Nov 09 and we're feeling fine, feeding, burping, not enough sleeping - that's us!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Just thought I'd better create a new thread.

Raggie how about a trip to Burford?

Don't apologise, that's what we're here for!
Giving it a week to see if the routine helps sounds like a great idea, and if you can find a way to fit a nap in somewhere during the school day then even better.
I do think more rest would have staved off my pnd last time so do try and get that side of things sorted if you can

BBL forget about the bfing!! I think i know a bit of what you mean about not liking to read posts etc about it as i feel similarly about pain relief free births- why i haven't been able to plop a baby out in a wholesome and natural way i do not know! But really, so much about bfing is just propaganda. you gave all your dcs the colostrum they really needed and Toby is getting everything he needs now. If you were bfing now life would be even more chaotic, the last thing you'd want!

becky sorry, no advice - just wanted to add a hug from me. You have always been a lovely, positive an supportive voice on this thread and I just wanted to say thank you and wish you brighter days. Y/ou are doing a fantastic job, your boys sound lovely an I'm sure they have the best mum in the world. xxx

BBL firsly, big hugs. And secondly, i wonder how much of it is to do with the whole post-christmas blues? I say that, as since I have got back from our holiday, i have felt very low, out of sorts, and have, exactly as you describe, a pit of anxiety in my stomach a lot. I am also v v tired from the hecticness of christmas and have been blaming much of it on that. However, DH and I have argued recently and he said a couple of das ago that he wondered if I 'needed to talk to someone'. I gave him that 'look' . While I personally do not think I am experiencing PND, not now at least, DH certainly is seeing me in a different light which makes me want to keep an eye on it. I feel like it is exhaustion, put too much pressure on myself over the last few weeks (months even?) and DD has been hard to deal with (DH and DD together more like it!). So for now, I am going to put mine down to tiredness, having a newborn and a toddler, having In-laws invade my space and give it some time. But like you clearly are, I will be aware of it, in case it becomes more than that.

You are a strong woman. You will cope, whether it is tiredness and need some time when kids are at school, or some more support from gp/midwife/us, either way, you should know you are a good mother and woman.

Reuben is fast asleep and if last night was anything to go by, will be for a while. So, really, i should go to bed, as in the middle of the night i wished i did last night, but right now i am enjoying the now rare time child free! Oh the dilemna.

Its not even like there is anything decent to watch on tv to make it worth it!

BBL It will all come right with a bit of time. Please don't tie yourself up in knots about the bf. I had a battle with the bf with DS1 and had to give up. It upset me for a long time, when really I should have just stopped worrying about, because looking at my DS1 now, he is strong, happy and bright little boy and I couldn't wish for anything more. Wook is right about bfing being chaotic, I don't think I would have got this far if I had school runs for 2 DC each day combined with lack of sleep at night. I had a taster of doing school runs (as a childminder) when DS1 was a few months old. It was flippin tiring that I had to give up my school run job as it got too much for me. I can understand how this can all mount up. It's good you've acknowledged you are feeling like this, some mums bury their head in the sand and struggle on. You must try and eat well, your loss of appetite won't be helping your mood. Try and get some healthy snacks so you can munch on the go. It will help your fatigue and give you a boost. We can't run on empty.

BBL if you are not eating properly you may also be low in Iron which will make you feel even tireder so might be worth getting some supliments.

You are not alone though, I find this hard to write/admit but I have been having dreadful anxiety attacks with awful thoughts of dreadful things happening to my family. It's not nice because you just really want to enjoy this time.

Have you thought about doing a relaxation tape or exercise? If you cant sleep a bit of R&R might be the next best thing?

The 'give it a week' plan sounds like a good one. I'm pretty sure most of us would be feeling anxious and stressed knowing DH is back to work tomorrow and the DCs back to school, as well as getting over all the Christmas madness. See how you feel when things are a bit more normal. Actually, Give It A Week may well be my new parenting motto.

