December 2008 - Its not wind they are smiling.

[JamInMyWellies]

Here we go ladies Rosmerta suggestion.

morning - taking time before monster dd wakes up (!). sybil, ladyt, sl, dd - thank you. feeling so much better today - something to do with the spots of cheerfulness last night, something to do with a great talk with dad and ladyfriend last night, with dh having come home, with seeing the sunshine and with knowing i've got a friend round at lunchtime and hopefully someone else in the afternoon before dh comes back from work (if he ever gets there in the first place - first great western deposited him back home a full 2.5 hours after he was supposed to get back last night on the last train - they eventually paid for a cab from paddington).

it was all something to do with watching dad's ladyfriend (former neonatal nurse) be so so so natural with dd, so instinctive, so unafraid of her - she put her down in her moses basket when i would be too scared to do so. i've been gingerly carrying her around in an effort to stop the crying, whereas H (ladyfriend) just seemed to have the knack of knowing what to do with her/not being frightened of her/not letting her dictate to me always. i hear of you guys having problems with your toddlers/homelife etc - but some of you have been making cakes, cooking, playing etc. i just seem not to have my hands to myself EVER during the day, and i don't think i'm one of those people who runs to dd the minute she cries, or who never puts her down, but apparently i am.

just wish i had H here for a week or so to observe and learn how she does it, but dad and she are now off to portugal for 7 weeks. arse. bugger. oh well...

that's why MN exists! for support through the ether. have good days, one and all...

morning - taking time before monster dd wakes up (!). sybil, ladyt, sl, dd - thank you. feeling so much better today - something to do with the spots of cheerfulness last night, something to do with a great talk with dad and ladyfriend last night, with dh having come home, with seeing the sunshine and with knowing i've got a friend round at lunchtime and hopefully someone else in the afternoon before dh comes back from work (if he ever gets there in the first place - first great western deposited him back home a full 2.5 hours after he was supposed to get back last night on the last train - they eventually paid for a cab from paddington).

it was all something to do with watching dad's ladyfriend (former neonatal nurse) be so so so natural with dd, so instinctive, so unafraid of her - she put her down in her moses basket when i would be too scared to do so. i've been gingerly carrying her around in an effort to stop the crying, whereas H (ladyfriend) just seemed to have the knack of knowing what to do with her/not being frightened of her/not letting her dictate to me always. i hear of you guys having problems with your toddlers/homelife etc - but some of you have been making cakes, cooking, playing etc. i just seem not to have my hands to myself EVER during the day, and i don't think i'm one of those people who runs to dd the minute she cries, or who never puts her down, but apparently i am.

just wish i had H here for a week or so to observe and learn how she does it, but dad and she are now off to portugal for 7 weeks. arse. bugger. oh well...

that's why MN exists! for support through the ether. have good days, one and all...

how the hell did that happen? i only clicked once.

also wanted to say... oh blood hell, TEETHING AT 8 WEEKS!!!!!! OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. how am i EVER going to cope with that???

Morning,

WG I just want to agree with what everyone else has said. You are doing a fab job! I think your Dad's ladyfriend can do it so easily because she isn't as emotionally attached as you are. I always find that DS1 will do loads of stuff for his grandparents but kicks up a huge stink when we try to do it.

DS2 is still asleep so I have left him upstairs with the monitor on but it is taking all my strength to not go up and get him. I'm constantly thinking the worst as someone my SIL knows lost their little boy to cot death 3 days after his 1st birthday.

WG I'm glad that you're feeling brighter this morning and echo what the others have said. Also, re DH's girlfriend, she doesn't smell of milk!

Sorry about your SIL's friend Kayzr. That's really scary. I thought babies were out of the woods at 6 mths. I didn't have a baby monitor for DD as my mum was staying with us at the time while she was looking for somewhere to live. She has a boxer dog and everytime DD cried her ears would prick up and she would give me a look as if to say, "the baby is crying aren't you going to DO something about it?". We did get a monitor when my mum moved out but it never really worked, too much interference. Does anyone have one they would recommend?

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Nolda We have this one It is really good, we've had it for nearly 2 years now.

Kayzr weirdly that's the one we've got too. It must be something to do with where we live then.

WG glad you feeling brighter about things today!

