DEC 08 - Barely into toddlerhood and already at our tit's end

[MomOrMum]

Tit's end...had to be done.

Hope this works!

Mmmm...that is hard, how about give yourself few days first. Maybe plan to tell her Monday, I do feel for you Trace, I know what nurses can be like but things are very different on a community team like yours compared to the wards. If you where one of my staff I'd rather you well took a little time off and was well than potentially lose you. One good thing is that because they have given you 2 weeks if you do have to take the month it will actually only be 3 weeks off work because of the half term break.

Good evening girls,

AceTrace - I am so glad your appointment is out of the way for you. Being of a gambling disposition, I have to say I would take a chance on your consultant being happy with you in a fortnight, and not mentioning it to work. But that's me and I may be a fool. Like you say, you aren't on the wards now, and as Veg says it would probably cause you more stress being off. If they do then sign you off, you can act surprised about it with work. I mean, if they's signed you off today as the consultant wanted to originally, your work wouldn't have had any notice, would they? Glad little P is perking up.

Rubes, I am so glad you got through your jabs. Well done you.

ZJ - Great about your DH! As for D. Craig, I think it's a mixed blessing. I mean, there's no going to the shop in your pyjama bottoms with no make up on if he's lurking, is there? Not that I go anywhere unless I am all got up like Joan Collins in Dynasty Or Dame Edna. Actually that's not true as I have been in jeans and a sweatshirt thingy today, as yesterday.

Beans - you made me laugh with your sister's brush with Dan, as I think we should now all call him, being virtual neighbours of his through ZJ. Miranda - I think she is an incredibly nice and talented lady and I think the show was...ok. Like the curate's egg - good in parts. But I hate to criticise comedy as a rule as it is the hardest thing and I have the greatest respect for anyone who even attempts it.

Kiwi, I am sorry to hear BabyKiwi has been so poorly. I do so hope she turns the corner tonight.

WG - very sorry also that you have been going through the mill with Madam, but hoping that her good mood from earlier has stuck. They can be capricious beasts, these babes. DD has the whims of a fairytale king - can be laughing one minute and crying the next second. Whatever gets you through the night, in the John Lennon sense.

Spot, DD doesn't eat broccoli. Oh, and you know that nursery was expecting them to be using cutlery at 14 months? My book said they should probably be doing it by 2.5. Although even that sounds optimistic to me.

Veggie, awww, it is so lovely when they start responding to commands. But I suppose it means they aren't babies any more

DD has started to bumshuffle - minimally. She spins herself round, so I suppose it can only be a matter of time before she starts going forwards. Could the most stubbornly immobile child on the entire thread be painfully edging towards some semblance of locomotion? I am not holding my breath. However, I offered her more formula this morning and not only did she shake her head, but she said "No. No." It's the beginning of the end, isn't it? She hasn't said it since but I am bracing myself for everything to be met with 'No'.

Trace I think it might be a good idea to tell her too, I told my boss about all my pregnancies as soon as I found out and I think he appreciated the knowledge and was very sympathetic when I miscarried one of them. I also warned him before Xmas I was struggling a bit and was going to see a doctor to find out if there was a physical cause, so he was not too shocked when I was signed off. Even though there is no reason for you to do so, she might appreciate the heads up, and even be able to help ? I'm lucky in that my boss has small children too so is quite understanding in that respect, I suspect it depends a lot on waht kind of manager your boss is.

Sorry, Kayz did your DH get a job?
And where is Katie ? as someone said, she hasnt been back since Xmas - is she lurking ?

Oh and meant to say a warm welcome back to Invis. How was the trip/wedding?

Oh dear, Trace, I think I am obviously more dishonest than other people! I guess I think...why tell your boss when she may not need to know. But listen to Veg more than me as I guess she knows the territory (and your DH obviously!) Or, let it settle in your mind and see how you feel about telling her in a few days?

Is Aubi's DH back tonight?

What's everyone reading at the mo? I'm reading The Children's Book by AS Byatt. Even though it's 600 pages and I have the attention span of a housefly, I must say I am really enjoying it. Well, I am reading that and loads of magazines.

*ladyt& I'm reading Terry Wogan's "where was I?"

thanks for the replies. I'm going to sleep on it and see where my head is in the morning.

