Dec 08 it's time for sippy, tippy and doidy cups (& wee sticks!?!)

[Veggiemummy]

sorry could think of much and these where discuss on last page.

Sigh, must have been a one off - woke at 12.30 and took an hour of nearly being asleep, jumping up again, nearly asleep before I gave up (bad inconsistent mother) and just left her to it with her music on. Then up at 6.

pmk you have my total sympathy, I was about to write a very similar post. Definitely worth giving him a practioce day of doing everything - you take yourself off to a spa or something so you can't be disturbed and he'll have to cope. This morning dh brought dd downstairs at 7 so I could have a bit of catch up sleep. Came down at 8, she was still in her bedclothes, no breakfast, so I suggested might be time to have something to eat and maybe put on some fresh clothes. Had a shower, 15 mins later he's sat with her in her room waiting for me to tell him what she should wear. It feels as if for the last 8 months I've made every decision about what she should eat, wear, do, where we should go, when she should nap (he suggested she'd be fine waiting til we go out this afternoon at 2pm??) and it means I'm getting horrible to her because there's never any time off. I think it's still fewer than 24 hours since she was born that I've not been on duty.

anyway = trace that's completely brilliant and you totally deserve the success at last! How was the camping trip - did they pitch their own tent etc?! The clapping rounds really cute

MoM - there's a Beatles song (I think Eleanor Rigby??) that only needs three chords; Em (ie 2 fingers), Em7 (one finger) and Em6 (open strings) - worth a go?

WG will keep your dad and FIL in my prayers. Sounds like Madam is getting the hang of sleep a bit better, if you work out a way to get her to nap do let us know (dd still either boob or walking round)... but you know, at least we do have the guns in reserve!

LadyT I missed the details of your employers being shites but hope the situation works out for you. My work sit is getting a bit rubbish (warning - more rant). I spoke to my boss back in April about going back, said I'd like to do 2 days for the first year (graduated return scheme thingy) then back to full time, and they planned on filling the other 3 days with a temp. Wrote in early June to say would like to do Weds and Thurs. They left it a month then said actually no you'll have to do Mon/Tues or Thurs/Fri as there's no way they would be able to find someone willing to work a split part time role (??? how do they know this?). And now the uni is so strapped for cash they're thinking of not filling the other 3 days - so boss wants me potentially to have to do 3 days to keep things ticking over in the dept but they can't say when they'll know that - the person who makes the final decision is away on their hols . It's hard enough to find childcare as it is but now they can't even tell me if it's meant to be 2 or 3 days - we thought long and hard about the sums and how long we want dd in childcare while she's still small (no family members able to help out) and now the whole thing might be changing. We've been very patient and the uni is just frankly pissing about by taking so long to reach any kind of decision. In the end I said they've got to let me know by the end of next week whether it's 2 days or 3 and which days, the longer it goes on teh less chance there is of getting care and the greater the chance that I'll not be able to go back at all [melodrama]

grrrr. Anyway, dh is out walking dd round and round in circles to keep her asleep, and the man from ocado should be here soon with Magnums (no G&B! I'm a fool!) so I think that will make a healthy lunch

Good afternoon ladies.
DS asleep on my knee after feed.
My period came back this morning which I feel quite sad about but it's hard to explain why.

PMK and JJ - I know exactly what you mean. I think DH would just try and carry on as normal if I didn't force him to play with DS. I always get asked what DS should wear and 'where are the vests again?' - in the same draw they have been in for 8months! I sometimes have to try and direct what they are doing or else DH will just sit with his laptop checking emails and leave DS watching tv or something. He's always keen to hand DS back to me. I suspect it won't be so much of a problem when DS slightly older. I remember feeling a bit sad that DH spent two hours playing football with his nephew(2yo) in the garden but had never spent that much time entertaining/reading/playing with DS. He's more encouraged now that DS is starting to crawl forwards though!

Fantastic Trace. Gives me encouragement that if we tried it, it may work - can't imagine what a good nights sleep feels like!

