Hi all, i?ve been awol for a while but finally in a position to join in again so here?s a mammoth post to start...
Benjamin Callum was born just over 3 weeks ago. He was 2 weeks early but the birth was pretty normal. I started getting pains on Monday night and they went from being every 12 mins to every 5 mins by 1am. I phoned the labour ward as i was being closely monitored because of high blood pressure and asked to come in ? i was due in the next day for monitoring and a consultant appointment.
I got there at 3am and was hooked up to a monitor. The consultant came to see me at 8am and as my blood pressure was even higher despite lots of medication he offered me a choice between more tsblets or an induction. To see what the chances were of a successful induction were he did an internal exam and said i was 3cm dilated and would have a baby within 24 hours! Cue another 12 hours of pains every 4/5 mins, lots of monitoring and constant pacing as the pains were longer and more intense if i lay or sat down. My waters broke around 9pm and shortly after i asked for more than gas and air so they gave me pethidine, which had no effect at all and 1 1/2hrs and lots of pushing later, ben was born. I'd been awake for 39hours by then!
The first thing I remember when the midwife picked him up was saying how small he was. We?d had lots of growth scans because of my blood pressure so had been fairly confident at that stage he was just over 6lbs, in fact he was 4lbs 14oz, just an ounce over the limit for going to the special care unit straight away.
We went to the post natal ward and over the next 3 days ben had his blood sugar levels checked most hours, each time with a heel prick so his poor skinny heels were trashed, and even the midwives were reluctant to keep doing it. He was struggling to feed enough to maintain his temperature and sugar levels so after 3 days and a v horrid night he was admitted to the special care unit and had a tube inserted to feed him and went on continuous feed straight in to his tummy to stabilise him. I called DH and told him and then the next morning I was watching the army being dispatched to my home town in Cumbria because of the flooding and trying to figure out if DH could get to the hospital or if all the roads were closed off! Thankfully he could still get here.
Over the next week and a half he was taken off continuous feeds and on to 2 hourly feeds, then 4 hourly with some breastfeeds with top ups with me expressing so he mainly had breastmilk. Me and dh were able to room in at the unit after a few days with ben in our room.
It was really hard with daily weigh-ins meaning good days when he?d put on weight and very down days when he?d lost weight. Well-meaning people advising things like ?just feed him if he?s hungry? as though I wasn?t doing that anyway didn?t help my state of mind or confidence. I also had the suggestions that I should give up trying to breastfeed and formula feed him which made me feel as though I was keeping him in hospital unnecessarily, although all the nurses, midwives and feeding advisors were great at trying to reassure me I was doing the best for him.
After 10 days in special care we were discharged with me bf ben with top ups of expressed milk at the end of each feed. We went back 2 days later for a weigh in and he?d put on 3oz and today he?s put on another 11oz so now weighs a grand 5lb 14oz!
I sympathise with everyone who?s having bad days, I am too. Yesterday I spent most of the day in tears as ben was v gassy and couldn?t feed properly. In the end we switched to formula for the day as I think it was something I ate the day before that caused i,t but my confidence in my mothering skills are so low that I found it difficult to cope with any change in his (barely established) routine or temperament.
I?m trying to take it 1 day at a time but tiredness is a big factor here. So to cut a long story short, I?m glad it?s not just me. I hope to have more time on here now we?re at home and dh i s back at work as i definitely appreciate the support on here