Dec 08 - 9 months in, 9 months out!

[jumpjockey]

Hope you don't mind the dodgy thread name but all our babies are 9 months old now or in the next few weeks

No not at all. We are going to wait until this time next year. But I was sick the day after we had sex so not sure if the pill worked.

ps Kayzr wooooo! now I'm on tenterhooks for you!

I am dreading it. I am really hoping that AF comes Saturday. I NNED to lose weight first.

Kayz you dirty dog! You've been having SEX haven't you.

veggie. Go Kayz!

All a bit chaotic here, sharing so many of the concerns re romance (HAHAHAHAHA), nursery (gotta find one v soon in Brighton and am already distraught at idea), trying to convince work to let me work from home (if not I'll have to quit and go freelance again as there's no way I could afford to commute and pay nursery fees on what I earn)....crawling (not looking likely), sleep (v hit n miss, but T prescribed antibiotics today as he has an ENT infection so hope will get better), eating (ditto)....

Dreading the move, but looking forward to the result. And am really gutted about leaving all my friends here, but I still feel it's the right decision.

Had loads to say but it's suddenly gone from my aching head (think T's kindly given me his bug, along with the food he keeps trying to feed me) so will say night night here. Hoping for lots of sleepy babies and peaceful mummies.

at P?s eating Trace, that is great! I say ring your HV and get that confirmation that you are doing all you can ? you get so few well done?s as a Mum, then take the opportunity to receive a pat on the back and it might just give you the boost you need to get you through the night. And aren?t HV?s there to give support up to 5 years? So you really should use that support and not assume its just for new Mums and babies. Sorry, realised I?ve got a bit lecturing there, don?t mean to tell you what to do, I just think if you?ve got a good HV, then use her. Are there any groups on Wednesday you can still take P to? I?m also worried about what DD and I can do together when I?m back at work, as we have such a full social life at the moment and I would really miss my new Mum friends. I?m thinking I should ask not to work Mondays (toddler group), Wednesdays (swimming), Thursday (soft play) ? but somehow I still need to work 35 hours a week!

Veggie interesting to hear that HV?s are encouraged to reassure (which is no bad thing and just what Trace wants), but I just wish she?d listen first. What really annoyed me was that I asked her last month for suggestions, and I got the same reassurance then. It?s not my normal HV, I assumed she was on holiday last month so went back thinking she?d be there this week, and she wasn?t. Summer how did you persuade your DS to give up the bedtime feed?

Effie my Mum always used to give us sleeping tablets before a long car journey (not for sickness, just to keep us quiet). I?m quite sure no one would let her do that now!

Kiwi I?m very concerned about long days for my DD too, it does seem such a long time for one so small. However the nursery I?ve booked DD into (spaces on the right days permitting) has plenty of babies who are in full time and are happy and content whilst there. I wonder if my worry is more about my stress levels and dealing with the drop off/pick up/commute to work, just as Veggie found, and of course not getting to spend very much time with DD during the week, rather than DD finding it hard

Hope T recovers quickly Spot, and you don?t come down with the same infection

Kayz are you going to test on Saturday? You know we?ll all be lurking all weekend to find out the result!

Granny/baby bonding went ok today. DD cried and was a bit clingy to me, but my Mum had got out all my old toys and I was very proud of DD showing my number geekery has been inherited and heading straight for the abacus! Also they had lots of fun stroking the dogs (DD giggled so much when she got her fingers or ankles licked, and the dogs were so good and gentle with her), and peering over the fence on one side at the cows and on the other side at the ponies. Sadly my parents are moving next month, to somewhere with real neighbours, not just animals, but at least the dogs will go with them

Thank you for everyone?s take on the whole relationships schtick, I have found everyone?s insights really helpful so thank you very much for sharing them...

Arti, I am so glad work is working out. I know what you mean about the matter of approbation in the workplace. I will miss it. That sense of achievement is important and it?s a different sense of achievement to the one one feels as a mother. My moans about DP are nothing new and actually it is only worse since we had DD because I am around more ? they are the same problems we ran into about six weeks into our relationship. We are just so different. He finds it hard to talk about feelings, doesn?t initiate anything, finds it hard to be openly affectionate, can be a bit cold?and it makes me feel rejected and annoyed. He does love me, I know he does, and he says that I can?t dictate how he expresses his love for me (which is right, I shouldn?t) ? but sometimes I feel I am on starvation rations when it comes to affection. The other thing is that I might be high maintenance in some regards but I am cheerful, patient, and supportive and I find him grumpy and quick to get irritated and it drives me nuts. Trace, I was very interested in what you had to say about relationships and as I said before, I think you are incredibly wise. NJAN ? you are also right, I can never decide if I focus on the negative about him too much. There are lots of lovely things about him. I just have to accept that we just don?t think in the same way and love him for who he is. But sometimes the compromising and seems to get too much and I feel like it?s all one way.

