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April 2009 - Chapter 8 - "Come to mine, I've got stacks of tampons..."

1009 replies

Guimuahahahahahaaaaaaa · 22/10/2009 20:27

12 Feb: Skiingone: MARIANNA 4lb 4oz
20 Feb: Glaskham: RUBY MARIE 4lb 3oz
04 Mar: Barbarella: ESTELLA, ROSANNA, OTIS
05 Mar: Kazkiss: ISABELLE FLORENCE 4lb 6oz & OLIVER THOMAS 3lb 7oz
15 Mar: Babypringle: OSCAR WILLIAM 7lb 2oz
28 Mar: Claireykitten: VIOLET ROSE 7lb 9oz
29 Mar: WhatFreshHell: FELIX DEVLIN ALEXANDER 10lb 5.5oz
31 Mar: Mumblemum: ORSON XERXES
02 Apr: Oddeyes: ELEANOR 9lb 8oz
03 Apr: Bleuravin: MEGAN LILLIAN CONSTANCE
03 Apr: Bumpalump: JACOB 8lb
04 Apr: BabyBolat: KARAHAN 6lb 5oz
05 Apr: Mrsfossil: ISLA LILIAN 7lb 10oz
05 Apr: JumeirahJane: MILLICENT ROSE 5lb 15oz
06 Apr: BoffinMum: FELIX DAVID GORDON 7lb 9oz
08 Apr: girlylala0807 JAMES EUAN
11 Apr: SpringySunshine: GEORGE NATHAN 8lb 15oz
11 Apr: RachelinScotland: CLEMENT JAMES 8lb 14oz
11 Apr: Lou031205: ISLA SOPHIA 7lb 9oz
11 Apr: Electra: ISABELLA CAROLINE 6lb 3oz
11 Apr: AuldAlliance: ALEXANDRE 7lb 6oz
12 Apr: Phdlife: Name TBA GIRL 9lb 3oz
12 Apr: BethDivine: Name TBA GIRL 9lb 9oz
13 Apr: MathsMummy27: AMELIA CHARLOTTE
14 Apr: Purlease: ADAM 9lb 2oz
15 Apr: Juwesm: HUGO GEORGE 9lb 2oz
15 Apr: Bronze: ISAAC JOHN 7lb 14oz
15 Apr: HeidiT: HEIDI
15 Apr: Kalikaroo: Name TBA BOY 8lb
15 Apr: Minush: ZAFIRAH ROSA 7lb 12oz
15 Apr: FatandFedup: EMILIA ROSE 7lb 6oz
16 Apr: PuzzleRocks: HOLLY ELIZABETH 8lb
16 Apr: Brettgirl: HANNAH GRACE 6lb 15oz
16 Apr: ReallyTired: Name TBA GIRL
17 Apr: DungunGirl: ADEN LEE 9lb 4oz
18 Apr: Staryeyed: Name TBA BOY 7lb 11oz
18 Apr: Dawntigga: SAMUAL 5lb 11oz
20 Apr: LuLuBai: SEBASTIAN 9lb
20 Apr: Swaliswan: BETH 7lb 9oz
21 Apr: Kittycatisgettingfat: GABRIELLA AUDREY BIANCA
21 Apr: B52s: SAM MARTIN 7lb 9oz
21 Apr: Schulte: HAZEL LOIS 7lb 9 oz
21 Apr: Mrsgboring: EDMUND 8lb 12oz
23 Apr: Tristaleejac: LEWIN 8lb 4oz
23 Apr: NuttyTaff: TIAHNA SKYE 8lb 8oz
23 Apr: Purplemonkeydishwasher: ISLA ELIZABETH 8lb 14oz
24 Apr: Soon2befamilyof4: TALIA 7lb 6oz
26 Apr: Carameli: THEO LAURENCE 7lb 6oz
26 Apr: Surprisenumber3: EVIE ANNE 8lb 2oz
26 Apr: Bicnod: OSCAR MATTHEW 8lb 1oz
27 Apr: Lauren61: OLIVER STEPHEN 7lb 7oz
27 Apr: Gingersarah: VERONICA ROISIN 9lb 1oz
30 Apr: MegBusset: ARCHIE 8lb 15oz
30 Apr: Elpis: ISLA JESSICA 8lb 11oz
01 May: Satheresitting: Name TBA BOY
03 May: Conkertree: Name ANGUS ANDREW 8lbs 8oz
06 May: Frekkles: HARRIS MERLIN 8lb 5.5oz
07 May: TarteTatin: ALBERT JOHN
10 May: Ilovesummer: Name TBA BOY

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuttSlasher · 10/11/2009 10:51

and on the subject of moving away i only want to move so i'm closer to family and friends lancaster is 2 hours away (my brothers) and its 3 hrs away from bristol so he can still have the girls on his alternate weekends

i need support and i'm not getting it from bristol yet its ok for him to be surrounded by his family and people he grew up with!!

