June 08- the shoes, the food, the glamour!

[pureeandpearls]

Struggling to load pages these days and saw we were over the 900 so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Was going to post properly but it's my bedtime (DH away).

Sponge many sympathies. (I've been in RL touch with Sponge in case people think I'm being weird! ) Also, I was all jealous of bfing women last week ( because it was my decision to stop, so who knows what that was about!) but Deb has reminded me that it's fairly crap in many ways! I did floods, bigtime. DH never complained but I suppose I spent 9 months or so stinking of sour milk (after 9 months things calmed down...yes, )

Sybil we had that kind of behaviour yesterday. Really draining!

Sympathies to all with colds.

Abdn I think that coat is great and actually not very expensive really. (I have my eye on a silly-expensive and somewhat pointless jacket though, and for strange reasons too!)

Umm, ok, now, I'm going to say something big here. What's a good gap between babies? (Don't say 18 months because it's too late ) Anyway, Sponge has made me, well, I don't want to use the word broody but... And today a work colleague said I should get pg. Long story which I can explain maybe tomorrow (if anyone wants to know! . But now I'm thinking - should I wait, or should I just think sod it? (Last time I went sod it I got Iestyn!)

Got to go to bed...will explain more tomorrow.

Essie good gap? Now! I'd say between 2-2.5 years is great because when they grow up they are close enough in age to want to do the same things. I know that if we do decide to have another we need a bigger age gap just for coping reasons, but I have loved having two years between the boys.

Oh and does everyone remember my birth control oopsie two weeks ago? I'm not pregnant. I was kind of hoping I would be so that we could avoid having to make the decision to have another but it would have been very unlikely. (I know that we shouldn't have another, that we're too busy, that we're completely happy with the family we have - but it's hard to resist the idea of making another person).

Rolf I want a woodburning stove in my living room!!! It's very high on the wish list, higher than it should be actually (above replacing the burgandy coloured bathroom in our ensuite).

Abdn you sound like someone who is really hoping for an accident!

We have a woodburner in the sitting room as well! When DH likes something he gets very excited about it and goes a bit mad. So we have woodburners in the kitchen and sitting room, and open fires in the other reception room and in 3 bedrooms .

Essie you can't leave us dangling like that - spill

DH is away and I ended up with both girls in bed with me. They both woke up smiling and happy so a lovely start to the day.

Rolf yes but only a real accident, not one of those "accidents" because we really shouldn't....

I'm very of all your fires and woodburners! That must be so lovely at Christmas time!

I'm woke up sad today and couldn't figure out why until I remembered that DH is probably offshore this weekend. Now that I know why I'm sad, I'm much less sad IYSWIM...

and I don't know why I want another since I hate pregnacy, am terrified of childbirth, and would have willingly given DH a vasectomy myself at about four weeks post-birth both times. But toddlers are so much fun!

I've got my woodburner going this morning, I love it. It's nice to be able to get it nice and warm without having the central heating on all day. Our kitchen does tend to be cold so I often switch the heating on at lunch time.
Abdn - if you can find a good supply of free wood and are going to be at home a fair bit it might be worth getting one fitted .
I've become quite energy conscious recently, we are in the process of changing supplier and yesterday I even signed up to imeasure (I'm such a geek).

There is a lot of broodiness going on round here, what have you done Sponge!

DH had a treat this morning when he went to get J up, sleeping bag full of poo! J had to have an early morning shower.

Lots of broody women in this group - see what you've done Sponge!

Essie - I have 23 months between ds1 and ds2, it was hard at first I admit but they are such good friends, they are interested in similar things, which makes things easier. Now having a 6 year gap as there is between Tristan and Ethan also has it's advantages - the older 2 are mini childminders(unpaid), they adore him, especially Stefan and it's easier having a new baby without a toddler to contend with BUT there are disadvantages Nigel and I are quite split now on holidays and things - one is with Ethan and the other with the older 2 as Ethan is too small to join in with them. I worry that as he gets older and wants to go to parks and climb things they'll be getting past that stage...I don't think there's an ideal gap really, I say just go for it Essie and see what happens.

still full of a cold here - feeling very sorry for myself, off to take screaming boy out of the playpen and walk to the shop for more chocolate, If I walk the long way round I can burn it off can't I?

