we did it, we did it, the babies are here, now come and join us and we will give you a cheer!!!!

[Dozymare]

Hope this works

thought i would start a thread for those of us already in the heady World of motherhood, so we can share the trials and tribulations of the early days....

I shall start with my birth story and hope other's follow and I haven't started a dud thread

As you know I was dreading a 3rd CS, almost to the point where I was having panic attacks - we went in on the Thursday and after waiting for an EMC we were taken to theatre where I was DELIGHTED to recognise the aneathatist (sp!!) who helped deliver DS2. Now, one of my major fears about a 3rd CS was the fact that having had a "perfect" excperience with DS2, it6 wouldn't be possible to experience the same thing again...I was wroing, it was better The whole thing was started at 1315 and Tallulah was born at 1344 weighing 7lbs 2oz. She has a shock of dark hair but seems so small compared to the boys who were 9 and 10lbs respectively. The care I recieved was absolutely 2nd to none - no complaints or gripes.........So far so good.........

HOWEVER.........my god, do you forget the pain of breastfeeding before the milk comes in - I am in absolute agony and have had to top up with aptamil as the poor wee thing is so, so hungry...I am literally BF for up to 2 hours (the point of pain in both udders ) and then topping up with Aptamil. She guzzles 30ml and then settles.......As for sleep - sleep is for wimps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very thirsty and ravenous here too. Problem is all I want is crap and I have to make a consious effort to eat healthy stuff

I am back in pre-pregnancy trousers, but for some strange reason, my leftover paunch is higher up this time, so my belly protrudes above my waist and my belly button is still an outie. As for weight, I am a good few lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. I must have lost weight when the heart burn got really bad and I had a few weeks where I barely ate anything. I put on exactly a stone this time.

oh, and am also ravenous, with an incredibly sweet tooth. We had bangers and mash for tea tonight and I ate loads with a huge pile of veg. That was at 5.30 and I'm starving again already.

I want to stop dairy out for a bit and see if that makes a difference to DS, but I have been snacking on rice crispies and will be stuck for a decent snack now!

THANKS ladies for the support and knowledge that I am not alone with my night time baby.

Feeling really low today . Might be partially down to tiredness. Thing is last night I got a good number of hours sleep but just shows what a difference it can make when it is not straight through.

Also had to tell DS big time yesterday and my usual telling off routine blew up in my face big time and DS got 100 times worse. All in front of my mum too. Typically me, DH and Alyssa had a lovely couple of hours out for lunch then Alyssa and DS shopping then the s**t hit the fan after being back with DS for ages. Felt like I could of broke down in tears there and then.

Then just now had a major confrontation with DS as he wouldnt go to bed and was screaming "go down stairs" and hitting and kicking the bedroom door and safety gate at the top of the stairs. DH ended up taking over and sorted DS out. Keep in mind my DS has always gone to bed no problem at 7.30-7.45pm and has definitely never been so violent.

Wonder if it has now hit DS that while he goes to bed Alyssa is down stairs with us? Dont know but just really upset me at a time when I feel quite down anyway.

Going to bed at 9 to hopefully be prepared for Alyssa's night feeds.

vbabb, I think some judicious spoiling of your DS is maybe called for. He will be feeling that his position is being forced out by the baby and that perhaps you and DH don't love him anymore. The tantrum will be his way of getting the attention that he maybe feels is all going in the direction of the baby. He is still very young isn't he? Give him time and lots of love and affection.

Perhaps even a bit of subterfuge is needed? ie put Alyssa in her cot whilst you do his bedtime routine and then get her up again once he's settled?

I know that we had a few issues with DS1 when DD was born and he was much older and more able to understand what a new baby meant.

lacks thanks. We have been spoiling DS and have spent lots of time if not maybe nearly the same with him. Didnt see the bedtime problem coming at all. This was the 2nd attempt to get him to bed. After the 1st attempt by DH he brought him downstairs for 5 mins. We cuddled watching TV for the most of it then he moved away.

