June 08: I see it, I want it, it's mine!

[spongebrainmaternitypants]

Welcome to our new thread .

Penguin - I can only imagine how difficult it is for you with your dad, it must bring all sorts of feelings flooding back that you maybe weren't even aware of

neenz - on your post about childcare, I really am convinced that A is happy in nursery. He is the sort of child that does not hide his feelings about anything, so when he looks happy and relaxed when I pick him up, I find it hard to believe that underneath he is feeling stress. Also on the crying front, I can't see how it is possible never to leave them crying, especially at this age. When A is crying and won't sleep, if often winds him up even more if I keep going up. There is no way I could stay with him every time he cries, I would never get anything done. I agree with sponge, throw away the books, it will only make you worry. I think the best we can do is go with what we feel is best in our own circumstances, and after all, only you can really know if your children are happy, not some stranger

sponge - sympathise with the broken sleep. After doing really well for a few months, A's sleep is going through a rough patch. It may coincide with his 4 new teeth in the last 2 weeks , but it is hard work!

And on that point, he's just woken up - again!

Have done no words on my assignment (on account of feeling a bit poorly and struggling to concentrate), but did manage to buy some presents for impending arrival of niece or nephew and do some Christmas (sorry Deb ) with the proceeds of my car seat and car seat base sale.

Essie I had been reading it as 'yaystin' so not too far off, but a bit awkward and not very Welsh sounding. It sounds MUCH better in my head now I can 'hear' it pronounced properly and in a Welsh accent. I have a Welsh ex though and I think I always hear his accent when I think of something Welsh sounding I think his accent was my favourite thing about him!

to whinegums. It's just occurred to me that it's been just over a week since S's MMR... fingers crossed for a good nights sleep!

PP good luck with the redundancy chat tomorrow.

Right, my sofa beckons...

Yay! I found a new name that isn't taken!

Essie I outed myself to my mother who was peering over my shoulder when I was on MN. Highly unlikely that she will come a looking, but better to be on the safe side.

Hi quick post, really should be in bed but dh away and I hate going to bed on my own .

Just noticed that Essie is going away for first time without YesTin - I'm doing my first night away this weekend too! Was keeping quiet cos thought you might all think I was a saddo for having to wait 15 mths before I could get away for a night!

Hope you have a good one .

Hi to everyone else - I hate the bold, has anyone reported it?

Quickie to say I don't like the bold, haven't had a night away from Ethan yet either and I'm so glad that I can read "Yes Tin's" name in my head now, before today he was always Ees tin

Spider - nice new name but why Spider william?

I was inspired by Poppy who is named after her old dog. They were both cats BTW, I never had a pet spider.

I haven't had a night away yet either - it sounds heavenly. DH is away again this week and as much as I love the boys, I find that the more time I do just on my own, the keener I am for a break.

We (I) had a horrible night two nights ago with me having insomnia until midnight and then Fraser up at 12, 3, 5, and 6am. Last night was much better and he slept through. I think he knows he can only push me so far before I turn into a monster.

Essie - I wasn't pronouncing it right either! I was saying the 'I' and then his name.

As for childcare, I did notice when D was stressed at nursery and I think you would. For us it was the specific circumstances (a bully) but before that he'd been so happy there.

After all, it's ridiculous isn't it? Children are resilient and as long as they know they are loved, I think they will be emotionally fine.

I'm probably being a dunce but can't figure out who spiderwilliam is

Had an awful night's sleep. A was vomitting on and off from 10.30 to 12.30. I've not idea what caused it. Might have been the new teeth but they came up last week so I wouldn't have thought so. Feel awful that we're sending him into nursery. They'll call though if he's not right

You may remember my rantings about being asked to work late last week - well, yesterday he asked me if I would work on Friday (my day off, for which I don't get paid!) . I said I was going away for the weekend so couldn't

Morning everyone,
Thanks for all the comments on my friend, made me feel like I wasn't massively over reacting, I cheered up a lot yesterday after getting all of my Ikea bargains! I'm easily pleased.

Penguin - How did the course go? We had fish fingers in the end, nice and easy!