Essie I think small gaps are easiest. We've got 17 months, 4 years, 3 years. A small gap is hard work at the beginning - I remember falling asleep whilst reading the boys their bedtime story and waking up to find I was burbling. But now they have each other for company and can do similar things on holiday together. When DH took the 2 of them away last summer they went on huge walks and did all sorts of lovely things that we just can't do with the little ones. Sometimes I feel that we are depriving the boys of their pre-teen years as little ones really do restrict what you can do. Like Deb, we have to split up to deal with everyone's needs.

The biggest downside with the small gap is the exhaustion and that the younger child's babyhood passes in a blur.

With a bigger gap you get much more time with the baby and it's lovely to have that experience after learning the ropes with DC1.

Morning all, feeling very tired this morning. M had a great night (fed at 11pm, 3am, 6am) but I struggled to get to sleep and once asleep ended up having the most horrific nightmares - one of the worst ones was me giving birth to a dead baby , another one where I was screaming and crying at dh cos I was so distressed and he was just laughing at me and another where I was drowning . Hope this is not something that lasts long, I never normally have nightmares and I found them quite terrifying. Anyway, dh just dropping mum off at the station and then coming to take over while I go back to bed.

On the broody front, Essie, I would say go for it! As you know I grew up in a family of four with a 3 year age gap from eldest to youngest. Don't know how my mum did it, but it did mean once the baby years were over we all had the same requirements in terms of holidays, entertainment, etc.

On that note, I know this is going to sound insane but dh and I have already said we're going to stop now, as we can't risk pre-eclampsia again or SPD or all the other crap I've had to endure. My body has taken such a bashing in the last six years and I'm not exactly getting any younger. So, AIBU to already be hoping we have a 'happy' accident? Yes, I know, I am BU. But I would love more kids - breaks my heart to think Michael will be my last. Someone give me a cyber slap please . . . .

I did remember your accident, Abdn, and was wondering why you were being so quiet with all the TTC folks and Sponge's Michael etc...but I didn't dare ask! I think I'm in a similar position - an accident would solve all problems (deciding, discussing, timing etc etc) but accidents don't happen around here (we have to actively not use contraception, and DH works away much of the time! And clearly we don't have the right kind of 'forget about everything' spontaneous sex... )

I have a wood burning stove in my living room (should be a photo on facebook actually - it's the tiniest stove possible) but I don't use it at the moment because that's where Iestyn plays. I also have an open fire in my little TV room. I can never get enough wood, though - Ktpie where do you get yours?

OK, I'll explain my work situation as briefly as possible, but it does go back a while...

1. Got my dream job at the Welsh dept, but it was a 2-year contract. Turned out not to be so dreamy after all.
2. During my first year, I taught in History for a semester, because I was the only person who could teach medieval history Welsh-medium (someone, a friend, had a nervous breakdown and they'd appointed badly in the past).
3. At the end of that semester, they advertised a medieval lecturer's post, I applied, didn't get shortlisted, complained.
4. They advertised 2 more jobs a month later, medieval/early modern, both being interviewed at the same time. I applied, was shortlisted.
5. I miscarried, and was still bleeding at the interview. (That's beside the point really but it did affect things in the long term). I was the most qualified applicant (I googled the others) and didn't get the job. It was given to a man, called Mark, who wasn't interviewed because he'd been interviewed for the previous job.
6. I considered complaining, but I need to work and at this institution. This was July, by September I was pg again (!! I sound really irresponsible with my pregnancies!) and had a bad pg and that kind of overtook things.
7. The law dept stepped in and 'made' a job for me. I'm on a Welsh medium fellowship scheme.

So, that's it up to a point, but then I had Iestyn and things got forgotten about. But when I came back to work I was all bitter about the history job again and still find it painful - possibly because the m/c is all linked up in that.