Slightly embarassing at work today - as we were about to lock up the receptionist looked at me and mumbled something which included the word express - I looked down and my breast pad must have slipped as I had leaked milk all over my top on the right!!Good thing I was about to head home as I had nothing to cover it with. Will have to be more careful!!

Oh well, am starving so off to make some lunch. Hope you all having lovely weekends. x

Just a quickie from me to say that I am going to try and make the meet-up. I have totally given up on trying to catch up with what you've all been doing but what I would like to say is boo hiss to the ungrateful employers and big yay to the sleeping babies.
I'm still waiting for my boss to come back to me after I suggested we get together to chat through my options for going back (I'm hoping I'll be able to go back part-time).
I'm still feeding DD to sleep and some nights are better than others when it comes to number of wakings. Ho hum....
Anyway I hope everyone is well and enjoying the sunshine.

How are you all? Have had no time to get online, and need to get the boys' tea so no chance to catch up yet! Hope you are all well and those babies are behaving themselves. Just don't talk to me about sleep

Bloody knackered ladies!

I have spent the day looking after 4 children(my 2 plus 2). A friend from DH's work was struggling with childcare so I voluntereed. They were very good but having to have eyes everywhere is soooo tiring. Needless to say both my DC's are exhausted and fast asleep in bed! I won't be far behind...

trace am getting very of your sucess with P. You are doing fantastic!

Evening everyone. I am knackered too, but my excuse isn't nearly as good as yours, Daisydora! I did a massive spring - or rather, summerclean today. Quite cathartic actually, felt like I've done LOADS while DH looked after DD.

Pmk DH is banned from dressing DD himself, when he did it when she was tiny she used to end up in the most peculiar combination of clothes, like she was permanently dressed for a bad-taste party

Really random question - in my cleaning I found the lovely passport photos of DD (she was about 8 weeks old) and I want to keep them but I can't think what I can keep them in - does anyone know of a frame/keyring/walletholder small enough for passport photo framing?!

Trace I?m really pleased that the sleeping is still going well, I?ve been lurking every morning to get your report of the night (not in a stalkerish way, don?t be scared) and I?m pleased every day when I read that its good news again. DD is also having very little milk during the day, so I?ve started stirring a scoop of formula into every meal just so I know she?s getting milky goodness even if its not in liquid from. She was also a refuser of drinking milk, but happy with water, so I gave her very very weakly diluted milk drink (that was almost water) and slowly increased its strength and now she?s quite happy to guzzle milk from her cup, its just that it takes a long time to get anymore than an once or so down her. I thought I?d mention it, in case you did want to try to get more milk into P during the day, but re-reading your post you mentioned she?s getting lots of dairy so I?ll stop wittering now

Lovely to hear from Mom all the way away in Canada. I?m sorry that you?re finding it hard on the sleep front, but if its any consolation I find parenting so much harder in the presence of family, than when we?re on our own or with friends. There somehow seems to be more pressure for me to cope well (not that my family are pressuring me, but my own high standards are pressuring me to be good in front of them IYSWIM)

PMK my DH also needs prompting to do every little thing. I often ask him how he?d cope without me, to which he replies ?well I don?t have to? This morning he gave DD her breakfast (that I?d made) and half way through announced it was time for his morning poo and just left her, with her toast out of reach, poor little girl. I did have a moment of gratitude the other morning (only briefly), at about 6 DD woke up and started crying and I noticed DH had got out of bed (without me needing to dig him in the ribs). Her cries got less and less until silence again and I was just drifting back to sleep. Then all of a sudden she let out a mighty yell, so I called through ?are you alright??, no response from DH. So I got out of bed and stomped down the corridor to see what incompetent DH was doing to upset DD so much ? when I remembered he was still away for work and I?d just been ignoring DD?s cries for about 15 minutes ? no wonder she was so angry!

