Major baby blues. Day 8 & struggling

[Goawaybabyblues]

I gave birth to DD 8 days ago. My birth wasn't traumatic as such, but it didn't go to plan in any way and I am somewhat traumatised by the experience. Although appreciate a lot of people probably are and I'm lucky to have avoided more serious intervention.

We had to stay in for a couple of days and my hospital experience was horrible. We were in a side room so forgotten about and I had no help with breastfeeding despite asking repeatedly. A midwife barked at me that I needed to be feeding 8 times in 24 hours but didn't help me latch. And another when asked for help grabbed my boob and latched DD but didn't help me learn to do it myself. My supply didn't come in properly and I found the whole thing so stressful. I've since been to a clinic in the community and had lactation consultants come out so we've had good support since, but I'm now just pumping a bit and mostly feeding formula as my supply is next to nothing. I'm ready to stop for my own sanity but feel horribly guilty.

On day 3 the baby blues came along. My sister had prewarned me but nothing prepared me for how unbelievably awful I would feel. It's almost like a physical darkness washing over, like someone has died. I feel horrendous, i cry hysterically or just feel like the world is ending. It comes along at around 3pm and peaks at 5, then hangs around until we go to sleep. I feel like I can't cope, worry about my husband and Mum dying. About a million and one things with the baby. And just feel like there's no joy left in the world. It is stopping me enjoying what should be such an amazing time.

I'm almost scared of the evening. And I associate certain lighting with the feeling. So when the curtains shut i start to feel panic as I know it's coming.

I've noticed improvement without a doubt. In fact I imagine from the outside looking in there's been a huge improvement. My window of baby blues is a lot smaller now and I can sometimes cheer myself up and through it. I'd like to think that it will go between 10 and 14 days as people say, as it came on day 3 but it's hard to imagine right now.

I felt truly horrendous in the first trimester too so assume I'm somewhat sensitive to hormonal changes. That left right at 12 weeks too, which gives me hope.

During the night I'm happiest. I love looking after DD and how lucid and cute she is. I get sleep in between feeds and feel completely normal.

But when I wake there's no telling if I'll have a good morning and awful afternoon or sad morning too. It's making me wish the days away.

I've heard the baby blues can last from a few days to weeks, but am just looking for anyone going through the same or who had it like this. How long does it last? Does it just go away abruptly like it came? I feel as though I'll never be happy again at the moment

Sorry to hear you are still struggling. For me I had this great day when DS was 7 weeks where I went out with some friends who had slightly older babies and they showed me how to be out with a baby, I'd been quite worried about it ie breastfeeding in public, finding a changing room. That kickstarted me getting used to my new normal and my anxiety got a bit better. Around then he stopped cluster feeding all evening and started sleeping through the night totally out of the blue. The sleeping through the night didn't last but by then I could see the way forward if you know what I mean. Sleep deprivation is awful.

Sorry I didn't catch if you were breastfeeding or bottle but if bottle feeding could DH take a whole night to let you sleep?

Hi OP, just wanted to post even though your message was a month ago - I hope things have improved. I had a very similar experience, my baby blues felt crushing - at one point I handed DD to my husband and told him I just couldn't do it any more. Her birth wasn't traumatic but wasn't as planned at all, we struggled to feed and I couldn't get out much - both as a result of a c section I think. I was bored, sleep deprived and totally at sea. I hated breastfeeding - persevered with it (combined with formula) but in hindsight that did me more harm than good, and I wouldn't do so again to the detriment of my sanity, so please please don't feel guilty about formula feeding. Your mental health is so important. I also didn't go through my birth notes despite requesting to, because the midwife forgot to do the referral but now, a year later, I'm having counselling about the birth because I just tried to ignore it and her birthday resulted in flashbacks and anxiety. Just because it wasn't as bad as some, doesn't mean that a birth that doesn't go to plan isn't traumatic - I'd strongly recommend talking it through now. Just repeating what happened and how it made you feel helps hugely.