I have read that back and it makes me sound like a spoilt cow. Basically, I think my expectations and hopes for life in general are just too darn high. But I have been the same since I was a tiny tot and I am far too elderly to change now, I expect?.

But everything is going to be intensified as my life bears so little resemblance to a year ago, in so many ways.

Oh, and Arti ? if your nanny disappears, it?s because she has been nannynapped and will be speeding down the M40 in a sack in the back of our car. She sounds a wonder. And enjoy the lovely cleaning!

PMK ? how?s the new gaff?

Spot ? good luck with the move. Moving sucks, but once it?s done Brighton will be so ace?do hope work let you work from home.

Effie, sorry about your friend?s DH. For me, I would say the chance to chat about DH was helpful ? after the funeral can be a downer so even so much as a postcard telling her you are thinking of her in the following week might be nice. And support and attention when everyone else is getting on with their lives only weeks later, but you can?t?

Sorry about the tax credits Kayz ? but perhaps you will be on maternity leave again before long! Wow. I totally sympathise about wanting to lose weight before the next baby. You know I am in exactly the same boat.

MomorMum ? great news about the childminder. Writing ? having been a literary agent for yonks I know what a mug?s game trying to be a writer is ? that said, I am finishing my novel and I do a spot of journalism and some other stuff. But not enough to earn a crust (or even a crumb) that?s for sure. I ought to know better!

WG ? sounds like Madam has turned a corner. Fingers crossed. So you are now thinking about another ? after a weekend spent questioning our relationship DP was mentioning having another two over lunch yesterday ? think I have only got another one in me, at most?Listen, could you contemplate still going on an anniversary mini-break but taking your DD?

Beans ? the loneliness after having kids ? I do know something of what you mean. Now and then I think motherhood makes you feel like an adjunct to society (when it should be the opposite) though part of that is not being at work and living in a place where no one can hear you scream. Don?t be lonely. We all understand. And come to our next London meet up!

SL ? I am still laughing at ?homemaker?. It?s a right mess in here. It?s lovely that you said your DH was considerate ? what a nice thing to say. DP isn?t romantic when it comes to gestures, no, or words really. But?he does try to be considerate when he remembers, I think. Hmm, maybe I should stop whinging!

JJ ? so pleased you had a lovely sounding hol and nice to have you back!

Lal ? smashing news about the new job. Yay.

Veggie, did you watch Location, Location, Location tonight? It was about Derby/the Peaks. I want to elope with Phil Spencer. I am actually jealous of my beloved Kirstie because I want him to be my soothing friend. He?d be perfect.

ZJ ? how did your DD?s session go with your Mum? Any tantrums (from either party? ) My DD is a sunny natured little baby but over the past few days has started doing these hilarious mini rages where she clenches her fists, shakes with fury and goes maroon - but it lasts seconds and she snaps out of it. But it is so funny and cute I actually enjoy it (ha, won?t THAT wear off).

There?s so much else to say and I have missed people but I am sick of the sound of my own voice and you must be too! I bought DD a few new clothes today. There were some nice ones in M&S. I watched The Reader last night, anyone seen it? I thought it was rather good.

Right, and so to bed?.

LadyT I personally don't think wanting a bit more affection makes you high maintenance! DH keeps complaining that I don't cuddle him enough any more so perhaps I'm the evil party in our relationship

Kayzr Hope all is ok on Saturday...

THanks for all the advice on nurseries etc. I was wondering, what are people's thoughts on nurseries vs childminders/nannies? We couldn't afford a nanny but nannysharing might be an option, but we decided that DD is so sociable and hyperactive that nursery would be best for her, but now I'm fretting about that decision too... basically I'm fretting about anything and everything. If anyone would like to give me their woes, I'll fret about them for you. I'm thinking of setting up a business - we do the worrying for you!

Hi Kiwi,

I really feel for you, leaving your child is incredibly hard. I'm lucky in that not only is work only 10 mins from home, the nursery is on site so I visit Mr Whingy pants at lunchtime for a feed, and I often see Mr shouty man running around the grounds on their walks during the day. I still miss them both a lot but its nice for me to know they are nearby !

