June 08- the shoes, the food, the glamour!

[pureeandpearls]

Struggling to load pages these days and saw we were over the 900 so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

essie I did wonder if adding it up wasn't good - but then I'm trying hard to justify that cardigan in my head for Christmas so I'm trying to make it sound reasonable. And I'm coping just barely well enough to make it through, but I think that's pretty much my normal state of affairs. I phoned DH in tears yesterday telling him I couldn't cope and that he needed to come home from work but then I heard back from the hospital that Fraser's testicle should be fine and DS1 gave me a cuddle (it's not good when your three year old is holding you when you cry) so I left another message on DH's phone saying I was fine. I think he ended up rather confused.

I am very suspicious of mothers who do cope well though. Either they have brilliant support systems or must be missing something. All of my friends agree that a bit of shouting and tears didn't hurt us when we were growing up....

I'm 5'5" so not sure the boyfriend look is super flattering but they are so cosy...

Morning all .

Well, SIL turned up at 8pm, was in bed by 10pm and left for her flight at 5am - waking me up in the process . Funny how, even though she laughs about her appalling time-keeping, she is never late for flights or business meetings isn't it? I'm glad I wasn't in for a BP check yesterday cos it would have been sky-high .

Amber, fab news about your sis. I assume she has an 'incompetent cervix' - I know a number of women treated successfully for that and will be keeping everything crossed for her happy ending after everything she's been through.

PP, when you say your flights are on the 25th, do you mean the 25th of this month?! I hope not . . . . .

Not much news from me. Lots of BH but nothing else doing - back to hospital for more monitoring on Friday.

Hope everyone else is well.

BDQ re clothes: keep them. Stick them in a bag and put them in the loft (labelled by size). J is wearing his older brother's clothes 7 years down the line, and while it has saved me a fortune the nicest part is actually seeing him in all those clothes I loved on ds1 the first time around. We have a 7 year pair of bright blue dungarees with a smiley green dragon on that ds1 looked fab in, and now J does too!

We do Jo Jingles too, wonder if we will need fancy dress... I was planning to pick up a cheap pumpkin outfit or something from Sainsburys anyway so that will have to do. The older two like to go out on the street for halloween and J and I stayed at home last year and handed out goodies. He had a cheap 'demon' babygro that he wore loads afterwards for bed. We also took lots of photos that came in handy for the photo calenders. Thanks for that thought by the way BDQ, we have done it every year since ds1 was born (at home though, too cheap to pay someone else to do it!) and we now know that some photo oppportunities are not to be missed otherwise the calender is sadly lacking.

Sybil - the bath bombs were really quick to make, apart from getting the lavender off the stalks, only took a couple of minutes to mix together. The lavender pillow things are a lot more time consuming though so I might not be making many of those!

BDQ - last Halloween I was in Tescos that day during the afternoon and all the Halloween costumes had been reduced, I got J a pumpkin sleep suit for £1.50-£2, can't remember.
I kept all of J's things in the loft but my friend had a little boy in July so have passed on all the boys stuff up to 6 months to her. She has 2 girls already and has tons of girls stuff she can pass on to me, plus she will give the boys stuff back if we have a boy! I guess it depends how much space you have, I'm a bit of a hoarder generally.

PP - do you mean you are going in October or November? Hope you manage to see your father before you go.

Essie - hope your sisters OK, how did she break her arm?

Abdn - you've had a very stressful couple of weeks, I'm sure things will settle down soon.

Sponge - hope your BP has settled back down after your SIL's visit!

I completely wore myself out yesterday making some curtains for the sitting room, was shattered by the evening but they are up and I'm pleased with them.

J keeps having mad running around sessions where he just runs around aimlessly in circles, are the other toddlers doing this? Or is he just a bit loopy!

He's sat down now but only because I put Postman Pat SDS on, I love it when Pat's mobile goes off!

Essie I haven't really been on for ages as was busy over the summer holiday with all three at home. The holiday was much easier than I expected as the girls are old enough to entertain themsleves and ds. I loved not having to stick to the school run/after school clubs routine and still feel quite grumpy about them being back!

Sponge DId your sil spend anytime with you? SOunds like you were just a hotel for the night.

Re clothes I am really sentimental but did manage to a couple of weeks ago give two bin bags full to Oxfam. They belinged to the girls, haven't been able to part with ds's stuff yet. I put the really nice clothes in an NCT sale over the weekend but hardly anything sold.

