One small step for Baby, one large step (or mad dash to prevent disaster) for Mumkind

[ninja]

Hi, Welcome to the new thread, the one where we can't drink a cup of tea in peace (there you go, we could have used that for a title!!)

I was in bodyshop yesterday and M trashed the place. Luckily the sales assistant thought she was sweet as she pulled things off displays and legged it out the shop with jars of body butter (several times)!!, cue me legging it after her with a handful of makeup . Luckily there were no store detectives aroud. She also tried to wear every shoe within her reach at the shoe shop.

I was wondering that too.
I'm here, just have nothing interesting to say.

I am here too and I NEVER have anything interesting to say, but I still ramble away on here

DS is better today - hurrah!
DH is still working away - what a shitter.

I'm just lurking and pretending to work.

I'm loving this age with M, although there's no peace and lots of bending down to hold her hand. She's been waking 3 times a night again

(D)H isn't talking to me and is sleeping in the spare room (but as he snores I'm probably getting more sleep)

Hello ladies, long time no see!

Unfortunately I'm not really able to come on the internet any more as I'm always too busy. I therefore am only popping on, and only because I have a problem that I'm really hoping you ladies can help me with.

DD is 9obviously) 13m and she still doesn't sleep through. I would say she wakes up 4 times a night at least. She is killing me. . I was fine with her not sleeping right up until a couple of weeks before her birthday and then I started to think 'I haven't been allowed a full nights sleep in nearly a year .....' and unfortunately I've just not been able to shake that horrible feeling of resentment ever since. I used to love going to bed at night - now I just dread it.

DDs sleeping has got so bad that we're now bringing her in to our bed when she wakes, although tbh half the time that doesn't help much either and she continues to wake up, fidget, scream or whatever it is she's up to about 4 times a night.

I hear from my friends that they put their baby in the cot whilst fully asleep and leave them and they'll go to sleep straight away or they'll play then go to sleep . My DD screams the second I put her in the cot day or night. She won't lie down she just repeatedly stands up screaming her head off. I can put her down I'd say at least 30 times and she just gets straight back up again screaming. If I leave her she screams the place down but tbh it's not much better if I'm there either. I was shusshing and back rubbing her to sleep but she absolutely will not have it now, not at the start of bed time nor in the middle of the night.

I don't understand why she wakes at night, she just does , and I don't understand why after all the shusshing and patting and not picking her up (since about 9 months) that she still is incapable of self settling and sleeping through.

I am exhausted and I could quite easily cry just writing this because I really feel I can't take it any more, she has broken me. Hence the co-sleeping really but I'm not comfortable with it at all, I just want her to sleep through.

Help me please ladies. And I'm really sorry for the horrifically long and self pitying post.

I am always around, but I think if I post all the time you will think I'm a sad loser who spends every five minutes on her crackberry or laptop . I could have whole coversations with myself on here given half the chance .

lollipop. Sorry, I don't have any useful advice for you. I do leave my DD to cry & winge if she is over tired or does some random night wakings but she settles down in time (I know I am very lucky with her). Does it make any difference if your DH/P goes to her?

My sympathies lollipop. I do know how bad sleep deprivation over a long period of time is a killer.

I am assuming you keep the light off when she comes into your room? I remember at one point dd1 was 'up' at night and I went into the spare room with her, shut the door, made sure there was nothing that she could hurt herself on in reach and crawled back into bed. She played for a bit on the floor in the dark while I snoozed then she crawled into bed with me and settled down. It was only a few nights and then she 'saw' that it wasn't worth staying up in the dark.

Of course you aren't happy with co-sleeping but would you consider it as an interim measure till you at least get some more rest? Enshallah.(IE if the method above works.)

I am here (sporaqdically!) too...
"splish" huge sympathies with whatever you are going through. Way back I had a really good friend who worked at a refuge, she would tell me some of the stories of the women & I'd be in tears in minutes.

lollipop sympathies too. Can you get a relative or friend to do one night for you, then you can at least feel a bit better before you start to make any changes? I think by this age they have worked out it's worth making a fuss, just to see what reaction it produces, and of course if it means getting snuggled up in Mums bed, it's worth carrying on! How are her naps during the day? Is she getting over tired? How long would she scream for if you left her do you think? I've mentioned before I'm big on routine & if both my DS's have been overtired they've found it very hard to settle. Apart from how you feel (which is bad enough) my feeling is it won't get better on it's own - I have a friend with DS1 (4) & a 2 week old DS2, DS1 is still up 3 or more times at night, every night and with a newborn as well she's really struggling.