We?ve been at a wedding today and DD has been with my Mum. DD was shattered as she had a late night last night so was a bit grumpy and I think my Mum found her quite hard work as she cried a lot, didn?t want to play/eat/sleep. I came home to put DD to bed and my poor Mum was quite demoralised and said several times DD hates her and only loves me. I pointed out that DD isn?t capable of hating anyone right now, but I don?t know how I can improve my Mum?s moral with DD. I find it so hard to understand as she was a live in nanny for many years, and trained at a college that was a half way house for all children going off to be fostered/adopted, so must have had her fair share of grumpy babies in her time. Is it because she?s emotionally linked to DD, do you think? And any suggestions on how I can bolster her confidence? They?re about to move a bit further away and I think she?s worried that she?ll see less of DD and become a stranger to her and won?t have a good relationship, and I also think she?s envious that we live so close to the IL?s ? but she hasn?t said this and I don?t like to jump in assume this is how she feels. But I do feel like I?ve had to mother both DD and my Mum this evening, which has been quite draining, after having a lovely day at the wedding.

I must go now, as my feet are tired from a rare day in heels and my eyes are tired from staring at the 'puter screen. Night night everyone, sleep tight

Morning,

Zoe, not really sure what to do about your Mum. You are absolutely right and E can not hate anyone. I suppose you could just try and say that babies like us have good days and bad days and E was just having a bad day yesterday.

Trace, hope you had another good night last night.

I had a busy day yesterday. About 3 ish we went to get some chicken for dinner. We saw MIL and we ended up going there for a couple of hours. As my Mum lives opposite DS1 started screaming to go and say hello. So we went in there and he started helping himself to their dinner. So we ended up there until 8. Plus it is Traction Engine weekend so it was mayhem getting home.

SIL has told DH that I have to be back at work for 16 weeks before I get myself pregnant again or I won't get mat leave. I'm not sure how I got myself pregnant the first 2 times. I am sure I remember DH being there. I can't see how it is any of her business anyway but the currant plan is to wait until September/October 2010.

Hope you are all well.

Zoe I'm sorry to hear about how your mum feels. Its just another personal anecdote, but I was talking to my sister (who is visiting) about exactly this problem with my neice. I lover her, I may never have a daughter so I would really like her to come and stay and treat her and stuff. She is 5 but really seems to dislike me, never making eye contact, never saying hello, never speaking back to me if I tried to make conversation - and I have found this (wrongly, I'm sure) very hurtful. Sis said she could see why, but the little one is just shy and I should persist and not take it personally and as she got older she was sure things would approve and my interest would be more appreciated. I realised just how silly it sounds but I cant help the way I feel, it IS because I care I am hurt. Perhaps this is just how your mum feels, its so much more important to her than any of her charges ever were, so she is very over-sensitive. She is probably aware of it but just cant help herself.

Also, WRT to unhelpful husbands, this seems to be a common theme and one I could sympathise with for at least the first year of DS1s life ! I used to find it extremely frustrating and I felt a bit trapped by it, ie it was absoultely necessary for me to be there to make all the decisions wrt DS1, even stuff like, as you say, what to wear. In DHs case, a lot of this was down to a mixture of lacking in confidence - I had been on maternity leave for 9 months and he thought I just knew what to do, and he hadnt seen me struggling when I didnt now what the crap I was doing as he was at work. In his eyes, I just knew what to do all the time, so I should do it, I was the expert. And the other thing I think was just a bit less interest in day-today baby stuff than me, perhaps not quite the depth of bond I had then. That sounds like a horrible observation, but it is just honest, and DH and DS1 are extremely close now, and spend lots of time together and go out alone without me. This is because DH became not only much more interested, but also more confident in his parenting once DS1 was walking and able to articulate his needs.

I was worried we'd go through the same thing with DS2 but we really havent. DH is much more confident and loving this time, partly because he can see the child DS2 will grow into, and we have done it all before. And also, because we have had 2.5 years of training of having to put someone else first all the time, and so we are used to it. IMO a first baby is a massive shock to a bloke, because us ladies have had 9 months of not being able to eat what we want and just been generally inconvenienced and they have not. DH definitely had mild PND the first time round where he struggled with the depth of his love for DS1, his fear of responsibility, and some resentment of the changes in our lives. I think it will get better, for you. I used to feel very resentful about it, but I dont anymore, I dont need to.

