July 2008 - Living in the Twilight Zone of never quite enough sleep to be compus mentus

[libralady]

Just thought I'd better set up another thread as the old one is just about to run out.

Evening All,

SK - I think your hormones have a lot to do with anxiety levels - I was always a bit agitated before AF before then after having DD it got much worse and bad again after Calvin. My GP is keeping me on 20mg of citalopram for a couple more weeks but I am going to ask her to up it to 30mg for a while to see if it sorts me out. It is so debilitating - stops me enjoying life as much as I get panick attacks when out sometimes - it is ok if it is just you but when you have kids with you it makes it much more stressful/worse. Even if DH is there you feel you can 'escape' IFYKWIM but with the kids yu feel kinda 'trapped'.

I think after a while the poo situation calms down and they get sturdier poos but less frequent.

Calvin weighed in today at 12lb 15ozs and 61cm long at 8 wks +2. He has cheeks like a hamster! The first jag was ok but the second 1 he went beetroot and wailed - he has been feeling sorry for himself ever since - he is such a wee pet, the petted lip has been brought out several times tonight.

MUMMY2LEAH - I am sure you and your Dp will be okay. It is really tough and how anyone thinks having a baby will 'bring them closer together' I will never know! It just increases the arguments and resentment most of the time in the beginning. He'll get much better and more hands on when Leah is a few months older - promise. hugs

CONTRACEPTION - saw a newly qulaified GP today and she was asking about this - I mentioned we would be using condoms and she said to think about the implant as condoms are not always reliable etc. Anyone have experience of the implants?

Nite all
xxx

Took me a minute to realise that was you Rumpel don't be hard on yourself you are not a weeble! I haven't been on ADs since before DD1 was born so an age. I'm not too bad out and about but driving is horrendous I have to force myself to do it every day and every time I do it I think I am going to crash the car, in 3 years (only started driving again when we moved back here) it hasn't got any better, yes I get out and do it every day but it's never gets easier, I've had hypnotherapy too. I also get huge attacks of worrying about anything happening to me who would look after the DC? but I think thats a common Mother thing too.

Anyway sorry to be so depressing, poor wee Calvin, don't you think 8 weeks is just to wee to be stabbing them with needles the poor wee things actually I found DD1's MMR booster at 3 and a bit worse as she knew what was going on I had to tell her 10 minutes before we left where we were going and what was happening. At least the babies don't know whats going on. I think DD2 slept through one of her jabs.

Hi all,
Popping in to see how you all are..

wobblingweeble
Dont know much on the implant, i started the pill last week. It will have to do for now.. Only thing is period is still going on after 7 days!! but i think that is normal for the first one..

Sweetkitty
DD1 still is wetting herself and pooing in her pants!! God potty traing is sooooo not easy but she is getting the hang of it. Would be fine if i did'nt have 2 more babies!!! Hope you are feeling ok and your not the only mother that feels bad.. I too leave DD to do there own thing, and shout when i feel like busting open cause i just cant keep up with the house work and the demands of 3 kids.

mama2leah
The first couple of months with a new born is hard! Your tired your body is still healing and have a new born to take care of. I often feel resentment against DP because i feel i do everything with DC..Just hang in there..

Leah is doing great, she is feeding and sleeping like a dream.. hush hush but 9pm till 6-7am... TOUCH WOOD IT WILL LAST!! Jabs due next week so hate them!!

hi all

mama2 leah it will be ok hun hang in there thi parenting lark is hard work isnt it it doesnt tel you in the books either

ok guys have any of you been to one of these trips to lapland to see santa
just got an e-mail from my dh he says its a good idea but id rather get some input from people who have been first

samuel sleeping now and will till about 3am no all night sleeps for me,but strangely enough im used to it now and wide awake by 4am how sad is that
just watched crimewatch i shouldnt really as i cant find the door key and cant lock up till my ds comes home from work scary here now worse than being plunged into darkness with a power cut...im a big baby i hate the dark

Thanks everyone for the ideas on what to call the Not-God-Parents. We're still not decided! Actually, Not God Parents is growing on me...