BDQ - you are right about doing whatever suits your family. Our quality of life would be terrible if I had gone back to work and financially it wouldn't have made that much of a difference. We are totally skint now (mainly due to moving house) but I don't think it means J is missing out on anything, well not anything he notices!

Essie - I think I was pronouncing it fairly well. Did you watch that framed thing that was on a few weeks ago? Made me think of you when they were chatting in Welsh!

Whinegums - I have a vague theory that weather, temperature and atmospheric pressure and the like have an effect on quality of sleep. I used to find when I worked that if I'd had a bad nights sleep and I did a straw poll of the tea room there would be loads of people who'd also slept badly. Not very scientific I admit, I didn't used to bother asking anyone when I'd slept well!
Interestingly I did my dissertation on melatonin and the pineal gland, it's thought that storms in space can affect the pineal gland and cause depression and heart problems, being the pineal gland it would more than likely affect sleep as well. Whinegums maybe you have hit on something!

I haven't left J overnight either, sounds like such a luxory. In fact my idea of a good time is popping to Tescos on my own at the weekend, feels so weird not to have J in tow!

PP, thanks so much for that! Really interesting. Scary too though . So really the govt should pay us all to stay home for the first 18m lol at useless monsters and the hygiene! Re the useless monsters, I suppose if a SAHM never ever leaves her child and that child become utterly dependent on her and cannot bear to leave her side then is that really healthy? I don't think so.

BDQ, I think you're right about cc - that they still cry when they really need you so it's not that they are 'damaged' . The DTs do this too which has always reasssured me that I haven't just cried them into submission. E had me up at 5am this morning whimpering - I think it's teeth, it was a bit of a culture shock. Thankfully she went back to sleep - I am in total awe of those who have 5/6am wake-ups every morning. I am such a wuss without sleep.

Allnew, you are talking total sense! I agree if they look happy, sound happy and act happy then they are happy. I was going to ask how is work going with your boss, he is cheeky asking you to work on your day off. I can understand you making an excuse to say no, but you don't need an excuse - they have agreed your flexible hours and you have a child to look after! You should just say you can't get childcare, keep it simple and don't get into a discussion about it with him.

BDQ, I agree with you too about how some CMs seem to be on the school run constantly! My SIL's CM was like this and her DS hated it. She moved him to nursery but he hated that too . Cried all day . She is on ML again soon so it's problem solved in short-term. My CM takes the DTs to playgroup in the morn (she does the school run before they get there), then home for lunch then down for a sleep, then on school run (in pram) at 3.30, which is the time I usually take them out for a walk anyway. So a very similar routine to what we have at home. When I went to look at the nurseries I just felt that it seemed to be a lot of children in quite a small space. At the CM they have the run of the downstairs, have only one other child there and it is a more 'homely' environment. And it is cheaper (well, it's £15 a day cheaper for me so quite significant!). But what is right for one isn't right for another and I agree no book can tell you which is going to be better for you child - it is your choice.

I have changed my name too - just taken of the twins bit - I think in RL eg at playgroups etc people could easily id me.

Sponge, I also hate going to bed when DH is not there. I have left the DTs twice for two nights each time - it was great!! I wouldn't have done it before 12mo tho so I don't think you are a wuss at all.

SpiderWilliam = not sure I should say as it will only out her again. Look at previous page!

I am [proud] as I always knew how to pronounce YesTin!

Morning, back from my non root canal. Major work to replace the dodgy filling (again, yes, same old same old! ) but hoping that I'll be pain free for good now. I have a fab dentist (but expensive - I'm getting better with my dentist phobia but I might develop a new one with paying for the treatment!) but weird, he's sexist and made a racist comment too (he's white south African). I kind of have to block out the stupid sexist comments, but I suppose I'm at his mercy, and I won't be mixing with him socially. But it's really odd to just put up with sexist comments.

