jan 09; dream feeds, sod mummy's needs, shes on her knees...the one where it all starts to get better (hopefully)!

[fourlittlefeet]

here we are; a bit early, but one more task done. tick

rray - have just sent request for fb page - under the name 'dubhroisin'...can't wait to see all the pics!

Stripey - how does it work out with you and your DP sharing the baby workload? Do you find you do most things or do you share things more evenly? It always sounds like you get good support. I would imagine it being a more constructive relationship to be in at this stage - better hormones

hi ladies

we had a great day @ farm dd1 poorly now
rray i use a sleeping ba2 they are great. dd2 has a sleepoing bag then a blanket over 2.

lenni - dp is amazing with c, better than i am, i think - breast feeding does mean i am doing most of the feeding, obviously, but if dp didn't have to go to work i reckon i'd be virtually on holiday... it took us a long while to organise having c and it wouldn't have happened if we weren't both really keen to be parents, so i think i am incredibly well supported. i guess because we are both women we both have the same idea of parenting as really hands on, constant caring - motherhood, basically, i suppose. and dp is a fabulous cook and more or less does it to relax so there's a whole area of the domestics i almost never have to think about .

god, that sounds kind of smug, doesn't it?

Stripey - I imagined it would be like that. My sister has a DS the same age (he was born 24hrs after my DS) and I find him easier than she does when he's being difficult - I think because I have all the mothering instinct and need to care for him but not the panicky adrenaline response you get when your baby is crying.

I could see why it might have been a longer process to come round to conceiving - you must have had to work through a lot of issues around that. I hope you don't mind me asking - I had been wanting to talk more openly since you told us about your civil partnership but didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

And no - doesn't sound smug, just contented.

stripey doesn't sound smug at all, but does sound like a great situation - and glad that LO is finally asleep. LOL at recording the hairdryer! Have you tried radio set to white noise? I'm lucky too with my DP - he is very hands on and in fact got a bit upset at one point because with the breast-feeding he felt excluded. How did women manage in 'the old days' when husbands would never change nappies or even do a bit of cooking to help out? I have no idea...

ray last thing my HV told me was that the latest research gives the thumbs-up to extended swaddling, but using the sheets to 'pin them down' sounds good too. I did read somewhere that the pick-up put-down technique should only be used on babies after 12 weeks because it's too stimulating for very little ones - but also have to agree with your OH on a basic conditioning level it would seem that you would be rewarding LO for crying (by picking her up) and punishing her for being quiet (by putting her down). But obviously works for the baby whisperer so who knows? It sounds like you have a lovely contented little baby in Esme so you should trust your instincts I think.

I used to work on a show called 'House of Tiny Tearaways' - did anyone see it? The psychologist on it was brilliant, and did actually have a technique similar to pick-up put-down called 'rapid return' - every time LO woke up you went in and put them back in their beds without talking or making a fuss, and then left again - sometimes parents would have to do it 90 times or more! But worked because eventually either LO or parent has to give up! Hopefully LO....

Sorry for waffley post...

of course i don't mind you asking - i guess because this thread is more about parenting than our partners and because i don't know if there are people on here who would be uncomfortable with it, i haven't really gone into it that much. but we did spend actual years talking about having a child before we finally got around to the process of conceiving her and then that took a while...

and that thing about the adrenaline is true, dp can see when i am getting really wound up when c keeps crying and is much calmer about it than i am

yes, missj - it is all about being more persistent than they are... i saw that programme a couple of times, it always seemed to have these appallingly mismatched couples on it...

i worried about dp feeling excluded by the breast feeding but actually i think she is kind of relieved not to have to do it (though the lactation consultant who advised us early on did tell us all about some drugs she could take if she wanted to 'share the load' ...)

and c is still upstairs in her cot, asleep, on her own!!!

Evening all! Just trying to catch up again, life's all a bit hectic (in a good and completely exhausting way) at the moment. Am finally sitting down with a cup of tea and a supply of mini creme eggs and I will read this thread!

oooh! mini creme eggs!

DH definitely doesn't feel excluded on the b/f - in fact quite the opposite. I think he would actually like my boobs back! He often makes comments about DS getting a bit too attached to them, and the other day DS sucked his finger and DH said "Now I know why you don't like breastfeeding so much" I think before then he thought it was a sensuous thing.I actually like breastfeeding now, but more because I like being all snuggled up with DS and because it doesn't really hurt anymore.