Hi everyone

Abdn, so glad that Fraser is OK. It must have been really stressful for you, and a few tears on the head of Duncan probably won't harm him. Thinking of you.

PP, can't believe uyou are going so soon. HAven't checked my home email in a couple of days but keep me posted if you plan to meet up with poeple and I'll try and make it, C and D permitting! Re your pa, it sounds like he could be nervous, but you don't need him buggering about at the moment, you need to know what's going on, I sense.

Ktpie, I am so impressed with the homemade bathbombs and now curtains. I wish I had those talents, as homemade presents are always so welcome. I can cook, so have vague fantasies of Nigella-style chocolate baskets when I go to dinner parties, but I usually end up bringing a bottle of wine or something.

Sponge, sorry about your SIL. How rude. (Of course, how convenient of you to live close to the airport?) Have you expressed how you feel about her behaviour?

Amber, wishing you good luck for your sis. And how is the move going?

Essie, I still have some of Dorothy's clothes in the loft, but that's just because they were so gorgeous (I totally agree with SYbil on this) that I can't bear to let them go.

HOwever, I definitely won't be having another, even 7 years down the line! I look back on the 9 months I was pregnant with Dorothy as my 'nutter months', when I was completely stressed all the time. I am really enjoying work (although I don't have quite enough to do, as you can all tell).

Hi SPider

BDQ, eek Christmas shopping

We've been having trouble with Christian settling into school and nursery. THe other boys at school already have their pecking order and my poor chap is trying to be break into the 'in group' by being all Alpha male and behaving atrociously. He's not getting nearly as much attention as he used to have either, which just aggravates it, but we spent the weekend giving him lots of cuddles and love. Both the school and the nursery have really jumped on his behaviour so I think he is learning what's what. So sad that at 4, he's already having to orient himself in groups. He gets new glasses (old ones broke 10 days ago) this afternoon, so hopefully that will calm him down a bit too.

Hello all - I did laugh at Essie's comment on the economy - tee hee! Does seem that Boden is very popular - kind of a more expensive M&S I guess. There are some lovely things on there - great colours.

I had my results back on the hormones and they were completely njormal - got called in because my testosterone levels are low and the receptionists can only give 'normal' results. She told me to come back after I'd been trying for a year - hmmm.

Thanks for all the ncie comments on my sis!

Aberdeen - so glad fraser is getting on OK. To ride a bike with a swollen testicle is some feat!

Essie, it sounds like your friend is very insecure, boasting about her son and how her life is so 'non-stop'. I'd be annoyed about the money thing too. I take my hat off to you having a full-time job and Iestyn and being a single mum a lot of the time! It's no wonder you get fed up. Yes we should try to meet up again, if you can fit me in

Sponge, gotta love SILs, hey? Does she have any kids? I think it is hard for people who have no kids to realise that to have a relationship with a child is not just being a blood relative, you actually have to spend time with that child. If she has no kids of her own she maybe thinks A is just a baby and wouldn't know her anyway, or maybe she is thinking when he is older they can do things together. I am not surprised your DH was upset. Can he talk to her about it?

Abdn, great news about Fraser. Sorry you're finding things tough - glad DS1 is helping!

Amber, hope everything works out for your sister. It must be a nervous time for her.

BDQ, have a look in Asda, they usually have dress-up stuff, I have a Peppa Pig one. Not sure whether it would be suitable, the DTs don't play with it (yet), I can have a look what size it is and post it to you if you don't find anything else?

I have just picked up bags and bags of clothes from my mum's, she wanted rid cos she is moving house. I am just keepin the stuff that the twins wore loads, it is still about four bin bags worth tho and that's only up to 9-12mths size. I would keep a basic amount in case you have another, if you have the space. Like PP I think if you give it away some will come back to you in future if you need it!

PP, difficult about your dad - it could be nerves. I would be annjoyed too, did he suggest another day?

Sorry x-posted there cos my parents turned up when I had written half and then I posted an hour later.

Amber, what does low testosterone mean then? Would you consider going private? I did when I was having problems ttc before the twins, I only needed one appt and he gave me Clomid on the spot. But if you are ovulating normally then Clomid might not be appropriate. Have you been peeing on a stick to check you are OVing? I take my temps with a thermometer like this, and I find it really good as I can see I am definitely OVing.

UDC, poor Christian . It is a shame that they have to fight to fit in even that young (and that it plays havoc with all the good work you have done in the first four years!)

