June 08 - if your name's not down you're not coming in!

[EddieIzzardismyhero]

Welcome to our new cliquey thread !

Aw Deb poor Tristan . Hope he gets better soon.

Spider I'd love to see a more left-wing leader but don't think a left-wing party would ever win a general election . I agree David M closely linked to Blair and Balls closely linked to Brown puts me off those two. But still have to look into it more closely.

ktpie, I am the same when it comes to weddings/christenings/birthdays. Always last minute.

Sybil, sorry about the house. They sound like a complete nightmare those vendors. Is there absolutely no other house you would consider iirc it was quite an expensive house so maybe other good options?

waves hello and ducks out - we're off camping for the night for DS1's fourth birthday.

Hope Tristan starts to feel a bit better, poor guy!

and hugs to sybil...

Ooh camping - have fun!

Did anyone see this hidden in the budget - benefits will rise in line with the CPI rate of inflation which is usually lower than the RPI which is currently used. BBC says this will amount to a 5% cut in these benefits, in cash terms, by 2015. Sneaky!

And this one which I am about: The 'entrepreneurs relief' which means business owners only pay 10% tax on the first £2m of gains. This has been increased to £5m! I am all for giving incentive for people to start businesses (therefore creating employment and growth) but does anyone need that much incentive? I know it probably doesn't equate to much overall but when times are tough every penny counts surely. That is such a typical Tory policy. All in this together?

Ah have fun. Sybil I am so sorry. Deb how is Tristan doing and was doc helpful?
yes I did know about CPI change.

Also the entrepreneurs relief is a one off relief and applies as I said the other day to limited people- it's aimed at owner managed businesses where you have a significant stake , hold it for at least a year and work in business. The alternative is that if you don't have it the disposal of almost any significant business is it would be taxed at 28%. this would hit the man in the paper shop who lives over the shop and is selling up to retire as well as the rich fat cat. I don't think any of the parties wants no relief for such a situation as sends an obvious two fingers to enterprise .

And I am not sure about politics but this was a relief brought in by labour (when rate was lower)

So think rationale is to extend it so softens the blow of effectively putting rate up for any big gain to 28% ( as you will pay that rate on gains over higher rate threhold even If you have never paid higher rate tax before).

And without sounding too David cameron ( I am not) I think the idea of getting too caught up on cgt and raising rate may be bad as would reduce total tax take If people don't do business here. By that I mean you raise gains rate so people don't do business - yes you could get more gains out of them bit if try don't do business you lose vat corporation tax Paye business rates stamp duty etc that they also could pay.

I am only that they have raised it to £5m. I am pretty that it was £2m anyway... but raising it - when times are tough...?

it's a relief aimed at entrepreneurs and it's part of (I suspect) coalition compromise that they will raise gains rates but still encourage relief for those who dare to do but not the second homers, speculators etc.
Those who want to build a business. Maybe I have a funny perspective but it wouldn't exempt that many of clients either as they realise more than that or aren't eligible as rules on it are tight.

Camping was good although fraser spent the night rolling all over DH and as a result DH was a bit tired this morning... We only go for one night to limit the sleep deprivation since our two are such crap sleepers - although they've improved a ton in the past year...

neenz i did notice it - and was surprised Labour wasn't screaming a bit more about it instead of the VAT. (Not going to do your work for you ) The only fair bit I can see is that the CPI excludes housing prices which presumably is not applicable to the costs for low income homes on housing benefit (as long as housing benefit is raised in line with the rental market) - but it does include council tax. It does seem like a sneaky blow and I was surprised that the attacks on the budget missed this. I'd like to see an analysis of whether this is reasonable or not.

From the BBC website:
"Not all the items covered by the RPI are included in the CPI measure.

For example, the CPI does not include Council Tax, mortgage interest payments and some other housing costs.

The CPI measure also includes some items - such as charges for financial services - which are not in the RPI.

Another difference is that the CPI measure covers a broader sample of the population in its calculations than RPI.

There is also a difference in the mathematical methods used to calculate the price changes which, the Office for National Statistics says, means that in practice the CPI always shows a lower inflation rate than the RPI rate for given price data."

Although given that RPI was negative for some of 2009 www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=19, can you imagine if the Tories had been in government and reduced benefits to follow this?

Hi, Tristan is so much better today, thankfully no more diarrhoeawhich is just as well as I couldn't get him to swallow the rehydration stuff.Day 2 of the special diet and he was so pleased to be allowed a slice of toast for breakfast!

Just very quickly skimming.

I knew about the CPI also. It's was in Osbourne's speech. It's an interesting one. A while back the TUC were clamouring for it the CPI to be used (funnily enough at the time the CPI was higher). IIRC the Government actually uses CPI to monitor inflation against targets in UK and it's a more realistic comparator with inflation outside the UK.