NuttSlasher · 10/11/2009 10:53

a happy mummy, cared for mummy is better for the girls than a lonely scared one surely???

aibu?

bebemoo · 10/11/2009 11:10

no nutty! you do what you need to do! he's the one being stupid abt things

BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 11:23

Go Nutty! woooooooooooohoooooooooooo!! feckwit now if I can only persuade you to go for sole custody (joke!) Well done - it's about bloody time you got what you needed and he realised it's not all going to be an easy ride for him!

BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 11:23

Go nuts, go nuts, go nuts, go nuts!!!

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 10/11/2009 11:28

morning! bebe sorry to hear about your bad night - hope you manage to get some sleep today. sounds like you and DH managed to get some stuff out in the open too, that can only be a good thing.

This parenting business is stressful, there's no doubt about it.

nutty really feel for you, it must be really tricky. Tbh although I think you should definitely push to get the detrimental stuff in the divorce papers removed, I can see both sides on the moving thing.

Yes, it would be better for you to have more support and family near you, but imagine if the situation were reversed, and C was planning to move with the kids to somewhere three hours away from you? Wouldn't you be worried about him uprooting them from everything familiar (school etc) when they're going through some really big upheavals as it is, plus the fact that it would make it much harder for you to visit/have them to see you? I'm not saying he's right, but I think it's really important to make sure that any moves you make are really and absolutely in the kids' best interests.

I would also be tempted to wait until the dust has settled a bit, the divorce and the money are all worked out, and things are starting to feel a bit normal, before making any really big life decisions for you, too. It's still relatively early days, and you don't want to make a hasty decision while you're still emotionally all over the place.

Just my two cents', hope you don't mind

Guimauve · 10/11/2009 11:32

Yes, GO NUTTY!!!! , but please, please, PLEASE stop talking to him at all, do everything through solicitors. Every time you speak to him directly it causes you more heartache; every time you do something thoughtful (like letting him know about changing the petition) because you are a lovely, considerate person, he throws it back in your face. Keep copies of any e-mail contact with him etc just in case. You need to do what is right for you and the girls, and Sheffield with a happy Mummy has to be better than Bristol with a tired, stressed, scared Mummy. Be strong. (((((((()))))))))

NuttSlasher · 10/11/2009 11:34

dont mind at all sweety

i dont plan to move till the summer holidays if i do so i have 10 months at least. i dont want to take phoenix out of school in the mniddle of the year i would rather her start fresh in a fersh school on a new year iyswim

NuttSlasher · 10/11/2009 11:46

and the thing is i asked him when he wanted to see the children what set days how long for etc and he chose :-

week 1 - tuesday 6-7pm thursday 6-7pm =2hrs

week 2 - as above + saturday overnight stay =26 hrs

he would still get pretty much the same amount of contact if not more as i have said he can have the girls friday and saturday night and sunday morning every other weekend. i'm more than willing to drop the girls off meet him half way etc should we move

i'm not setting my stall out to be a bitch i just need some comfort, and i am trying my best for everyone but a great deal of the move issue is me and i recognise that.

but i have lost a stone and a half i have got raging excsema withing the last three months and am in a constant state of illness. i cant go on like this.

he has 10 months and so do i, i just hope i dont deteriorate too much within that time. if things get better i will review it but if its the same i have to run.

NuttyTaff · 10/11/2009 13:56

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BoffMonster · 10/11/2009 14:28

Nutty, he is walking all over you. How about reclaiming the power in the relationship by telling him (via your solicitor) that unless he coughs up £221 a month and starts being cordial towards you, he can only see the kids for 2 hours a week on a Sunday afternoon between 2-4 (like other estranged dads the world over) until it's all sorted out to your satisfaction, and that he has to come over to you to collect them until further notice?

That will wrong foot him. Access, but on your terms, not his. Presumably conveniently interfering with footie and pub as well.

Bet he will cave in and start behaving. Grow some testicles, woman! Boff has been there are done the very same!

Feierabend · 10/11/2009 16:13

Thread title suggestion... 'He put her in the spudline, so that she kept the smork eleven months'

Nutty, I don't know what to say so am just sending lots of hugs.

NuttyTaff · 10/11/2009 16:15

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BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 16:16

Boff's right Nutts you are being very reasonable with your access (remember what the solicitor said).

WFH - I agreed with you when I first thought about it but having spent time with Nutts and the girls and he does nothing with them. It's not really my place to say anything about the details but I truly believe that the girls will be better off away from him and having dedicated time with him over a longer period of time where he is forced to interact with them rather than what they have at the moment.

BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 16:19

That is definitely the reason. BUTT MUNCH! He's probably off sick with stress again today to play.

BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 16:21

Thread title suggestion to represent the chaotic few months of crawling and teething ahead and to help Nutts stay strong over the next few weeks.

'GO NUTS, GO NUTS, GO NUTS, GO NUTS, GO NUTS!!!'

