Nov 09 and we're feeling fine, feeding, burping, not enough sleeping - that's us!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Just thought I'd better create a new thread.

Raggie how about a trip to Burford?

whats the theme Erika? sorry missed that bit.

Annabelle has been sleeping really well, she only woke for feeds at 12 2 and then at 6.30 last night (she only had two ounces at 2 tho) and settled again quickly, which seems to be the tiring bit for me usually. I dont know what I should be doing with her in the day-time when she is actually awake amusement-wise at the moment tho.

dh came back with a food processor with blender last night which was an unexpected suprise. he thought id been disappointed that i hadnt got one for christmas, which I was slightly as I want to be able to do the baby's food in it when it comes to weaning.
He also bought me some pretty eyeliners, mascara and two nailpolishes which is sweet. (either that, or he is thinking im not making much effort looks-wise at the moment.) so have bright blue sparkly nails this morning, courtesy of dh who wanted to paint them for me last night.

Trikken I know what you mean. They are still so young so unable to 'play' exactly but do have brief periods of being awake, a bit more than the first few weeks. I put Toby on the changing table for periods of time, he seems to like that (he's now 6 1/2 weeks old). He's not so fussed on the bouncy chair yet but hopefully he'll get to like it as he is a bit more stable. Or I just lay him on the floor and let the cats and DSs play around him! We did have a baby gym for the other DSs but I need to find the inner ring bit which needs to be blown up.

I wondered why the thread had gone quiet. Your all over here!

Alfie had a visit from the nurse today. At 3weeks 4days he weighs in at 13lb 4ox and is on the 99.6th Percentile.

I dare not get on the scales. Non of my clothes fit and I was already carrying extra weight when I fell pg. I think I might have to make a little trip to fat face today for decency's sake in public, then tackle the issue after dr's 6 week check.

I think Alfie has got too used to being handled when asleep and is complaining about going in the moses basket during the day. Should I just leave him to shout in there for a bit? The moment you pick him up he falls back to sleep in your arms.

It's been good reading about every ones christmas. Makes you realise all families come with oddities. My sil has managed to really upset dp and I by refusing to acknowledge her nephew and the rest of the family think this is ok because "she doesn't like babies" (she's 33, not 17!!!). I sat opposite her at a family meal with Alfie on my lap, it was the first time she had seen him and she just acted like he wasn't there, then never even commented on him once during the day let alone said hello to him. She also called her aunt a traitor for holding him! grr I am seething

Laugs I will fb you about Bristol.

Baby screaming, must dash.

Ninja is your sil perhaps broody / jealous? Does she have a partner /want babies? I ask because my best friend's sister is dfoing the same thing and she has been told she can't have babies.

She's always said she doesn't want children. She has quite a lot of issues and I think there is an element of jealousy, not of me having the baby but of the baby getting more attention than her from her parents.
I think her partner would like kids but he's quite under the thumb. He also ignored the baby but I got the impression he was under orders or at least felt pressured into doing so.

The oddest thing is she's a primary school teacher.

I hope your friend and her sil are able to work things out.

sorry, I meant your friend and her sister.

It is a tricky situation. My friend has two sisters who are twins. My friend had a baby boy (not planned, married man with wife due to give birth same week as my friend so they nearly ended up in hospital together - long story, very soap opera-ish) 2 years ago and one of the twin sisters had a girl after years and years of trying a year ago (both twins were anorexic for years). So the unhappy twin has severed all contact (not explicitly - just by not turning up for things, turning up late, being sulky and rude if she does turn up, not talking to her sisters, not acknowledging her neice and nephew etc) with her twin and my friend her elder sister. It is tragic. She can't cope with the situation as she has been told she can't have children because what her anorexia did to her body. The other twin was told the same thing but she got pregnant by luck after she'd given up trying. It is very sad. I do feel very sad for the unhappy twin but my friend has had enough of her behaviour.

Sorry your SIL is being like she is. Very strange, esp her being a teacher.

Where is the 'heavy snow' they promised today? It is raining here.

PS My friend didn't realise the father of her baby was married. She found out when she was eight months pregnant!

for your friend. That's an awful situation to find yourself in 8mnts pg.