Labour has been jumping up and down about the budget hitting the poorest harder, attacks on people on benefits etc and I imagine this is one of the things they're talking about.

do you guys think I'm a crazy right-winger or do you realize that the only reason I comment is to counter the vocal Labour bias? I'm sort of middle of the road and would otherwise normally shut my mouth... Am being slightly mischevious here when I post sometimes. (I do think VAT is a red herring though - there's far more of an issue with employment and cutbacks and I'm genuinely unsure of what to think about the cuts to benefits).

Up at the school fair today and bought some biscotti and the homebakes table and it's sooo good. Does anyone make it themselves? I need to learn how to bake something other than chocolate cupcakes and this would be healthier and more sensible (they last longer so I get treats for longer is the reasoning here).

I think you're a crazy right winger abdn [ wink]

I stand by my 'voice of reason' comment Aberdeen!

Deb - so glad Tristan is feeling a little better. The special diet sounds a bit grim.

Had a horrid talk with Mark yesterday about his massive concerns over us having twins. He would rather have no baby than two babies and now I think God will strike me down for being ungrateful (I do not share Mark's opinions so I am hoping this counts). It's not nice to have zero support when clearly I am also struggling to get my head around it. I don't remember him being massively supportive when I was pregnant with Luke either so I am hoping that he slowly gets used to the idea and will love them when they are here like he did Luke.

Hey Amber. It's really quiet on here so I thought I'd add my bit on your problem.

Is Mark just worried because it's a big and unknown thing? Because having a baby is big and unknown, having two is even more scary. Is he the kind of person who worries about these things (but maybe doesn't tell you unless coaxed to do so...) and then deals with them when they actually happen? It does sound like it, if he was like that with Luke too.
I do think, though, that he should have thought of this earlier (I mean it in the nicest possible way!) because if he wants to be detached and let you get on with it (and there's nothing wrong with that) then he has to deal with the consequences of that too - he can't let you be in control then want to control the outcome IYKWIM.
I don't think Mark is totally unsupportive though - people show it in different ways. To some people, it would sound like he's being horrific; to others (me included) it's just his personality, he's very level headed and in control, and this is something he can't control, so he's reserved about it. (I don't think that's come out right, but I know what I'm trying to say! ) On the plus side: he was willing to talk and be (brutally) honest - that's good, better than him keeping it all to himself. He is supporting you and isn't kicking you out/forcing you to give up on this/taking all financial support away etc etc; he just isn't enthusiastic, or excited. But is he an overexcited kind of man about anything? Sounds like he's shit scared, really, but being a man and all he wouldn't say that...

We'll support you on here. And no, you won't be struck down, it doesn't work like that. (But why not have a quick and quiet word with God, just to say you need the help and want to trust in Him?) (If you're really concerned about this, the striking down I mean, give me a call - I'm not a vicar but I am a believer. And it's quiet at work today.)

Or talk to me in person - I'm in London next week.

Deb - how is T today?

AH - no not a crazy right winger at all. In fact I admire how much thought and consideration you give politics and the budget. I think that you tend to work out your position from first principles rather than being led by dogma. Yours is a much more difficult path to take. (BTW - I hope no one thinks I have just accused them of being dogmatic, not my intention at all)

Amber - I am at a loss as to what to say. I read your post this morning and was hoping some appropriate words would come to me, but they haven't. I felt that I should post though to at least acknowledge what you wrote. Hopefully one of the wiser members of the thread will be along shortly with something more constructive to say. In the meantime, I hope you aren't feeling too wretched about it. You sound far more composed than I would manage to be in your situation.

Was going to post and run and then saw your post Amber.

I think I remember another post by you where Mark's dad said you shouldn't have another baby as he isn't involved enough. And you said that actually, you knew that he was less hands on than other dads in the early stages, and you felt confident that A) he would be better when L was older, and B) you were more than capable of taking up any extra newborn slack.

And I think that you were right and still are. Even with twins you will be a fantastic mother, and they will have everything they need from you. Mark is scared and panicking, but he will realise once they are here that you can cope and then he love them - because they are his children and he is a decent man. I think you need to not worry about what he says right now, God is not listening and to an extent neither should you be, it is fear talking. In your situation I would just reassure him as much as possible that it will be fine (and it will) and then in a couple of years time when he looks back and sees what a plonker he was you can take great joy in saying, 'I to,ld you so'.

It must be a horrible time for you, as you are in an anxious situation and you have to deal with Mark's anxiety too. Please come and let us help you if we can.

Sybil is fab. That was a fab post.

I'd like to agree Dewin, excellent advice Sybil [bows in appropriately admiring fashion]

'Tis Puree by the way

Hi puree!

Abdn, no just a little right-wing but that's OK . Spider, lol at dogmatic - not even me? I love Robert H Frank's columns - he is a professor of economics in the US and writes a column in the NY Times.

