June 08- the shoes, the food, the glamour!

[pureeandpearls]

Struggling to load pages these days and saw we were over the 900 so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

hi loads to catch up on -having a rare tuesday at home so catching up after morning with nct friends and whilst e is asleep (oh that she had been asleep between 2 and 5 last night . so rolf and deb sympathies re wakign children - for the record I dont want to sing nursery rhymes at 3am but e clearly thought i did -was even helpfully doing some words and actions for me in case mama had forgotten the words to row your boat. still had lovely day yesterday and was lovely to see puree. amber - I sympathise re ttc as its doing my head in and I know what you mean about hearing about someone else getting pregnant - I had forgotten about the weird mix of feeling really angry and upset that they are pregnant and you're not, then feeling horrible that you could feel so mean but at the same time feeling pleased for them as its obviously nice news. Tbh I don't know what i'll do if it goes much loonger - bdq I see where you are coming from but I am not getting any younger and dh isnt either so I've got a self imposed deadline of end of next year as after that its going to mean dh will be quite old when they are teenagers and I'm not sure if that is a good idea. Also it'll be 5 1/2 yeras by then we've been trying etc and I think you have to draw a line somewhere as the whole ttc/pregnancy thing is not a happy place for me. but amber am so happy you've exchanged and do let us know how you are getting on even if easier via fb.

essie no hr advice but I can see how very frustrating and demoralising that work situation is. FWIW I think teh thing about having another is not something you should factor in as that'll happen or it won't - you need to sort this out whether its by a complaint or taking some action now to get a post that is better suited to your skills. Its just going to eat away at you and if you do have another one it'll hang over you and piss you off in the same way it does now. Only saying that as I'm bloody glad I took steps to change dept when I was off as baby or not , it would have been horrible to go back to my old role.

hiernest no walking here either - and deb she took another couple of steps in kitchen but then fell over (its slippy floor) so I think that may set us back another few days.

sponge totally agree re doing right thing re feeding. Also I thnk its a hormones/mastititis thing the nightmares (my bf issues started on day 3 and heavy duty anti bios about a day after) and I couldnt sleep however hard I tried and felt like a person being tortured for about 5/6 days so I think its a antibio/stress/hormone thing. it did pass though.

deb sorry you are feeling so poorly and yes a walk with a screaming banshee is a double calorie count in my book. Plus everyone knows chocolate is medicinal.

allnew poor you re eye -that sounds horrid. you ok today?

hi to ktpie neenz and ah (sorry the accident didn't turn out) and anyone else I've missed. Going to take advantage of rest of day and try to kill the guilty feeling re work as they rang by doing some baking and going to playground.

sybil good for you re babies - I was with you between about 3 - 5 this morning but then when I went into see her asleep this morning and she gave me teh biggest grin and yelled mama I changed my mind again...

Amber so sorry about how you're feeling. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for you. Make sure you're on fb like poppy says so we can all keep up with how you're doing.

Poppy I think that's a good idea to set yourself a deadline. DH and I haven't talked about it seriously - DH feels that he hasn't got his life back yet since S was born. I have pointed out to him that this is his life now . If I decide to get my coil out we could well end up with one of those happy accidents you were all talking about - take the decision out of our hands...

sybil LOL at you not believing deb. Rolf I thought that was lovely that you had a nice start to the day because you woke up with the DC's in with you.

Amber - I'm sorry to hear that you aren't going to be here to chat and am aware that I am probably a main culprit for making insensitive comments, I'm sorry. I hope that it works out soon for you. I know a lot of people in RL who had a fairly difficult time conceiving their second child when their first hadn't been much of a problem, so I don't think you are alone, although that probably isn't much help.
Congratulations on exchanging contracts! Great news. It won't be long now before you are moved in. I hope everything in general feels a lot brighter when you do move, I think moving house is incredibly stressful and I didn't really realise how stressed I was about it until we were settled in to our new place. I seem to think you had had your place on the market for ages like we did and that doesn't help.

Poppy - I hope you have a better night tonight, early morning nursery rhymes don't sound like fun although I am impressed at e knowing the words and actions!

Thank you for all your lovely messages - think the baby blues kicked in today so hopefully my hormones will start to settle down now.