Might try the subterfuge.

Got newspaper coming tomorrow to take our family picture for the story. Will have to try and look half decent which isnt easy when exhausted (it shows), clothes are crap and dont exactly feel like smiling. But it is a good chance to get a family pic.

Evening all, do you mind if I have a me post???

I haven't been coping well the last few days since last thursday actually, I feel very overwhelmed a lot of the time.

Mack is co-sleeping with me at night as he wouldn't go into his moses basket but its working ok, he feeds lying next to me then falls off and sleeps - I think, from my hazy clock watching, that its about every 2 hours.

It is the daytimes that scare me a bit more as I don't seem to have time to do anything. He will only go down in his moses basket now and again and often wants to be held which is ok for a bit as I do love cuddling him but I don't even have time to go for a pee. DH went to work for one day yesterday as we agreed and I spent most of the day crying as I just didn't know what to do. I feel awful for saying but at times I just wished I could just not be his mum for a bit and go back to before he was born .

So yesterday I decided to try and feel a bit more in control so I bought the GF book (don't want to start a debate about that) and whilst I know he is only young and routine might not be the best thing to do now I found the book to be quite useful to understand what babies want/need in a day - for example I hadn't even considered he needed stimulating "awake" time, I thought he would just sleep after each feed. Now it seems so simple but I hadn't even thought about it.

So today we tried to loosely follow the routine and he had 2 daytime naps which I think is a success, although he hasn't gone to bed yet I hope we can get there at some point.

I had no idea it was going to be so hard, I was so focused on the labour and birth that I hadn't even thought about how difficult actually having a baby would be.

Now that DH is home for the rest of the week I feel much better as he is so helpful and supportive but I am really scared about when he goes back to work and whether I will be able to cope. I am scared I am going to miss out on just enjoying him because I am always worried about what he's going to do next.

I have no idea how you ladies with more than one cope!!!

The upside of all this is that when I am stressed I can't eat so its a great way of losing weight.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel???

Sorry - am lurking on this thread like a stalker

Vbab just wanted to back up what Daisy said. Bedtime is one of the issues that me and DH anticipate is going to be a problem with DS so we have already planned to do the 'subterfuge' and put baby to bed before DS - even if we get baby back up again later Must be worth a try!

How exciting about the paper aswell - you need to link to the website when it is in

Right will now retreat back to the rapidly dwindling AN thread where I belong

Am back - x-posted with Choc and I didn't want to ignore your post.

What you are feeling is completely normal IME. I remember it all too well with DS - I was scared when alone with him as I felt so unconfident in my own abilities to look after him but, at the same time, I couldn't leave him with anyone as I felt that they couldn't look after him like I could - bizarre I know!! I remember one day when he was about a week old - MIL was round one afternoon and I was exhausted but I couldn't go upstairs for a nap even though I was desperate as I was so worried about what MIL and DH would do with DS whilst I was gone

I also regularly resented DS for taking my life away - but I have realised that it is normal to feel that way and you are allowed to 'mourn' your old life iyswim.

Have you tried a sling so you can get on with things whilst still carrying Mack? Taking him out in the pram just so you get out and about? And if he needs cuddling, cuddle him and enjoy it whilst it lasts!

And there is light at the end of the tunnel - things just start to become more natural and you start to develop your own routine between the 2 of you

choc - understand completely how you are feeling. Just take my word for it that it does get better. Also get out as much as you can, walking will be good for you and Mack I did it a lot with DS. Nothing worse than "cabin fever" as I call it. But also please make sure you talk to someone about your feelings and try your best not to bottle them up.

With DS I was for a while very down in the dumps you could even call it slight depression and ultimately I just had to crack on with things and talk.

