April 2009 - Chapter 5 - The one where no-one is allowed to feel guilty (except about all the chocolate...)

[Guimauve]

There will be chocolate fines for the guilty!

Bebe x posts - poor you. Put her down anyway if you can stand the screaming and get yourself something to eat and a double gin and tonic. Have a break, even if it's only a minute, then you can deal with her again much better. Hope she goes off to sleep soon so you can have some peace.

Sorry to hear that, Auld. I second the idea about putting her down for a bit anyway.

bebe, I'd second that. She'll survive: put her down somewhere where she can't hurt herself, and have some meat. And some orange juice or something with Vitamin C (helps iron absorption).

WFH, since you ask, it was a bit depressing. The campus looks even worse since the strike, lots of graffiti and raggedy posters. And 3 of us had been called in to invigilate a resit exam, at which there were only meant to be 53 students. That was poor use of resources anyway - but in fact only 9 students came, so it was an real waste of time.
Almost worth it though for the mad conversation held by my colleague, a lady who lives with hundreds of cats and is clearly losing her marbles. I invigilate with her almost every year, and she is getting worse:

newly appointed Professor: I should introduce myself, I'm X, your new colleague.
mad lady: oh, hello, are you a language assistant?
newly appointed Professor: erm, no, I'm a Professor
mad lady: I see. Are you perhaps a postgrad student?
newly appointed Professor: erm, no, I'm a Professor
mad lady: what's that, then?
oh, look, that lady over there may be a native speaker
mad lady (to me): hello, are you our new language assistant?
me: erm, no, I'm a lecturer
mad lady: Really? Have you just been appointed then?
me: erm, no, I've been here for 4 years
mad lady: gosh, I've never seen you before. Would you mind just quickly doing this grammar exam, it's always good to have a native speaker's view.

I then sat and did a grammar exam, which led to my discovering that in one section the students were supposed to complete sentences with expressions which included "despite of". I had to fight to get mad lady to agree that we should inform the students that this was a "typo", and that they should not be put off/think it was a trick question, etc.

x-posted with Boff. I third that idea

have a good holiday, Feier!

Dh just got home..out to the pub before driving home...

Moo has just dozed off too...

'so everything is ok then' he says

sometimes...

Swali continued hugs for you and B (and agree with everyone on the other thread to go to A&E if she worsens).

Bebe you are no use to Moo if you don't look after yourself. You need to eat, so you have to put her down. Does she have to be on the breast or would she tolerate being in a sling? Does your local takeaway deliver? An Indian or Chinese meat dish would be pretty good options for you at the mo.

Gui - we are twins, you used the word "maven." I am the only person I know who says this and usually people don't understand it to the point I'd started to think I'd imagined it.

Tigga - how's the cold? I also hate all my shoes since pregnancy. They don't actually fit. The ones I bought or wore during pregnancy are so stretched they fall off my feet and pre-preg ones are too small. The only wearable pair I have are a livid sort of brown (if you can have such a thing) which is a great look under black trousers. They are also now falling apart and I have no time to buy more. Hey ho. Re maternity clothes, they're the only part of my pgs that weren't a living nightmare. I have never had a waist so pg was the only time I felt even slightly happy with my figure. Although way too fat, I did look pleasingly up the duff with my dresses on, and if I never ever get pg again I will be sad at not looking like that again. (Mat trousers though are largely a work of the devil)

DS1 did his first day at his new preschool this afternoon, having been for a full session at his old one as well in the morning. What a little star he was. I fear the nursery teacher thinks we're nuts/cruel making him go to two separate settings like that, but we'll see how it pans out. Have been desperately dehydrated and on the verge of a migraine all day. Does anyone else struggle to keep up with the fluid requirements of BF? I never had this with DS1. He was a winter baby so I just found I had to eat copious food. Definitely want my money back this time round with the pints and pints of water and the inexplicably poor BF performance, despite supplying DS1 for 3.5 years.

Sorry Auld missed the bit about your early start. Very for you about the mad people at work.

Swali really hope B is a little bit better today.

Bebe (slummy mummy moment) if moo is crying have ever tried sticking her in her baby chair to 'watch' the telly? Baby TV is quite good because of shapes/colours but anything works with Hannah. (I really do only do this in moments of desperation, but it does settle her pretty well whatever). You need to eat well, you are every bit as important as she is.

