BB - Have an ongoing problem with DP and I in terms of visas and when he is going to go back home (sometime next year - he says by december 2010) and whether he is coming back (he says he is and i think he won't). It all depends on whether he gets a visa or if he even bothers to try and get one sorted at all. TBH, he hasn't tried at all so far, went to a lawyers once and never went back to try again. He isn't meant to be here and there is always the possibility that even if he does try and stay here legally, they will deport him...if that happens he will never get back in the country. Having said that, he hasn't been to a lawyer and found out if there would be a good chance of him trying yet so I don't think he really wants to. He keeps slipping up when he's drunk by saying little things about what he's going to do when he gets back home, but when he's sober, he says that he wants to be in mine and DDs life forever....doesn't act like it though.
On the work front, I am going back part time in January, to a place i've worked in for about 5 years, close to my house and i know alot of the customers and staff. I do like it, but before I was pregnant, I would have been in line for a promotion. I did get pregnant and would still be eligible for the promotion if i hadn't of cut my hours to 24. (I work for a "bargain" clothes shop that looks like a jumble sale all the time!!! - in a busy part of east london) Now, the problem isn't that I now want to work full time, I probably don't but, having worked my arse off for about 5 years in the place and trained the person who they gave the promotion to and having the choice before I went on ML would have given me a bit more to think about. The pay would have been better (about 3.5k more) but the hours would have been demanding. Before I left, I was pretty much in that role anyhow, I just didn't have the money or the title. Now, I'm wondering whether to just screw it and look for something else.
My DP seems to think that I spend my life on the net, but that's because if he is here I have another pair of eyes to watch DD and I can finally catch up, or the times when he comes in, I've finally managed to finish all my chores that I've done in the day, and i know that when I do return to work, it's not going to change, I'll just have the added bonus of taking DD to nursery, working 8 hours, picking DD up from nursery and then doing the household stuff when i get home instead. Frankly, I'd rather eat [bicuit]s instead.
Lastly, all the childcare is let to me and he only bothers to lift a finger if i ask him to. nothing is instinctive, nothing is a case of "oh she's crying, i wonder if she needs changing/feeding/bathing/playing with" it's more a case of "oh she's crying you deal with it so i can watch more bloody football". Honestly, i used to like football, but now if i see that it's on i might have to commit murder....if you hear about it on the news you know what would have happened. Tonight, for example, he was watching football on the tv with the sound off and streaming some football that wasn't on the tv via internet AT THE SAME TIME!!
GRRRRRRRRRRR
I have spoken to him about it on many occasion, but it all goes in one ear and out the other andi find myself wondering what the hell im doing with my life, and why i bother with him in the first place, although having said that the nooky is v good!!!
and breathe and relax - whoooosh!