Wook I also find it hard reading about pain-free childbirth, especially this time as James was really really sleepy for days and I felt like I'd drugged him. I really don't know how anyone does it without anything.

Ninja I've had lots of panic attacks before and often that seems to be related to what I've eaten/ drunk and lack of sleep too, so make sure you look after yourself.

It's a very anxious time having a new baby. Even with DD, when I was on a total high, I realised one day that every time I held her I had my teeth tightly clenched. I must have been tense the whole time.

BBL sending some more hugs your way. Like others have said, you have always been so kind and supportive on this thread. I, and others I'm sure, really admire you as a mum to your three lovely boys. I'm sure they certainly think you are doing an amazing job. Although I ca live without 'routine' as such I am a right control freak and if I feel I am not 'on top' of things, in my own mind, even if others tell me I am, I get really stressed. So I appreciate these words may not help. But they are sincere and I hope they do in some way.

pav my boobs are definitely not as firm and hard as they were and yes, I has squirted Rosa with a jet of milk in the eye once or twice too!

re expressing - I have tried twice now with a mnaual pump and nothing comes out! I give a quick squeeze with my fingers and there is milk there but with the pump, nothing! Grr!

Congrats on naming your little on sass I taught and absolutely gorgeous and lovely Tristan once and have really liked the name ever since.

Oh and on the pain-free childbirth...? This amazing mw said to me as I was leaving the birth centre to be admitted to hospital and have epidural 'Don't beat yourself up. You're doing the best for you and your baby. 90% of women who have epidurals do so because they're simply too tired. If anyone tells you they had a pain-free birth, or did it without drugs? It just means it was short.'

Who knows how true but it made me feel a lot better!

laugs - the teeth clenching thing! I have been getting such headaches and keep realising I'm doing it. It happens to me during the night a lot - I think I am tense that she will wake and be grumpy. During the day I have DH to help but he sleeps through it at night unless I really need help.

hi, can I join this group? Dd was born 22 nov (i was previously waddlelikeaduck!)...

She's doing well now, had a nightmare 2-3 weeks of collic but, touch wood, a low stimulation evening routine seems to work and she's getting the idea re sleep at night, although the other night she was wide awake between 1 and 5am!!

Bf-ing doing well, feel like I'm permanently attached at times and she can be fussy about which boob to use...

The hardest thing I'm finding is during the day she'll fall asleep but if I dare to put her down in her moses basket she wakes within 5-10 mins and so am having to do everything with her in my arms ir superfast! Any suggestions about how to encourage her to sleep on her own? Also, when is it effective to try and put them down still awake to fall asleep unaided?

Look forward to chatting with you all!

hi...been too busy to be around. colicky baby and he has fed 2hourly most of his life.
clenched teeth here to.........
hugs to all

Hi guys you are so kind to me. Thanks for all your kind words. Another bad night - flappy fit at 5am because I'd been awake since 2am (finally fell asleep at 7am for 1/2 an hour only to be woken by next door's cat having a fight with our cats under the bed!). I feel so guilty for making such a big fuss when I've done this before and coped before so what is wrong with me this time? Feel like a zombie. I've made an appointment with the doctors but I think I am just being a drama queen now. I just want to be able to sleep!!! I just want to relax and enjoy being a mum to everyone. Before Toby was born I was running around like mad working, looking after everyone, being busy and now? I can't seem to do it.

BBL I think a trip to the docs is a good idea, if for nothing else than to just let them know how you're feeling and to get an idea of what support would be available should you need it.
You sound a lot like me, in that you put all your family first before you and your normal mode is the efficient do-er in the family getting the kids sorted and running the house, whilst holding down a job. I tried to carry on being that person with DS1 and cracked under the strain. This time around I'm not trying, I've made a conscious decision not to attempt to do everything, or be everything to everyone as it's my needs that then get left to one side - needs such as rest, sleep and just the ability to chill!