No blushes required, Trace. Terry Wogan is a sweetheart! The Chris Evans autobiography is down to a fiver in Waterstone's, I might buy it. Night all.

Hello everyone.

Sorry for radio silence. Been busy here. Have tried to keep up but failing rather. Just wanted to say welcome back to Invis, sympathies and healing vibes to all the sickies and love/ buckets of wine to the mummies.

Trace, I am going to buck the trend and say keep schtum for 2 weeks. I am not an employment lawyer, but I am a lawyer and I would say that as you have been upfront and declared your condition when asked I'd leave it be til you know a little more. I have suffered from depression in the past as you know and it does rather colour people's view of one as a colleague. Not in a bad way necessarily, but more in a "poor V, will she be OK" way. I would rather new colleagues judged me on my personality rather than on something which isn't affecting my work and so I'd keep it to myself for the time being. I do think depression is a terribly misunderstood condition which leads people to all sorts of preconceptions which are wrong and I'd prefer to distance myself from that for as long as possible.

I must away. Sleep well girls and babies and I'll see you tomorrow. Night night.

Dear LadyT, we can be dishonest together! I'm not sure I could do Terry's but I'd be quite interested to read Chris's. Let me know what it was like. I read Jo Brand's at Christmas and was a little disappointed.

Hello All,

Quick post beforethe kiddies wake... Let's see how long I have.

DH is back safe and sound. I am so happy. After Friday's dramas the time without him was surprisingly ok but it's still so nice not to have to worry. He had a fascinating time and is full of tales (& 90 photos of helicopters landing in a flat and dusty desert - men!).

Trace - I am glad the CPN listened and gave you 2 weeks before forcing the issue. You sound so together in your posts that it's hard to imagine you won't wow the Psychiatrist. Like LadyT and Sybs I would keep schtum about it all at work until I was forced to speak but Veggie probably knows best!

Kiwi - it sounds like your DD has similar to my DD1 last Friday. I'm so sorry.

Got to go, DD2 waking.

I am reading Wolf Hall at the mo and can highly recommend it. X

Aubi so glad your dh is back safe - see how fast that went?

Lady, good news on the bum shuffle, and on it will go from here - look out!! at the no comment! Hilarious! ds only mimics me if I'm sayiong no to him but he's only done it twice. All he says is dadadada still and nana (not sure where that came from as his Nana is the distant one!)Perhaps he's trying to tell us somethings!

Trace, I've got to admit I'd take a gamable, and not tell as well, but then again i'm not one who always does the appropriate thing

Who the heck is Miranda? I clearly missed the beginning of that story!

Picked up the new car seat yesterday - Halfords have 10% off if you reserve online and it was the cheapest I could find the Maxi cosi. Funniest thing I've ever seen - put ds in it for the drive home and he was giggling like mad the whole way home!! he was so excited to be sitting forwards I couldn't believe it! He was looking out of the window at everything and dh was intentionally driving in the puddles on the side of the road which made him burst into hysterics everytime he saw the water spray up! Bugger Thorpe park I say - he's a cheap day out!

Right, midwife appointment today or should I say appointment with midwife who will clearly show she is irritated with the fact I am an elective c-sectioner again (sorry i'm very bitter about m/w's as I've only ever come across one who was pleasant about these kind of choices. They don't like elective people as a general rule - fact.
many doctors have told me to confirm this as well when I have grumbled about their attitudes (truly sorry any midwives on here or m/w lurkers) call me bitter, I don't mind. I've never been one to mince my words, and I'm not about to start now.
However, that aside, I will be pleasant as all hell since she will be sticking me with a needle. Not only that I have to very nicely request a butterfly be used which they will also (most) grumble about. Then if she doesn't as 9 times out of 10 they will tell me they don't have one, and that my veins are big and it will be no problem, they will then find out that my veins appear big, however my veins have very thick walls and the needle always rolls off and then have trouble, then I will pass out after they try the other arm and go back and forth a million times, and then they will eventually "find" a butterfly and get the job done, after i've come back another day since they won't do anything once I've passed out.... can you tell i'm not looking forward to this appointment? I digress...So getting back to my question, originally dh would be home thisafternoon but now will not be so I have to take ds with me to this appt... They tell me it's an hour not sure why?? but anyway, is that acceptable to take ds along? He will get annoyed after a short time sitting in the buggy and not moving forward and get really irritable and upset etc... I really have no choice....

ps I wonder if Katie is away because she is avoiding telling us any news??? She was trying for number 2 remember!! Katie are you lurking??!! Do you have news?