Current job - I'm a legal historian, but I feel that I'm out of sight, out of mind as I'm not in Arts and Humanities any more. I should be in history (or Welsh, but that's under threat of closure - ). Plus my head of dept is being weird - he's misusing the scheme, as I'm not doing any Welsh medium teaching, and he wants to replace a law lecturer on the cheap - but I'm not a law lecturer and don't want to be one... Anyway, I spoke to the lecturer he wants me to replace, and her suggestion was to get p/g because it would push the issue and sort out many problems within the dept plus get me off the hook with the law teaching! (Obviously and )

My thoughts - at the end of the next academic year (so August 2011) my 3-year contract will be up and the dept needs to create a job I can apply for. I'm still holding out for something in history (and if they screw me around again, I will sue, in all seriousness). Should I get pg now or this year, thus getting out of teaching etc and at a lull in my career in some ways? Or should I wait until I have a permanent job (assuming it will be in law first, although who knows about history). What would you do? [Against - I barely cope as it is, I'm alone a lot of the time, I'm loving being with Iestyn but don't want to jeopardize that with having another, and my thought had been to get the second in by about the time Iestyn is starting school! Plus my book will be in after Christmas - so I'll wait until then.]

Sorry, this is long. I'm always stressed at job things. HR folks - any advice on the dodgy appointment policy that seems to have been going on at History?

sponge so sorry to hear about your difficulties and feeling to sore and poorly. That really is bad luck after you wanting bf to work so much, but really you did all you can and I agree with the others that you've made the right decision. Most important for you to enjoy michael than worry about not bf

essie that's a really difficult position you're in. Others are in a much better position to advise, but I sympathise. It certainly sounds like you have very strong grounds to complain, but I agree that's not always the course of action it's best to take given you need the location etc

It always makes me that I couldn't have skin to skin with A as he was whisked away to SCBU before I'd barely even seen him

I had an embarrassing incident yesterday - went to have my eyes checked out after I'd got a scratch on my cornea a few weeks ago. She did that thing where they put antiseptic drops in the eye before putting the lens onto the eyeball - and I passed out there on the spot

I also have a squash in the kitchen waiting for me to do something with it, and I also have a cold!

Am I the only one not feeling broody?

just popping in - blimey, can't believe you lot are still going strong ! Any major news? WHo's ttc? (madness) DOn't tell me anyone's actually pg?

Anyone's lazy lump STILL not walking apart from mine . She's getting on for 17 months ffs.

Hope everyone's well and lo too of course. Any major news? Must dash to clear up - got a baby sitter coming and house is a MESS

Hi Ernest . Sponge has a baby! Puree and Ktpie are pregnant. Lots are ttc, and after seeing Sponge's pictures almost everyone is broody! How are your lot? Have you settled in Germany?

Hi Ernest! Sponge has just had a new little bundle of joy last week - Michael. And 2 more are expecting (ktpie & puree)

There's still a couple on here not walking!

lol rolf!

sponge - sorry to hear about your nightmares but M's sleeping well isn't he? Maybe the nightmares are due to the antibiotics/mastitis?
As for having an accident - part of me says no, no, don't do it to yourself again, but then you see your smile on that lovely photo with M asleep on you and I want to say yes,yes! Only you two can decide and it sounds like you have done really, mabe you'll be able to talk round your dh to the idea of adoption again in a years time or so!!

Essie - work situation sounds awful, and coinciding with your miscarriage must have been dreadful.As regards baby#2 maybe you should just go for it now, as you never know how long it will take to conceive anyway. Hope the HR people can help more

Ktpie - sleeping bag full of poo -how nice

Allnew - how awful to pass out - were they surprised ? Did you hurt yourself? When I took ds2 to the eye specialist he had to have horrible drops to enlarge his pupils, and they really stung his eyes - he cried and cried, then the Dr came to do the 2nd drops in the waiting room in front of everyone - that wasn't fair really.

Ethan's in bed and it keeps going quiet but then he starts again, he's obviously standing up in his cot as I can hear him knocking on his door! Looks like no morning sleep again. Am taking the boys out to Macdonalds for lunch when they get home as a treat with Daddy being away and they were so good yesterday at tidying up. What's the betting that Ethan sleeps in the car and is fast asleep when we get there?

allnew that must have been awful! Are you ok now? Was it the cold that caused it? I have really low blood pressure and am a bit of a fainter. I am always the one at school plays who gets too hot, feels faint and has to go outside halfway through the performance - it's very embarrassing

Essie - I have 2.5 years between my first two and I think that 2-3 years is a good gap. It means the oldest is a bit more able to do things for themselves and can 'help' with the little one to feel more included (bring nappies) etc. The age gap is still close enough though that they will play toether nicely. I have to agree with ABDN and Deb though that you need a longer gap with a third, I don't think I could have coped with J if the other two hadn't been older and able to look after themselves to adegree. I also think that is no 'good' time. (Except for PP - emigrating a 'good' time!) There is always some reason not to do it'just now'. It does sound though as if there are good work reasons for you to have another child before the job you really want becomes available.

i am loving the talk about real wood fires. Makes me quite envious. Until I remember that I am pants at making fires and dh is even worse. Probably not for us then...