Libra 1975 the pig roast we're having at the boys' party is being done by a friend who is a butcher, we've been to a few of his before and they are always delicious! He's giving us a hefty discount too which is good of him as he normally charges £500 (which I think is still relatively cheap)- we couldn't afford it otherwise.

Sweetkitty and other control freaks I am the same. DH is convinced it is delayed nesting, I am putting it down to needing t do something worthwhile other than childcare. And it has manifested itself in me tidying anything that is not nailed down and becoming a bit of a addict. Happened with ds1 too!

Rumpel (cant call you a weeble!) I used to have the contraceptive injection, same hormones as in implant apparently. Killed my sex drive TOTALLY but on the plus side my periods stopped. But really shite for the sex life!

Anyone else feeling like they've lost who they are? Caught my reflection in a window today and thought bloody hell I look like a sleep deprived, chucked-together-without-thought mum of two young boys. And realised that this was indeed who I am. Need some serious time off. An hour would be nice! And more that 2 hours sleep at a time would go down well too...

disney I watched it too am thankful dh is here! Arm yourself with a used nappy, it's the most offensive weapon I can think of

www.flylady.net must learn how to do links

Disney - Sam is the first thing I will think of on the 15th. LOL re crimewatch! i hate it when i scare myself like that!!! Know what you mean re getting used to waking...

Tjuice - always love it when you pop in. Thinking of Elodie and love the thought of you rugby passing E to DP as you run out the door with headphones in when he gets home.

SK - aw, don't like it when you're down. You're like the 'mummy' of the group and we all are a bit lost when you're not chipper!

Cass - apparently it's very normal... a friend of mine at one of my mother's groups' baby, Harry, went 11 days without pooing! The health visitor recommended a wee bit of prune juice in diluted boiled water in a bottle. It seemed to help. Charlie used to do at least one and up to 6 poos a day but the dastardly 'mr poo' has been absent now for 48 hours and counting....

mummy2leah - hang in there luv. I told DH last night that I wanted a divorce! and then texted him today saying 'i love you honey... sorry'! And I meant it last night! Look, we are the most sleep deprived human beings in society and everything is so much more amplified than normal. Always here to lend a sympathetic ear.

Gosh, I think I am the night owl among us. What am I doing up??? I feel that this is the only time I get to myself, and although I know I'll be up in about 3 hours to feed Charlie for the first session of the night I can't bring myself to go to bed. Maybe that's why I'm acting like a psycho.

Well, it's been almost 16 weeks since Charlie popped out 7 weeks early and still no period here. DH brought up possibility of having another - like, soon! What?! Well, I am 35, and Charlie is my first, but I have been put through the mincer this time around, and wonder how I would cope second time around with Charlie as a 12 month old... what do you think? Mind you, I didn't tell you this, but it took me over a year to fall pregnant, and I have had several problems over the years for female reproductive system related conditions (20cm ovarian cystectomy, endometriosis diathermed off bladder, bowel, tubes, CIN3 removed from cervix via LLETZ, irregular periods...) so maybe we should just go for it??? With Charlie, I had a SUA (single umbilical artery or two vessel cord) which meant I had to be constantly monitored (10 scans - yeeha!) and he came 7 weeks early... I am rambling now, but what do you think? Just go with the flow and get preggers again, or go on the pill again and maybe never get pregnant again?

No Peanut I'm the nightowl. Just heading off to bed now. Do you want another baby so quickly? I must admit I am envying 1st timers as I don't have enough time to spend with Luke as I am constantly having to occupy DS1. Luckily he is now in school for 2 1/2 hours a day but you can always guarantee that is when Luke is asleep! But saying that I wouldn't be without either of them.
Only you and DH can make the decision if the time is right for you both.
Nighty night

Saying that I think a 12 month old with a baby is probably easier than a newborn with a four year old. Four year olds don't need their afternnon kips and need entertaining all the time, whereas a 12 month old will still need their sleep along with the baby so you can get refreshed yourself iyswim.

