December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Ah Dundee, that's terribly . Perhaps presenting FIL with one of DD's pictures for her Granny could break the ice a bit? Followed by asking what you can do to help (rather than asking if they need any help IYSWIM). Other than that, just make the most of the time she has left, is she going for any treatment to help control it? Radiotherapy or anything? I think that is the same type of cancer my Mum had, although there was none left in her pancreas by the time they found it, it had moved to other places leaving just scarring to show it had been there . Big hugs xxx

Oh Dundee, I am sorry to hear about your step-Mil. But, how sweet is your dd?

Sorry about your step MIL dundee

Oh Dundee, very sorry to hear about that, how hard that must be for all of you, and her in particular of course. I am sure you will find the right way to support your FIL.

On the potty training front dd2 went to toddlers without a nappy today - so far, so good. She went on the toilet this morning and at school, and when she got home I plonked her on her potty in front of the tv and she produced the goods, both No 1's and No 2's! I am astonished, although it's no big deal here where they toilet train very early (some before they are one apparently )

She has also been in her toddler bed for three nights and again so far so good.....Oh she is growing up too fast!

Skid - if you are reading this still, I recall one of our first "conversations" was when we both started potty training our dd's. Now look at us!

thanks all, esp. beckle for v good idea. am far, far more articulate in print than in person - if I could just write everybody a nice letter or card that would suit me fine but I really struggle to get it right in person at times.
beckle again, as far as i know she can have palliative chemo and there are a few surgical options i.e. stents for bile ducts etc. but the prognosis is 8 to 30 weeks. not enough time to have another baby, which is somehow particularly distressing. not that we're planning anything, but to lose one life before we could create another seems so bleak.

at least i have been let of nct-ing duties for a few months by kindly fellow-committee member who very thoughtfully sacked me today, albeit temporarily.

Dundee - @ NCT sacking, how thoughtful of them

Claraq you are missingf the worst winter we have had in 20 years!

My house is on the market now!

dundee - so sorry to hear about your step-MIL. How absolutely awful. My dad has also been diagnosed with cancer (though not terminal - can't even imagine how terrible that would be )and I think he has really appreciated regular phone calls and visits, and I have done lots of research into his cancer which I think he has found helpful. But of course it is very different when it is not your actual parent. How has your DH been?

My dad's cancer has spread again after two operations so he is really down - will have one more op and then maybe some radiotherapy if that doesn't do it. It is so awful because each time we think this will be it and they will have got it all and then there is bad news again

beckle - I didn't know you had lost your mum to cancer - I always thought you say exactly the right thing when someone talks about a parent who is very ill and now I see why

Anyway on to happier things... great news re tax credits clairey although about your sis going away as I know you are really close to her - particularly hard at when you have made this big move. What is the situation with your H btw if you don;t mind me asking? Are you still doing lots of things together as a family but living separately - or was Xmas day a one-off?

BT - ttc no.2 - how exciting - will wait for good news...

clara - yes I do remember way back then when our little DDs were potty training - seems like a lifetime away! Very impressed at your DD2 - DS is nowhere near ready although we are going to try and move him into a bed tonight (gulp) so he doesn;t think baby no.3 has stolen HIS cot when the time comes...

Oh, and... (belated) Happy new year everyone

oh my goodness - my post was drowning in s! Here are a few s to even things out!

[smil e] [s mile][smi le]

Oh no, awful about your dad too skid

WRT H definitely not doing lots as a family. We were at my parents' over xmas and he came over for some of the day then left (shortly after dd wee'd on him ). He has dropped dd off at preschool a couple of times (something he couldn't possibly do before) and come round here for 10 mins once or twice in the evening. Oh and he had them for one saturday (11-4ish). He is in Botswana right now and I'm finding the distance quite nice!

Skid - oh about your dad, sorry to add another , I really hope the ops and treatment sort it out. We moved dd2 into a big bed about a week ago and unbeliveably she is sleeping much better - through the night again most nights, apart from the occaional cry for her dummy, and this morning she didn't want to get up at all! Hopefully will be the same for your ds.

Clairey - I assume that is you who has name changed so radically!! Must be tough for you, I hope you can get some sort of regular contact between your H and dc's as I guess some sort of routine will be better for them.

BT - I am half jealous of missing the snow, but it does seem to have been going on for an awful long time now!

I have just booked our tickets for Disney - am so excited!

Clara yep it's me

DS nearly murdered me last night. He came and got in bed with me at some point and went straight back to sleep so I did too. Then I semi came to and realised I was feeling dizzy and couldn't breathe properly but was only half awake. Kept thinking I need to move but couldn't wake up enough to do it iykwim. When I eventually did wake up enough to move I realised ds was lying with his elbow pressing down onto my neck. Quite scary! No lasting damage other than bloodshot eyes and a stiff neck.

yikes freakoid/clairey that's something that anti-co-sleeping police never warn us about!