For instance, I remember being very sad when DH came home from work when DS1 was a few months old and he said "Dont give me the baby when I've just walked in from work". Now, when DH comes home from work, the first thing he does is give both the boys a big hug and sit down with them for playing/talking

Sorry, that was a bit long

Trace, how was last night ?

here's my super quick update - will catch up properly later -
she woke at 12.30 and got really upset even with me touching her, but eventually settled after 20 mins, then slept till 7. So more crying than the previous night but still encouraging all the same. It struck me that this time last week she was still having 3 feeds a night!

back later

ARGH I am so not going to be able to catch up! I keep skimming but not havingthe time to catch up properly so end up posting on a coupl e of other threads and never this one!

Dd doing ok, first tooth appeared yesterday! This probably accounts for the amazing poo that came out of the nappy and sploshed onto the splashmat under her highchair during lunch

She is sleeping better. We had a lovely lady come round sent by the HV who stayed for a good hour and just listened and made suggestions. Dh slept in with dd for a week and settled her when she woke, patting, talking etc just not picking her up. She is now feeding around 10 and 4/5. She still waked a bit during the evening, usually betwen 7.15 and 8.30 but settles pretty quickly and she wakes between 12 and 1.30 but again usually settles fine then I feed her when she wakes after 4 and she sleeps til 6 ish. Apart form last night anyway when I fed her at 1.30 because she was not a happy girl and then she woke for the day at 5 after a feed at 4. But I am hoping that it is tooth related. Anyway it is all an improvement, hopefully those 2 non feed related wakings will go in time, the nice sleep lady suggested retreating gradually so no that she settles well with patting the idea is to settle her by sitting near her and talking to her but we'll see.

Hope you are all ok, is there still talk of another Yorkshire type meet? Do e-mail me if there is. We are moving house on Thursday so I shall be offline for a couple of weeks from then during the obligatory wait for someone to flick a switch and start up our broadband again.

Off to a MN meet-up tomorrow which should be fun, I believe spiggy is coming . Actually, there's a thought, I could furnish her with my mobile number in case I miss any York related plans.

Suppose I should hit the packing boxes again. AM very proud of myself I have a good stack of full boxes now, just trying to get all the books and random stuff packed without making so much mess that ds gets worried and starts having blinking night terrors again!

Take care x

hello.
It's quiet on here...
Zoe I really feel for you with that situation with your mum. I had a similar thing with a friend a few months ago. I guess it's hard for your mum to be rational about it because she's so close. I really hope it's easier next time you see her. Sorry that's naff - I'm afraid I have no practical advice. With my friend I told her that it actually upset me that she was saying my (lovely, loving, innocent) girls were not only capable of 'hate' but also choosing to direct that hate at her. She hadn't meant to upset me and she did make an effort not to say those things. Not sure whether you and your mum have the kind of relationship that would enable that kind of chat?

ANyway, we're off to Stratford tomorrow! We finally booked it so I'll not be on here until next weekend. I'm really looking forward to going away although all 4 of us are sharing a room, so who knows what's going to happen on the sleep front! I won't be able to leave her to cry because that will disturb Lucy, so we may go back a few steps with night feeds, but I guess we know we can tackle it now so if it all goes wrong we'll start again when we get home

So - cheerio for now - hope everyone is well and I'll see you soon xxx

oh and Indith yes I think there's a Yorkshire meet-up in the pipeline but I can't remember when for, so I'll need reminding too! Will be fab to meet you

Grandparents are funny things. My mum is totally hands-off, almost detached, which is quite upsetting sometimes too - I have to say "Would you like to cuddle your granddaughter?" for her to hold DD... And my Dad is continually comparing her to her cousin (who is a YEAR older!) and saying things like "Cousin talks to me!" and "Cousin smiles at me!" when DD was about 2 months old... Oh, and whenever she makes anything even vaguely approaching a cry or grumble he goes "Oh she's being grumpy again". Now I'm allowed to say that, but he's not.. what else is she supposed to do, she's a BABY!