My baby blues lasted at least a month, the first three weeks were tough, and it wasn't until 12 or 13 weeks I actually enjoyed myself. It does pass - but ask your HV or GP for a referral if you're worried and want to talk and cry to someone. Lots of hugs, I remember those weeks, so many emotions and hormones and new experiences - don't panic, there's no 'normal', everyone reacts differently.

@AccrualIntentions sorry for the delay in response. Sometimes MN makes things worse so I hide the app.

I could have written your post. I know our baby is relatively easy and when people comment on that all I can think is thank god, because if she was colicky etc I don't know if I could have coped.

I've found talking to people has helped a lot, it felt therapeutic to say it out loud even if it's not what anyone wants to hear. I hope that you have someone you can talk to because it honestly does help, even if admitting your feelings is frightening.

I'm really hoping that when she starts giving more back something will click. Everyone else seems to enjoy her so much and whilst I am tending to all her needs and have nice moments, on the whole I don't get that at all.

@WineCheeseSleep I'm really hoping I have a similar moment soon when things sort of click!

I am FF but find that getting more sleep doesn't help, sporadically. We tried that but I felt worse the next night so am just trying to keep going and get used to it. It's kind of working and she is sleeping a little better.

@butunlikely thank you for your message, it sounds as though we had a similar experience. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that, I get flashbacks and do wonder if talking it through would help. I hope that your counselling continues going well and helps you get closure on it x

Me again. I wanted to finish this post off with an update for those googling during night feeds, who feel the same.

After another absolutely brutal week of non stop crying, hopelessness, sleep deprivation and general despair ... the baby slept a bit better. I got a few consecutive nights of improved sleep. With her going 4 hours between feeds.

At first I was over the moon and full of optimism, but then something scary happened. I didn't feel happier, in fact I felt worse.

I realised this wasn't going to get better on its own. But I really didn't want to visit the GP just to be given antidepressants and fobbed off. I tried to carry on, but at a routine visit to my health visitor I broke down completely and told her with no holds barred how I felt. She explained that if I started on antidepressants now (my DD is 6w) I would have a better chance of a lower dose, for less time. She's fantastic and took a lot of time to talk to me so I decided to follow up her advice.

I got an emergency appointment and as luck would have it, got the nicest female GP I've ever seen. She spent 25 minutes talking to me and echoed what my health visitor had said. She diagnosed me with post natal depression (merry Christmas to me) and suggested a course of SSRI antidepressants (sertraline). She explained that for post natal depression it's the first action she would suggest and that she shouldn't say it, but she guarantees that I will get better and she's confident I will feel better soon.

I can't tell you how that felt. It was like the weight of the world had lifted. My family and loved ones have all told me I would get better, but somehow I didn't believe it. I had gone to the appointment in two minds as to wether I would take the meds, but I trusted her and she seemed so positive I decided to.

I've been on them a week now and I've already had some positive effects. My appetite is back, I have more energy and I haven't cried since. My mood still dips and it's a struggle each day, my bond with my baby isn't normal and I have no interest in hobbies but apparently that will be more likely to ease in a few weeks. I can really see a light at the end of the tunnel and have laughed each day, had moments of real joy and cried happy tears about my baby. I can feel the bond improving but am trying not to overthink it and just be kind to myself. I've had no nasty side effects either which was a concern.

Other posters early on suggested going to the GP but I was really sceptical. To anyone feeling this way I really suggest keeping your health visitor in the loop and not being afraid to go to the GP. Or to take meds, as the key thing is getting this resolved ASAP so you can enjoy your baby.

I had a nice Christmas and am finally excited and optimistic for the year ahead.

Great update, really glad you got some helpful medical advice and are feeling better. Merry Christmas

@WineCheeseSleep Merry Christmas! X

I was so shocked by the baby blues, I hadn't prepared myself at all and felt so weepy. It was horrible all our lovely friends and family came the house was full and fun, and I was knackered but recovering fine and I remember just sitting breastfeeding in my room crying uncontrollably. It's scary because you don't want it to get worse but it passed for me completely about a month in.

Give yourself some time and the hormones a bit of time to clear up.

I hope you feel better xx