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 10/11/2009 16:34

That's good about getting the money sorted with the csa nutty, and I think it's very wise to wait till the summer before moving. A lot can change between now and then and things might look very different. It's hideous now I know but I honestly believe you will feel so much better before then and it won't hurt so much any more, and then you can decide what to do for the best.

BB I do understand but fathers' rights are not affected by their quality as a father unless they're actively harmful to the children, iyswim. The whole access thing is completely separate from money/maintenance and the emotional fallout from a split, and as the solicitor says, nutty has to be absolutely straight on the access thing and bend over backwards to be reasonable or it will count against her in court.

Nutty I'd recommend keeping a diary of any/every time he lets the girls down on his scheduled access, could be useful. I know he's making you feel completely shit and he's a complete wanker for that, but it sounds like you're determined not to use the girls to get at him and that's brilliant of you. When they're grown up you'll be able to look them in the eye and say 'I did everything I could to make it possible for you to have a good relationship with your dad'. Whether they do or not will be totally up to him.

Tell me to go boil my head if i'm speaking out of turn xxx

ladyofmuswell · 10/11/2009 16:36

Love the thread title Feiera and AA hope your student gets special credit for so many mentions on MN, even if it was a dodgy translation?!

Nutty as a newbie who's only been here for a week I obv don't know the situation well enough to comment but just wanted to say am really sorry you're having such a hard time. Hope things turn a corner for you soon...

Sammy's decided to start taking 20 minute naps so has been totally overtired and crazed all day and has a coughy cold. All I wanted to get done today was have a bath but am still here in my pyjamas smelling faintly of sick with the kitchen exploding from every corner... ugh. He's sleeping now so.. tidy kitchen or tea + biscuits?? Easy - mmmm!

BabyBolat · 10/11/2009 16:49

I wasn't disagreeing with you WFH - I was saying I completely agree on how you think the father would feel with his kids being taken away (or at least I did when Nutts first mentioned it) and all I was trying to say was (probably not very well) is that in practice he doesn't make the appropriate effort to spend any time with his children so I personally don't believe he cares if she moves or not its just another way to hurt her by saying he will do this. And ultimately if they did go away the girls would have a nicer time with their dad by spending quality time with him.

Argh the catnap period was horrid - K did it for about 2 weeks and it was horrendous - thankfully he is now back to 2 nice naps a day!

BoffMonster · 10/11/2009 16:50

WFH speaketh sense, I think.

But I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask him to pick the girls up, would it? Why is that unreasonable? Nutts is not a taxi service. All this 'drop them off but don't look at me' rubbish is very manipulative in itself.

I am glad I am not a divorce lawyer. Imagine dealing with this awful stuff all day long.

BoffMonster · 10/11/2009 16:52

Also, is there such as thing as a counter-petition? How come someone can apparently lie in divorce papers and sully someone's reputation, leaving no right of redress?

NuttyTaff · 10/11/2009 17:00

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WhatFreshHellIsThis · 10/11/2009 17:43

I see what you mean BB. Not having met him, I can't really comment on that.

Nutty you poor thing I really feel for you. You need cake and TLC xxx

kingbeat23 · 10/11/2009 18:06

Hey guys....

Wow, and I thought some sleepless nights were the bane of my life!!

Nuuty - Thank goodness, you've decided to get him by the short and curlies. CSA him and make sure that he pays what is due. It's not fair on you and the kids otherwise. Talking through the solicitor is quite rightly, the way forward now.

Seriously Nutty, this is a man who is already trying to sully your name in the proceedings, so i have a feeling this is the type of person that will take everything you say, do and write and use it to benefit himself....be very, very very careful, please. Make sure you keep all text messages, call logs and emails from this man to back any claims you might have on your side.

I am the product of a step/half family and watching the chaos it can cause on all sides is amazing and can be stopped if dealt with in the right way.

Of course, sitting here, it is easy for me to spout an opinion, but my "opinion" (and that's all it is) is to keep contact to an absolute minimum and get the people you are paying to sort this mess to sort it..and pronto. After that, then you can think of the next steps, but to be honest, unless any physical/emotional abuse has happened on your familys part I quite agree and think that moving out of the area before anything is settled, although ideal for you now, may not be in the not so distant future. Not only for you but for your children too, and also for your court case. These things drag on and on, and the quicker it is the less harm hopefully will be done.

You have taken the first steps Nutty and it will be hard, but you know we're all here for you.

No sleep, teething, worried about work and returning to a place i don't want to, uncertainty about my future with my partner and all the other usual stuff, but pretty much coping with it all, however have started smoking a bit again......bugger!

much love xx

bebemoo · 10/11/2009 19:10

Sigh

Just put Moo into her bed; she's hardly slept today and I'm shattered too. She's learning that if she screams a certain way I'll come running and so she's always crying like that now.
But on the plus side she's eaten tons of solids today so I'm hoping that means she'll manage to sleep (when she does sleep).
Maybe I'll get a shower in too cuz I'm utterly gross.

Nutty it seems like you're on the right path. Just stay on it. (hugs)

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