Morning all,
Rumpel - I don't think there is a 100% effective contraception (well apart from absetenince and where is the fun in that!)
There is a leaflet here about the implant tho www.nhs.uk/Livewell/sexualhealth/Pages/Contraceptiveimplant.aspx
If you had any problems with the pill I think I would be wary of trying the implant. I used the contraceptive injection for years and had NO side-effects and no periods. Problem is until you try it you don't know how it will effect you.

Mama2Leah - sorry to hear things aren't great with you and DP, as everyone has already said the relationship you have with your partner changes after children, it has to really. Maybe he is just feeling a little overwhelmed - do you think he would try Relate?

Minkus - cheers for that information, I always think that Hog Roasts are twice as nice and half the price of the fancy sitdown dinners that caterers provide. Also soaks up booze better.

Peanut/LL - how on earth do you manage to stay up that late!!! Re: The second child, we are already talking about it as well but we are not going to start trying until next spring/summer as want an 18 month gap. As LL said it's a decision you and your DH need to make together but I think what posters on this thread have shown is that you just cope whatever happens to come your way and as you said it took you over a year to get pregnant last time.

Well the first night the routine went swimmingly and he went to sleep from 7pm to 10:30pm DH and I managed dinner in peace. However last night he went down at 7:00pm fine but then we had NCT friends come round and he decided to didn't want to miss the fun and refused to go to sleep! Try again tonight.

Hello, 'tis I, Min912... fancied a name change!
Peanut obviously I can only talk about the gap that we have, which is 20mths, and it is indeed lovely when they both sleep at once (although DS goes to a childminder 3 days a week so that gives me a break anyway). I have one friend with an 18-mth gap (she took a year to get pg the first time and thought it would take as long second time!) and one with a 14-mth gap, with both of them their DCs are really close and good friends. Personally I found being 9mths pg and trying to carry/chase after a toddler the most difficult thing and that's what puts me off having a third most rather than the aftermath...

Morning all!

M2L- Sorry to hear about your agruements with DH. Ive had snappy days with DH... allpart of having a newborn as life chances so much and lack of sleep makes everything 100x worse.

Disney- Lapland trips..Ive heard good and bad things about these trips. Seems they are quite expensive too.
Theres some reviews of it on the days out recommendation board on here.
Know what you mean about scaring yourself.. when i was younger i used to watch Londons burning, then go to bed petrified that the house would catch fire and id lay in bed planning my escape route!

Minkus- Im another "lost" one. My hair desperately need sorting out... its long and lank and my highlights are round my ears! (only another few weeks till i see my hairdresser sister!)
I hardly wear any makeup any more- doesnt seem important. Started buying new clothes though to give myself a boost. Even painting my nails yesterday instantly made me feel more glam.

Peanut- I too would like another one reasonably close in age..but not just yet!
I know someone who found out she was pregnant when her PFB was only 4mths old. The girls now are great friends but the mum says its blooming hard work!.

peanut thanks honey for thinking of my special boy it means so much to me that all of you care and we are not alone

i had a 11 month gap between my 2 boys and boy are they close even though the younger one has downs
they are truly the best of friends we have seperation issues when they are apart
i found having 2 that age easy they seemed to poo at the same time nap the same time,

i remember when i found out i was pg with samuel i was devasted like i cant do it again what about my life thinking oh no the preganacy the birth the coping
someone said to me ok so what are you gonna do with your next 9 months become a brain surgeon do a world trip or do the best thing a woman possibly can and create a baby and be the best mom you can
its a feeling thats always stayed with me i was an older mom and im so glad i did it the joy i get with samuel is like no other
only you can decide whats best for you and all of you as a family
and i cannot beleive charlie is that age already how the time has flown i bet hes a bigger lad now