I'm going to try the 90 min sleep cycle thing today so hopefully can avoid last nights meltdown, sorry can't remember who first brought it up now

DS has just thrown up all over me, I threatened to throw him in the dustbin to which DD has just shouted at me "no mummy, you naughty girl, Harry's playing jigsaw now with me" Bless, I'm in the dog house with my toddler, I consider myself officially reprimanded

ours is a nearly 5 year old Tomy walkabout classic and it seems to work fine.

rung gps again re baby check and jabs, seeing as she's 8 weeks tomorrow. they've got her in on fri for her jabs, but her 6 week check will be on 18th feb, by which time she'll be 10 weeks!

wg - so glad you're feeling brighter today. you're doing an amazing job - focus on the positive

Morning all, if I say I'm glad I'm not the only impatient one you'll know what I mean?

WG really pleased you're feeling cheerier, bless your dad's ladyfriend for being so good with the baby - maybe you could ask her to come and stay with you for a few days when they get back from hols so you can learn from her? I think you and I are twins, I know exactly what you mean about being a perfectionist and not wanting to leave dd at all. I wish I could be less 'must run to the baby immediately' but I just can't bear the sound of her crying, the longest she usually gets to is about a minute then I just have to pick her up. I'm sure it's not good as it's making her too dependent - or is it though, is it teaching her that her needs are being met? Depends on which book you read! I dunno. If I were a psychiatrist I'd probably blame it on the fact that my mum died when I was tiny so have no idea about 'mothering' as a role, and am terrified of doing it wrong or hurting dd or letting anything upset her. And I think the fact I'm always going to her is part of why the whole impatience thing is a problem - if I were to let her go a bit longer on her own then wouldn't feel so much her 'slave'

turnip - time away from baby? [hollow laugh] I've had 7.5 hours away from her in the 2 months since she was born. This may sound like loads to some people, I don't know... Partly because we're doing demand bfing and she's still hungry every three hours or so, and I'm crap at expressing.

Well it's really not that bad, poor Cat has much, much more to cope with (massive hugs) I'm just being a bit pathetic really. Have had a cold for a week and a half which won't shift, blame it on that

On a much cheerier note, isn't Elliott (first on this page) possibly the cutest little gollum-a-like you ever saw? It's the combo of big head, gorgeous eyes and skinny little arms that does it elliott I was given a photo shoot with this lady as a christmas present, she's fab

PD Essex village life - if you say the general area I might be able to tell you about good pubs/eating out etc if it's my end of the county? The stuff about your dd fussing on the boob, and bringing back a lot - might she have reflux? The fussiness and not wanting to eat is meant to be a prime symptom.

trace sounds like you've got a good night routine set up there with giving the extra feed early on before bedtime - good luck with the 8 week check.

SL I know we shouldn't laugh but the thought of your DH calling DS a little tosser really make me giggle it's a lot politer than most of us!

kayz the lifting head thing, it's not a problem at all, according to "what to expect the first year" a lot of babies will be trying to lift their heads up when they're jon their fronts by the second or third month so it's absolutely fine. How on earth are you meant to stop them lifting up? That sounds barmy, why would you want to stop your baby learning a new skill?

Off out to the cinema now, the Big Scream. The choice of films is Milk (gay activist gets assassinated) or Revolutionary road (unhappy married couple find pregnancy makes their marriage even worse). Not sure which of these cheery little numbers to go for!

WG you sound so out of sorts, I wish I could give you a hug. I don't think you are doing the wrong thing by picking her up, and as others have said H isn't emotionally involved and I think she would admit that that makes it easier too. If it makes you feel any better I'm not making cakes, I am eating a lot of them though. WG try to be a bit easier on yourself, I think not having your mum around makes it harder as you would have her at the front of your mind now and well you are now a mum so you are kind of now her for your DD. I think that could make you feel quite vulnerable right now. I don't think I'm making much sense really. But you are doing a great job, you are feeding your baby and she knows you love her and just being near you or held by you is the best thing in her world right now.

Ds2 is poorly today he slept from 1-6 yesterday but was up every couple of hours overnight (I never am definate cos I can't see my watch in the night but it seemed about that). This morning he is grizzly and snotty and now has fallen asleep on me. I daren't move as he might kick off again. Dh is working from home so he just came down and got me a water a brought my itouch to me so I could chat to you bus whilst here immobile on the couch. I had a coffee morning planned with two friends who also a wee ones, and a play date for ds1 with coffee for me but have had to cancel that too. Dh has loads of work on so was trying to have us all out of the house so he could do it without distractions. Oh well ds1 is at nursery this morning so that's helpful, I just wish dh would come down and make a coffee, my caffiene addiction is craving a hit but don't think I can shift this 13lb weight off me without waking it up.