Lol at Earnest's post !

Amber, totally know where you're coming from - been there and it's hell. Tc.

Hi to everyone else x

Amber first, tons of hugs! I was worried that all this talk about ttc and stuff would be upsetting to you and a few others. This is one of the problems with this thread-structure, we get people posting light hearted stuff and very serious stuff all at once and sometimes it can trivialize important things. Especially when some of us (like me) are just tossing around the idea of another one. I know how emotional I was about ttc Fraser but now another baby would feel like gravy whereas with Fraser, I wanted him just as much as I wanted DS1. I do feel like ttc is one of those cases where life is bloody unfair often. Please lurk if you need to but know that we care a lot and are all standing with you as much as we can. (glad contracts exchanged!)

sponge no cyber slap from me because I'm exactly the same , well replace SPD and pre-eclampsia with horrible tears and sciatica and a crap pelvic floor, which probably isn't as bad but is also cringe-inducing whenever I slip and mention in it RL.

essie my advice, from experience, is to not make any plans based on what should happen at work because these days the chances of getting screwed are more than likely. Have a kid when you want to (and my circle of friends outside of my mum-life in Aberdeen is mostly academics and regardless of the paths they've chosen are all struggling a bit so I'm aware of the difficulties of your career!). That is unacceptable crap though about your experiences applying for a job - and being forced to go down the route of legal action is really a tough road (but better than nothing - I'm not saying not to fight your case, just that you shouldn't have to in the first place). Hugs on having to go through the interview while having a m/c too - that would have been very very hard.

Further from bdq's advice, there might be some issues with re-interviewing for a different job description though??

As for barely coping, I was that way with one and now am that way with two and I'm starting to suspect I'd be the same with three. I'm guessing it's just how I function as a parent.

sybil uh-oh, you three years ago sounds like us now. If we are going to have another I wish we'd skip all this discussion and just make up our minds (but we can't make up our minds because otherwise we'd not be talking about it in the first place).

Deb last time we left F to cry in his cot he managed to reach a pack of wipes and pulled out every single one, draped them all over his mattress, and then lay down and fell asleep on them. He was very damp when he woke. (mainly saying "yes, we have to leave F to cry too").

allnew any bruises? hope you're fine.

Deb - How was the chocolate?

Hi Ernest.

Essie - I know what you mean about feeling a bit envious of bf-ing. And the TTC dilema. DH has said that the next one must be conceived on NZ soil, so we'll talk about it at Xmas as well. (Also so many reasons not to just yet, money, medication, will PND come back, already got so much on, need to lose weight first)...still I think my clock is ticking. BTW, I have some spare firewood from camping trips should you wish to lug it all the way back to Wales when you're next in London? BTW - my official HR opinion is that you were screwed over (remembering other elements such as morning sickness, etc). However, I hate to say this because it is so unfair, but how much would a claim, even if it was successful affect your future career prospects? I say this as I know you would do your career for £10pa and that a financial payout, however big would not help.

LOL at Sybil saying to Deb "we hear you, but don't believe you!".

Sorry that you're feeling crap Amber. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. And I'm really sorry if anything I've said has upset you. Please don't go away for long - we'll really miss you.

Will have a woodburning stove in NZ! However that is instead of central heating. Thankfully we're turning up in Summer. Rolf - love the sound of your house with a fire in nearly every room.

Sponge - So impressed with you managing to post! I'm sure the nightmares will pass v quickly, maybe they are part of your baby blues? Can I be a little light hearted about whether you have any more DCs? I was explaining to DH about how Alex was a miracle baby, then Michael was a miracle baby too...DH said that the next one would have to be immaculate conception to keep up the momentum of miracle babies. I hope that wasn't in bad taste, it was meant well. No cyber slaps from me either and don't ask for them (seriously, how much punishment do you want in the space of a week!?).

Met up with my Dad again today. It went well, at times it was even a bit boring , (he can take a long time to get to the point of a story ). He got quite emotional at the end putting his arm round me as we walked and stroking my hair which felt quite strange. I've been a bit off this evening, I think that the aftershocks are bigger than the actual meetings! Hoping that tomorrow is ok.

Just marking my place.