I'd forgotten how cheeky they are at this age! I've got DS2 doing one of those "Christmas child" shoe boxes to take to the drop off point in the UK at half term when we are over. I turned my back for 2 seconds & Sam had everything out (including a million foam letter-stickers!) and was pushing it methodically through the banister to the bottom of the stairs. When I looked at him with my stern-mum face and said no, he beamed & laughed hysterically

(Sad loser checking in again ). Just got back from work and mum is picking the dc's up from nursery so enjoying 5 mins peace and a shower. This morning was dreadful, got up at half 6 and wasn't ready to take the dc's to nursery by 8:30 (well, I was ready but the dc's weren't, it had been tantrum + nappy changing central).So I went straight to work while mum took them to nursery. Got to work on time, but had been crying all the way down the motorway as I felt so useless not being able to do it all on my own. Right, time for a shower before the little pickles get home!

Poor you Lollipop T was exactly like that until, magically, he completely stopped and started sleeping, so I have no useful advice. Have you posted in the Sleep topic? What does she do if you give her milk (breast, bottle, cup, whatever?) Could she be hungry? Does she eat much? What happens if your DP goes in?

Biiiig news. No, I'm not PG. But I have managed to wrangle my way out of a journalism contract that I wasn't enjoying at all, so I'm looking for new money earning means. The Etsy store is doing surprisingly well, so I'm going to commit some time to that and see what other bits and bobs come my way. Am also doing my sister's bookkeeping which earns me a bit. I need to make the grand sum of about £200 a month to make our budget happy, so it's not a disaster by any means. Can always go work in M&S or somewhere if all else fails.

Summary of my week - I got the new revamped version of the local stomach bug, as did A, who spent two hours on Sunday night screaming non-stop no matter what we did. MrNC and I are still pretty under the weather but A is pretty much fine. Just teething...

At least I can work from home tomorrow - took Tues off sick. I'll worry about trying to give up bf in a few weeks' time - atm A needs all the antibodies he can get!

Best wishes Splish and Lolly.

lollypop I feel for you. The one thing that scared me the most about motherhood was the sleep deprivation. I am quite energetic, get on with things, can handle a good workout following baby or working during the day, but simply do not function wihtout sleep. This is probably why even though I've left chaos to dominate my life, I have always been a big sleep routine fan. I hasten to add that I do think whether a child sleeps or not is a lot to do with their personality, but I also think that routine can help. I also hasten to touch wood and cross my fingers before I relate that DS sleeps through and has done since about 9 months, with the occasional night waking due to being ill, teething or nightmares.

I think that when you feel like you've been broken, you have to take drastic measures. And with that in mind, I do think that a controlled crying method may be worth a shot.

Having said that, I also am not capable of leaving them to cry their hearts out, so I would recommend the book of a Spanish neurosurgeon and sleep specialist, Dr. Estivill, whose book I read and used. I like it because it puts the emphasis on putting children to bed as a joyful experience, not a punishment, and therefore there is a strict method of timings to go back and settle them (without picking them up). It is about teaching them sleep as a life skill. He suggests the use of transitional objects, routine and instilling a sense of security. Although I read the spanish edition, here is a link to a book by him in English. I am with jenpet and I suspect that at this point this may not get better on its own, because she has learned that making a fuss delivers the right results.

I know CC is anathema for many mumsnetters. But I also think that if sleep deprivation is sucking the life out of you, it is worth trying. I hope this helps. And I wish you every success in whatever next step you decide to take. And do come here for support or to discuss your woes. We're all in the same boat!

Poor you lollipop, sounds awful. I'm afraid I don't know how to help.

Does she sleep in the buggy? Just wondering if you could get her to sleep in the buggy at home during the day by shoogling her a bit then you'd at least get a bit of a break.
Don't know about night but agree that she might be playing up because she understands that she gets attention if she does.

Only other suggestion is cranial osteopathy. Something I haven't got any experience of but know quite a few peoplewho swear by it.

meglet I knowhow you feel and I've got help here. Bedtime was like that tonight. Tears and tantrums over nothing. Was one of those nights where I felt like I was stuck in a boring routine which sometimes I really dislike and makes me feel like I am crap at being a mum. And the house is always a tip and I dont put enough time into work either.

I didn't mean I dislike my whole routine. Just the teatme, bedtime, tidying up the carnage bit.