Right - anyone feeling guilty about anything? I've read the literature I was given at the (highly informative ) weaning group and the leaflet about drinks says......
'Children should aim to drink at least 6 cups of alcohol free fluid each day' . I mean wtf????

Parents here. Fried brekky cooked by my Mom. Bliss!

Bebe - hope you're feeling better today, and that Moo is a good girl and lets your shoes.

Swali - I hope that B is doing okay. {hugs}

Boff! Are you sure? How lovely of you! Will e-mail you! How fab that DS is a babe magnet!

Feier - have lovely time on hols. Eumovate will kick in soon.

Auld - love your loony cat professor. What a waste of time though. I hope work situation normalises for you soon.

MrsGuimauveBoring - I also loved maternity clothes. But goodness, don't they make you look pregnant?! The first time I put one of my new outfits on I was astounded at my suddenly enormous bump!

Brett - WTF indeed? at even having to mention alcohol-free.

Off to Hop Festival!

mrsgboring - sorry, haven't had a long enough moment to sit down and answer your useful sling information, wasn't ignoring you!

A hip carry might work - there is no way on earth Orbit will tolerate facing inwards, certainly not on my front, and I'm not keen on putting him on my back yet. I have a frame back carrier which he loves because he can see over my head, but if you try and hold him in any position which makes him face your body he instantly twists round and struggles and cries, so it's got to be outwards or hips.

He goes outwards in the KariMe but actually you're right about it not being very ergonomic, he's sort of perched in front of me and his legs wave around and he keeps leaning forward as well, which makes the whole thing feel very unstable and weird. So maybe a hip carry is the way forward - you say MT's are good for this? I need something that will hold him quite firmly because of his propensity for leaning and hurling himself around, he won't sit tidily in one position, he's constantly desperate to see round corners and over theeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrre and over heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrre and it makes the whole carrying him thing a bit of a dangerous operation!

So shall explore hip carrys today and see what's what.

Thank you again for all your advice!

Having a bad day. Feel like my opinions, experiences and advice count for nothing. Yet another friend asked me for advice on something I know a bit about and she still ignored it (didn't even try it, don't even remember her acknowledging it) and tried something someone else advised.
It seems to happen a lot to me I think I must just seem thick.

They didn't count for nothing when you happened to be up at 1am and I was in labour. I listened and valued your opinion!!!!

Bless you Brett
I do seem to remember I deserted you though

Aw Bronze some people just hear what they want to hear. Infuriating though - I feel your pain.

WFH no worries. As you know I can bore for England on the subject of slings.

A heavily pg woman needs her sleep bronze and I hadn't been up past 9.30 for a while prior to it being 'enforced' that night!!!! I was in awe of your stamina tbh.

As above, people very often just want you to have the idea that they already had. Really irritating though when you can see if they took your advice it would make their life easier.

Good morning!

Was everyone having an early night last night or were you all out on the town?

Hey Swali! How is B? It's always quiet here at weekends, people go off and have real lives

Morning all

Swali we had the most exciting saturday night imaginable - in bed by 8.30pm - oh how times have changed.

rant alert - please feel free to ignore - just need to get it out

Currently sat in the kitchen listening to little O complaining and beetling in his cot about being put down for a nap. O seems to have forgotten how to settle himself (up at 9.30pm, midnight, 1am, 3am, 5am and 6.30am - yaaaaaaaaaawn) so we're trying to get him to put himself to sleep for naps... he's not a happy bunny but I can't keep rocking him to sleep as he's nearly 20lb (I have guns to rival Arnie these days - my arms are the only bits of my body that don't wobble...)

Why don't babies just sleep when they're tired?! Why do we have to go through this soul destroying process of crying, comforting, putting down, screaming, picking up, crying, comforting, putting down, screaming, picking up every single time???

...rant continues...