Hello.
vbab DD1 has been a having major winges at bedtime, but she seems to be getting better (or just really tired now!)I had been doing quite well at getting Dinky to bed before her and all was going to pan tonight, Dinky washed and fed and asleep during bedtime hour- only to discover she was all wet on her back- darned girl stealth wees so had to redo her bedtime before I could do DD1's. But we are getting there!

choco I bet you are doing really well. It is overwhelming, but just do whatever works for you and your baby and things will get better.x

I have been feeling very down. Things going well with baby- no 'bonding' issues, and she is very good, it's just me. CS recovery quite slow this time and it's making me very fed up, esp. as I really didn't want the op in the first place.

Hope people are getting the wind up- I remember the windy colicky thing with DD1- it is very tiring, so much sympathy!

vbab we have night issues with ours - our son (4yrs) hardly ever wakes in the night but has come into our bed every night since baby been home, unfortunately this also happens at the same time DD1 (age 2) decides to get in with us. However much things seem to be going along ok the other children are defo being affected. I think that it will all settle eventually so try not to get too distressed whilst you go through it.

Choco what you are going though is NORMAL normal normal. I was knocked for 6 with my first - wow what a life change that was. I really struggled that I never had any of my own 'breathing' time. Will always remember having a shower one weekend and just relieved that I was in the bathroom alone when who knocked on the shower door but Daddy with baby to wave hello to mummy - I was like "GET OUT AND GIVE ME 5 MINUTES ALONE!!!" Anyway - just wanted to say take each hour/ day as it comes and don't set yourself too much to do - you are doing great just looking after your baby.

chocO, just echoing what everyone else is saying about these feelings being perfectly normal, and tied in with all the hormonal changes that are going on at the minute and the fact that you are now totally responsible for this little life that you have brought into the world. And that is bloody overwhelming, and often very hard, but ultimately the most rewarding thing in the whole bloody world .

And it takes time to get into your stride with it. I remember my Dsis coming to my house when DS1 was about four weeks old to bale me out as I had started, and failed to finish, about half a dozen chores and my house looked like a bomb had hit. And good on you for flying solo this early on, even if it didn't go as well as it might. It'll get better though; that I can promise you!! Just keep hold of that legendary ChocO PMA and repeat after me "this too shall pass.....this too shall pass.....this too shall pass"

I think with subsequent children you kind of know what to expect so it doesn't hit as hard, but at the minute with sleep deprivation and hormonal wobbliness I'm having a few "what the f*** have I done?" moments; especially at 3am when i'm tired, it's cold and he is just groaning and writhing in pain and I can't do anything to alleviate it

vbab, I hope things settle down with DS soon. iirc from DS; he was great to begin with and then the realisation hit that the baby was here to stay and things went a bit pear shaped after that! DD is having her fair share of tantrums as well at the minute and is doing all the things she knows she shouldn't (like climbing into the crib, onto the kitchen table, trashing stuff, screaming). We are trying to give her lots of positive attention; stories and cuddles and we have been drawing most evenings (taping some lining paper to the kitchen table and letting the kids rip with coloured pencils which she is loving) and ultimately trying to ignore the bad stuff......I had to step over her this evening as she was having a full on strop on the floor in the living room doorway.

right, am off to catch some much needed sleep whilst DH tries to get some wind out of this baby and get him to sleep a bit before I'm needed again.

I hope this is a phase that passes and isn't developing into our life for the next three months.

Vbab, ds1(4.10) also wants to know why he has to go to bed before ds2.
I have tried to explain that ds2 is not in a routine yet, and thus he is downstairs , with dh, or in the moses baket, until after ds1 goes to bed. But in time, he will go to bed before ds1.
This is n ot washing with ds1. He doesn't get it. NAd i don't know how else to explain it. How to make it sound gentler. The fact is that ds2 is still downstairs with mummy and daddy, whilst ds1 has to go to bed.

Will try Daisys idea of putting ds2 in cot, then going back for him.

Choc, your feelings are so NORMAL. My love for ds1 was so stong. But a part of me kind of , well, not quite hated him, but just didn't want him there. and thus feelings of guilt, how could I be so evil to thnk such things. Very wierd. VERY NORMAL. And just wanting it all to go away and life to return to just me and dh being happy together.