I'm kinda glad my mum and dad live in Spain this morning as I would have quite happiy taken the boys and stayed with them for abit. I'm soo sick of DH moaning about clutter (kids toys) kids crying and not being able to get stuff done, and I'm hacked off with him for 'blaming' the kids for not being able to do whatever HE wants to do (he likes walking and playing Rugby, both of which take up the WHOLE day, I don't mind once in a while, but not every weekend) So I figure hed be much better off without us and he can then live the 'batchelor' lifestyle that he so desires (none of his friends have kids, or the ones that do have dropped of the radar, funny that!) AHHHHHHHHH

I don't say anything to him as his 'rants' last about 1 hour and then it's all sweetness again, but what about me? I can't do what I want on a daily basis either, My life has been put on hold more than his has, I mean he doesn't have them all day.....

Sorry about the rant. I will now catch up.

thank u all for ur kind words and advice, makes me feel better, it is such a strain on our relationship...

but i feel better now, an di love hsi sorry arse way to much :O also being up since 2:45am can make me loopy again

thank u all again

jodie, ur not alone..men eh! hope u feel better soon!

oh yeh im scared to get pregnant again, seeing as my period returned within 6weeks ( i dunno if it is that) so im scared of relations, incase it leds to another baby...

sighs

hello all these name changes can't keep up

I have 18 months between DD1 and 2 and I love that age gap, sure it was hard at the start but then again two is hard no matter the age. Got better once DD2 could walk and chase after DD1, they are very close now although they have their moments. I wanted B to be closer in age to DD2 but sadly it didn't happen, periods didn't come back until DD2 was almost 12 months old and then I had the mc too. Pluses and minuses for any age gap though.

Peanut - I would go for it

M2L - glad you feel a bit better today, you will have huge ups and downs right now

Jodie - rant away I think it's a common thing for men especially if they have non Dad friends DP has a friend who invites him out for an all day Saturday sess most weekends - like thats going to happen I know what you mean though we are so tied to the DC even though it's great and everything it can be wearing. I often think if DP doesn't come home tonight what would happen? I woudl get on with it DC wouldn't suffer, but if I went out and never came home well it wouldn't happen IYSWIM.

disney - I agree poo and nap times are crucial, if you have a small gap at least the other one will have a nap at some point, my two are relentless all day. Your Sam certainly is the wee fighter in the group isn't he, we are all thinking of him x

minkus - I looked at flylady before but didn't like getting told when to polish my sink lol too many rules, I don't do rules

thank you all for your kind words feel a bit better today saw a friend this morning had a moan ups and downs ups and downs

best be off B is protesting about being under the baby gym again!

Interesting hearing how you all get on with your LOs with differing age gaps. One good thing is the government planning to introduce paid maternity leave for 12 months as of 1 April next year... I originally planned to go back to work after 9 months paid leave, but four months have just flown by and I'm now thinking 12 months is more likely, but that means 3 months of no maternity allowance .

libralady - good to know there is another who lurks at the witching hour!!

minniemummy - your DCs age gap sounds ideal. I must say I would love to have another summer baby though... getting out of the house is such a godsend, without having to rug up totally.

jodie - sorry to hear about DH. Men! I really empathise with you. My DH is always moaning on about how tired he is the whole time and it really gets on my nerves as he sleeps through the night and only sees charlie for an hour a day when he comes home from work, baths him and puts him to bed! So exhausting, I know. Anyway, you can get it out of your system on here with a good, old fashioned rant!

It's so good to be able to have the time to be back on here! I went through so many weeks of unpredictability and now it seems Charlie finally is going down for a midday nap of about 2 hours and I get this lovely period of "me time".