Sil also has not been turning up for things, not visiting if she comes to Bristol, turning up very late if she shows up at all and playing the disapearing game by not answering phone for days so mil gets frantic with worry.
She has self harmed in the past so mil won't dare to challenge her behaviour and tries to make light of it or normalise it but that just draws attention to it and makes the whole thing more uncomfortable.

Alfie does have lots and lots of family who do love him very much though so it's her loss really.

No snow here, just icy rain. brrr, not going out today. DP is off to the pub later to see a mates band, ds is at a friends for the night so just me and baby this evening.

Ninja, re. Alfie's sleeping - you could try putting him in the Moses basket but rubbing his tummy or stroking his head so he learns to fall asleep in there rather than in your arms..? (I'm passing this advice in the full knowledge that it never worked with my first child and honestly, it really seems to depend on what model baby you have!) Possibly better advice is just to get him to sleep by any means possible until he's twelve weeks old, and then start thinking about a sleep routine...

Trikken, re. amusement for teenies - I think that in the early weeks, they can't see very far at all and they're principally interested in staring at faces. I just propped both of mine so they were near to my face, and then got on with reading my novels - occasionally, I'd look over and make cheery faces at them. Playing with their hands is supposed to help stimulate their brains ('This little piggy...' 'Round about the garden, like a teddy bear...') at this stage, and you can put on classical music if you want them to grow up to be wildly intellectual or just put on whatever you like best! When you have visitors, chuck the baby at them and tell them to hold the baby within twelve inches of their face and smile a lot. Singing is good too.

Eventually you will meet the mothers who complain about how hard it is to find good Shakespeare audio CDs for toddlers, and how little Agatha's favourite opera is La Boheme. You can definitely take the 'stimulating your baby' thing too far.

At ten weeks, Arthur is starting to make game, uncoordinated swipes with his fists when he sees an exciting object, and he's loving me hanging toys from his car seat frame. He also keeps hitting himself in the face with his right fist - I think he's trying to get it into his mouth, and I'm going to make the prediction now that he'll be right-handed like his brother. (Think I remember DS 1 being a bit more ahead at this stage, but then, he was born a full month after Arthur.) He's also starting to grab at my clothes and hair in a vaguely purposeful fashion, and I think that the 'grab everything and lever it towards my mouth' stage is only a few weeks away. We've got him those little rattling toys that strap onto his wrists and ankles, so he kicks about excitedly with those.

Eye colour, people - when does it change, and when can you tell properly what it's going to be? DS 1 had light, pale eyes right from the start with no apparent pigment in them, so there was no doubt that they'd wind up pale blue, but Arthur's are a dark slate grey and I wonder if they might go green..?

tamlin, just consulted my book and it says eye colour is fixed between 3 and 6 months. Later in some cases. I love your tips on keeping littleuns occupied. Lucy started to be more alert in daytime and staring at our faces.

ninja, sorry to hear about the immature relatives, babies do tend to bring out strong emotions in people, don't they? It is a shock to discover they're not always positive.

erika sorry to hear things are difficult at home again. Can you not escape to dp's? Hope Bryn's toe heals up nicely, poor sausage.

Quiet day here, bf'ing, expressing and ff'ing. HV came to see us in the morning and lo's put on 4oz (80g) since Sunday. Nipples feel like they may be thinking about healing, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed we can start going back to bf exclusively soon.

NYE - I think we'll have friends and their 6 month old boy round. DH will cook dinner and I may be persuaded to stay up to welcome the new year in. We've spent the NYE at home just the two of us for a few years now so not really that bothered. And definitely not in a partying mood this time round.

Tamlin I've been wondering about eye color too... they're still blue over here, and getting lighter, but neither of us has blue eyes so I'm guessing they'll be like her dad's - more of a green/hazel. She's not quite 5 weeks though so we may be waiting a while to find out.

I was (finally) discharged from the MW yesterday, and she told me that I should leave two years before our next child to recover from the c-section. Not that we were planning on having one sooner, but I felt a little sad that I'd been "ordered" not to...

longway do you know if this is what they usually recommend or is this your particular case? We wanted to have about 16 - 18 month gap. Can't believe I'm saying this. We had discussed it before Lucy was born but immediately after the birth we said next time we're adopting!