Anyway, loved all the feedback on Iestyn's name! I don't get upset or offended by people getting it wrong - I'm realistic because it looks very foreign on paper, and Welsh isn't like any other language. It's actually easy to pronounce anything in Welsh once you know how each letter is pronounced: i is 'ee', e is 'eh', put them together and you have ee-eh = Ies = Yes. My name is rarely pronounced properly outside of Wales. I had a friend at Oxford called Llŷr, and they called him 'Liar'. There's a longer funnier story there...

SpiderWilliam love the name! Sounds like a children's story.

Bad sleeping here too. I'm off to Aberystwyth to do some mss work, but only for one night. Actually is is somewhere lovely for me - I lived there for 4 years and adore the place (except it's 2 hours minimum from everywhere) and I'm staying with friends, and doing work I love...

Sorry - bit disjointed; I had a big work call halfway through the post!

Did that come out right Essie? Was your friend really called Llŷr or has something funny happened with the formatting?
My dentist is lovely, I enjoy my trips there. Does that make me weird?

We've been to a baby group this morning and J has worn himself out with all the excitement, fell asleep on the way home and is now happily snoring on the sofa (this has never happened before!). Might have to wake him soon as I'm getting hungry.

Interesting discussion re childcare.C is in nursery 3 days a week, and she seems to love it. They have a maximum of three children per nursery nurse, and most of the time in the baby room it is two to one. They go out for a walk to the park, or museum or library everyday unless it is awful weather, and they often go twice. They do all sorts of painting and creative stuff that I probably wouldn't do at home. She also seems to really like the girls there, and she's always playing happily when I collect her - we're very happy with our choice. We considered a chilkdminder, but the local one to us who was recommended didn't have any space and we didn't want to use one that hadn't been recommended.

C and I have a lovely 4 day spell together for the rest of the week, and so far it's all working out very well. Also, we didn't read any parenting books, and did our own version of controlled crying - to be fair, she has always loved going to bed and I think the longest she ever cried for was about 20 minutes, once, so we've never really had to test it out properly.

BDQ My exams are in Edinburgh on mon and tues, so my DH is looking after C in Edinburgh on MOnday afternoon - any good suggestions as to where he should go for lunch or where to take her?
oh well, that was a nice study break - back to the grindstone!

I hate the bold thing. make it go away MNHQ.

Abdn we are still breastfeeding here. J is still feeding 2/3 times during the night and about 3/4 times during the day. He enjoys it now though, which is such a change from those awful months when he cried if I tried to feed him so I am enjoying it still. We are off on hols next month so not planning to end before then.

Essie I now realise I was pronouncing Iestyn completely wrong. In my head it was E -es-tin. Both I like it both ways

I have never left any of my kids overnight but ds1 has left me several times for sleep overs. J does get left with his momma and grandad on occasion though so it's not as if he is ever without me. Normally he waves me off without a care in the world, but he does love his momma...

Right, now I need to go back and try to figure out who Spiderwilliam is.

Lol, my friend is called Lly^r, and I forgot that mumsnet wouldn't recognise my y-circumflex Welsh character. See, it's a conspiracy - the computing world won't recognise Welsh!

So what is your friend called again Essie? And how is your real name pronounced then in Welsh if you don't mind saying what it is on here (I know what it is but it is not a 'Welsh' name or spelling is it?). Very weird about your dentist - what exactly did he say? I hate racist South Africans (well, all racists, cos hating racists South Africans could in itself be described as racist ). It is so backward, they are 30 years behind the rest of the world and they don't even realise it is wrong . I would challenge him on it!

Viva, interesting about your nursery going out on day trips - that is great, I didn't know they did that every day. They never said to me at the nurseries I looked at that they do that. It sounds like a lovely balance you have.

essie - tooth stuff sounds painful. But at the dentist, must be awkward to know what to say when people make comments like that

neenz - thanks, I know, it is silly to have to make excuses. Am even more annoyed today -we're being paid a bonus for the first 7 months of the year, 1 jan to 31 july - BUT it's based on salary as at 31 July. Well, I went part time on 1 July, and my payment will be based on my PT salary, even though for the first 6 months I worked full-time

Allnew that is very annoying about the bonus. Can you appeal at all?

it is me Ali, in case you hadn't worked it out.