So basically what I'm saying Zoejeanne is that at least your Mum really wants to spend time with her and is happy to look after her for a day! My mum has never looked after DD for a few minutes by herself - they've babysat at night but only after DD is asleep... I'm sure next time she sees your little one she'll be full of smiles and it'll all be good.

kiwi - i have a really nice frame for a passport photo. A friend sent it to me when madam was born, but it is the sort of thing i would never use. It is lovely, has a little inscription underneath ? it is so so nice. I was going to give it away to a charity shop, because i thought someone would love it, but i would love to send it to you if you want it. Are you on facebook? You could message me or let me know if you want it on here and i?ll send you my email address so i can get your home address.

modern - i was also quite upset to get my period. A bit of a shock, i suppose, and also a sign that madam is growing up and this phase of exclusive bfing is over. She?ll be at university soon. Sob.

pingu - hope you can make the meet up ? i remember how gorgeous M was at the last one!

zoe - sorry to hear about your mum?s loss of confidence with your dd ? i think it must be because of the close emotional attachment. I feel the same way about my own dd sometimes, so i suppose i can understand it on her behalf. When dh talks like this i try to remind him that in a couple of months/years she?ll be so bored of me and when she hears his keys in teh door will run to the hall yelling ?daddy? at the top of her lungs, like i used to. It is exhausting having to parent our parents, i know. Poor you, poor her.

NJAN - really interesting to hear about your dh. My dh also had mild postnatal depression ? it is good to hear how things can change and improve.

trace - brilliant news on teh sleep front. So pleased for you. Have a lovely hol.

Our news: madam has WOLFED 3.5oz of formula from a new type of bottle, so here?s hoping she will soon be able to have dh feed her and put her to bed. I just thought i?d try it on a whim and whoops, there it went. I think it is also because she loves drinking water from her tommee tippee spouted cup thing ? this is also a tommee tippee thing, but nearer a bottle than a cup, but not so near a bottle as to have a squishy teat. It definitely isn?t a boob, but near as dammit, in terms that she has to suck it out. I felt odd giving her formula (never done so before), but i bought one of those cartons as i couldn?t bear the idea of expressing and having to tip it down the sink if she didn?t take it (as i have done so so so many times before). This is good news. Not only can she take some formula (and i don?t feel too bad giving it to her), but now i know she can drink from it, i can always express more in the knowledge it will go down (hopefully) her throat, not the plughole. am considering going out for the evening on thurs. eeeeeek!!!

An uncharacteristically short post from me - may I say first that I am super pleased about Indith and Trace's sleep improvements and WG's success with the bottle. ZJ - I know something of what you mean - if there has been a biggish gap between my Mum seeing DD, sometimes DD will cry when she holds her etc and it lacerates my Mum and therefore me on her behalf. Awful.

I've been sorting and tidying in the flat all day. It is such a small place but I have still only scratched the surface, which doesn't sound possible I know...I didn't actually go to cricket as I just really needed to start to sort this nightmare out. Anyway, we've been having lots of agonised conflabs about money and stuff like that so I feel mentally and physically worn out. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel fresher and be able to work. We are trying to teach DD to wave. Sometimes she does it, sometimes not. So cute. Night night lovely ladies.

Good morning, dreadful night here!

I think its his teeth, I hope so at least that would be an explanation but basically we had lots of random wakes followed by crying and he just wouldn't be soothed. No obvious signs of illness. Plus DH at work again after his op so just me today.

Have booked a holiday to Menorca for the end of August, although the thought of DS being like this when we are away fills me with dread.