I am finding it quite hard with my two when it is raining and we are stuck inside - they get quite fed up and start whinging. It is not so bad if I can play with them but it means I don't get anything else done!

We do the photo calendar thing too - I'm lucky cos I take ridiculous amounts of photos (as anyone who is a friend of mine on FB will testify too!) so I never have any problem filling a calendar .

ktpie, A doesn't really run around in circles, more stands on the spot and hops up and down grinning and shrieking like a mad thing when he's excited - esp when he sees his good friend at nursery! V sweet .

going, we saw her for two hours - yes, we were a hotel for the night . Still fuming about it and so upset for dh .

UDC, no we haven't spoken with her - dh comes from the kind of family where everyone keeps schtum and leaves things to fester. However, he was so upset on Sunday he did phone his parents before SIL turned up and had a massive rant - MIL suggested he speaks to her once the baby is born. She even suggested we may need to rethink their legal guardianship and that comes from her own mother!

Sorry to hear about Christian - school can be such a massive transition for them. If they're coming down hard on him then hopefully it'll be a matter of time before he finds his feet and settles down.

Amber, that is great news about your bloods - I was going to say the same as Neenz about going private, but I'm not sure what it would achieve tbh. There is absolutely no point in taking clomid if there is nothing wrong with your ovulation and there is nothing else you can do fertility treatment wise if you don't have any diagnosed problems. And tbh you really don't want to go down that route for no reason. Have you considered something like Zita West - a more holistic approach that looks at diet/lifestyle, etc? Personally I would stop checking on the ovulation sticks and just have as regular a sex life mid cycle as you can manage with a 15 mth old! But that was cos I found all the monthly testing just made me completely obsessive - horses for courses.

Neenz, no SIL doesn't have any kids and does keep on going on about all the things she'll do with the boys when they're older . Firstly, if she thinks I'm going to let them go and spend any time with a virtual stranger she's got another think coming and secondly she does like to talk the talk. Whether she would actually want them coming to stay or not is another matter. Apparently Matt's grandad was exactly like this too - full of promises to the kids that never got acted upon. It's very unkind on the children IMO .

You've disappointed me about the twins whinging - I was thinking it would be so much easier with two on a rainy day cos they would entertain each other! Can you put them in their wellies and waterproofs and throw them out in the back garden?

Yeah I tried the wellies thing today but they just ended up very soggy and then wanting to be in, then out, then in, and I was trying to do the ironing so it was a bit of a nightmare. They are not well at the moment, esp Theo. He is very whingy and clingy poor thing. They do entertain each other very well - my mum said that today, that a 17mo would not play on its own like they do, they really are not very demanding at all - it is easier if they can play outside though!

If you are not happy with sil you should change the guardianship - but iirc it was a trauma wasn't it deciding on somebody? We haven't done anything about that yet (don't tell me off ), but I would be happy for them to go to my mum or DH's mum and they would make sure the best thing for them happened. But yes it is something we must do!

Ironing? What's that? That's your first mistake - ditch the ironing and discover hours of free time !

I'm very lucky in terms of independent play as A is very independent and happily spends a lot of time bombing around playing on his own, but I think this is because I've been pg since he was 7 months old and unable to do very much with him on the floor - necessity is the mother of invention as they say!

Yes, we had nightmares choosing a guardian and now we're back to square one. I would have no problem with him going to my mum but I think she would struggle with two young children and looking after my dad. I definitely wouldn't want them to be with my PILs. No way. I'm going to have a chat to his mentor this weekend and see what she says. I really want them to think about it though. What bothered me when we asked SIL to be guardian is she said yes straight away - I don't think she thought through what she was agreeing to. It's not like being a godparent - it's a huge commitment. If Matt and I died in a car crash at Christmas she would suddenly be a parent of an 18 mth old and 2mth old which would involve a massive change in her lifestyle and that of her dh. Would she give up work, would she put them in a nursery full time (she is usually away from home 3 days a week so what would she do then?). She didn't give us the opportunity to discuss any of this and what the logistics would be .

Anyway, we'll see. I know it's incredibly unlikely to happen but having had a friend die leaving two very young children I probably worry about it more than most .

I'm so sorry about your friend. I remember now about your SIL, you were kind of hoping once you explained it she would either say yes knowing the full extent of the commitment, or say no because she could see it was not for her. Very very difficult . But remember two parents dying and leaving children is VERY unusual - it's a bit like car seats... you're unlikely to have an accident so you could just buy the cheapest seat available, but just in case the worst was to happen, you want to know you did everything you could even if that means spending £400 on car seats (in our case!). It's not really the same, but you know what I mean.