Longway as a CSer myself I'm also wondering if that is general advice?

Tamlin Alfie's eyes are slate too. DP and I both have green eyes so expect that will be his colouring.

Skorpion yes it's funny what emotions such a little thing can raise.

Hope you are all well.

Nobody said anything to me about leaving a large gap after a c-section - I definitely know that you're not considered as good a prospect for a VBAC if you get pregnant within a year of the section, but didn't know that it was considered a bad idea to get pregnant at all..?

(Not considering a third. No. Although I AM enjoying the baby period an awful lot more the second time around...)

skorpion and ninja - Really don't know, she said it in a very casual way so maybe it's just a guideline?

I'd like to try for a VBAC so I'm willing to wait if it gives me a better shot at that. I'd guess if you were to get pregnant sooner than 2 years afterward they might be more likely to recommend an elective CS? If either of you get a chance to ask your doctor I'd be curious to hear what they say.

I like the idea of playing classical music to make them intellectual!!! Toby loves Fairy Tale of New York (yes, it really calms him down!) so what will that mean for his IQ I wonder? DS1 used to be made to listen to Badly Drawn Boy About a Boy soundtrack every day as it used to calm him. He's on the gifted and talented register so maybe... DS2 on the other hand had to put up with Cbeebies theme song CD.

Regarding eye colour - DS1 and DS2 changed at 6 months from deep blue to brown and browny green respectively.

HI all,

ninja I'm having the same issues with sleeping and the moses basket over here. He seems to only sleep with a nipple in his mouth, then I have to perform a major stealth operation to get him in his basket without waking him up.

Last night and today have been a nightmare. He barely slept all night, 1.5 hours at a time at most, was constantly fretting for the boob, then falling asleep at it having not properly eaten. Today is exactly the same and I'm exhausted and miserable. I've been in tears because I'm so miserable, but also because I wish I wasn't wishing away this time when he's so small and fragile - but I can't help it. DH thinks this is a terrible time and is very impatient with it / him / my 'pandering' (i.e. not letting him cry it out in his basket - I think he's too young for that).

I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with this breastfeeding. i worry that he doesn't get enough (and DH keeps saying that he doesnt) or that he's not latched properly to get all the milk he should. It's so hard not knowing how much they are getting. I did manage to express 40mls earlier which was a triumph, and we fed it to him just now. He took it all - so perhaps he isn't getting enough from the boob? Oh lord.

Sorry to dump. I felt so confident with the BF yesterday and now it's all gone. We are almost 3 weeks into the legendary 6 week nightmare period. Must hang onto that.

tamlin sounds like Arthur is doing brilliantly! We have those wrist rattles too, I think they are a great idea.

erika sorry to hear about both the parents and the potential dietary restrictions! My thoughts are with you...

Thanks for the poo advice everyone! Great news re: sleeping fruit and BBL. Perhaps things are starting to even out for you both...

I'll need to make a note to ask my gp about vbac at the 6 week check up.

Oooh, I played some Bach to Lucy on Christmas Day - no idea what she thought of it. Our tastes are rather eclectic so I'm hoping hers will be, too. No opera, though. My sister is sending over some music we know from Polish kids' telly and radio, so looking forward to refreshing some memories.

Sass 3 weeks is when I gave up BF DS1 so I know it is hard at that stage. Isn't it a growth spurt at 3 weeks that makes them feed more? At the time I hadn't known about growth spurts and I gave up thinking I was running out of milk and it wouldn't end (the constnat feeding). I'm sure if I'd stuck at it with DS1 I'd have more chance of sticking with feeding DS2 and Toby too so don't lose heart yet.

laugs thanks for links to BFing sites - think mine's going ok and Rosa is putting on weight, but useful to check on the latch and stuff. Although she hasn't been weighed for almost 2 weeks now what with Xmas and so on. Going to go after NY.

