March 2008 - Now we are two

[merryberry]

New thread idea good jfly!

See what I did, now we are two - for those with new number 2 and expecting number 2.

And all the rest of us who get at least 2 tantrums a day from the 2 year olds.

Yes! how about thursday? as i have exams mon, tue and wed nights and an interview on friday

would need to bring dd as well though, but i have an annual pass so wouldnt require any vouchers

P has nursery on thursdays...wed after?

I can do following wednesday, dd is in preschool till 3 so would need to leave at 2.30 though

Well Hello!

Just dropping in to say hey and poke my nose in the potty...

Turtle is absolutely right, it is a nightmare to try to train them before they are ready. I tried and failed a few weeks ago-- miserably.

I was convinced DD would take to it pretty quickly as she 'understands' things and can be quite 'reasonable'. Wrong. (shines novice badge)

We went out and got loads of new pants, rewards, puzzles ect to use as distractions while on the potty and we'd been chatting about it for a few days before hand. We didn't leave the house for four days and I only managed to catch three wees in the potty.

Poor thing- she got the concept of sitting on the potty and doing a wee = reward, but she just could not recognize the need to go before she went. I had her sat on the potty every 20 minutes and still nothing. She would be running around half naked and then suddenly look down at the puddle at her feet and then up at me with this confused little look. She knew that it should be done on the potty but genuinely didn't get the signal before it was to late.

So, we just stopped and decided to wait until she initiates it. She's back in nappies but has since asked to sit on the potty a few times hoping something will come out so she can have a reward but still no dice.

Meg - was/am in the same boat as you as I was 32 weeks preg at the time and wanted it sorted before the new one comes (36 weeks now) but for us it was just causing more stress then it was worth and I didn't want it to become an issue for her. Perhaps your DS is closer to being ready though so maybe it will work! Good luck!

Anyway- greetings to you all and hope you are well. I'm still lurking fairly frequently but staying silent like the virtual creep in the corner.

x

Have been ripped from slumber woken this morning by P at 515 asking if Daddy is here yet after a night of teething hell. I must have fallen asleep at some point with boob mangled in bra in odd way and then slept on it and now have boob so sore it is making me cry.
Spoke to friend of exH last night who basically laughed at me for not starting divorce yet. Thing is in order to divorce without his permission (he says no!)it's either 5 year separation or I have to go to court to prove that his behaviour is hurtful, etc. Don't know if I can face that. Any ideas to persuade him to just give me his house and half his money? That's what he sees divorce as.

Oh yes. Legoland week from Wednesday anyone? Glad you can make it LD. I'll want to leave by 230 anyway as the traffic much later is pants on the M25.

Come on, you lot. Legoland. Fun.

Helleeeeewwwww. Was rather tumbleweedy in here recently. You've all been out enjoying the sunshine, I suspect.

Am on holiday next week so afraid no Lego madness for me.

Turtle, have you sought legal advice? Seeing a solicitor might be a good place to start. You may have more options than you think.

I'm tempted to try the 3-day potty training technique (Google it, it's American). It supposedly works even if they aren't "ready". Saying that, I think G is particularly potty adverse, so no point in trying it just yet. Might think about it in a month or so.

Anyone else dropped the afternoon nap? G is pretty much done with it now. I've had a moment of silence for its passing.

Afternoon nap dropped about 7 months ago, I'm still coming to terms with the loss...

I've only really been lurking recently. While I love being back at work, it's been tough on the stress levels. Stupidly, I guess I didn't really process how much I got done in the morning and now trying to cram that into a truncated afternoon has proved...tricky. Plus DD has decided (no shit sherlock)to get a little clingy so getting even less done.

on the plus side DD has come on leaps and bounds since starting nusery. speech going great guns, mixed blessing since her favourite is 'i don't like DS/peas/sleep/daddy..etc..
Bugger.. after 3 days of stress free bedtimes DD is up there with a note pad and a pencil, scribbling frantically and DS is trying to control the situation. I give it 30 seconds before meltdown (poss fron DH who was doing the weekly shop in Tesco's and is now doing the ironing (before he wins an award as most martyred DH, he was away on a walking weekend with the boys which is why these chores didn't get done at a more sensible time)

I have a sleeper. DS still has a long afternoon nap here - 2.5 hours seems his natural length and even so he still does 11 hours at night (not uninterrupted mind you!) but I can almost guarantee that this will disappear within a week of the baby arriving in Sept just to spite me so I'm just enjoying it while I can!