I have some random thoughts but I dont know if they will help. One of the difficulties I've found is despite the fact that the boys get lunch and tea at 3:30 they are always ravenous when I pick them up, at 5:15ish. So I need to get them something to eat as soon as we get in, at 5:45, 6ish. So often I cook something to reheat the night before, or we have something very simple (beans on toast). We all eat together, as I'd rather do that than have to cook and wash up twice. (Though I can totally see why others would choose to eat separately - try shovelling food into one, getting drink, picking forks etc from the florr for another, and trying to eat yourself!). Then we have stories, perhaps a bath and then bed. If its a long commute it may make it difficult to fit these things in. My boys dont go to bed until 8ish, because otherwise even though its a short commute I cant fit it all in. (DS1 is a late waker so I can pack bags etc, make sandwiches in the am without interruption).

The other thing is how easy it will be to get to them if they are ill. DS1 has tonsillitis last year and the nursery rang me to tell me he had collapsed and I was there within 5 mins. We had to wait 30 mins for DH and the car, but at least I was there.

Logistically and financially it made sense to keep mine at the nursrey, but after DS2 was born I really wanted to get a nanny/childminder so they could be together. I think thats a real advantage to 1-1 care. However, I've spent enough time at the nursery to see that even the babies benefit from the company of other children. So if you have a nanny they might get out and about a bit more, but then the care that they get at nursery is consistent and the food/activities are really good. I think at the end of the day your LO will be happy whatever you choose, as long as you are. There are quite a few LOs that have long days at my nursery and the staff are really good at giving them down time when they are tired etc. The person it will most likely will affect will be you if you worry about it IYSWIM.

I dont know if other people feel like me, but most of the time it feels like leaving my kids with anyone is just wrong, as I know them best. But then, if I listened to my instincts, I'd probably be cooking their dinner and washing their pants when they are 30 ! I think its part of a long process of learning to give your kids independence and its very hard, but then when I pick up DS1 now (who hated nursery for a while), and he is happy and chatty and has had a fun day, I feel like I've done the best thing for both of us.

Better go before DH tells me off

Kiwi - I am a huge fan of nanny shares. If you get the right arrangement they can be very social affairs but with the added advantage that your DD will always know who is looking after her and will build a strong and secure bind with that person. For us that was vital as DD1 wasn't happy in nursery because the carers kept changing and it really unsettled her. Obviously every baby is different but she loved her nanny share which worked so that she mainly hadvthe nanny to herself during school hours but after school and holidays she had the huge excitment if older kids to play with. And even during theschool day the nanny kept it socialable by taking her to toddler groups and playsates with other nannies and their charges. The other huge advantage is that with a nanny you don't have to take time off when your kids are ill - and they get ill less than when exposed to all the kids in nursery. You would not believe the number of viruses DD1 got when she started nursery. Finally nannies can do some of the boring chores like taking the kids to doctors/dentists/hair dressers/shoe shop leaving you to really play with your DD during your days off. As you can see I am evangelical about nannies and nanny shares inparticular!

Must rush but back later for personals (after work, I am on Tube already!)

Aaargh. Have found brilliant nanny and have checked my email at least 20 times this morning to see if she's got back to us and wants the job...I actually feel sick. It's like A level results...

make that 21...

I've got fingers crossed for you Urbane!

Mistic Meg on FB said that I am going to win the lottery so I am house hunting DH is mowing the lawn and both boys wanted to be in the garden with him so I am free to do whatever I want. YAY!

Kiwi nannies and child minders can be quite sociable. I've been to play groups and 1 o'clock clubs and there is always carers of some sort there. I think they pretty much take them to the same things a mum or dad would take them to during the day. A friend of mine here is Derby is a child minded and she takes her chargers to all sorts of things.

LadyT I think it is difficult to make someone more affectionate (says me who keeps refusing to hold DH's hand lately no idea why) but I think the grumpiness and being quick to irritate is difficult because it means you kind of be on your guard to try to not to spark him off which is not much chop for you. I think it is reasonable and not at all high maintenance to expect him to curb that behaviour. And always aim high sunshine, it's what you'll be teaching your daughter to do, but just be flexible with your hopes.

This post has taken me so long to write as inbetween I put DS2 down for his nap, made coffee spoke to DH on the phone, and now have just gotten DS2 back up again . He has gone from having 2 hr naps to 30 mins again. I give up I just don't understand the whole baby sleep thing. At least he slept better last night again (except for 5.30am shenanigans) and at least this one naps in his cot.

Wow lots of cross posts can't keep up. Congrats on the lottery Kayz, shall we get a box at the emirates now then?

Yeah Veggie we will do. We can also do that Paris Meet up!

Kayz you could buy Paris!