Can you make a list of things you can drop and stick it on the fridge to remind yourself not to worry about them?
Can you rearrange your day somehow to get some rest? I think the sleep deprivation seems to be the major thing for you, and it's a downward spiral.
What can your DH fit in around his work day? Can he start to do dinner for you to ease off the gas when he gets home?
I am my own worst enemy at times, not taking the chance to nap when it's there and feeling like I have to do things. Are you the same? My Mum keeps telling me to make sure I'm taking the help and asking for it when I need it.
Sometimes I think we see asking for help as an admission we can't cope, and see that as failing. If you recognise this as you too, then you need to put that to one side and start asking!

How old is your eldest? Can he do some jobs for you to help? Maybe in return for pocket money or a treat?

wook, laugs and raggie am with you all in the pain free labour camp. My last labour was quick (3.5 hours) and so done on gas and air. This time had so many false alarms and took so long that I had the pethidine because I was so tired. Even then it still took another 6 hours and I wasn't getting on with it, and was mentally hindering myself.
If I think about it I get sad I didn't do better ... so am just not thinking about it. Am with the mw who said pain free ones are mainly short. Labour is hard and painful so we get through them the way we can.
There's enough guilt in just being a mum so we owe it to ourselves not to add to it!

issysmilkbottle welcome to the thread! Are you swaddling? That can help settle for naps as it makes them still feel cuddled and secure. Alternatively roll up t-shirts and put them down the sides of the basket so the area baby lies in is narrower.

Good night here, DH in spare room so bed to myself. DS2 woke at 5am and fed well, woke at 7:30 so brought him into bed to feed lying down but he didn't really want any so we both fell back asleep until 9! He's fed for about 40 mins so am hoping we've moved on from the 2 hourly spurt into something more manageable so I can get things done.

Hope you're all well

issysmilkbottle welcome to you and your DD! Is she your first? If she is fussing when you put her down, do you use a sling/front carrier when walking around with her? If not, i suggest you do, as it will free up your hands and allow you to do so much more, such as go to the loo, or make a cuppa, go for a walk as well as the boring housework stuff. It will also help keep her calm and secure as she nuzzles into you, and hopefully sleeps! My DD hated being left on her own, i used to do everything with her in the front carrier, she loved to sleep while i hoovered! Reuben is more likely to be content in his rocker, however, he also prefers to be held, so when DH is not able to hold him when I want, i shall start to use the front carrier more. I need to buy a new one actually as the ones i have are either rubbish or too warm for indoors.

Reuben has a virus, with a horrid cough and viral spots over his chest. He had a really bad night and this morning woke with a snotty nose just on one side. He did not sleep well (or was that me?!), fussing, could not lie down flat (not that he likes to anyway, now he has an excuse!) as he kept choking on his cough, which is dry and painful sounding. The Dr was besotted with Reuben, to the point that she was not listening at me, rather she was grinning inanely at him and had to apologise! He is fine though, so chest infection, and is happy enough, although not eating as much as normal, i think he is drinking for fluid rather than food atm. Dr said it is ok to give him paracetamol (half spoon) to make him feel better and to give him a steam in the bathroom at night if he can't settle. His first cold, poor little boy!

So, with bf'ing - he hardly ate anything during the night, even though he took some, it was not a full amount. I woke with full boobs. Should I have expressed? Will this affect my milk supply? Should I express this morning as he has not eaten as much? I might do a thread about it, just for some advice from those on now as well.

scarlotti and others - short labours are not always painfree . 4 hours, was the most painful 4 hours i have ever experienced! More painful than my 18 hour labour last time, and no time for the pain releif I wanted! Rest assured, had i had time for more pain releif, i would most certainly have had it! There is absolutely no point in being a martyr when itcomes to pain and childbirth. It hurts, there are drugs to help, and being a new mother is hard enough without the trauma of a hard hard labour if it can be avoided at all.

hi all, have been lurking the past couple of days. but didnt know what to write.
re natural births/pain relief, it doesnt really matter how you get the baby here, healthy babies are what matters. everyone on here is amazing. x

Welcome Issy Scarlotti thanks for the bf advise x

Short labours R Us - that's me. DS2 was 2 hours and got no pain relief on account of being in the car most of the time!!! I think if I had 24 hour labours I'd be screaming for the epidural. 4 hour labours are painful but perhaps when you have a short labour you don't get to that point when you demand more pain relief.