Has anyone been following dizzymare's story? I remember posting on a thread of hers a couple of months back when she found out she was PG with id twins - she was very shocked as she also has a 20mo DS. She seemed really really scared it was going to go wrong eg twin to twin transfusion or not enough fluid - well she lost the babies at about 19w last week, and has been on chat about it here. Well now she has been accused of being a troll . Don't know the truth of it but if she is genuine who absolutely awful to be accused of that in your darkest hour

Re the ironing... DH said this morning 'I haven't got any shirts left...' so that was me doing the ironing!

Hmm, I know what response my dh would get from me if he said, "I haven't got any shirts left" and it wouldn't be doing his ironing!

Ohmigod about dizzymare - I had vaguely followed her story and knew she was pg with twins and had a v young child and no husband. I also saw lots of threads about troll speculation and people being innocent until proved guilty, etc. However, I didn't really investigate any further cos I get a bit bored of all the troll stuff on here. I really hope she wasn't a troll, cos that is sick beyond belief, but equally how awful for her to go through that and then be accused of making it up .

As for parents dying, I know it's incredibly unlikely and I know most parents don't even think about it - I'm just one of life's worriers I'm afraid .

Evening all! Loads of chat to catch up on so will no doubt miss out something important...

Thanks all for dressing up suggestions - I'll hit the supermarkets and see what they've got to offer. We do have an Asda not too far away Neenz but thanks for the offer to send something up.

Very of all these independant toddlers. S definitely likes some attention all the time unless he's watching cbeebies (which I think he's getting a bit hooked on ).

abdn I'm only 5' 5'' and a bit (the 'a bit' being very important) and I still wear boyfriend cardigans. I think they're reasonably good at hiding lumps and bumps if worn with the right jeans. That said - I'll only wear mine with my boots which have a decent, albeit very sturdy, height.

sponge I think you hardly ever post photos on fb (says someone who posts photos equally rarely). Sorry about your SIL and the guardianship. As no. 2 is on the way maybe it would be a good opportunity to talk to her about the whole thing, make sure she's still comfortable with it as its a big responsibility etc. Also remember that people often surprise you when faced with life altering experiences. Just because she's hopeless just now doesn't mean that she would be then IYSWIM. Although maybe I've been watching too many films with Goldie Hawn's daughter in them . Sorry, that could sound flippant and it's not meant to! I am really sorry that you're worried about this and that it was something faced by people close to you.

Baby clothes - I think when I'm next having a big sort through that I'll keep anything really nice and give away everything else. I did promise some friends that they could have a rummage when they visit with their baby boy next month, and I do now have a nephew to pass things onto. But yes, I think I'll keep stuff I loved. Although, I have actually sent loads of nice outfits to my friend's shop to sell but It's not the end of the world! I'm going to invest in some of those vacuum bags. Who mentioned those? Was it PP, ktpie or poppy? I bet it was someone else . Anyway, whoever it was, where did you get yours?

On calendars - I did get some ridiculously cheap from vistaprint last year. If I get any offers this year I'll share them with you all.

I was a bit cross today as DH took S to the library. Some bigger boys who were there on an outing from the nursery were trying to push him off the little car toy they have. The nursery workers called over 'come on boys, you need to share!'. Now, S was quite a bit younger and actually I'm not too thrilled that these random nursery workers should tell him to share instead of explaining to their charges that they shouldn't be pushing little boys off toys! I'm also being very unreasonable but apparently they proceeded to take out lots of books to take back to the nursery. With the fees that they parents pay surely they could afford a decent stock of books and leave the lending library for residents. They don't have enough books at it is. It also reminded me that the first (and last) time I went to a rhymetime at the library there were three different nursery groups there, and all the mums with babies were stuck at the back. I remember thinking at the time that surely the nursery should do song-time/reading time without making it difficult for mums to access services at the library. Anyway, that's my wee rant for the day - am sure I'm being very unreasonable but not really up for an AIBU thread .

Ah, I wondered what all the troll stuff was about Sponge How very sad (on all levels).

I know but I feel sorry for him cos he works so hard . And if I didn't do it he would get up every morning and rush round getting the iron and ironing board out and it would get on my nerves. When we first met he paid someone to iron them for him. But it was too expensive for a tight-arse like me. I also make his sandwiches for him

Yeah how sick for dizzy to be accused of that - but you know, looking back, her posts have always been a bit . Even before the loss of the twins. I don't know...