Kayz I got DH an Arsenal birthday card that plays a song, DS2 loves everytime I open it up to play the song what ever he is doing he starts rocking backwards and forewards in time to the music.

Have just swapped the baby carseat to the next size up, aahhh he's growing up (and I can no longer pop the capsule into the quinny zapp frame at the shops...bum)

Argh!!! We are going to London for 1 night in November and there are no hotels!! We don't want to spend more than £50. I think we will end up in Heathrow!!

Kayz, I had a client who lived nr Harrogate who always used to use this place as it is reasonably priced and convenient

here

Kayz try laterooms.com or lastminute.com

Oh and there is an old pub on the highway at wapping that does rooms Inc family rooms pretty cheap. I doubt they are on the Internet but DH might still have their phone number from when we put my mum up there just after DS1 was born. It's close to St katherine docks and tower of London etc.

Hello all,

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes, you are all very kind . I had a really fun day with a mixture of visits from family, out for a meal with friends and the next day went to Bruge! We had such a fantastic time. We stayed in a plush hotel, ate lots of chocolate and DD waved at just about everyone she saw.

kayz How odd the lady in the mac! Spooky.

effie Sorry to hear about your friend. When my older brother died people actually used to cross the road or dive into shops to avoid speaking to my mum, so just spending time with your friend would be a lovely thing to do.

trace I don't think you'd be silly to ring your HV at all. I know exactly what you mean about getting support through seeing other mums. Is there nothing on Wednesdays you could go to together?

ladyT I did chuckle at your description of your DD going maroon. DD has started to scream and shout if I remove things from her, usually my phone or something inappropriate for chewing on. The first time she did it I thought it was very cute... much less so now!

Fingers crossed for you urbane.

Very interesting the discussion about how relationships change. What trace said about being housemates echoed with me! Although we had a friend come round one evening a few weeks ago that really helped both of us remember how we enjoy each others company. We were just chatting really and just having someone else there meant we were talking about things other than DD and who was going to sterilse the bottles etc. It was quite refreshing.

Anyway, best go, toodles.

Hello ladies,

Apologies for no personals as I have not had a proper chance to catch up. Honestly i miss a few days and I have no hope of catching up!! So i hope all are well and babies behaving themselves.

DS was back at the Dr's this morning due to his constant coughing (therefore constant night wakings. He is fine apparently and Dr has no explanation for why he is so chesty, other than he might possibly have infantile Asthma. Although he thinks it highly unlikely and said they wouldn't commit to a diagnosis to a child under 2 except under exceptional circumstances. So for now we grin and bear it.

On other news my Nan has been diagnosed with Cancer. We are still unsure how serious it us yet until the results of a further biopsy and an MRI. We should know in the next couple of weeks. All this as my Grandad is waiting on his scan results to see if a skin cancer on his nose has spread behind his eye. I feel a bit numb tbh. I know they are 79, and aren't exactly going to live forever but my nan in particular is very young for her age. I think I have said before, she's always dressed up, heels on and make up done, line dances 3 times a week etc etc. Anyway, we'll no more soon enough.

Wow we just had the best time DS1 and I. He wanted to do painting with spray bottles like he had seen on Mister Maker. I could only find one spray bottle but it didn't work very well with the watered down paint. So we found some paints with only little amounts of paint left in them added some water shook them up then hey presto. Off we went on our specially layed out paper on the back pavers. We finished off all the watered down paint and were having such a good time we started on the full paint bottles and skipped the water and just squeezed them straight onto the paper. A bit Pro Hart or Jackson Pollock but instead of just primary colours we got into every colour we could lay our hands on. In the end we had a brilliant coloured mess. Then DS1 looked at me and said mummy I want to walk through it and do footprints. So we put some more paints down and did some footprint painting. Obviously he ended up slipping on it but he had old clothes on and by that time he'd done enough footprints and covered enough bits of paper that we'll have lots of Christmas present wrapping and cards to cover both sets of GP's and aunts and uncles! Thankfully DS2 slept through the whole thing. Juggling the 2 of them lately and admidst cleaning cooking and generally side mummy studf I'd forgotten how much I love just playing with them esp DS1. Oh I'm gonna miss him when he goes to school.

Better go he is currently trying to lure DS2 into his Thomas bag.

Sorry cross post Daisy do sorry to hear the news of your nan will be White lighting her. BTW apart from the fact that she acts young for her age she IS young, how old is your mum. She's only 14 years older than my mum! If my nan were still alive she'd be well over 90. Hugs to DS. I think they don't like diagnosing under 2's simply because under that age lots of things can bring on the symptoms of Asthma but they don't want to diagnose as it is a long term thing and I think it also messes up their stats.