That 5.30 - 7.30pm is without a doubt the worst bit of my day Debi. Especially with DH away again, and it's a bit too dark and cold for them to be out playing while I make sense of everything. Could do with a "teatime nanny"

jenpet

I would like a breakfast nanny, a teeth brushing nanny, a getting car loaded and children strapped in nanny plus a tea time nanny. I think that would leave me to do all the fun bits .

and a potty training nanny. DS refuses to do it for love, star stickers or choc buttons now. Unless he fancies it, when he goes to the toilet or potty all by himself .

I've started sitting DD on the potty now to try give DS a bit of competition.

Lollipop we are in your situation. robyn is up usually 4 times between going to bed at 7.30ish and 11ish then she sleeps through until 5.30ish. I am still bf and she will not go to sleep unless I give her a bf. She tends to suckle for a min or two then falls asleep. Sometimes she just wants to suckle all night and will not be moved into her cot.
We can't do CC as she sets her bro off and he is then in hysterics for an hour or so which sets her back off. She loves co-sleeping and some nights I keep her in with me and get a reasonable nights sleep. Only when dp is downstairs asleep, there isn't enough room otherwise.
We have been trying the No Cry Sleep Solution for the last 5 months but I still can't get her to sleep through.
Apparently they can wake several times a night until they turn 2 and when they are learning to walk they wake more.
What wears me down is that I deal with every waking, Dp says there is no point in him going up as she always wants a bf to drop off. If someone is handing out nannies then I need a sleeping nanny and maybe a wet nurse so I could get a good nights sleep

Oh Lolly and Debs, that's harsh.

I don't think I have any pearls of wisdom but I do agree that they now understand making a fuss to get a reaction. How about starting a thread in the sleep topic, there will be people with great advice.

The 5pm - 7pm shift is the worst in our house to. I think I'm knackered and M is knackered and that's not a great combination. I feel like I've won the lottery when dh comes home early and distracts M with lots of mucking about and being silly.

How exciting Hopefully. Fingers crossed the Etsy store carries on to be a hit. I bought a knitting bag for MIL, I just need to find a nice needle wrap.

I have to admit to using the tv to get us through from 5pm. When I only had dd, and she didn't like tv, I couldn't start cooking dinner til dh got home coz she would just be crawling up my legs/the gate across the door, crying and whinging. Now that she's older (and ds is a telly addict ) I just put the tv on as soon as I start cooking, so when dh gets in there's food and relative peace, by 6ish they've watched enough tv and are hungry enough that they don't mind turning it off and sitting up at the table.

meglet I look out of the window at 8:30am and see the local kids walking to school, everyone dressed and with packed lunches, and wonder how anyone ever does it. I've got until next Sept when dd starts playgroup to get mornings sussed! And dh wants to add another baby into the chaos

he he at looking out of your window and seeing the morning school run! I think much the same. Luckily the school is only a few hundred yards away from us, but I bet you we'll still be the last ones there.

DH is back tonight Although god only knows what time it will be as there are major holdups on the M25 tonight.

carrie I gawp at the familes walking to school at 8:30 too . Maybe they sleep in their clothes and don't eat so they don't end up messy or have to brush their teeth.

I was chatting to my friends this afternoon and they all had the same problems as me trying to get pre-schoolers to co-operate in the mornings (they are SAHM's). One of them can get out of the house to get her ds to nursery, but she leaves her little dd in her pyjamas under her coat . No wonder I'm buggered with trying to get them out by 8:30.

I managed to have a calm, smooth running bath and bedtime tonight. I told ds he could have one of his toy boxes back if he let me brush his teeth nicely, round 1 to mummy! And promised him some more bath jelly if he let me wash his hair and didn't attempt to drench me or flood the bath room, round 2 to mummy!

Well done Meglet!!
We are just off to school - it's 8.30 here lol, but of course DS2 is in his pyjamas under his very long coat & my hair is still wet & I like to think people smile & think "eccentric English" when they see us (I doubt it somehow)

Me and dh have just had a fight with ds1 and an argument with each other over getting out the door this morning so don't worry I think we're all normal.
Our problem is that Mon- Thurs there's no rush as we (or dh and the boys if I'm at work) don't have to leave till after 9. Then on a Fri I leave at 7.45 and dh and the boys have to be out by 8.10 and that's always the morning ds1 is on go slow.

We've told him a million times that the faster he eats his breakfast the more tv he get before he goes out but he doesn't seem to get it. Grrr

oh dear, did I scare everyone away by saying we were fighting with ds? It wasn't a real fight, honest.

Have just had a bedtime battle too, grrr.

DS2 has cut a tooth today, weirdly though it's a bottom molar and he only had the front 2 bottom teeth before.