ZJ wish I had some words or comfort or advice for you. But to second everyone else she certainly is not capable of hate. When DD was little she cried everytime my Dad so much as looked at her. And he saw her fairly frequently, now they are inseperable and she often cites Grandad as her 'best friend'!

Well thank you all for your stories about similar dh/p's! I must say it was comforting to know I am not alone and you all don't have textbook fathers out there. I was in a particularly bad mood on that day, and I must say I may have ever so slightly overreacted and have worked out that a lot of it is down to lack of confidence in maintaining any kind of a similar routine etc with ds if I wasn't to do it, however after chatting to a RL friend, a day out with ds thrown into it would rectify that quick smart!
Spot of gardening yesterday, to help out our landlord turned into a total garden cleanup and a lovely quiet bbq! it was SO hot here.

Daisy - sorry to hear about your crap night - I've had the odd one here too and I am convinced it's the heat - it was showing 24 deg in his room last night and he had just a singlet and nappy on, and I had to put the fan on to settle him.
Great news on your holiday!

Zoe, sorry to hear about your Mum's experience. That happened to mil when ds was very young and it was first time babysitting however I was BF and it was the only thing that fixed him... she was gutted, and all I could think of was get her to look after him again as the next time was much better and so made her feel better about it

Lady hope you are getting sorted and feel a bit better today.

I need to start gradually packing for our move I think. if I do it gradually it won't be as painful I hope....

OK must go, DS has his 8 month check today.

I meant with dh thrown in!

ds had his 8 month check exactly at 8mths and 1 hour old!
8.6kg / 19lbs
72cm tall
46cm head
oh and he passed the "grab" test when he pulled the HV's telephone right off the desk!

Well done to your DS PMK!

DS has his on Wednesday afternoon, if he doesn't improve on the sleep front I will enquire as to how I get a refund!

we're off for ours in an hour

pmk it's amazing to see just how big their heads are compared to their heights - I mean it's obvious looking, but those numbers really bring it home. DH had a mammoth head as a kid (grown adult neighbour lent him a hat when he was 4 and it didn't fit ) so will be intersting to see if dd's inherited the MrJJ outsized skull...!

Hello all,

Ooh we've got the HV coming round tomorrow for the 8m check. What else do they do with them? Although she won't be 8 months till Saturday.

pmk Honestly I can't imagine leaving DD for a whole day with DH. The other morning he took her downstairs at 6.45 so I could sleep in a bit which was very kind. He brought her back up crying at 8.30 saying he thought she needed a nap. "How much breakfast did she have?" I asked. "Oh, I forgot that" . It is very trying being asked questions all day long and the whereabouts of various items.

Sorry to hear that work haven't sorted themselves out yet ladyT. I am starting to feel increasingly angry about the poor deal that mums get in the workplace. I confess that until now I never felt as though being female has held me back at all career wise (perhaps I have been v lucky, I don't know!), but suddenly having a child and wanting some flexibilty in the workplace is a major stumbling block. Grrrrrr, I won't rant on. I am only going back PT but my boss is making it clear he isn't v happy with the arrangement.

Anyway, onto happier things! DD has learnt to play peekaboo by holding a muslin cloth over her head. It is very cute but she doesn't tire of it very easily! Must go as she has woken up.

No 8 month check in the pipeline yet. Someone told me they only do them for your first so we might not get one.

DS2's hair is starting to go like DS1's now. So I might have another curly haired little boy that gets mistaken for a girl.

Waitinggirl That is really lovely of you, thank you so much! I'd love it. I don't think I can do PM on this so maybe let me know your email? Thank you thank you!

Re the 8 month check - did people's HVs get in touch with them? I haven't heard anything and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get in touch or if they do...?

By the way I'm feeling quite proud of my DH reading your comments. He's absolutely brilliant with DD, happily spends all day playing with her when he's off work, does most things (meals, nappies) unprompted etc. So I guess I get a good DH but bad parents (DD's grandparents) who despite living about 4 minutes away are pretty rubbish really. Sorry, does that sound smug? I guess this just makes me really appreciate him. I better tell him that, poor man...