And if my mum says one more time 'he'll sleep when he's on 3 solid meals a day' I think I'll jump out the window. Before we started giving him some solids (which wasn't particularly to try and get him to sleep better but mainly because he was feeding so much more than previously day and night) it was 'once you give him baby rice he'll sleep through' and now its 'once you feed him a full roast dinner and probably a mars bar and maybe a can of coke twice a day he'll sleep through'. FFS - he's a 4 month old baby - he's not waking up just because he's hungry, he's waking up because he's a 4 month old baby and that's what they do. There is no magic solution and it drives me nuts when people make out that there is because it makes me feel like i must be doing something really badly wrong

rant over

I'm reading 'Why Love Matters' by Sue Gerhardt (here) at the moment which is a helpful reminder of why its so important to be nothing but positive and loving with little O, even when he's woken me up twenty-five-million times and clearly doesn't actually need feeding again... would highly recommend it for those of us who frequently get close to the end of our tethers...

Hope everyone has a good weekend - O still beetling but DH is in charge so I'm going for a loooooooooooooong shower...

x x

I wish I did

Bicnod, you have my sympathies - people are always dangling sleep as a perpetual carrot, with various promises on how to reach it. I've just given up on ever not feeling totally exhausted again.

Loving the image of the Arnie guns

Hellooooooooo Springy! How's life??????

I had a bath and was in bed at 10pm last night.

It was the fête des associations here yesterday, so I have enrolled DS1 in a theatre club. A is well, though I'd rather he didn't wake up 3 times a night.

Oh, he's waking up, must go.

Bicnod, after his post-weaning six alcohol free drinks daily, perhaps try him on some hooch.

Seriously, even Felix the super sleeper is waking up at 3.30 am every day at the moment, despite the fact we gave him loads of baby porridge at bedtime yesterday. I am knackered and also have a blocked duct for some reason (sloppy use of hand pump?). Plus DH now has a minor dose of post-viral. But things will get better!! My millionaire supernanny arrives later!! She will iron the children's clothes in regimented piles, fill the freezer with witty little purees, dress the older boys in charming hand made sailor suits and conquer the toy explosion in the playroom!! Oh yes!! (Er - maybe I am building her up a bit here??)

Should I stop DS1 pretending Felix is a hat in order to make him laugh appealingly??

Ha ha Auld when I saw "fête des associations" I imagined a whole village earnestly playing Word Assocations in some very post-Freudian collective catharsis exercise.

Springy! How are you? Your little chap looks gorgeous in the fb photo.

Bicnod - I totally feel your rant. I find myself thinking exactly the same thing: you need sleep, you can have it, why don't you just take it? It is so hard to go through the process so many times a day. V is slightly better these days but the whole system seems so fragile because of the DEMENTED INSANE catch that lack of sleep makes it harder for them to sleep. And you are right: you can't find some magic bullet, so all those people hovering in the wings with formula, baby rice, roast dinners, little snifters of brandy, laudanum soaked dummies, whatever it is today, can just get lost.

Swali - early bed here. How is B today?

Life's fairly good, thanks. The main issue at right now is that George is poorly, but he's not too bad at the moment. The only worry is that we've spent a lot of time in Birmingham & just as we left my sister was a possible swine flu case, so we're keeping an eye on him. He's mostly just very snotty & sleepy (during the day ) & had a slight temp yesterday evening. I'm pretty sure it was higher during the night, but didn't want to disturb him too much more than was necessary, so just gave him paracetamol & will check it again today.

As a result, I'm back to 100% BF instead of delegating one or two bottles of FF to DH, but it's not too bad for the short term. I'm mostly surprised by the strength of my desire to just fix him & make him feel better. Normally I'd be worried about catching it too

I think our marriage is going to be okay. We had a night away in a hotel on Tuesday whilst my parents had George. It was bliss, even though I kept waking up through the night out of habit / needing to squirt milk down the sink! We got on really well & it made me remember why we thought it would be okay to have a baby together even though we'd only been seeing each other for a few months. Sometimes it's seemed like the craziest idea in the world & I've hated myself for being so stupid, but I understand again now. We are really good together, but various circumstances have made it more difficult than it should have been. It made us appreciate each other so much more - if anyone can manage to get childcare for a night, I'd thoroughly recommend escaping, even if it's just around your home. It was so good to not have to be thinking about George all the time.

Oh, & the sex was fabulous

Auld, I hope DS1 enjoys the theatre club. I imagine life with an older child to mostly be about finding ways to channel their energy away from your nerves I can already see that George is going to need a fair few diversions