Blimey Allnew are you ok? How scary for you.

Deb - Thea is grizzling in her cot, too!

Rolf and Debs - I like the positive experiences of small age gaps!

Sponge - I remember those nights where you are shattered and baby is asleep but you just can't get off, it's horrible isn't it? I hope the nightmares were a one off.

Essie - DH has access to a good supply of unwanted pallets so spends his weekends chopping them up, we also managed to get hold of a fair bit of scrap wood from freecycle, but you need some way of going to pick it up and again chopping that up, and then storing it somewhere dry. Friends know we are after scrap wood so tend to save it for us.
One of DH's friends is a tree surgeon so he delivered a load of logs last night, not free and we aren't sure that it was actually worth it but we will see. Not convinced we will be able to get hold of enough to get us through the winter without running out but every time we light it instead of putting the central heating on it is a bit less gas to pay for.

Not really sure about the job, I hear stories about the politics of academic jobs from DH and to be honest it was one of the things that put me off going into academia. Not much help am I. Go on have a baby, there you go, is that helpful!

Allnew - rubbish about fainting, that is usually my trick so know how embarassing it is. I felt faint at Tiny Talk last week, too much ring a roses, but managed to pull it together without having to admit to it and sit down, can just imagine how much fussing there would have been.
My hospital didn't seem too bothered about skin to skin, although I seem to remember seeing posters all over going on about it, they had wrapped him up in no time and seemed surprised that I was keen to unwrap him and take my top off!

Hi everyone,

still full of cold so have taken the day off work. Terrible timing - I have loads on at work and I shoul be spending all my spare time revising for my exams.

Essie my head's a bit fuzzy but re complaining about missing out on the last job... Unless their selection policy says otherwise there is no issue with no re-interviewing if they'd interviewed a candidate before. You could look into whether you were discriminated against, but it is quite difficult to prove and I think there might be a time limit on how long you have to make a case. However, I work in the private sector which isvery different to public sector/academia in how we do things so probably not the best person to ask. Are you ina Union?

On age gaps - I'm not remotely broody but after being convinced we'd only have one I'm warming to the idea of a second. However, there is no way we could afford two in nursery, and I really need to finish my course (looks like the earliest would be may 2011) before wecoul think about it. Struan starts school when he's 5 so realistically it'd be about another 3 years before we could think about ttc. But I'd be 39 by then. DH in no hurry at all either! I do worry about big age gaps. Mj d you I'm 8 years older than my sister and we managed ok.

Sorry, have completely forgotten all the other posts. Deb how are you today?

thanks all - I'm fine now. It might have been the cold as well as my general wimpiness over such things (I have no idea how I managed to give birth!)

debs - poor DS, mean old doctor!

X-posted lots! Waves to Ernest.

Ktpie similar skin to skin experience here despited some baby friendly type status. But it was all part of my pretty miserable post birth experience so I won't re-hash it now.

Wow, massive x posting there, probably because I had to answer the door to some Jehovah's witnesses in the middle of writing, how very inconsiderate of them.

Hi Ernest!

Debs - it didn't help with the sleeping bag incident that he was merrily jumping around his cot when DH went in.

Sybil - I was rubbish at lighting fires too, but I'm getting better!

I too have a little boy who has woken up from his nap, although it has all gone quiet again.

I think I must be the only person on this thread who is definitely not having another baby. (We hear you Deb, but we don't believe it ), having been uncertain for about 3 years between dc2&3 as to whether we were having another or not it is such a relief to know. I actually found it quite draining to be discussing it all the time, going back and forth over the should we/shouldn't we arguments. Now I will just ;live vicariously through you lot!

We have exchanged contracts hurrah!!! On another note completely, me being weird again, but am feeling very low at the mo with the ttc stuff and what with half the thread deciding to ttc another I'm just going to lurk as tbh I think it would break my heart to read that another has got pregnant with how I am currently feeling. Hopefully I'm going to get over myself soon and be normal but for now ta ta and hopefully see you again soon. x