Well, I was going to post earlier on but then read Amber's post and had to go to scream and be excited!
Now I've composed myself. Watching Susan Boyle - she's an odd one.
Having Christmas stress - need to see inlaws, but so that I could have a relaxing time and not dread it over Christmas I suggested going before Christmas. That won't do apparently - at Christmas there's 'food around' but going before Christmas means more planning for MIL and cuts down on her preparation time. (She is highly organised, will need to cater for us whenever we go; I eat what I get, being veggie - cheese sandwich, bag of chips from the chippy... And 'food being around' - yeah, turkey sandwiches, spare sausage rolls etc.)
I have a little joke - it was told to me by an engineer boyfriend of mine, but is relevant still because I married a lawyer.
So, an engineer dies and goes to heaven. He gets to the pearly gates, and St. Peter checks his book. Peter says 'sorry, but there's no record of your name here'. The engineer says 'surely I'm down? I was sent to the pearly gates, not the other place? Couldn't you check higher up?' St Peter goes away to talk to God, but comes back looking sad. 'I'm really sorry mate' says Peter 'but you're not in my book. He says if your name's not down you're not getting in. He's obviously God and doesn't make mistakes. Ever. You're a lovely chap, but He says it's the other place for you. Sorry.'
Downcast, the engineer goes down to Hell, and is welcomed by Lucifer. He's shown to his room and whilst it's not up to scratch, he decides to make the best of it for, well, eternity.
After a while, he gets quite fed up of the heat, and being an engineer, goes to investigate. He finds the main boiler, which hasn't been checked for years. He has a little tinker, gets a new thermostat, and Hell becomes a lot more cool and bearable. There's still a smell of burning flesh, though, so he goes to check the air con filters, which need replacing. He does that, and puts in some relaxing lavender essential oil whilst he's at it. Drainage and the sewers also get the once over, and he tidies the place up and makes it livable.
So, Hell now has clean running water and flushing toilets; hot tubs and spa baths; it's a lovely temperature, smells great and everyone is pretty relaxed. Word gets out, and God realizes that things aren't working out as they should, so he nips downstairs to visit his old enemy.
'Aright, Nick?' 'Darling! What brings you here?' God explains that Hell has become really pleasant - perhaps as pleasant as heaven but without the real flowers (it smells of flowers though). He asks who is behind all of this. 'Thing is, Darling' says the Devil, 'It's this engineer you sent down.' 'Must have been a mistake - the guy is clearly one of mine - look at all the good work!' 'Nope, you sent him here.' 'Well I want him now, he's shown he would fit in!' 'No way.' God gets a bit angry, and demands that the devil gives him the engineer. The devil refuses. In the end, God says 'right, that's it. I'll sue you!' And the devil says...
'And where do you think you're going to get a lawyer?'