Been to the doctors and he was really, really understanding. He described me as Mrs Normal. He's given me a perscription for diazapem or something which I will only use if really, desperate. He said I was borderline PND in his opinion and wants to keep an eye on me. I feel much better for just going and talking about it. I am really tired again today but I've just got to sort my head out and realise that even if I don't sleep the world won't end. I've had sleep problems in the past, worse than this. So I can get through it. I just need to turn the negative thoughts in my head to positive ones. I'm determined not to get beaten down.

Scarlotti your suggestions are really good. I will try some of those. DS1 is already really helpful. He's a star (he's six). DS2 is pretty good too.

BBL I hope the doctor is helpful and that your day is going ok today. How annoying about the cats - the last thing you needed. You have my total sympathy on the sleeplessness. DH has bouts of insomnia and I can see that it is the most frustrating, horrible thing. Would it help to not try to go to sleep? Settle down with a good book (or a really boring one instead) and just see what happens?

Pavlov at this stage I don't think you'd need to worry about your supply if DS sleeps through the night or doesn't take too much in a feed, although I'm sure others with more experience can advise you. If your boobs are sore expressing might help. I wake up very full every morning (unless it's been an awful night) and on the rare occasion I'm up before him, I've expressed a bit to make myself comfortable and to hopefully use during his long cluster feeds during the evening, to give me a break. Glad Reuben seems to be feeling a bit better. It's awful when they are ill, isn't it?

I think I wrote about pain-free labour last night, when I actually meant pain relief-free. I'm sure every labour is bloody painful! I am in awe of those who can do it without drugs, though I agree it's best not to think about it too much any more!

x-posted BBL. Glad the doctor was helpful and now you have the prescription if you need it.

BBL, I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling great. It is definitely a good idea to speak to the doctor. And I think you have already got lots of good advice here. We should never forget that our mothers and grand mothers had a lot more support of the family and it is different now when everybody lives on their own. They had time to just focus on the baby while someone else took care of house and siblings. We have to drop certain chores or ask someone for help to make sure we don't go crazy.

Issy, you seem to have the same kind of problem than I have. My advice:

1. Accept it! (I was constantly worried, annoyed,... and that didn't change the situation at all)
2. It will get better. They are still so little and have spent 9 months inside the cosy womb.

What I usually do: If Paula really needs the sleep, I sit down with her and watch TV (if this is possible) or put her in the sling and I can still do whatever I need to do. When she has already had a couple of good naps or I know that there will be enough time, I try to put her into her Moses Basket (with a nice sheep skin) or into her corner on the couch, surrounded by the bf pillow to make it narrow. Obviously I want her to be able to sleep on her own during the day too.(She doesn't have any problems anymore being on her own when awake) Things like my own T-Shirt or "preheating" through sitting in her corner did not work for us but I think the right moment is crucial. I have to wait and cuddle her for quite a while before putting her there. I think, her sleep is then deeper and she doesn't realise the temperature change.

Becky have you read that book What Mothers Do? I know I keep banging on about it but it really is very reassuring. There is a chapter called something like 'I was so tired I thought I'd die' (). It's just nice to know that is normal I suppose.

Also, don't feel because you are experienced that means you can't find it hard. I am finding it much harder this time than with DD (or perhaps I've just forgotten the hard bits). When you have older children it's impossible to switch off from normal life and immerse yourself in the baby bubble.