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Husband not really helping

12 replies

Catlady1991 · 09/08/2026 12:36

I have a 3 week old baby, in the beginning my husband was great. Pretty much kept the house afloat, made sure I was fed, helped with the baby etc…

He is due back to work next week. Yesterday we went to a cafe in the afternoon but husband didn’t get up until 11am, came downstairs ready and said we leave in half an hour. Meanwhile I’ve been juggling the baby and myself all morning, still in my PJs and not showered. Was almost annoyed when I said I won’t be ready … I said if he wants to leave at a particular time he needs to get out of bed and help. Yesterday he asked what I want to do today, I am really trying to crack this breast feeding thing and hope to move from combifeeding to ebf. Problem is we have either seen people or been out everyday since my daughter was born, so I said I want a day in the house today. When I woke at 4am I realised that he was still downstairs on his gaming PC, it’s currently 12:30 and he is still in bed, I’ve been up since 8am with the baby and still in my PJs. Me and baby have moved into the spare room in preparation for when he goes back to work, he shifts and it works for us but I have done every single night since baby was born. When we saw his family his mum congratulated us on our “spreading the workload” of the night shift, I was stood there like 🤨 he took it as a que to leave early because we were both “so tired”. House is a mess this morning, I at least expected that he’d of tidied being up to 4am but no.

All I can think of is that he’s not really bonded with the baby. Is this a sign?

I don’t really know the point of this post, I guess I’m just ranting.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/08/2026 12:41

Have you said any of this to him? If not, then why not?

Also, it’s not ‘helping’. You aren’t looking for help, you’re looking for him to do his share.

Catlady1991 · 09/08/2026 13:12

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/08/2026 12:41

Have you said any of this to him? If not, then why not?

Also, it’s not ‘helping’. You aren’t looking for help, you’re looking for him to do his share.

Yes but been accused of “starting the day on a negative” and putting him in a bad mood

OP posts:
ThatMintMember · 09/08/2026 14:58

Not excusing his behaviour as it's obviously selfish. He's probably craving some down time before he returns to work and since you're doing all the work he's seeing an opportunity and just taking it.

I'd definitely have a discussion with him. While it's important than you learn to handle getting things done with a baby before he's back at work, he should be doing his fair share and supporting you with that (e.g. on standby if you shower with baby in the room so he can step in if needed). Resentment is so common post baby because the dads can live their old life while ours change forever, very frustrating. Communicate about appropriate times for gaming I'd say, it is allowed but not so late that he can't get up at the same time as you and baby! Also, house stuff gets done first and then chill time happens.

Gettingbysomehow · 09/08/2026 15:00

He needs to man the fuck up.
Gaming all night is for teenagers not a grown man with a family.
He is pathetic.
Tell him we all said so.
I'd be putting his mother right straight away.

Bonkers1966 · 09/08/2026 15:11

Sorry OP. He sounds pathetic.

MightyGoldBear · 09/08/2026 15:15

Wow sorry op this is awful.
I'd be wanting to address this ASAP because they are very abusive behaviors to shut someone down and tell them essentially if you moan about anything I'm going to shut down and say it's all your fault "puttinf him in a bad mood"
No being held accountable and his own behavior and choice has affected his mood.
He sounds very immature.

How did he handle any conflict before baby came along? How do the males in his life operate? Like equal partners? Have you spoken about what life will look like now and expectations?

YouSawBrigadoon · 09/08/2026 15:20

It’s not a case of not ‘bonding’. It’s a case of him being a useless fucker.

Knock this on the head right now. Tell him he steps up equally or he can leave. Dont accept anything less.

Mumtotornadoes · 09/08/2026 15:21

It's a sign that he's a dosser.
And he's obviously telling his mum that he's doing more than he is so he knows he's being a dosser.

He's not on holiday, he's on paternity leave.

TheBrunswick · 09/08/2026 15:23

@Catlady1991 well It’s a negative for him because he’s been thoughtless and doesn’t want you to point out his selfish behaviour.

And the day started 5 hours before he got up.

Gardenisablooming · 09/08/2026 15:24

Pro active.

Hand baby over then go shower. Even if he is in bed or gaming. Those things are a luxury new. .
Announce your day is starting with parenting.

pinkyredrose · 09/08/2026 15:26

Was he a selfish wanker before the baby?

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/08/2026 19:39

Catlady1991 · 09/08/2026 13:12

Yes but been accused of “starting the day on a negative” and putting him in a bad mood

That’s genuinely disgusting. I’m sorry you’re dealing with such utter nonsense.

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