We ALL understand, don't we ladies.
Please rest assured.

PLUS, I have a book recommendation for you. Have you heard of Tracy Hogg, EASY ? EASY
her 'routine' is not as regimented as GF. She recommends EASY -
Eat - for baby
Sleep - for baby
Activity - for baby
YOU - take some you time. And take some time for you and dh.

Its based on listening to your baby and understanding your babys needs and going with the babys flow.

I just think it may be worth a read for you. Just to pick up on a few of her points.
I never did her 'routine' to a t, but \i do think alot of her stuff is good, and common sense.

Well done to heart2mum, in being back in her trousers. I have a 'paunchy stomach', but hey. It is only 3 weeks for me.

Heart2mum, that baby sounds thing was fascinating. I loved it.

Roca, totally understand your being at home thing. I had no desire to go out , at all, for the first 2 weeks. It was only this week that I have gone out. Very odd. Wasn't like that with ds1.

Sorry to hear Pinky feeling down. Big hugs.

Love idea of Daisy's diamond. Oh , beautiful.

Well, we are with Vbab, Roca, Bella, and LadyBuzz, in our terror at nightime scenario.

Last night was awful. My sil and Nanny seside were here most of the day. Had him awake alot. Fed him, and insisted he took more from the bottle than maybe I would have done, becasue they were constantly feeding him ,and winding him and feeding him again.

Great, you would think. Stand half a chance of sleeping at night then.

NOT ON YOUR NELLY

I was up and down. Up and down. Bf him, winding him, putting him down. crying. up again. winding feeding. oh dear. In the end I took him into bed with me. as I have done 3 or 4 times int he last week.

So Dozy, just for clarification, we have ZERO routine here. God, with ds1, he was sorted by now. that kid did 6 o'clock, 10 o'clock , 2o'clock. Fed for 20 mins. Burped and I was back in bed asleep by 25 minutes. I kid you not. So this is all a bit of a shock.

Christ, I couldn't keep my eyes open at , I can't remmeber if it was the 2 o'cloclk or the 4 o'clock feed. and had to call dh. I say 2 o'clock, I mean 12-2. then asleep for half an hour, then up again 3.30-5.

God, this is killing me.

Someone wave a magic wand please.

morning all

Firstly choc to echo what the other's have said, it is ENTIRELY normal to feel how you do - having a baby IS totally overwhelming and most of us only focus on the pregnancy and birth side of things and totally foget the afterbirth bit!!!! As you know I LOVE routine and GF is great for allowing you a few precious hours to yourself in the day - believe you me, in 10 weeks when Mack is sleeping for 3 hours at lunchtime and going to bed at 7pm, you will be so greateful for it. The only thing, I would say, is that i don't really start following it until the LO's are about 6 weeks - saying that, Tiger seems to have put herself into the feeding pattern of milk at 7am, 10am, 2pm 6pm 10 and 3am so I am only having to get up once in the night as Dh does her 10pm feed. the bonus is I can go to bed at 9pm and sleep until 3am. Hence not feeling to bad. She is still sleeping with us (in a travel cot) and in her moses basket downstairs if not being cuddled.

Which leads me onto Moses baskets - neither of my 2 DS's ever went into a moses basket - we were bought a beautiful one, but neither of them got on with it - in fact hated it! Hence why we bought the travel cot.....so much better as bigger and the boys were waking themselves up everytime they moved in the moses basket - by giving them more space in the travel cot the problem was solved. Could you tery that as an option??

As obs says, Traey Hogg is also very good - I read her book and did elements of that (especially the dream feed at 10pm) but again, I LOVe routine just slightly adapt it to my individual Dc's needs.

Would you like to meet up next week?? I can come to you, or you could come over here.......Also second what vbab is saying, a walk every day is GREAT for you and for baby.........evfen if it is around the block!!!

vbab we had exactly the same issues with DS1 when DS2 was born - in factg, he wasn['t himself for about 3 months - He was 2.6m and really resented him brother for a while. Now they are the ebst of friends and I promise you, it will pass Putting baby into cot at bedtime is a great idea....