Nap? No...we have no nap here. I'm lucky if the baby has one, tbh. Was looking at pics of me 3 years ago and I do actually look like a different person. My eyes are now actually sunken permanently 2 inches back in my face from no sleep.

I know that other people's wedding pics are boring as anything but my sister just sent me the "trailer" to her wedding video. It really was lovely. Those of you who like looking at weddings in pretty places have a peek and feel free to fast forward.

back at work, still hassles with sicknote person on team.
Busy busy with website development for new biz, combined with trying to study for hypno exam on 3rd & doing hypnofertility training this weekend...
Am free Fri afternoon if anyone's in the Hove/Brighton area btw, will be mooching round the lanes for 1st time in yonks & am child free all weekend. I do, however, have to endure a meal at the Grand with the rest of the trainees, must be the only place in Brighton not to put at least 1 veggie option on the menu.

ps nap - yes, during the week he's pretty good for nursery staff and goes to sleep on demand. Midweek he'll sleep for his gran if she takes him out in the buggy at the right time, then leaves him in it to doze. Weekends at home with us, not a chance.
Though I forced him into it on Sunday by having a snooze in bed with me, regretted it at 9.30 sunday night when he was still buzzing.

I can also say I'm still never doing the car/ferry trip to Belfast on my own with him ever again, until he's at least able to entertain himself in the back of the car.

We are enforced nap free at weekends too . DS has naps at nursery Mon to Fri but weekends are hit and miss and it depends on if we are in the car/buggy at the right time. It seems such a long time ago now that they would nap 2 times a day!!!! Bliss

I'm like you, Meg, mine is a commited sleeper. She'll still happily sleep for two hours after her lunch, longer sometimes if the morning has been particularly strenuous. (ie, if mean Mummy has been sitting on the roundabout making her push it around...)If it started to cut into bedtime, making her go down later or wake up earlier then I would make it a bit shorter, but so far so good. (Touches wood obsessively.)MIL is scandalised that I let her sleep for longer than an hour and a half, but honestly, she is EVIL if she gets woken before she is ready.

I will be genuinely devastated when the nap goes.

PIL are up for the day, and have taken Ff swimming, so rather than get up before Ff to go to the gym I had a lie in until half seven and am off to pound the treadmill now.

littleducks- You lurking? Could we put Legoland off for another week? I don't know if I can face walking around it in such fierce heat. If I didn't have T I could probably do it, but it's just too hot for the little porker poor thing. Sorry to be a pain.

K

Hello everyone.
I too have been lurking (as always).

Just dropping in to ask a few questions.

Is anyone here still SAHM? I am... and I am really, really struggling just now. Think I have regressed a bit with my anxiety and maybe borderline depressed but not quite. I don't personally know any other SAHM's in RL (apart from a couple of neighbours who have 2/3 kids but I don't know them very well).

Am just feeling like the crappiest mum just now.

Little D is really whiny and clingy just now but also "I do it!" about every little thing so it is impossible to get anything done and I have such a short fuse I feel like I am just sulky all day and snappy

Also, relationshipt with DH is going through a bit of a rough patch although he doesn't seem to notice. Think that is it - I am invisible unless there is something to b!tch at me about eg D is teething so was up lots last night. I was up with him for few hrs then DH got up but he was really really pissed off (understandably as he has to get up for work) so I ended up having 30 mins sleep then getting back up.

I just feel I have lost my "self" and am retreating back into myself again so have been struggling to leave the house.

I just don't know what to do with myself just now. Everything is a bit of a struggle mentally, physically, financially.