Well I'm reading 'On teh Oregon trail'. Lots of indians and buffalo. Am scouting round for new books (this had been sittin gon my shelf for a while) so any recommendations welcome!

Lots of ill and grumpy babies at the moment . I seem to remember from DS1 that 13mo is a bit of a nightmare time, growth spurt often combined with teething (I think we still havea molar coming through but DS2 has been teething for weeks and no sign of a new tooth yet). DS1 always made heavy weather of growing and teething, but by 15 mo was a different baby. Which may seem a bit far away!

Trace: I'd be inclined to leave it, esp if you;re confident you can manage at work. If you do end up signed off then you can deal with it then.

Better go as have piles to do - hugs to all the sick and snotty babies and strict injunctions to all to SLEEP! DS2 has taken to waking at 3am for a loong feed, am giving in at the moment and bringing him into bed.

Hooray for Aub's DH and his many helicopter pictures! And Zoe's DH, aka the King of Sprouts

Mmm this has made me realise I am probably too honest for my own good, so dont listen to my advice I was the child that could never even shoplift a penny sweet from the corner shop.

I agree that there is something definitly to be said for avoiding peoples preconceptions of depression. I had to ring to confirm my apointment with the mental health assessment people (whatever they are called) at work yesterday and I was terrified they would ask me what department I needed to transfer me to, at which point I would need to say "Mental Health" in front of all my work colleagues, so I am a hypocrite !

Hope baby Kiwi is better.

Trace, promise I am not following the crowd on this one, I was going to reply last night then got sidetracked, I have to agree with the "don't tell yet" brigade. It's not as if you are being dishonest, you are just waiting to see how you feel in a bit and how things go with the psych. Of course, if you feel in the meantime that you want to say something you're perfectly entitled to, but I would definitely sit on it for a few days.

I am reading a book so terrible I am too ashamed to say what it is. Suffice to say it was a pound from Asda.

Good luch with your appointment today, Rubes. Lady, guess you're going to have to introduce a lot of double negatives to your conversation with DD .

Trace I am probably jumping on the bandwagon here. But I wouldn't say anything yet. My train of thought here is that if you say something to your boss and then in 2 weeks time they decide that you can keep working then you will have said something for no reason. Then you have always got that little voice in your head wondering if your boss is thinking are you ok? Can you do your job? Etc etc

But of course you have the final say.

Morning ladies.

Trace I think Spots advice is best give it a few days and then have a think about it on Monday, I don't mean tell her Monday I mean don't think about the decision until monday. I hope you don't think I'm a meany (or particularly honest) but as a previous NHS boss on a similar line as your boss Trace, I would want to know so I could do my best to make sure you were ok. Having said that I wouldn't have minded at all if you hadn't told me. I would just want to do the best for you.

Rubs as a rule I hate madwives too. Mainly from a professional perspective. I have been lucky enough to have the loveliest midwives on earth attend my births but otherwise I find them judgemental, bizarrely matronly, arrogant and bloody lazy. Oh and in some cases I think they actually hate women. Oh sorry that was a bit of a rant, clearly I have some ishoos there. But anyway if they are worth their salt, and many of them are, they will listen to you and do what you ask and note it in your notes. It's interesting that dentists have realized that adults have real fears of dental visits and so have tried to address these. However, health proffesionals haven't don't the same with adult medical phobias.

Where is Katie, I want to know what happened with the Christmas thing?