I am massively overweight - need to lose 3 stone, but am being easy on myself - let's face it, Tiger is only 3 weeks old! Diet will be starting with a vengance in Jan if anyone wants to join me???! Not sure, what I am going to follow though.....WW maybe???

pinky sorry, meant to add huge hugs coming at you. My scar is infected despite me feeling so well and I have had to take antibiotics. they keep telling me to air it, but I literally have to lift the overhang to do so which makes me feel so sick.......it is disgusting........

Hi. Sorry, should have updated last night, but had people over till 10pm which is an hour past my bedtime!!! In the end, had to help dh out as both babies were crying and didn't get to bed till 11 .

MonkeyMargot's little girl is called Cecily Plum. What a cool name! Bet she's as sweet as a plum.

How's everyone doing? Not had a chance to catch up here, except reading last post about infected scars. Hope you guys get better soon. I still have my rash , it's really flared up today and is all over my back particularly where bra straps go, so very, very itchy - arrrrrrrghhhhhh.

what a fabby name- Cecily Plum! I bet the middle name gets used most at the mo!

sorry to hear scar is infected, Dozy.I don't think mine is- I think I may have been overdoing it- as I hurts- and there was quite a lot of scar to chop through, and I think I may have popped a stitch inside- need to get it checked.

I think I may have an easy baby- but given all the expressing I had to do with DS and DD1's reflux I think I have paiid my dues in that regard.

Yes definitely put baby down whilst putting others to bed- at least for first few months- even, I would say, if baby cries (sounds horrid- but when you have two so little you have to decide to do one job at a time somtimes or else you end up running around like a headless chicken and nothing gets done). Feed baby, clean nappy (no stealth wees, lol) put her down, then put others to bed. Later on, you can get away with feeding baby whilst reading story at bedtime, as you might during the day, but at first, bedtime should be a one-to-one thing, I think.

Having a better day today. DD1's tantrums seem to be abating- I think she just likes having me to herself for a few hours a day.

Hope people arte getting a bit of afternoon nap time.

merry sorry you still ahve bad rash. Have you tried the aqueous? DB recommends it for nearly everything dry/ithcy skin related.

I love cecily Plum...what a fab name

congrats again MonkeyM

sorry to hear about your scar Dozy; I had an infection with DD and it was horrible. Took ages to heal and even at three weeks out I could only stand for ten mins at a time without it burning. My MW gave me a tip of sticking a breathable panty liner to the inside of my pants along the line of the scar. keeps clothes off it and from rubbing, but still allows it to breathe a bit. I also had wuite an overhang which I don't think helped with the overall healing process. I hope it gets better soon.

Pinky, popping a stitch sounds painful. I hope it's OK.

Obs......nightimes horrible here as well, although he wasn't too bad last night in that he finally actually slept from 1.30 till 3.30 and then from 5 till 8 so I managed three hours straight. don't feel too bad today as a result.

We got some colief drops today so we'll see if they make a difference. I may try giving up dairy as well (or get that lactofree milk to try first)

I still have thrush though and it is in my milk ducts . Took me six months to get rid of it with DD.

and lol pinky; I have had two easy babies, so am paying for it this time around! I knew something had to give as it was doubtful we could strike it lucky three times in a row where gorgeousness and character were concerned . thankfully we got gorgeous though

Another agreeing post from me to choco
I too remember feeling his way with DD.
I thought I ought to get used to being alone with her after DH went back to work. It lasted 2 days!
I am lucky cos I have my mum close and went to hers most days, in the very early days, but my suggestion is groups.
Baby and toddlers, Breastfeeding groups, toddler groups, and in a few weeks start taking him swimming with a few other mums, or to specific baby swim classes. ooh I also went to baby massage and baby yoga.
It filled everyday and got me out and socialising. I would not have managed without them.
As I say I also had my mums to go to, but the groups and walking, defo the way to go. Before you know it you wil be too busy to worry
PMA, You can do this! You are a great mum!