Deb I missed the sleep thing with E earlier - we don't put S down for a morning nap anymore. If we're out somewhere in the car he might have a bit of a snooze but otherwise he holds on till after lunch.

Re reinterviewing Abdn - I probably wouldn't go through a full interview process for someone I had interviewed before. It happens all the time - 'you didn't get this job, but you'd be perfect for this other one...'. Sorry Essie have not been much use at all. You'd probably really need to get some proper advice on whether you had a case for discrimination and then think about whether or not you want to pursue it (and if you want to pursue it, what you hope to get out of it). I didn't say earlier, but I am sorry that this is all tied up with the memory of your m/c. I can really empathise with that.

Amber, I am so sorry, it is shit that you are feeling that way. I hope you come back soon cos I will miss you. I used to get so angry when I heard of other people getting pg when I was trying to get pregnant first time, so I totally understand. You will get there

I went to doc today and he wouldn't give me progesterone to lengthen luteal phase, he has referred me instead, said he didn't want to mess around with my hormones especially as I had problems conceiving before.

So now I have to go back to see Clomid man [scared] . Don't think I'll need Clomid this time though [hope].

Sponge, nightmares sound horrid - that's probably your hormones. Hope you feel brighter tomorrow. Michael's sleeping sounds pretty good so far - hope it continues!

Essie, I have had a job before where a position was offered to me then it was taken away and there was lots of bad feeling. I left, even though I didn't want to be forced out, but it was the best thing I ever did. Sometimes something you think is making you happy ie your perfect job is actually making you very sad and needs ditching.

Rolf, I think when you are SAHM going out to work can seem like an idyllic situation away from the routine of the cooking, cleaning, washing etc, but I have found it just means I have less time to do the same amount of cooking, cleaning, washing etc and is not great at all! We also struggle when PILs are not here cos DH is supposed to pick up DTs from CM but at least 50% of time is caught late at work and can't make it back, so PILs step in. If they weren't here we'd really struggle. I really want to give up work anyway!

Amber I'm sorry you're finding it so difficult. Please come back as soon as you can.

Sponge those nightmares sound horrible. I do hope you don't have any more.

Neenz I was just having a grass is greener moment . Part of the daydream (and I really don't do this very often!) is that there is family to help. DH and I both get a bit sad about not having family nearby who can help like that. Having said that, my father has looked after the girls a bit recently which was very kind of him as it wasn't very relaxing. He's coming over for an hour tomorrow to mind them whilst I go to a parents' evening. So I really shouldn't moan - I have more help than some people do.

Sponge- blues suck (((hugs))) PS- how is it you can post so much with two babies?????????

Amber- (((hugs))) for you too. But skipping and dancing about exchange. Are you ready to re-pack and un-pack?!!!

Penguin- glad things are going well with your Dad. Totally know what you mean about aftershocks. I still suffer lows for two or three days after I speak to my dad on the phone. It used to wipe me out though not so much now. How many days left?? I like the idea of you having an NZ baby. It will really settle you there and I'm hoping that you'll be able to have a more positive experience. Remind me where you are planning to settle?

Neenz- great news about your referral.

Essie- I really don't know what to say about your experience, since not an HR whizz. But do send (((hugs))) at your experience. It sounds like a very complicated situation. I don't know how you sat through that interview though- mc are hideous, as are interviews. The thought of dealing with both simultaneously fills me with unbearable sadness.

Debs- I leave PD to cry all the time. She always settles herself and I think I need to get her used to the idea that she might have to wait for my attention. [off to polish Bad Mother Award]

Hi to everyone else. Have not forgotten you, and did read all that you said but can no longer remember what I wanted to say in response.

Sponge - hope the hormones are behaving themselves and that you managed to get some sleep last night.

Abdn - the wipes story was sweet, I can just imagine it!

PP - glad you are managing to meet up with your Dad, it sounds like it is going well with him.

Neenz - glad you managed to get referred, seems good to get the ball rolling.

Hi to everyone else!

Had my MW appointment yesterday, asked her about the comment the other MW made just after J was born that I would need inducing early next time as the baby might be even bigger. She didn't think there would be any need and was confused at the other MW telling me that as it is not the policy of either of the NHS areas I fall between to induce for a large baby, I'm glad because it almost felt like the other MW was warning me off having another.