This is his take on why borrowing to invest in a downturn is a good idea and why cutbacks are not. Also, who to tax to bring in cash without hitting the poor www.robert-h-frank.com/PDFs/EV.12.06.09.pdf

Amber, how do you feel about Mark's reaction? Cos that's what matters really. It sounds like he was really insensitive saying he'd rather have no baby. But three kids to some people is just out of the question. People have one or two, three is just getting silly . Does he have mates chewing his ears telling him it's going to be terrible? I would be horrified if Peter said he wasn't happy with a pregnancy, but I think even if he did say that I would just push it to one side and think 'oh he's just saying that now, he'll come round'. Surely Mark will too as he did with L. Sometimes Peter says to me 'are we mad to have another baby?' Sometimes I wonder whether we are mad, but I know it will all come good in the end because we love each other and we'd never be without each other and we'll cope with anything. How does Mark feel about getting married? How do you feel about not being married? No one is perfect - he may not be great at being hands-on or supportive but he is good in other ways eg he can support you very well financially, he loves you and Luke (and will love the twins too), and you are I assume happy with the fact that he is not the most hands-on dad ever. So really it is all down to you and how it all makes you feel. I agree with dewin that is a bit late for him to start complaining now. He needs to suck it up and support you cos you need it right now cos as you said you are trying to get your head round it too. He needs a good talking to!

Neenz - well of course you are dogmatic, that goes without saying. I meant the other Lefties on the thread

Hi Valium. Hope you have had a good holiday. I have been having cake crises whilst you were away and missed you. How are you? Hope the new name isn't too significant?

LOL, no Spider. I felt like a change, as pureeandpearls didn't seem appropriate when I was wearing pearls and baby sick . The name came about because it's what I always reply "Valium!" if someone asks me if they can get me anything/if there's anything I want. It's particularly relevant on a Thursday night when a friend and I take the children (she has twins who are a week older than C) to eat tea 'out'. We have done since they were about 1. It's carnage and there is usually lots of noise when we order the food so it used to be a sort of quick response to shut up the staff, who always looked a little appalled, and is a bit of a habit now!!

I'm well, had a great holiday, and trying not to get stressed out by the number of times Cecily seems to wee on the floor at the moment But I am now returned to solve all your baking crises. I tend to lurk on here but do keep up, although reading back over two weeks of posts won't happen.....

Thank you thank you thank you everyone for your gret posts. I feel a lot better after reading them. Mark is right and it will be a Nightmare (note capital N) when the babies are born due to a total lack of help but I have tried to reassure him that with paid for help a few days a week i will cope. It all started when I mentioned what kind of buggy we should get and I think that all made it a bit real. We struggled a lot when Luke was born (the having no help reason) plus I am not in great physical shape due to my terrible sleep problems (although I spin this to a positive meaning I really won't have to get used to waking in the night). I think Mark remembers how things were with uke and then doubles that and adds Luke (who he thinks we still can't cope with). The truth is that Mark can't cope with Luke on a lot of levels. Mark is not a natural with kids as he is a control freak which is something you cannot be with children. I am more adaptable and a run with it kind of person. Luke and Mark's relationship has always been a bit strained -Mark loves him but other than chucking him around in rough play doesn't really know what to do with him. I think he's just worried that it will be the same three times over.I also think he is worried about the moeny side of things and the added pressure of him bringing home the bacon. He didn't actually say he wanted no kids rather than twins but he implied it and is now doing the you'd rather I was honest wouldn't you? (No is the answer). Neenz we were thinking of getting married this year if we had no luck with a baby so he's not against it (not massively for it though either). I felt like crying and went to bed when all this came out lsat night as I think I really want Mark to say he's pleased. He says of course he will love them when they get here. Dewin - I have been praying every night since I started trying after the IVF to St Gerard as I have a prayer blessed by my sister's priest for me. I talk to him every night - I hope that counts. I have not been struck down though as I had my scan and I have two healthy babies with heartbeats and little arms and legs moving around inside me.

Again - thanks everyone - what the feck would I do without this thread? I am trying to convince my sis to join as she is having mares with breast feeding.

Valium talk to me about sponge cake recipes as never seem to get one to work.

Am with spider amber as can't not post and am so sorry that you had upsetting talk. I guess it is a lot for anyone to get their head around and it does say something ghat je can tell you how he feels. As for thinking it will
Mean bad luck to babies that is jus fear or every woman who ever had an unwanted pregnancy would have wished the baby away.

Ah if you are worried about being right wing then I should be too- the different views on here are what makes it interesting .

And on plus side (and don't mean to be flippant) I would far rather read about amber than more about football dbacle...

Sorry cross posted amber(and sorry for iPhone typing) - I would imagine second child(or twins) presents different challenges but it will never be quite the shockwave you have with all that you deal with on first. Plus there is a twins thread plus a multiples society/club thing (neenz will know) as I know that has saved the sanity of my friends with twins (I have a friend who will have similar age gap and non sleeping older one too so can ask her for tips).

Your poor sis- at risk of getting slated by bf sorority if I knew then what I did now I would say bf is one thing and if you are struggling too much then and can't get help then don't feel afraid to stop. The struggle put a blight on my first month with e and I would love to go back and get thy time back.