Yeah agreed Veggie (about the denatist thing) I can't tell you how many times I've suggested I should lay down for a needle, and they've acted all like it was a hassle or they don't have anywhere to do that. One time a few years ago I had to have several needles for US immigration and I had to initial on a diagram of the body the site I choose to have them before each one. I explained the situation but it was kind of ignored and was rather woozy by the 2nd initialing, when they noticed I didn't look well and asked me to walk over to the bed at which point I collapsed mid way there and knoocked my head on the table on the way down! Then a male nurse kind of half caught me before they realised I wasn't just being "dramatic" when I suggested laying down from the start! I often tell them it will save them time and hassle as there's a good chance I'll be fine if we do it my way! After all - i'd know best - I've been fainting over needles for 30 years now that I can remember, and rarely do anymore if I start off horizontal!!

Katie, where are you??????? Any news for us katie???

What does everyone think about tacing dc1 to appointments - re my post above? help, I have no choice!

Rub I just took DS1 to all of my appointments. I think MWs expect it.

oh thanks Kayz, did you have him in the buggy? Is it acceptable to let him crawl around the room if when he kicks off and wants to get out?

Ah, but Veggie, you are a bright, sensible and understanding person who wouldn't let such a thing cloud your judgement of whether someone is good at their job. Not every manager is capable of that sophisticated level of understanding, even if they are nice. Trace, whatever you do, I hope it all doesn't cause more worry and stress for you. My sister is a nursing sister (or she was, she has her own clinic now, assessing how soon people need their operations). She suffers from depression and in fact was signed off for about 12 weeks last year. I think fretting about the the fallout and implications actually set her back. On a cheerier note she is ok now.

Rubes, you know that midwives who are snitty about el-cs's make me go purple with rage. There are some who are just down on CHOICE (ie, not keen on homebirths or certain other ways of doing things, either.) I would say don't take any squit and call her on it, but I guess more stress or antagonism is the last thing you need. I didn't see a midwife until I was in hospital, and there were some super ones and some truly spiteful ones. But as it was private, the spiteful ones had to really hold in their thoughts and slag you off out of earshot

Yay for your DH's return, Aubi!

Missed stuff so more later.

He was usually wandering around the room. My MW has a box of toys for siblings so he was usually playing with them.

Hi all,

I was hoping to do a proper catch up, but as that's clearly going to be impossible given all the talk on here in the last week or so, I'm just going to get back into the fray!

Trace - re your dilemma, I don't know what it is about the lawyer thing, but I also wouldn't tell. I can totally see that your boss would want to know, but I am not sure it is in your best interests for her to know if you manage to avoid getting signed off and she doesn't need to. I'd at least wait and see.

LadyT - I saw your post about your scare a few pages back. Don't know if there is anymore progress, but be sanguine as you can about it, especially as you ultimately do want another. I have 19 months between my two and it is lovely.

Daisy - so sorry about your MIL. I hope the next few weeks are as peaceful as can be for you all.

Aubi - so glad your DH is back safe and sound.

We had a fabulous time in the US (and thanks to all with tips). The flight wasn't as bad as I'd feared, although there was a hairy moment on the way out when it looked like I was going to lose my bassinet seat, so I burst into tears out of sheer frustration and DS and I managed to get upgraded to club class . The wedding was fantastic, v happy bride and groom, lots of dancing, DD was a real sweetie and made it up the aisle in front of 200 people without batting an eyelid and had a great time dancing. There was also a big pack of cousins to run around with which was great. Also discovered that Colorado is very beautiful and we managed to get into the mountains a couple of times. All exhausted and a bit jetlagged now, but wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Thanks also to all those with tips for my DH's birthday. In the end, I organised a little party with the DCs at home for after his meeting, cake, balloons and that kind of thing. We also had some babysitting in the US, so made the most of that. So far as the earlier discussion on the sex drive thing, mine has v suddenly re-emerged after 3 years - I guess 2 pregnancies and a couple of years of BF didn't do it any good, but its been a really pleasant surprise for both of us lately . Not sure if that is encouraging or not....

LadyT - I read the Children's Book a little while ago - also really enjoyed it, although I can certainly see its flaws too. Just for you MoM, am currently re-reading the Cornish Trilogy by Robertson Davies.

Oh and meant to add - hope all of those who have had scares with poorly babies lately, I do hope all is well.

Rubes - I took DD with me to my appointment and it was fine. Although she cried everytime the midwife touched me. Take a couple of toys for him to play with on the floor and be ready with snacks and to pick him up and hold him if needs be.