Hello everyone!
Much sympathy on the parents with cancer front. Luckily have never experienced that first hand.

[no linkage here intended] I have been today to the funeral of a friend's mum which was very moving. I never actually met her but wnated to be there for my friend even though it was a 7 hr round trip (stayed overnight). Catholic family which was a new experience to me - realised I've never actually been to a catholic mass before! 6 kids remaining of 8 - and they filled in the grave after. I've never seen that done before?

Freakoid (what a name!) I hear you re H. Have done LOTS of thinking about the situation with my ex-H / DD1's father and reached 2 very clear conclusions: (i) it is not my role or responsibility to negotiate or orchestrate a relationship between DD1 and her father and (2) to even try and do so would be doomed to failure anyway given than he refuses to talk to me and will only communicate by email. The best I can do is try and be the best possible mum to my DDs, make sure they know I love them etc. It probably sounds really simple and logical but I have to say its been something of an epiphany for me as I've been agonising over how to try and make it better.

Have also decided to get a dog! Any suggestions for something small and manageable...?

that sounds like a very sensible conclusion you've come to buzzy - sometimes these things do take a long time to sort out in your head, but then you feel so much better for having done so.

clairey (you know none of us can POSSIBLY call you Freakoid!!!) - sounds a bit difficult with your H - do you think he would be agreeable to regular access arrangements? Does he just pop round for 10 mins or does he warn you first? How are you feeling about the whole situation now? Are you pleased with your decision? I hope so (and it sounds like it). How is he about it?

clara - DS was also fine with his new bed - has slept through every night as usual. He calls it his 'me night night' which is a bit longwinded as I know he knows the word bed too! How is your DD2's potty training going? Am a bit but know I couldn't be bothered cope with all that atm [selfish emotion]

Thanks for sympathy re my dad - it is nice to be able to talk about it on here as no-one ever mentions it in RL which I find a bit wierd - think they feel awkward bringing it up or something...

Buzzy- I agree, it sounds like you have reached a very sensible conclusion. There are a lot of single mothers here in St Lucia, it is very common to bring children up without a father present and most of them seem to be fine. I think it is important that they still have some sort of male presence in their lives, but this is more so for the boys. Hopefully dd1's dad will realise how much he will be missing out on if he doesn't make the effort to keep in touch with his daughter. Crumbs, just typing that makes me realise how different men and women are on the whole, can you imagine wanting to move to a different country from your children?????

Anyway I digress!

Skid - potty training going ok but still not sure whether we have done it too early (although it is on her insistence). She is brilliant with the wees and at school just takes herself off and goes on her own, as they have a little toddler-sized toilet. At home she will sometimes ask but I usually keep asking her and she does go when I put her on the toilet at certain times of the day, eg morning, before bath etc. We don't have many accidents, none yesterday.

However pooing is a little different as she has never asked to go and if we don't have an accident it is because I predict when she needs to go and make her sit on the potty or she does it in her nappy in the morning. However, clearing up really is SO much easier when your house is tiled throughout, no carpets.

SOrry I am really going on - can you tell I don't talk to many people in the day time hours??????

Dundee I know, so much focus on us rolling on them etc and noone thinks that they might kill us instead! Am sure it's payback for all the times I woke up to find I'd pulled the duvet up round my neck and nearly suffocated ds when he was tiny.

Clara your dd2 sounds more toilet trained than my dd

Skid don't worry you can call me clairey . The name is just something my sister calls me from time to time, usually when I make yet another list!

As for H yes I would prefer a regular arrangement eg every second saturday or whatever but he hasn't wanted to discuss it so now (a bit lke buzzy) I think well if he can't be bothered to come to an arrangement then he won't spend any real time with them and that's his loss. You should have seen his reaction when I said that maybe sometimes he could have them for a whole weekend so I could go stay with friends etc. "But then I won't get a break if I work all week then have to look after them all weekend"

(and is it bad that I find it unbelieveably cute when ds says "oh my god" and don't correct him??)

Men, eh Clairey!

I'm still very jealous on the toilet training. DD2 "graduates" to junior preschool at her creche next week and they have access to a toddler loo there so fingers crossed she'll take the hint! I agree re wooden floors - sadly all carpet here.

Skid, you're right I do feel a lot better. I realise now I'd been blaming myself for not being able to make it all better for her.

Clara, I absolutely agree about male contact. Which is why I'm very pleased she's going to have a male teacher next year ((our school year starts in Feb) and also that my brother and his family inlcuding 2 boys are coming back to live in Wellington next August.