Sorry to be on SUCH a downer but I needed to let it out and wanted some advice from you guys who have LO's same age and are going through it all too.

P1T- We're here to listen. Have you spoken to anyone in RL about how you're feeling? It can be very lonely and depressing being a SAHM at times. Whereabouts are you?
I know how much it helps me to make sure we keep busy. We go to playgroups, art class(where I leave P!), swimming(when I can con someone into having T), and most importantly I ship P off to nursery 2 mornings a week. I am still left with a limpet but it does mean that I can do things like have a pedicure once in a while.
I have to admit that weekends when I'm left to entertain the two on my own for 14 hours(!) a day I do go slightly mental as we have played all the games by 8am, usually in the park by 9 and I start looking forward to teatime as it means that bedtime is round the corner.
Having said that....I also stop myself a few times a day and just watch them and make the most of it as even though they drive me nuts they are sooooo lovely.
God I ramble on about nothing, don't I? Anyway...I would really encourage you to go to local playgroups/Sure Start centres/activities and just bite the bullet and chat to everyone. It's hideous, but is sometimes the only way to meet people who understand!
(((big hugs)))

Littleducks- Is a very good thing we didn't go yesterday. P's temp was 39 by 2pm.

I just realised that three years ago today was when I got pg with P. That is three solid years of being pregnant and/or breastfeeding. Sigh.

Thank you so much turtle I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

I just feel completely pathetic. I just don't really fit in anywhere and where it wasn't so obvious when working as I had a really busy job that required a lot of attention to detail and was stressful so most of the others were also involved in the work so much that they didn't realise I am shy to the point of no conversation at times. This does go away after I have been in peoples company for some time but makes things like toddler groups and playgroups really hard for me but I need to get a grip as LO really needs some kids his age to hang out with.

Am just waiting to find out if he has been accepted for local nursery as they had 9 places for under 3's at the start of summer holidays and are holding a ballot to see who gets them. There are 75 names in the hat. We will see. It would be good for him though.

I am in Glasgow. There is plenty out there for us to do. I no longer have a car so it would be local stuff at the moment but we live somewhere that is pretty rough and it is really just pubs n bookies round here. I have been to a couple of toddler groups but I just played with LO then left and cried all the way home (how sad am I???) so never bothered to go back. DS just wanted to play with a couple of the scabby toy cars that had wheels missing and the mums that were there all seemed to know each other and just sat together gossiping while the kids ran riot.

Ah sorry. Think I just have a bad attitude just now and have to sort myself out so I can properly look after LO. I do take good care of him and he is a happy wee thing (apart from the usual tantrums) but I sometimes feel I am not much fun for him and when I feel like this I find I am so distracted that we have coloured in 4 pages of drawings and I don't even remember doing it. My mind is just elsewhere IFYWIM.

DH is likely to be out of work again (in construction) as things are still not looking up and he is on contract work so I guess that is putting a downer on everything AND our relationship is strained at the moment.

I just wish I could be stronger.

ARGH! Sorry - have ranted on again! I never post on here, just lurk then I come along and hijack the whole thing with a lot of ME ME ME!

Maybe I should change my username to Sunshine!!!

Thanks again though. I only have a couple RL friends (again how sad) and they too have young kids but they both work and their LO's have been in nursery since 6 and 8 months old. They are always saying to me I should have gone back to work and put LO in nursery as soon as I could because it would be worth it in the long run even though we literally could not afford the nursery fees or any child care we looked into TBH...

Anyway, I will shut up now.. Have to go anyway. Thanks again for listening

Paranoid- sorry to hear you are feeling so down.. I think staying at home with them is quite hard by this stage if you haven't made many friends because it does feel very repetitive, 2 years in, and the children don't have enough independance to make you feel any freer. I was shamefully lax about taking my two to playgroups- I think they went about 10 times between the two of them, because like you, I seemed to be the only one who hadn't known each other from birth practically. I did find other things tho- our local library is very good at doing things in small groups- little craft projects and readings and things and that was a lot less intimidating- not least because as it was much more structured there was less time for socialising!