J is having his morning nap, we do wake him up first thing so he can have breakfast with me and DH so he is generally keen to snuggle back into his cot.

Well, I am reminded why I didn't stick around before - O just cannot keep up with you lot, it's a full time job!

Congratulations Songe, how lovely. I have a Michael too, and after 8 years, he is still adorable What's your age gap then? I have a 17 month gap bwn ds1 &2 and it is really brilliant. Looking bak I guess it was hard work, but at the time you just get on with it, don't you? But it has always been great, them being very close, really like twins, same interestes, can read same books, go to same kids club etc, whereas poor ds3, who's 3 years younger has to go it alone every time.

Congrats also to Katiepie & puree, and really best of luck to ll those ttc.

Amber, I'll be thinking of you, and hoping you get your bfp soon. It's such an overwhelming feeling, being desperate for a baby. I remember it well with dd She took her time too.

I def can't keep up with your pace, so I'll wish you all well - nutters

I have just braved Spielegruppe(playgroup) and it was fine, 1 person spoke to me, and some more at the end about me doing an English speaking session which would be good. I was very proud of Ethan - he wasn't clingy and coped very well. I expected him to not leave my side. I think the best bit was the food for him! It's very structured not just chatting whilst your children play, we do this:-
singing
playing
craft activity
coffee and food - bread and butter, cheese, gherkins, ham, fruit
tidy up
Singing
My cold is better today bit I'm not 100%, episode 3 of Emma, chocolate and a blanket on the settee obviously helped lkast nightand also Ethan is asleep now!

How's everyone else?

Amber - sorry to hear you're going for a while, hope it won't be too long before we see you back again celebrating a bfp. Great news about the house

Sponge - hope the blues have gone.

waves to everyone else -must do some of the jobs I've been intending to do for the past 2 days, dh and mil back tomorrow

Hi all
deb - spielegruppe sounds good. If there was something a bit structured round here i think I'd do it, whereas I'm not that keen on the toddler group thing

penguin - it must really take it out of you emotionally after seeing your dad, so many thoughts and feelings to go through. lol at the boring. Do you think you'll keep in touch when you move?

neenz, amber, poppy and any others ttc - very best of luck, I'm sure it's very difficult every months getting hopes up and then having to go through it all again the following month. When I was ttc my sis told me to expect it to take a year on ave and I was . It must make it even harder when it's the main subject under discussion. I find it a bit hard cos it makes me doubt my decision not to have another ikywim, whereas before, I was 100% happy I'd made the right choice

Thanks Ernest!

Debs - that sounds like a lot to get through, I agree allnew on preferring structured sessions, that is what I like about Tiny Talk, plus you have to pay for it upfront which means for someone stingy like me I am more likely to turn up every week. J hasn't bothered with the signing aspect of it, he looks at me like I've lost the plot if I try.

Just been to Tesco and managed to get a coat, thanks for reminding me about them BDQ, it's this one, in grey, they didn't have the purple, not sure if I prefer purple, typical! I've managed to convince myself that the empire line means it doesn't look ridiculous over the bump and instead like it actually is a maternity coat, one I tried on had the disadvantage of the bump making the back ride up so I looked like a hunchback!

Ktpie - I like the coat

Allnew - Spielegruppe is good- it's the talking in German that is hard!

hmm, yes, see what you mean! Did you speak German before going to Austria? I used to speak it reasonably well but wouldn't have a clue now

allnew - when we came I had only done German for 1 year at school then I'd given it up because it was too hard. I can get by now but it's really not great, if we were staying I'd have to knuckle down and do another course.

I was rubbish at German at school as well Debs so I'm very impressed at you going over there and getting on so well.
My last post read a bit odd, I meant to say the group sounded good!

Have had a grumpy monster of a toddler this afternoon, he was the same yesterday afternoon but had missed his nap so I assumed he was just tired, today he'd had his nap but still grumpy. He's becoming a real drama queen if he doesn't get his own way, he collapses into an unconsolable heap on the floor or leans on the wall facing it wailing. I ignore him but he still carries on.

