've got a lot to deal with so don't think it's just you who'd struggle, you're awesome.

Thanks so much everyone. God I feel crazy, I've woke up feeling ok but I know once they both start crying it will tip me over the edge! I know people mean well with their advice and things but sometimes it just doesn't help. A friend of mine said "there's always people worse off" which yes it true but so easy to say that when you've looked after twins almost every single day for 6 months. I just want to be enjoying this again x

Could you afford some childcare with you? As in a babysitter to babysit whilst you are there? Even if it’s just a day a week, or a morning a week? Just so you have someone to talk to and hand a baby to when you are dealing with one and the other cries?

I unfortunately we can't really afford that, I'm on maternity and my wage will be going down to nothing soon so trying to save as much as we can for then. I do have a homestart volunteer who comes once a week for 2 hours which is good as I get to do some jobs while she's here

I work in a crèche and have 2 DCs of my own, and honestly I’m in awe of twin mums. So, so hard. I hope people come along with good advice soon.

Aww thank you messybun. I love my twins and I do feel blessed but i also do get envious of people with 1 baby who get to spend that 1-1 time and enjoy their babies, rather than everything being so full on and stressful 24/7.
I've had a much better morning with the girls today, best in about 2 weeks, they've played and had a nap this morning rather than just screaming at me for hours, so hopefully whatever it is that they've been going through they're coming out the other side of

My cousins (now aged 28!) are twin girls. My aunt says she can barely remember the first year, but it soon got much better when they could properly play together etc. They are so close now, as adults, and I remember having so much fun with them as children.

It can’t have been all bad for my aunt, as she went on to have another baby 4 years later!

On the childcare thing, have you got any local childless friends and have you told them how you’re feeling?

I got a bit bogged down recently (and I have a singleton, and his dad only works part time so have lots of help. In other words: YOU ARE SUPERWOMAN and it’s no wonder you get frazzled!) and mentioned to a mate and she’s come over twice since to make lunch and gossip and watch the baby while I got bits done or just had a quiet shower. I’d sort of forgotten you need to tell people you’re struggling if you want them to realise you could do with some help. Maybe worth a go, anyway.

Yeah I have 1 friend with no children we've spent the day together today actually, it's so nice because I just have someone to watch one baby while I deal with the other and it just takes so much stress off. I'm praying they sleep well tonight as they have been so good today, this would be the icing on the cake. Amazing how one good day can make you feel like a new woman

And thanks verbena although I really don't feel like superwoman lol

Nice to see you're feeling better mummy. I have 18 mo twins and when they were 5 months old I fell apart heave sobbing in my gps office because I couldn't cope. It's all good now though. It does get better xxx

Ah so glad to hear you had a bit of a brighter day! Friends are such a blessing.

Hope last night involved some sleep for everybody, and that today has enough good bits!

I really struggled with one so I'm in awe of you with two! It must be so hard, you're doing an amazing job!

The first year went by for me in a blur of tears (me, DH and the baby) sleepless nights and short fuses but we made it through. My DD was the most difficult baby anyone had ever seen, we joke she didn't stop crying for 2 years! But we even went on to have one more!

Saying you'll look back and this will be a distant memory when times are tough isn't helpful but I promise, when they can play with each other and tell you what's wrong etc, it's a world of difference.

All the best

Bauble - glad to know I'm not the only one that was in the Drs in tears, maybe it's the 5/6 month mark where it's all just taken it's toll! How are yours now at 18 months?

We've been really lucky really with the girls sleep they generally sleep 6.30- 5 so that's good!
One of the girls were screaming most the day yesterday but I had a lot of support on hand so it wasn't as bad, think she's really suffering with her teeth, you just feel helpless don't you.

Yes I think 5 months was a low point. Mine were different to yours in that they were pretty good in the day but crap at night. It all just felt so relentless! At 18 months now it's mainly lots of fun with the occasional feeling I could tear my hair out! Chaos but lots of laughs.

And yes I used to get that grinding useless feeling , the feeling that I wasnt designed to cope with this! It's hard. But in my experience twin toddlers are a lot of fun and worth the early days horrors. You're doing great. I wouldn't be back at the 6 month stage for all the money in the world! X

I was like this with my first. I'd have given him back if that was an option. Good that you went to the doctors, and that there's something lined up on the horizon. I wouldn't have survived without my health visitor referring me, and then various therapies and some mild anti depressants.

Meanwhile try the TAMBA helpline - www.tamba.org.uk/support/twinline

They "get" twins and all the extra pressure they represent and might just be able to give you some support while you wait.

I remember sitting in my upstairs window at 5.15pm, watching all the office workers walking home on a summer evening. I wanted to throw open the window and shout ‘Swap with me??! I can offer a lovely big house, nice roommate (DH), healthy baby girl, solid bank account. I just need your keys, and your address. I won’t make a mess, I’ll just be sleeping mainly’.

I also used to sit numbly while DD screamed, and imagine calling a taxi to the airport, then standing under the big Departures board and picking a random destination to pick and buy a ticket for. Without her, without telling anyone.

I still maintain it was the worst months of my life (and I’ve had some doozys). Thankfully I got to my GP, and on a better track. Some meds, some therapy, some time. Better late than never!

I hope the progress you are feeling today keeps going, and picks up pace! Well done, doing a tricky job. Mothers of twins should get a special stamp on their documents, that gives them life-long work benefits. Talk about multi-tasking skills!

Hi op I have twin boys and I promise you it will get easier.

When mine were the age of your twins i struggled a lot. It was just me and my dp, we had no family nearby and no friends willing to help out.

I honestly thought I was suffocating under all the pressure.

I constantly had at least one baby attached to me either breastfeeding, sleeping or crying. I spent a lot of time crying too and just being able to get up and get a drink from the kitchen felt impossible.

I found going for a walk helped as even if they were still crying, at least I was getting some fresh air and no one was clinging on to me.

I don't feel bad to admit I hated my life when they were small babies as I'm sure anyone would agree.

I envied people with one baby and hated it when they moaned how difficult things were. I remember thinking ' how is is so difficult with one baby, once their settled you get a break! I've always got at least one baby crying at me or wanting me for something! '

On the plus side things will improve. Mine are 2 now and play well together. I can drink a hot drink usually in peace . They're funny and tell me they love me all the time.

I do shudder when I think back to the early years but when they start to talk and hug you it does actually feel worth it.

I know things feel impossible at the moment but you will get through it and enjoy life again 

Thank you so much everyone for all your replies, I love reading them, it certainly makes me feel a bit more sane!! And to know there's hope is great.
I have that awful Sunday night anxiety now though... thinking about another draining week alone and the girls still seem to be struggling with there teeth! God knows when they are going to start cutting through.
I sometimes get envious of parents of singletons (don't get me wrong I know it's terribly hard for everyone) but I just feel I can't enjoy the girls I'm battling to try get them to sleep together all the time, and always failing! I never just get to sit and cuddle them because once I finally get them to sleep I'm rushing to get jobs done, or grab a drink!

As a singleton mum I can’t possibly see how this could be as hard as parenting 2 babies; don’t be silly!

The chamomile teething powder did really seem to help when DS was in pain with teeth, so that could be worth a try for a small, practical thing. Xx

Thank you verbena I will try that. I'm using abnesol at the minute which is the best thing I've tried so far.
One of the girls just woke up... desperately need to get them in their own room as I think were disturbing them when we come to bed... you don't realise how loud an electric toothbrush is until you have sleeping babies!

My baby once slept through pneumatic drilling, then woke up because I very gently touched his chest to check he wasn’t too warm. There is no flipping logic to it!!