I have a funny story to tell....
DS is a talker and on the way home from school provides me with a stream of consciousness monologue that i try to drown out with my own thoughts, occasionally surfacing with a 'hmmm really? or 'that sounds lovely'. today I came to to find myself saying 'you drew a picture of cheese? really? that sounds..umm..lovely'. DS says very crossly back 'no! mummy, not cheese, cheese-us!'

I had to think hastily back to todays junk modelling project where DS created brazils christ the redeemer statue before I knew wtf.

Can I just tell you what happened this morning? Driving with P behind a lorry that had "DAY" written on it P pipes up "Ooooh letters! D-A-Y...D-A-Y...that like Daddy!"

Should I be scared?

Thats nothing Turtle. DH was holding a can of diet coke a couple of weeks ago and you could only see the 'ke' at the end. DS pipes up and points and says thats like Luke! We haven't taught him name or letter recognition and nor has nursery!

I reckon they're all aliens from outer space with hugely intelligent brains!

T & T - you two need to go and hang out on the "am I being PFB or is my toddler a genius?" thread i started in Development last week I got a good belly laugh from some of the responses to my question, and lots of comparisons of genius behaviour on there

PFT - so sorry you're having a rough time. I work 3 days a week and although I find combining work and home really hard and sometimes wish I didn't do it, I do find my days at work much easier in many ways than my days at home as it is something that has been familiar to me for a decade rather than just 2 years, and doesn't involve a strong-willed toddler and the exhaustion of finding activities to fill many many 15 minute blocks! I too find it very difficult to make new friends as I get a bit tongue tied and am not confident with new people - I'm not shy at all once I have known people for a long while, but I am paralysed with fear at having to meet new people - this hasn't been helped by having moved to a new area 6 months ago so I've lost my twice weekly meet ups with my antenatal group who were my sanity in my old area, and I hate hanging out at toddler groups where everyone seems to have been friends for ages. I'm a bit nervous as I go on mat leave in 5 weeks so will be a FT SAHM for the next year and not sure how that is going to pan out as I don't have the whole antenatal group thing this time round.

Anyway I've realised that it is more important to do some things for me and that suit my personality than just focus on what DS might like. DS goes to nursery 3 days a week when I work - we will drop these hours when I go on mat leave, but still keep him going as he definitely benefits from the group thing and being around other children, and it means I don't have to brave the horror of toddler groups to give him that socialising time. And I do take him to a football thing to get out of the house - he is with other children but I have to get involved with what he is doing rather than just sit back not talking to anyone so I enjoy it more too.

For my own sanity I have joined the local NCT committee - a way of meeting new people, in a completely child-friendly way, and doing my bit for the community. It is great as you just do as much as you are able, but I get to know the other women as I help out making tea or whatever at events while DS plays - makes me feel less of a wallflower than being stuck in the corner at a random toddler group, and as it is the same women each time I am starting to develop my friendships with them. Perhaps you could volunteer to help with something like this, or to be a helper at a local playgroup rather than just having to randomly turn up and try to chat to strangers?

Failing that, just do stuff with you and DS that you both enjoy - that is more than good enough! I often take DS to the beach or to the local garden centre to look at the goldfish and flowers. He is happy, and I don't have to feel crap about not making friends Even just a bus or train ride with DS is an adventure for him so I sometimes fill a cuple of hours with a ride along the local railway line to the next town, a cup of tea in a cafe and then a train ride home.

And then I have signed up to do a maths course with the OU starting in October - again to have something outside of baby and toddler care, but that can be fit around them. It's meant to take about 8 hours study a week which I should be able to find, will use my brain, and hopefully be the start of further study in Statistics which will be of use with my career in future.

Oh yes, DH and I went through a bit of a crappy time in Jan/Feb for several reasons. We did keep talking and trying to stay close, but it was crap for a while with job and home pressures, but we have gradually worked back to a much happier place.

I don't know if it helps at all, but I just wanted to let you know that you are really not alone in feeling like this, I promise