Trying to conceive must have been a very stressful process for you stripey - I think any delay in getting pregnant is stressful. We tried for DD for a while and I was quite ill at the time as it was when I first started with my arthritis and I couldn't take any meds whilst we were trying. I got really depressed, and ended up with bad antenatal depression. It was all very medically managed as well, which wasn't particularly pleasant as every 4 weeks at my rhematology appointment I would get asked if I was pregnant yet and asked all the details and I used to get so down when they would start putting time limits on how long I could be off my meds. DS was a completely different story - I got pregnant the second month we tried. I will never forget doing that pregnancy test in the bathroom with DD there and being so excited. Where as with DD it was mroe relief than excitement.

rray- I am swaddling DS (9 wo tomorrow) but just this weekend he has decided he wants one hand out because he wants to put it on his face bless him- it's self-soothing I suppose. I have sort of swaddled him with one hand inside and the other one sort of pinned against his face- sounds weird, but I'm sure you can get my drift... He likes it, and slept okay last night, but he doesn't do that jerky moro baby thing that dd did... whenever dd had her hands out she would fall asleep, but jerk after 10mins or so, slap herself in the face, and wake up drove me mad! But she HATED being swaddled and screamed blue murder... so we used the 'pin down' with the top sheet method, which sort off worked...
I hadn't heard there was anything wrong with swaddling... should I be worried?

Fat Willys tshirts were Sooooo popular when I was at secondary school! Haven't thought of them in years!

I thought you couldn't do pick-up put-down until they were a fair bit older too... think dd was about 7 or 8 months when we did it. It did work though!

stripey the crying is so hard- you have my sympathy. It will end, I promise, but yes, it makes you feel really crappy at the time- as if you aren't meeting their needs. FWIW- baby will never remember this time, and you're obviously doing all you can to help her- sometimes they can't be helped and just need a good scream. Once I realised there was nothing I could do any better, I felt better in myself.

lenni - it was pretty horrible. we have a known donor - want c to know who her dad is - but he lives in the uk so it involved my travelling every month, which is really stressful in terms of getting the timing right. i got pregnant after four attempts but then had a miscarriage, and then conceived c on the third attempt after that. i think i've actually blanked some of the process out, it was so stressful. i completely understand what you mean about more relief than excitement (followed in our case by terrible anxiety because of the miscarriage)

but worth it, totally

okay, i'm going to bed now, before this new found freedom goes to my head entirely
hope you all get loads of restful sleeep

Also- when she was older, I realised that it was tiredness- she was trying to get to sleep (but couldn't self-settle, and reflux was waking her)- the feeding thing was just comforting for her- she was using me as a dummy. (she would never take an actual dummy)
Screaming was one way she tried to get to sleep- sort of trying to black out... DS sometimes jerks his face over to one side, then looks annoyed if he doesn't fall asleep- I guess they don't have much they can do physically to get off to sleep, being so helpless and all...
Even when she was older, and could settle to sleep, she used to cry or moan before dropping off- like a mantra. She only stopped around 2yo.

eppm - yes, i think it's all about trying to go to sleep. my sister's daughter is seven months and she croons to herself when she's going to sleep... it's really cute

rrayray Violet let me know when she was done swaddling, which was about 6 weeks. right from day one though she fussed till we pulled her hands out.

DD has been waking lots at night really squirming and when i try to feed her (after she's indicated) she's on and off, on and off. so annoying. also so new. i'm having to nap in the day with her. i hope its just a phase or its crib and formula for her at night. it makes my nipples feel funny.

Hi all, spent half the day searching the shops for the DSs birthday presents only to find everything they've asked for out of stock literally everywhere and had to come home and order it all online anyway!

DS1 is getting one of the new Nintendo DSi consoles from us and a new bicycle from my Mum and DS2 is getting a Hornby Thomas track from us and a digital camera from Mum.

Can't believe how difficult to get hold of the things they wanted. DS1 actually just wanted a Black DS Lite but after doing a lot of research we found we could only get one bundled with adult brain trainers or games we felt were too old or violent for him so decided the DSi, one educational game and one age appropriate game would be slightly more expensive but much more worth it in the end. Plus we thought he'd probably only start asking for a DSi for Christmas if we bought him the Lite now.

Can't wait to see his face when he opens it, we've told him he can't have one as he is too young and he is totally convinced he's not getting one!

Tried my Lilypadz out today and unfortunately, as DD had a bottle of EBM while we were out, ended up leaking all through my clothes when we went to collect the boys from Mum's house - not a good look! Darn things were more like breast shells than breast pads by the time we got home - mind you, I did express just under 11oz off the worst side when I got home so maybe its not surprising the padz couldn't cope!

Spent much of the day feeling like I had the worst morning sickness (and before you ask - there is absolutely NO possibility that could be it). Really dizzy and nauseaus with that awful feeling that if I could just throw up I'd feel better. Got really bad motion sickness in the car as well, which is something else I had with the morning sickness. My headache is still full force as well and skin just as stingy/itchy.

Anyway, off to bed now I've finally ordered the bloomin presents. Shd've been asleep hours ago!

stripey it sounds so difficult and stressful

moose glad you got the present buying out of the way. but bleurgh for still feeling so lousy

DS has his immunisations today...GP said give calpol before jab- did anyone else do this? (I didn't with dd btw though obv once temp went up I did)