Name changed in halfhearted attempt to protect the guilty, who know my usual name.
Suffice to say that all was fine with The Visit up until about day 6. No great surprise there. Guests start to get tiresome after about 5 days no matter how much you like them imo. After that it really went downhill.
Invited her mother and brother up for Sunday lunch, had DH them up from the train station before lunch and I drove them an hour home that night. Had her father and his wife up for lunch during the week. Tried to make nice meals, keep everyone happy etc and yet was told at the end of the week that I'm "a disaster". Kept telling DM that we had a dishwasher and please don't do the washing up, but she proclaimed that she "hated dishwashers" and seemed to spend the whole time in the kitchen avoiding everyone all the time. Was funny because she'd been telling me how she hated people washing up in her house and insisting on drying everything instead of leaving it to drain and I'm left wondering why her hatred of dishwashers trumps my preference for them, when we're in MY house. But that's only a small aside.
DM caught a nasty cough/ cold/ throat virus thing on the plane on the way over. Overheard DH mention that he hoped DS didn't get sick, after him being in hospital last time he had a chesty virus. DM took this as a personal affront and said, "What are you trying to say?" DH says, "Nothing, am just saying I hope he doesn't get sick." DM: "Well would you prefer I left?" Oh please. So DH goes, "No, DMIL, there's no need to be defensive here. I was just making conversation". So DM is annoyed with DH. This is compounded by the fact he asked her not to sit on the arm of the sofa. Except he didn't ask, he jokingly "told her off" and said, "Hey, get off the arm of the sofa! Nobody's allowed to sit there." (Which they're not.) Anyway, DM completely missed the humour and basically thinks DH is the devil. So when at the end of the week, when I was on my way to get a top and pair of trousers to wear on my "big night out" I have been looking forward to for ages, my car broke down in a retail park car park and we're sitting waiting for the AA in the pissings of rain with the windows steaming up and the children crying because they're sick and want to be at home, she thought that would be a good time to have a go at me about it. Said, "It seems like EVERY time I come (that would be twice in past 4 years), your DH is rude to me". I couldn't be bothered with it at all and said, "Fine, don't come again."
After trying DS on a bit of formula, JUST in case all the breastmilk in the freezer ran out while I was away for the night, or in case my flight got delayed, he decided that all bottles were poison, regardless of content. Ended up having to take him with us on the night out. DH was good and said he'd stay in the hotel with him, but I managed to get a babysitter from 8 to 12 in order that DH could join us for a few drinks. Tried to get DS booked on our flight, but was told we'd have to just buy him a boarding pass at the airport. Got to airport two hours before flight. Queued for 90 mins at customer service desk and barely moved in queue. Checked ourselves in and put bags on and found a cash desk where DH had to coerce them into issuing the boarding pass by saying they'd have to unload our bags from the plane if they didn't. Babysitting agency called while we were on the transit bus to plane to say that the sitter had called in sick. Got to destination to find car seat hadn't made it, although thankfully they had spares to lend us. Went out with mates from 8 til 12.30. Went back to feed O and OF COURSE after about 8 cocktails fell asleep on the bed. Doh. DH had a nice time til 4am in hotel bar with my mates though... DS woke at 5am. Came home. DM had had friends over for dinner the night before and I'd said it was ok they stayed so they could have a drink. DM had insisted on moving out of DS's room (had moved DS into our dressing room so she had a nice room and comfy bed since she was staying SO LONG), washing and ironing all the sheets to put her friends in there and sleeping on the sofabed in the office and commenting on the fact there were no curtains in there. I mean, I don't see why her friends couldn't feckin stay in there for one night... DM ended up in there for three nights instead. Pointless. Anyway, her friends had decided to wait until we got back so they could thank us for letting them stay, but with both of us hungover to bits and our baggage taking an hour to come and then the cab driver losing his car in the airport car park, you can imagine how pleased we were to be making small talk when we finally got home.
DM was obviously dying to hear that the trip hadn't been worth it so told her it was fabulous.
DM did talk about how lovely all the children are, but didn't once say how nice it was to be spending time with them or thank me for my efforts. Just kind of made me feel like she was only there "to help me out" or something. Given that my PIL were supposed to be babysitting that weekend before DM decided to come, and I have a cleaner, I'm not sure why she's trying to make me feel like I need help or why she can't just come and visit and be my guest like a normal person. This is the woman who told me on my wedding day, (in so many words) that she was relieved I was off her hands! I won't be bothering again. Suspect she'll stay with her father or mother when we have DS baptised and that's fine with me.
She moans about her father's wife and about how awful she is and how terrible it is to put up with her (a woman he met after my mother was an adult). She hates my DH and makes it really obvious she'd rather be elsewhere when he's around, yet if stays away when she's here, she's "offended". And in all this, she forgets that I have put up with her partner for 23 years. A man who couldn't keep his disgusting hands to himself when I was a teenager - the same age as my own daughter is now, so you can imagine how I (and DH) feel having him around. This is something I attempted to tell her about when it first happened, but she cut me dead on it saying "I think you must be misreading the situation", or words to that effect and made it very clear where I stood. FFS. Everyone in her family has had to put up with him being obnoxious every time he gets a few drinks on him. She has put up with his daughters being vile to her for YEARS, but her own family don't get given an inch. Fuck it. I haven't spoken to her since they left. She rang when she got home and DD1 answered and told me that DM had called to speak to DD2. WTF? Didn't ask to speak to me. She's actually bonkers. I can't waste any more energy on it, though if she starts on me again about how awful she thinks DH is, she'll be getting a few home truths. To hell with the consequences. I can't be walking on eggshells for the rest of her life. She won't be happy til she's a miserable old woman whose entire family is dead or completely alienated and she can drive herself mad wondering what went wrong with her life.
And breathe.