BDQ, that is so weird about the nursery - you're definitely not being unreasonable! As you say they should be using their own resources not using the public ones. We had this problem with a Children's Centre near us - they have a daily play session which is supposed to be aimed at 'vulnerable' parents but is over-run by CMs every day. The council has now banned them and they're all up in arms!

Neenz, IKWYM - I did find the whole thing made me a little uncomfortable but then I do find some MN posters are incredibly hard work so just put it down to that. However, I think I remember another poster last year who used to make up things for attention and I assume that is who she is being accused of being. Miserable situation but the danger of the internet .

BDQ, no you are defnitely NBU! Nurseries should have their own books/rhymetime. LOL at the CMs being banned from the centre Sponge.

I missed all the 'read this' threads on Sunday so didn't see the troll accusations - but I saw one person ask her 'your posting style is very familiar - did you used to post here using another name?' Subtle Any idea who this other poster was?

I can't remember her name - I just remember she made up some really traumatic stuff and then forgot to name change and got caught out. It all got very messy.

Is it weird that I really hope that dizzymare is a troll, so that even though she is seriously disturbed, she didn't actually go through losing twins at 19 weeks.

UDC - It does sound sad that Christian is having to deal with group politics already.

Good news on the results Amber, glad nothing is wrong.

Sponge - I second the idea of having a word with your SIL after the baby is born. BGTW, did I read correctly that you're having BHs? Do you know anymore about whether you're likely to be induced and if so when?

BDQ - Another CBeebies fan here. We've only started putting it on in the last fortnight, but iggle piggle and Chuggington are a godsend. In fact, if we sing the chuggington theme tune Ry will come running into the front room.

KT - Ry likes to spin round in circles and make himself dizzy. Surely a sign of higher intelligence?

Agree completely with the huge groups of children at library sing a longs. Altho in Wimbledon, it's often a case of nannies and CMs dumping their charges at the front and gossiping in their native tongues throughout. But, I also celebrate anything that gets kids into libraries. I always remember my local library as one of my fave places as a child (no sing a longs back then tho) and would like Ry to feel the same when he's a bit older.

Essie - I'll email you and we can work out whether a trip to you is genuinely feasible. Welsh countryside is on my bucket list before going to NZ tho. BTW, when I said the 25th, I did mean November, not October. Although if you would all like to get your diaries out, October the 25th is my birthday.

Just got an email from my father: "Have cleared both Thursday and Friday..........let me know the time that suits you best".

And went to NZ house today to sort out visas for Ry and I and got locked in due to a huge security alert on the Haymarket. I am not going to miss London.

Also saw employment solicitor and have signed and handed in my termination agreement with work. Think I may have got an additional two weeks pay as a result of accrued holidays too. Hurrah.

Sorry to all those I've missed, notebook battery just about to die.

Aaaargh, S has been going through a bit of a night waking phase so time to employ some CC tactics. It was easier when he was younger I think - he would drop off much quicker. Now he's screaming defiantly and I'd put money on him currently standing in his cot rattling the bars. Have turned the monitor off to muffle the sound a bit, but he's still making my ears bleed. I so hope he falls asleep soon...

Hmm, I'm in favour of private nurseries using the library. Parents fees, while astronomical, don't go that far after all the secondary costs and I hate to think of those kids not having the same choice of books as other kids. DS1's school nursery has far more books than our private one. Also, I think it's important that kids in private nursery don't get institutionalized and get to do the same normal life things as the rest of the kids. But I'd be frustrated if it was affecting my kids too - that's poor on the nursery staff's part IYSWIM. They should be making sure their kids behave properly in public, the same way I do with mine.

bdq it was me with the vacuum bags . I got mine from dunelm mill (£5.99 for 2 huge ones), or £1.49 each for smaller ones. There's also some on ebay

libraries- I also have a memory of loving going to the library when I was young. When I went into my local one though recently, I was very disappointed. There really wasn't a very good range of books at all for A, and in fact I have a better selection at home. And I really don't mean to sound awful, but there was a much better selection of books in urdu and polish than in english

sponge that's so difficult with your SIL. When we were young, my parents had chosen a couple they were close to to be our legal guardians. I guess thought if this was an option for you then you'd have considered it already

I am another one 'guilty' of ironing. I have to iron my clothes or I feel really untidy. I also iron all of A's