SK - x posts. Thanks for the advice... I guess I will have to wait for my periods to return though first LOL!

jodie men are so inconsiderate at times but half of them just dont realise how damn hard it is raising children
im glad to say well or am i my dh never goes out he doesnt drink or smoke or has ever gone of anywhere without me YET as he had planned to go to formula 1 race but i was to close to sams birth
hes never had a me (him) day i told him he gets that at work as hes there all week
TBH he never moans at me yes he gets tired and a bit snappy but hardly ever
im the misery here the moany whingy one i reckon thats why he loves being a trucker

Hi All,

PEANUT - I would go for it too. YOu are at your most fertile immediatley after having a baby so it might happen quickly for you. The thing is at 35 you really cannot afford to leave it too late as you just do not know what is going to happen in life. I would have loved children earlier but did not get married until almost 31 then my DH was in an accident and we had to wait a few years for him to recover a bit. Had a mc at 12 wks before DD, another before Calvin then Calvin and am now 36. I would have loved more kids but just feel that at my age the increase risk of things going wrong etc is too worrying for us. I could not abort and we, myself and Dh in particular, could not cope with a child with special needs. DH finds it hard enough to get to work and back - we have no social life at the moment so he is great and does what he can to help with the kids.
Also you may as well do it now and then youcan get your body back on track once you have completed your family

SK - My driving confidence has improved gradually - I was always a fairly confident driver then: my DH was hit by a lorry whilst driving a metro!! I came off my bike and broke my ribs, I have been reversed into 3 times, coming back form my 12 weeks scan of DD an eldery man went through red lights and hit me side ona wrote off my car (luckily I just had whiplash), and my DH was hit head on on his motorbike by some tourists driving around a corner on the wrong side of the road - hence I tend to overreact whilst driving. That is why I am on anti-ds really - everything caught up with me eventually and I started getting panic attacks etc. Would you consider some refresher lessons to boost your confidence or an advanced driving course?

Thanks for your contraceptive advice ladies I shall mull it over.

Was up and down like a yo-yo again last night between DD and Calvin -

God I am so tired and second the losing who you are thing MINKUS - between no make-up pointless really especially lippie, unwashed hair, fat clothes, baby puke and squashed biscuits, food and cat hair - I truly feel unscrummy mummy

JODIE - sorry your DH is being a selfish prat! men can be arses sometimes - they really have no idea how demanding kids are, housework etc and feel deprived of their time (TBH my DH can feel like that as well but he is quite understanding - he knows I generally only ask him for help becuase I really need it)and do not give a second thought about us needing our time. Bung the kids on him tonight and have a lovely soak in the bath with a V+T or a G+T (only 50 cals) or champagne (low cal too)

I am out tomorrow sans DC to a complementary health show - whoopee! Will be weird but very freeing

Well must go DD asleep and need to pack up my latest ebay sales for dispatch.

PIGLEY - enjoy tomorrow night.

xxx

Just a quickie - Poppy is a grump today!
Minkus - I love flylady - I think she has alot of good advice.
Peanut - go for it; my 2 ds are 19mths apart and it was fine. Sometimes I feel I didn't get to enjoy ds2 as a baby - too busy I guess - but they are good mates now. You might not get pg straightaway esp if you are still bf.

re make up - I always put make up on and do my hair (flylady says you must!!) because otherwise I feel miserable, unmotivated and yuck. I also dress up - today I am wearing a skirt even though I'm only doing school run, and went to the library.

Woo get you ISAIDNO - your DH is a lucky man I am too fat to dress up and refuse to buy any more fat clothes

I have to admit I think I do my hair and make-up MORE now I have the baby. firstly because the rest of me is such a bloody mess at the moment and secondly because when I used to go to work I would be up at 7am and out the house at 7:20am now I actually have more time! Howover saying all that I am currently still in pjs and manky jumper as I am not going out today

Jodie - is there anyway you can compromise such as he goes to rugby but on the strict conditions that he comes home after? Rugby shouldn't take all day!

TJuice - hope you made it to London ok. Also are you doing Gina Ford?

Disney my mum took my nephews to Lapland about three years ago when they were 10 and 8 - she came back absolutely raving about it, I think she had a better time than them, although they had an excellent time too! Lots of activities and different stuff to do, main downside other than the exorbitant cost was the fact it was such a long day. I think she can't wait to take DS and P to be honest... hope she offers to take me too!