Feeling pooped out here. Should get the vacuum out, but can't be arsed. Right...I AM going to do it.

Allnew, how annoying!! Have you spoken to HR about it? If you don't ask you don't get...

Bold sucks! [waves to everyone from her 'Invisible-yet-present sofa']

Re: childcaring, a CM at playgroup told me that she left her 2.5 yo DD for the first time ever the other night to go out for a couple of hours. Half an hour later her DD and mother were at the window of the restaurant. Apparently she had screamed, headbutted walls, slammed doors and vomited incessantly having been left. As a result CM has booked her into nursery. Scary story!

I have never left Toddlypearls overnight, not because I don't want to but because DH so in love with her DH won't leave her.

Cor-tisol levels permanently up here- due to houseguests. Situation may be resolved soon, and I will be able to breathe, sleep and be calmer.

[toddles back to 'invisible sofa']

Meant to say that I have never left P overnight but that is due to no invitations, not to me feeling that I can't. However I am going away on a two night hen do in a couple of weeks and I can't wait. I am considering easing back on the booze so that I can appreciate being in bed in the mornings.

Puree that is lovely about your DH adoring toddlypearls.

Vacuuming and a bit of tidying now done. It took over an hour. How can it take so long when I live in a terrace?

Neenz - Govt paying Mums to stay at home until 18ms is actually Oliver James' proposal! However I do think that these studies put an awful lot of faith in the sole carer, whether that be Mum, Dad, Grandparent, Nanny or CM. I'm not meaning to insult any of these groups, but a child stuck in front of Jeremy Kyle is a child stuck in front of Jeremy Kyle, regardless of who's holding the remote. I'm being flippant, but I think you get my drift. Nurseries on the other hand have to jump through quite a lot of hoops to be able to open. There is some security in that. Actually the two nurseries I visited looked like so much fun and were so chilled, I walked out thinking, if only it wasn't minimum wage, I could enjoy working somewhere like this.

LOL at Neenz being racist in hating racist South Africans. IKWYM about feeling awkward Essie, I always end up going erm, no I don't agree when I wish I spoke out much more strongly. I want to, but for some stupid reason I err on the side of being excessively polite. Note to self: Stop being polite to racist people.

Spider - I've always wanted to get a black kitten and name it Spider! I imagined you saying "It is me Ali" in a Hello, Hello spy style.

Allnew - That really doesn't wound right about your bonus. I would try and kick up a bit of a fuss if you can, it is blatantly discrimination to part time workers.

Sponge/Essie - I've never left Ryder overnight either. Like Spider that is due to lack of invitations though.

Puree - That is a frightening tale. I don't envy the carers at that nursery on the little girls first day. I smiled at your DH not leaving babypearls, DH made us come back from a day out in London to see Ry before he went to bed a few weeks ago. He missed him too much.

Nothing from Father. Writing course was pretty good (it's the place above Tooting Sainsburys Essie) and it was good to get out in the evening. I haven't done that much recently. Yum at fish fingers KTPie - I love a fish finger sandwich, pure class me!!!

Didn't get to speak to boss today. Hopefully tomorrow.

Do any of you have any experience of holidays (with or without children) in any of the following destinations. Am trying to turn the stopover on the way to NZ into a week long holiday for the three of us and would be grateful for your opinions:

Hong Kong
Los Angeles
Fiji
Shanghai
San Francisco
Tokyo

Hi marking spot as hard to keep up- yes pp we are off to hong kong but also been to San Fran and dh spent loads of time in shanghai so can put more on those if you like. Personally I would go for San Fran as relatively speaking Asia easier to do if you go to new Zealand and San Fran fab with loads to do an food is great. I love hong kong but I am not sure if it's my top kiddy destination.

Sponge sympathies re broken night re teething as have them here to and nothing constructive to add re quick settling. Will be back when have had time to digest thread properly - hi to everyone else

And omg whinegums we have had spookily similar symptoms here and had also ruled out teething and mmr (neenz on one occasion even medised didn't work!!! Either edie is iron lady junior or it's not the all powerful evil knock out juice people claim).