We are going to have a chilled and lovely (hopefully) NYE here just the three of u too and I think it's a good idea. NYE is a BIG deal in Scotland and last year we were in a house with4 other couples plus on 3 mth old (brave parents!) right off the main street in Edinburgh - we were actually within the street party zone which was great. But a chilled one this year is fine by me. Probably sleep through it... here's hoping!

And tamlin I feel very reassured by the techniques you use for stimulating arthur! I am always thinking - shouldn't I be doing soething with her? When she's awake. Grandad got her a playmat for Xmas which has pictures and rattles and musical light toy too (plays Handel and Mozart!) which she loves. Thing is, when she's in there, I then think 'Is she going to get over-stimulated..?'

My NCT teacher said ' A mother's place is in the..... wrong' = she meant according to everyone else, but we don't make it easy on ourselves do we?!

Oh and thanks for the tips on where to go in Oxforshire - unfortunately it's been raining so horribly for the WHOLE day we just hibernated instead...

BBL glad to hear you're getting some sleeeep. You deserve it!

Sorry, sass, xposted. It is so, so difficult. As you know, I was in pieces on Sunday, but today has been much better - moral of the story is it will get better for you. It is hard to say if they are getting enough from the boob, you can't see what the Bean is swallowing. How is his weight? Babies do just feed constantly in the early days and as long as he's gaining and seems OK then you just need to grin and bear it. Remember: short term thinking! One day at a time.

It is so difficult to have to battle with DH in addition to your worries. Can you talk to him and explain that his complete support and belief in you is what is most needed at this fragile time? Babies should not be left to cry it out, they need their mamas to calm them and give them the sense of security and warmth. This is such an important time when the Bean is learning about you and that he can always rely on you to be on his side. Don't worry about spoiling him, you will not spoil him by comforting him.

Can you get some support with the feeding from a mw or hv? They know their stuff and can take you to step 1 time and time again. However long it takes.

Don't give up, chick, you are doing a great job. I hope it's a better night for you tonight.

Sass I'm sorry you are feeling upset and worried about the bf. The early weeks are very difficult with the constant feeding, but it does get better and better. I was very close to giving up. I was rooted to the sofa hour upon hour and at times I cried and felt overwhelmed. I started to feel more positive around the 4-5 weeks, when the nipples healed and the milk was in good supply, and DS was more settled in his own routine. DS is now 8 weeks old and it feels very natural to stick him on the boob, I don't even think about it. He is now having another growth spurt, so I'm feeding far more often and the more he feeds the more milk i have. You have got this far and not long to go now, but you have to go with what is best for you though.

Have you had him weighed this week? If he isn't gaining then there are ways to increase milk supply, fenugreek is meant to be very good, might be worth a go. Try and get some support from a bf coach. Rest lots. It won't last forever, I promise!

I had a cs with ds but wasn't given a time limit on when to get pregnant again. Ds was 18 months when I got pregnant with Millie and I managed a vbac. Also, my friend got pregnant a year after her cs and was worried the midwife would tell her off! No-one batted an eyelid and although she intended on having another cs she went into labour early and ended up having a vbac too.

sass Just to echo what everyone else is saying about taking things one day at a time and that yes babies do feed alot in the beginning but things will ease up soon. Also, expressing doesn't get out as much milk as a baby would so your little one will be getting more than you think. Are his poo's yellow? If so he will be getting hind milk so should be getting enough milk at every feed. There tummys are so small at 3 weeks that they can't take much so therefore feed little and often. You are doing so well love, keep up the good work and remember this is the hard time, it will get easier!

Sass stick with it if you can. Try phoning the NCT line 0300 300 0771 as they can offer advice on what stage you're at and are great at making you feel so much better about it all.
Trust in your body that it will make enough milk. If you're getting wet and dirty nappies then Bean is getting enough. You never run out of milk, as baby suckles more comes but the flow reduces during the feed so it can feel like it's running out, especially after the engorged feeling of the milk coming in.

We've been 2 hourly feeding here until 6pm then hourly since then so you're not alone.

Also having slight problems with the naps, he's not napping as deeply because of the constant feeding so on me or DH he'll sleep, but not in his chair or pram as before!
I'll wait until after the 4th when they're all back at work/school and then will think of 'encouraging' him to nap where I want him to.