No ideas on the dog front then? Its for DD really. I've been thinking maybe a shih tzu or cross breed. I don't have a big garden.

don;t know much about dogs I'm afraid buzzy although SIL is a veterinary nurse and she says Jack Russells (not even sure if that's the right name!) are great for children

clairey - DD also says 'oh my God' and I also find it cute and don't correct her - although she is 4, not 2, so maybe I should. She also occasionally says 'Jeeeeeeesus' when she drops something along with 'oh my good gracious' which must be from me - never realised how twee I was!

Re your H - hopefully he will soon realise that he is going to have to make an effort if he wants to maintain a relationship with his DC. Thank goodness they have you for a mother so they will be OK (and same goes for your DDs buzzy)!

clara - sounds pretty impressive to me. My DD was completely out of nappies by now which seems almost comical to me now as DS is nowhere near ready. DS's development is so slow in general compared to DD's - the difference is really quite staggering. Better to have DD first though I think as I am not remotely bothered about DS not speaking much etc but think I might have been with my PFB

Feeling VERY fed-up with this pregnancy - I have awful reflux, insomnia (usually not sleeping until about 3am) and worst of all varicose veins (sob) which never ever go away so that is me with old lady legs until the day I die . Also being 8 months preg and pushing a pushchair through the snow don;t go very well together BUT I know I am lucky to be having another baby so I am trying to focus on that (not entirely successfully!).

Wonder how suey is getting on with her pg. Think cazzy might be pg again as well - think I saw her name in an antenatal group - if you're reading this cazzy - CONGRATULATIONS (if I haven't got it wrong!), and if you're reading this suey - hope all is well

Oh sorry Buzzy should have said, BIL has one of those little hairy things bred to go down drains or something, Yorkshire Terrier I think, and he is brilliant with the dd's.

Skid - think of your varicose veins as a mark of honour, three births is something worth honoring! That is how I think of my c-section scar.

And keep repeating the mantra - not long to go, not long to go, not long to go....
...there again that doesn't work so well the 2nd/3rd time as you know the hard bit starts after the birth not before!!! But at least when you DO sleep the quality of sleep is generally better!

Dd1 still doing well with the wees but not the poos, so I am going to have a look on the potty training threads for support!

clara, this may not appeal as an idea but with DD1 I ended up resorting to a jellybean for each poo in the toilet (nothing for wees) and that worked remarkably well. She was nearly 3 by then tho!!

skid, good luck with the last month. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you with all the snow etc. No consolation I know but we've had a rotten summer here so far. Cool and windy. On Tuesday it was 11 degrees at 1pm! Today was quite nice - luckily as had friend in town from New York and I took her up to the zoo. She has 12 mnth old and kept commenting on the huge diff between her DS and DD2 just 1 year apart.

Yes you do have to hope in the end that these selfish men will see what they are loosing. But the problem is that they are also very proud mostly and unwilling to admit mistakes. Or at least that's been my experience with my own father. IIRC BT has has a similar experience?

Hey Buzzy - yes you are correct. My dad was seriously shit at a) regular contact and b) having a civil relationship with my mum.
We've repaired our relationship, but my DTBs will have nothing to do with him. So he lost his sons.

A couple of times DS has asked to have his nappy changed, but he still denies it when you ask him if he has done a poo - despite smelling it clear across the room

He has also been complaining about his night nappies, think he is finding them uncomfortable and has woken up during the night sobbing and pointing at his nappy. It is the only time generally he wants his nappy changing!!

Going to start a thread on nappies thread to get some advice.

Hello gorgeous ladies!!!! So lovely to see all your names and see you've kept it all going, I on the otherhand have been crap! I hope you're all doing ok, apologies but I haven't even tried to read back as it's been way way too long to catch up on, I hope all your little ones are thriving, I saw from a very quick scan that some of you are pregnant, me too!! I just found out this week, very very early days but got me all nostalgic for when we were sat here waiting for the last ones to come. I don't seem to have much time to sit these days life seems to be stupidly busy.
I probably won't manage to keep up much this time either, I am just too scattered, but just wanted to say hello, send a big virtual hug, share my news and say Happy New Year! XXXXXXX

Nice one Melly!!!

Congrats Melly x

wow congrats melly, although sorry to hear you haven't been well - are you OK now?

BT - DS also soaks through cloth nappies at night so we put him in a disposable now - not v. enviro friendly but does the trick - have you had any good advice on nappy forum?

Sorry to hear about all these useless dads although to be fair it was my mum not dad who refused to speak to me or my brother after our parents split up (for about a year - I was 15-16 ) - things OK now but just to say it can be mothers as well as fathers - although much rarer I know