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NB yet again have buggred up the link, click on 'client area' for the little nipper of cuteness. Sigh... DD now asleep so about to sprint to cinema!

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JJ That is a wonderful picture. He is gorgeous.

JJ - gorgeous photo. I really want to get some professional photos done. This morning I spent 20 minutes trying to make DD2 smile while I stuck a massive great digital SLR right in her face, strangely she declined.

WG - bless you. I am glad you are feeling better. Have you looked at the book Rosmerta mentioned "What Mothers Do - especially when it looks lik nothing"? I really recommend it. I am half way through and it really makes you reassess the idea that you have got nothing done all day when looking after a baby. OK so you are not baking with a toddler, or inventing a new form of brain surgery, or whatever. But you are mothering your tiny baby, and showing her love, and making her feel secure and learning what she needs and that in itself is a huge job and a huge achievement each day.

I am one of the people that have posted about baking etc and I can assure you I never got anything like that done when DD1 was just born. Partly I think I have more time this time round because DD2 is a much sleepier baby who is happy to sleep in a moses basket - DD1 never was. Its just luck. I certainly don't think its down to leaving DD2 to cry, the couple of times I have had to leave her a few minutes she has been the opposite of settled. Partly I have more time because I am less stressed about looking after a baby because I know I got things wrong with DD1 and yet I can see it did not harm her and she is lovely. Partly I have no choice because a bored DD1 is a scary prospect! Please go easy on yourself. You are a lovely, lovely mum.

Nolda - we have the BT digital baby montior and it works a treat. Last summer we took it to Sicily and were able to sit at the other end of a long garden and still hear DD1 in the house.

JJ that is such a funny and cute photo, what a wise old look he has on his face, it's like he's saying why am I doing naked on dads shoulder, and what on earth is that one eyed black thing I'm front of me.

JJ I always went to ds1 when he cried and yes I do believe he always knew his needs would be met so as he grew he tended to only cry when something is wrong, but I'm sure plenty of others on here will tell you their kids are fine for being left to cry. Raise your DD the way that feels right to you. Don't feel you need to justify it to anyone.

jj - i just clicked on your photo link - DH walked in, saw the picture and said " cool - a baby that looks like Gollum"!!!!! It must be true!

I also don't leave Phoebe to cry. I know that her mutterings turn to little cries then to massive shouts within a few minutes, and I can't bear to hear her so upset/angry/hungry/whatever, so I go to her when the whimpering starts! And often her cry is because she's been sick, so I know she won't settle until it's sorted anyway.

WG: you are getting a massive amount done in simply looking after your baby all day! It is hard work and some babies are harder than others - like Arti I have a put-downable baby this time but DS1 could not be put down at all. The only suggestion I have is to get out of the house or arrange something (like visitors) every day if you can manage it. It all seems so much worse when you've been staring at the same four walls for hours. If you're a sociable type, what about baby yoga/massage/music? There's tons of stuff in N London, some of it SureStart and therefore free .

A thought: there's a nice baby-friendly pizza place in Finsbury Park if anyone fancies a N London meet-up?

I get befuddled by all this talk about routines, I am a Slack Mum and go with the flow most of the time, though we have some structure thanks to DS1 needing to be up for breakfast. On the day he's at the childminder's I have the bad habit of retreating to bed with the baby and emerging blinking at about 4pm... I should also start putting DS2 to bed before 11ish but it's easier to keep him with us to avoid waking DS1.

Cat: did you get your own 6 week check booked? They seem to be making appointments again, I got one for next week.

DS1 is settling down to life with the usurper: he's getting really good at helping, though I have to keep a sharp ear out. 'Me help' usually means a dash to stop him hauling DS2 out of his basket or something equally scary .

Solidarity with the sleepless night brigade, DS2 has a cold and is either waking for a feed or snotting and coughing really loudly. Hope it passes soon - prob just in time for the 6 week growth spurt. He is of course sleeping peacefully now.

those photos are lovely jj . DH and I were talking about what a funny object DS2 is - seems the mummy goggles are weaker this time round .

I've just gone and written off the car on the way back from taking DS to nursery, bloody ice! Noone hurt though so it could be worse, maybe I'll get a nice shiny new car now . No time for personals as need to ring insurance and then DH (uh oh) but love to you all and you are all doing wonderful jobs, chins up and DRIVE CAREFULLY in this awful weather xx

Katie Sorry about the car but I'm glad you are ok and no one was hurt.

at your crash Katie, hope you're feeling OK. It is treacherous out there. I was sliding around all over the place and that was on foot.