It's good you got out to playgroup Debs, it must be hard being so far away from friends and family and not even speaking the language. I get sad just going to playgroup round the corner if I feel everyone else has friends and I don't! I have had a good time at playgroups recently though and feel I am fitting in more (and also finding other mums who feel like me!), it is just a case of getting your face known.

I rang my health insurance this morn to see if I can go private for the gynae but I am on DH's insurance now and cos I was referred for infertility under my old insurance I think it might count as a pre-existing condition so they won't cover it. They are sending a form for my GP to fill in so hopefully they will, they haven't decided yet. It is not exactly the same problem as last time (last time was no periods at all, this time just OVing late in the cycle) so fingers crossed. I am OK waiting on the NHS anyway, they are pretty quick these days I think. And we have started trying 'early', getting PG around January would be fine. But allnew you are so right about the disappointment of it all - I was in a really bad mood for about a week after my period came last month. I blamed it on PMT for the first day or two but after that I thought 'no, I am just pissed off that I am not PG!'

Sponge, I have been meaning to say I am sorry I can't pass on any of my preemie/small babygros - I have a friend who had a baby just a few weeks ago and he was 4lb 11oz so I gave her all my spare ones.

I have been at work today and DH is supposed to pick the kids up from CM but yet again he couldn't so I had to leave work 90mins early , and I got there 30 mins late this morn . AND he is going to the Court of Appeal again tomorrow so I'll have to leave early again! They are OK about it but it is not fair on the person who has to cover for me. If the roles were reversed I wouldn't be too happy! DH said 'I can;'t wait till we have another baby then you can quit' I said 'We don't have to wait!'

I really don't want to work now (not there anyway, wouldn't mind some work at home eg childminding or before/after-school care) but it would be foolish to quit now because then I wouldn't get any mat leave, not even SMP, am I right?

ktpie, that sounds like Theo! Today I put him in the play area so I could sweep the kitchen floor, and he threw himself on the floor, wailing. I ignored him but a moment later turned back and to see Esther standing on his chest peering over the baby gate!

And tonight in the bath Esther had an empty shampoo bottle and Theo wanted it, I wouldn't let him have it so he cried and cried, for about 10 minutes, and he kept trying to sit on Esther to get the bottle. So I tried to tickle him to distract him but he just ended up lying in the bath still wailing. Eventually E let go of the bottle and I gave it to him - then she started wailing! So it was time to get out of the bath then . What fun!

Ktpie and Neenz - Ethan is just the same!!

Neenz - I did feel better for going to playgroup even though it's a bit scary, just to go somewhere different with Ethan, especially when the snow comes as it gets so deep that playing outside with a toddler in it isn't much fun. So if I do an English one as well that will be 2 mornings.

HOUSE UPDATE - the viewer has e-mailed to say she wants to buy the house and would we like to rent our apartment from her as she knows we want to stay in the village until the end of the school year! Great news eh? What I think would be better is if we stay on here rent free in exchange for working as we do now, - getting guests,the admin, cleaning,laundry, snow clearing , dealing with guests etc... What do you think - reasonable? Problem tonight is that Nigel is in a B+B somewhere near Stansted and I can't tell him the news as they're checking in at 4.30 tomorrow morning and so he's in bed now. So I can't tell him the latest!

S is the same Neenz& Ktpie and Deb*. He does not like the word 'no' at all . He tends to throw his head back first, then his whole body so he ends up lying on the floor on his back. However, having hurt himself a few times he now tends to have a quick look around for a soft landing first .

Neenz - look into maternity allowance. I don't know too much about it, but it's something people who dont get SMP may be entitled to. If you google it or check out direct.gov you'll find the info.

Just been doing photo calendars for the grandparents Christmas on vistaprint. They're currently 'free'. With a basic calendar, colour grid (the actual calendar bit), VAT and postage it came to around a fiver for each calendar. Still not a bad deal though. They're also doing 3 for £9.99 (before all the postage etc) but they need to be three the same which was no good to me. Photobox are currently doing buy one get one free, and while they offer better options (more choice on number of photos etc) and are a bit better quality I think 2 calendars including postage would come to around £20 so the cheapo vistaprint ones will do.

Morning all, up early to go the airport fro Nigel and his Mum and also to buy Shreddies - I am a happy girl!