Says me who was in tears this morning, for the second morning, convinced I was the worst mummy in the world and that I did not like my lovely DS. All because he woke at 7 and would not go back down until after 9.
Seems silly, but then DD gets up about 9 so if DS doesn't settle, that is me up at 7. I am not a morning person. Why do they choose to have their wakey period at the most inconvienient to mummy.
See I am awful I truly have little to complain about. He is a 7.30, maybe 10, then 1am, 4am, 7am. So 3 hourly feeds for a 3 week old (and premmy), not bad really is it?
And yet I was in tears!

I can't find who said it, but they made me feel better to hear that someone eles has a wee groaning wriggly baby that you can do so little for. Thats my DS 7-9am.
It's hard when you can do nothing to please, I think that is what upsets me more than the waking at 7am.
The feeling utterly useless and rubbish

Sorry about the scar DOzy hope it improves- I also fall into the no sleep club. DD2 is hungry every hour from about 8pm onwards ( one thinks my milk is not good enough) then colic sets in I managed from 3-5 last night which was good then managed a 30 minute nap this pm . She does sleep better at a slight angle so will try putting a towel under the crib mattress just to raise ita bit and see if that helps. COlic drops work after about 30 mins. Vbab hope your ds settles down ok - dd1 is getting dedicated daddy time when it is just them and no mummy - she is a bit of a monkey at times esp when I am so knackered lord help me when he goes back to work !
Lacks I went to skimmed milk and no yoghurt / cheese diddn't help her colic though.

rosa, try feeding her from the same side two feeds in a row. If you have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (indicated by lots of green poos rather than yellow ones)this can couse her to be hungrier (not getting the fattier hindmilk) and will make the colic worse (due to excessive lactose in the foremilk)

missygoo, it was me who said that about not being able to help him. I hope you are OK; you sound really glum . It sounds to me like you are going through the three week hormonal surge. I found this to be a horrible time with both DS and DD and am fully expecting it to hit me over the weekend. DH is forewarned to be gentle with me.

sounds like we are all having a few teething issues with the babies. Hang in there though everyone; it does get easier and we will all get through it. With, thankfully, lots of support and camaraderie from this thread

We have our nickname for DS2! DD can't say the "F" sound so she calls him Dinny. I like it

Oh, and a friend from swimming called round today bringing us a full meal . sausage casserole with rice and brocolli followed by some rolo desserts. What a star she is

Can I have that three week hormonal surge a wee bit early?
DS 3 weeks on Friday, so only 2+5weeks today.
hmm maybe is close enough.
Nice to have an excuse

I think 2+5 is fine missygoo

Young Finlay and I might be on the telly . My doula called. C4 news are doing a piece on the new tax thing (whatever that is ) and want to interview her doing her doula-ing. As he is the newest baby she has helped into the world, she wondered if we would be up for it! So, news crew coming here on Friday afternoon!!!

Wow, what exciting lives some of our members lead! Vbab in the paper, Lacks on the tv! The nearest I will get to fame/fortune is my HV wanting to use Zack & I for a breastfeeding demonstration, lol!

Congratulations MonkeyM and welcome Cecily Plum! What a fantastic name.

My day hasn't been too bad so far. We did however manage to miss a hospital appt for ds2 . The appt was at 9.30 and although I set the alarm, dh turned it off and I finally woke (Zack & the boys were still sleeping) at 8.55am . I had to call and rearrange the appt for 2 weeks time. Then my best friend came around and sat holding Zack, even though he'd given her a dead arm, lol, so that I could get my lunch while it was hot. T'was very kind of her, except for the joking about smuggling him out of the house in her handbag, lol. It will be interesting to see if Zack has another restless evening, but my plan is to have a bath or shower together if he won't settle. I am sure he would find warm water soothing for a windy tummy, besides he is overdue a bath